Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: JERK at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using “JERK” at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A chef who had many a quirk
Would pretend to be simple, then smirk.
He’d rant and he’d rave.
He’d act chicken, then brave–
Seems the fellow was simply a jerk.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Food Humor, Jerk Chicken, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Antagonists in Space
Let’s take Takei’s take on his work
As Sulu beside Captain Kirk:
Through trekking galactic,
Each self-centered tactic,
Made George think, “That Shatner’s a jerk.”
Source: George Takei Reveals Why He Can’t Stand William Shatner.
I know it’s the home of that jerk,
Miley Cyrus, the Queen of berserk.
You can tell she’s a slut
By the ink on her butt:
A tattooed sign that reads “Men at Twerk”.
There was a young fellow, a Turk
Who oft gave his wiener a jerk
Till the Imam one day
said, “You’ll wear it away
But this advice was met with a smirk
At a Lapp dancing club after work
Three Eskimos started to twerk
I swallowed my gin
And tried to join in
But looked like a physical jerk
.
She had a few drinks after work
And then slept in the arms of a clerk.
She then dreamed of a life
As a happy young wife
But, alas, woke up with a jerk.
A brilliant young lawyer found work
At SCOTUS as No-Nino’s clerk.
But his derision
For every decision
Made him say that his boss was a jerk.
A brilliant young lawyer found work
At SCOTUS as No-Nino’s clerk.
But soon his derision
For every decision
Made him say that his boss was a jerk.
Each time I must yank, twist and jerk,
Frustrations make me go berserk
Bottle caps are too tight
It’s really a plight
It’s always, this isn’t a quirk.
A guy could not eat chicken jerk
Near bathrooms he would have to lurk,
It was way too spicy,
His stomach felt dicey,
Intestines would just overwork.
As soon as I heard the term, “jerk”,
Thought Repub. candidates and their smirk,
Clowns squeezed in clown car
They’ll never go far.
This isn’t the famed Soleil Cirque.
Be gentle, don’t pull, yank or jerk,
Tease, firmly caress, that will work.
You want him to last,
Not end it too fast;
To haunt him and drive him berserk.
Dirk at work was a jerk
He looked at me with an unsavory smirk
But when we went out to eat
He gave me a treat
Now I consider Dirk a perk
She once loved his every sweet quirk.
She insisted each one was a perk.
But there’s little enjoyment
If spouse lacks employment,
So she dumped him, that work-shirking jerk.
Limerick Ode to My Least Favorite Ex-Senator
Some say that Santorum’s a jerk,
But that understates the man’s work.
He stirs up such bile
That we must call him vile.
It’s not a mere character quirk.
A collections attorney named Kirk
Desires a new line of work.
His resume states
The most obvious traits:
“An accomplished, professional jerk…”
He awoke from his dream with a jerk.
Without time to change for his work.
His sheer lingerie
Made for quite an odd day.
Each, “Your Honor,” was matched with a smirk.
If you think your boyfriend’s a jerk
Here’s a formula you shouldn’t shirk:
If on the first date you go
With his mommy to play Bingo
That should tell you it ain’t gonna work
I often submit a new work
to the studios in which there lurk
some youngsters in charge
with egos real large.
Rejections come from a green jerk.
My boyfriend sometimes acts like a jerk
He never stops talking; it’s sort of a quirk
In bed he goes crazy
But tells me I’m lazy
Says I don’t understand about teamwork
“It’s broken” she said to the clerk.
“I tried it — it simply won’t work.”
For a sex toy returned,
The solution she learned:
“To fix it, just give it a jerk.”
Ear, nose, throat doctor isn’t a jerk.
When examining throats, has a quirk.
Nurses want you to know
He is happy, although
He looks down in the mouth at his work.
On my birthday I went quite berserk,
And I acted just like a big jerk.
Seems I caused quite a fuss
And caused people to cuss
When I wore just my birthday suit to work.
Opinions are low of coarse Kirk.
From playing with self he won’t shirk.
The way he’ll conclude
This action that’s lewd
Is the same as the man: a big jerk.
…
Civility reigns in my work.
There’s never a leer or a smirk.
The reason that’s true–
And I’m talking to you–
I tell asshats, “Just f*k off, you jerk!”
An actor named Tony Perk
ins, enjoyed eating tiny gherk
ins.
So much did he eat ’em,
when he tried to beat ’em,
they were too small for circle jerk
-ins.
My friend Mary is sometimes a jerk
I met her last month at work
She wears “Vanilla Mood”
My dog thinks it’s food
When he smells her, he goes berserk
revision: the way I meant it to read
Dirk at work was a jerk
He looked at me with an unsavory smirk
But when we went out to eat
He gave me a tasty treat
Now Dirk at work is a perk!
Unaware a patrol car would lurk,
Dick continued to drive like a jerk.
As he passed on the right –
Middle finger in sight,
Those flashing blue lights went to work.
Playing ‘Spock’ made him feel like a jerk,
And his ears caused his colleagues to smirk.
Though the role was a curse,
It could have been worse
If they’d asked him to play ‘Captain Kirk’.
In the Sixties, they all did The Jerk;
And now they are trying to Twerk.
As fads come and go,
Some people will show
When the music starts, they go berserk.
A teenager started to work
With a strength coach who won’t let him shirk.
But now in the shower,
He’s there by the hour
And claims he was told “Clean and jerk”.
My boyfriend was always out of work
He was fired from his job as a clerk
He won the lottery
And became a commodity
Now he’s my lovable jerk
Revision:
My boyfriend is out of work
He was fired from his job as a clerk
Then he won the lottery
And became a commodity
Now he’s my lovable jerk
There once was a fellow named Dirk
Who would lurk while at work -what a jerk
All the women he spied
Took him for a ride
That ended his quirk with their smirk.
