Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BALL or BAWL at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using either BALL or BAWL at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A fellow was having a ball,
Ignoring his work while on call.
He continued his con
Till the owner caught on;
Playing hooky … and hockey … his fall.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
The batter was beaned each and all
Of his trips to the plate, spring to fall.
When he was asked why
He gets hit every try,
He said, “I keep my eye on the ball.”
He said “Honey, just swallow it all”
To the hooker who’d answered his call.
But he hollered in shock
When she bit off his rock.
She assured him: “I’m having a ball.”
They had come to Count Dracula’s ball,
And the lovely young guests filled the hall.
As they danced, he would drain
Each delectable vein;
Before dawn, he had emptied them all.
Humpty-Dumpty
He had cracked when he fell off the wall;
What was left of him started to bawl.
He had drunk himself legless,
And now he was eggless –
A puddle of yolk, that was all.
He’d created a planet, quite small;
It was square, and he tried to recall
Why it looked rather odd.
“Oh, I’ve got it!” said God,
“It ought to be shaped like a ball.”
They say size doesn’t matter at all,
But if you’re incredibly small
It can make you feel dumb
To hear, after you’ve come,
“Let me know when you’re ready to ball.”
One night at an Embassy ball
Yvonne dirty danced with Charles. All
That were there thought, “What nerve
As to dance like a perv!”
But they all knew that she’d had de Gaulle.
In her best lady-like southern drawl:
“I just hope you remember to call.
My favorite team
Is the Cowboys. My dream
Just came true with y’all–what a ball!”
Found her name in a men’s bathroom stall
And decided I’d give her a call,
But I feel quite misled
By these words that I read:
“Call Caitlyn and you’ll have a ball!”
She was wearing a costly mink shawl,
And the bimbo explained to them all:
“It’s a gift from a guy
Who just wanted to cry,
‘Cos he said to me, “Baby, let’s bawl.”
To make haggis, you start with the caul
Of a sheep, which you fill with a ball
Of unspeakable rot,
Then please bury the lot –
I’d rather eat wormwood and gall.
The little girl began to bawl
Her father, like many, did fall,
He fought for their rights
Reached new and great heights
His bravery always enthrall.
The little boy had a red ball
It made him feel proud, six feet tall,
“You’ll play by my rules
And not act like fools,
Or else you just can’t play at all!”
A guy really did drop the ball,
Was busy and forgot to call.
His date was so mad
She thought him a cad
And said not to bother at all.
Oh, please don’t disturb Doctor Hall.
Cutting gonads in slices so small
May yet give the answer
To testicle cancer,
And right now, he’s halving a ball.
Cinderella, on fleeing the ball,
Her little glass slipper let fall.
But she had to confess
That her little glass dress
Worked much better her prince to enthrall.
In times now, can one have it all?
Be mindful and still have a ball?
With chaos abounding
One’s joy takes a pounding
The crises now simply appall.
Revised version- please delete previous version:
My gerbil is king of dance hall
In fantasy, he has a ball,
He will steal your heart
He’s cute and he’s smart
With his dancing skills he’ll enthrall.
Note from MBK: Done.
Revised version- please delete previous version:
There once was a guy with one ball
Didn’t bother the ladies at all
He’d get them in bed
And WOW, enough said!
With sexual skills he’d enthrall.
Note from MBK: Done.
from Phyllis Sterling Smith
The belle had gone to the ball
But she was considered too tall.
Like vines and like leaves,
Ivy too if you please,
She found herself fixed to the wall.
I saw my name on the bathroom wall
It said”Call Lisa and have a ball”
I started grieving
and just not believing
Not a single person called me at all
from Phyllis Sterling Smith:
A lost love is reason to bawl
But I didn’t cry, not at all.
He wasn’t my kind
And I really don’t mind.
I’m too short and he is too tall.
Phyllis Sterling Smith writes:
When Sally slipped in a fall
She really had reason to bawl.
But balling for Sally
Is right up her alley
For Sally has no shame at all.
This one from Phyllis Sterling Smith. (She sings it to a tune)
There once was a day, I recall,
When I was the belle of the ball.
I danced and I danced
As they stood there entranced.
How I wish I could bring back it all.
from Phyllis Sterling Smith. Cinderella’s Lament
My automobile likes to stall
So I wander along at a crawl.
I hope it will last
As it has in the past..
At least till I get to the ball.
From Phyllis Sterling Smith.
Tennis partners both lunged at the ball
And both of them gave it their all.
A mid-air collision
Reversed their decision.
They play no more tennis at all.
At a County Fair I recall
I heard the showman bawl
“Roll up! Have a go!
It’s 5 cents a throw.
You could win a Kewpie dawl.”
When a carpenter quipped to his doll,
“When I die, dear, I’ll leave you my all!”
She trumped his homophone
With one of her own,
“At your graveside, I’ll have me a bawl!”
At the FIFA World Women’s Cup, Paul’s
That well-endowed trainer who bawls
A haunting reproach:
“Girls, I’m just your coach.
Concentrate. Keep your eyes off the balls.”
At our hotel, all I did was bawl
There were giant roaches in the hall
The food was crummy
It hurt my tummy
And the owner said, “Come back next year, y’all”
If you go to our brand new mall
There’s a place to play Bocce ball
The designer was crocked
And people were shocked
That the target was the bathroom stall
Revision
I saw my name on a bathroom wall
It said, “Call Lisa to have a ball”
I started to grieve
And could not believe
No one called me at all!