The Dirty Dozen
(Or Whatever Number They’re Up To Now)
These Republicans all share a quirk:
Each is trained to behave like a jerk.
This “repeal and replace”
Is required by their base.
But the gay-bashing? That’s just a perk.
From Phyllis Sterling Smith:
Her boyfriend, the young soda-jerk,
Never paid anything at his work.
He plied her with treats,
Ice cream sodas and sweets
And called it the soda-jerk’s perk.
He drove an old ’55 Merc;
The monster would shimmy and jerk.
But later at night
If the mood was just right,
He could count on the back seat to work.
An unstable fellow named Dirk
Got angry and then went berserk
He took off his trousers
And wanked himself – wowzers!
All over the place – what a jerk!
Erectile Dysfunction made Kirk
Find that getting erect took much work
And to his great disgrace
He took 23rd place
In a 22-man circle jerk.
“How do you get this thing to work?”
“Easy: Just give it a little jerk”
“It will taste quite yummy;
And not too gummy”
“And that’s how you get my coffee to perk”
Donald Trump, you’re a hell-raising jerk
Who’s surprised that his lies didn’t work.
We got as desired,
And watched you get Fired!
(But as feared you continue to lurk.)
I asked a young mail clerk
Why he was so careless at work
“My job has no enjoyment
So I’m striving for unemployment
Because my boss is an obnoxious jerk”
Here is Ted Cruz and his smirk;
Obnoxious while even a clerk.
If he’s on the stump
With one Donald Trump,
We’ll see both a dick and a jerk.
A curious teenager, Burke,
Would peek through a keyhole and jerk
That naughty young voyeur
Would watch from the foyer
In hopes he would see his folks ferk.
The pretty young nurse got to work,
Though the guy was a bit of a berk.
She went down on her knees
And despite all his pleas
Ripped the plaster straight off with a jerk.
He was swimming at night in the murk
When he felt a disquieting jerk.
He found with alarm
He was missing an arm …
Then the shark went completely berserk.
The hooker was good at her work;
There was never a job she would shirk.
Front or back she would fuck,
She would blow and she’d suck,
And was handy at jerking a jerk.
Donald Trump has an interesting quirk;
Every word of his says “I’m a jerk.”
The message is clear;
So we get to hear
A comb-overed gasbag at work.
In ’56 I met “handsome Kirk”
So proud was I of my soda jerk
When he gave me the long spoon
I couldn’t help but swoon
We’ll be having our 60th. at the famous “Le Cirque”
Revision:
In ’56 I met Kirk
He worked as a soda jerk
When he gave me the long spoon
I couldn’t help but swoon
We’re having out “60th” at Le Cirque
Scott was a grocery clerk
Last Tuesday he just went berserk
Throwing steak to the trees
Painting manager’s face with cream cheese
Her toupee came off with a jerk
A man I know says with a smirk,
“I can use hand or foot when I jerk!
And since I’m double-jointed
This means I’ve anointed
My toes AND my fingers with murk.”
There once was a man named McGuirk
With a dreadfully hard to take quirk.
At a concert, this hick
Would stand flicking his Bic
And in general, being a jerk.
When you date a soda jerk
It’s really quite a perk
He’ll give you a flavor
You can thoroughly savor
Just be sure you wipe off that smirk.
They called him an angry Young Turk
But he had just one simple quirk.
If someone would glare,
Merely glance or just stare,
He’d rip off their ear with a jerk.
He called her and said “Hi, it’s Kirk.
I’ll pick you up right after work.”
She waited all night;
He was nowhere in sight.
That’s life when your boyfriend’s a jerk.
All men have a gherkin to jerk
Most find that their jerkin’s a perk
But woe to the guys
Who can’t make it rise
And find that their gherkin won’t work.
The law firm of Quarrels and Quirk
Was reputed to cater to murk
Although Quarrels, they say
Was a bit of okay
While his partner, Quin Quirk, Was a jerk
This chef who is known as a jerk
Who wants to enjoy every perk
He just didn’t earn it
His job – didn’t learn it
The lazy bum hated to work.
A eunuch was told he must jerk.
The most obvious choice wouldn’t work.
His fingers and toes
Wouldn’t do, nor his nose.
He decided he’d much rather twerk.
A student, a real lazy jerk
Just hated the thought of schoolwork
He’d sleep during class
And keep passing gas
And never complete his homework.
His wife had a strange little quirk.
When he came home from work she would lurk
In the dark in the house,
And be still as a mouse,
Then jump out and give him a jerk.
Steve Martin, who starred in “The Jerk”
As someone whose brain didn’t work
I, during and after
Keeled over with laughter
My funnybone just went berserk!
If you’re constantly seeing a smirk
On the face of a person at work,
One of Murphy’s sub-laws
Says expect this because
At least one of your workmate’s a jerk.
Each man in my life was a jerk
So I’m single – a permanent quirk
I just have it in me
That no one can win me
A man is just too much hard work.
I had a tryst with Kirk
Because people called him a jerk
We sneaked away
Almost every day
To perform our undercover work
My boyfriend’s name is Dirk
He has an unusual quirk
He stands on his head
When he goes to bed
So he can see his dreams in reverse
Revision:
People think my boyfriend’s a JERK
Because he has an unusual quirk
He stands on his head
When he goes to bed
So he can see his dreams in reverse
Johnny was fired from work
Because he’s a total jerk
He embezzled the money
And gave it to his honey:
The boss: Mrs Gertrude McGurke
Artie, a cabbie at work
Has a rather unique little quirk.
Whenever upset,
Dyslexic he’ll get
And starts yelling “You stupid off-jerk!”
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners; Limerick of the Week 220.
But you can still can have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has must begun: Limerick-Off Heat.