A lady who grew somewhat tall
Was never the belle of the ball,
Till with netball she found
That she moved around
In new circles, and netted them all.
Thanksgiving dinner is never a ball
When the “crazies” arrive from Crestwood Fall
They eat gobs and gobs
Like a bunch of slobs
And cousin Janey’s always stoned on phenobarbital
Karen said I would have a ball
When she introduced me to a man real tall
I came up to his waist
I was very well-placed
She’s one raunchy matchmaker after all!
Dimaggio had a lucky ball
He kept it hidden in a tiny hall
He wouldn’t let anyone feel it
So afraid they would steal it
But he did let Marilyn pay a call
Mad: change of 2 words in previous limerick
The patient did so loudly bawl
In the emergency room at Forest Hall
We checked his bladder
AND JUST couldn’t be gladder
But we did have to remove his gall
A north man from up river did call
Here upon the great beauty of all.
With red ruby lips – Snow.
Tried a kiss, she dealt blow.
He then flew back and began to bawl.
Astronomers once had the gall
To proclaim, “The world’s round, like a ball.”
But soon findings empirical
Proved it non-spherical;
Slightly deflating them all.
Mad. please change last line to:
Slightly deflating them all.
for TAM improvement.
Thx :)
From MBK: Done. :)
Old Bill lost a ball in a fall.
His doctors were forced to install
A brass scrotum, which rings
When his testicle swings —
Poor Bill. He’s the Bell of the Ball.
A time travelling alien Called Paul
Materialized in the County hall
It was quite a surprise
He won second prize
For the mid-summer fancy dress ball
I attended a charity ball
Thinking, “Give cash and ladies will fall
In love with my checkbook
And give me some nook nook.”
But no poon in ten did at all.
“Oh Adam,” said Eve, “you’re a doll;
Sampling apples with you is a ball.
Now slip out from beneath
My bedraggled fig leaf
And we’ll pick it up after The Fall.”
I said “Go out and have a ball”
But I didn’t mean find a Call
Girl whose fetid scent
Smelled like Pine Sol and cement
Next time we’ll go to the mall!
We went to the shopping mall
I said, “We’ll have a ball”
After 3 hours at the Gap
My very handsome chap
Sneaked away to the notorious Pub Crawl
The ad said, “I am small
But with me, you’ll have a ball”
The guy was very brazen
And was hung like a raisin
But my microscope found his crown jewels after all
A TRIBUTE TO A BRILLIANT COMEDIC PAIR
“Baba-lou!” was his Cuban drum call
To his red-headed bride, Lucille Ball.
Though she acted the ditz,
In the biz, she had wits:
Desilu made them rich after all.
When her website had started to stall
She had feared that she might lose it all
In the time it was down
She was wearing a frown
And it caused our dear Mad Kane to bawl.
Bored with puppies, Pavlov felt the call
To condition a good-looking moll
Made her sob ev’ry time
That the church tower would chime
So he called it “the bell of the bawl.”
A testicular doctor named Dahl
Kept a very odd chart on his wall
Each month, set a quota
Of how many scrota
To feel which had only one ball.
I was sitting on the bathroom stall
When in rolled a little ball
On it was a note
And it wrote:
“You’re in the Men’s Masonic Hall”
revision:
I was sitting on the ladies stall
When in rolled a little ball
On it was a note
So very clearly wrote:
“You’re in the Men’s Masonic Hall”
2015
I turn off the news, and I crawl
To a shadowy corner, and sprawl.
I think of the things
That this dreadful year brings,
And I cover my eyes, and I bawl.
(Out of competition — in some parts of the country, “bawl” is pronounced like “ball”, and in others — like mine — “ball” is often made to sound like “bawl”. But I hate mixing them…)
There’s a demagogue — Glenn — who can bawl
On command, over nothing at all.
It turns out the trick’s
Just a smidgen of Vicks’,
And the tears flow at Glenn’s Beck and call.
There’s a new one runnin’, you all —
from the swamps and named Jindal.
It remains to be seen
anyone on his team
though will let him touch the ball.
This is from Phyllis’s son, Otto JA Smith:
In playing Olympic football
There’s really no fairness at all.
France’s beautiful play
Was taken away.
The ref said they had too much Gaul.
From Phyllis Sterling Smith:
Under the Christmas tree tall
The gifts were a doll, bat and ball.
The bat was for Molly,
Her bro choose the dolly..
That’s the way that they wanted it all.
When Tom Brady answered the call,
He had friends feel his balls -we thought all –
And produce the right size.
They were caught, among whys
Was why not deflate the twelfth ball?
It wasn’t too close of a call;
They really had no case at all.
It’s over and done,
Obamacare won;
At FOX they can sit there and bawl.
The player is skinny and tall
Who’s joining the Knicks in the fall.
This NBA pick
Made everyone sick;
The fans are just having a bawl.
A nod to Brian A.
After Humpty had his great fall,
Mrs. Dumpty would sit there and bawl.
But there is no shame;
They’ve trademarked his name
For an omelette cafe at the mall.
A WEEK OF BALLS, WITH REFRAIN
We’re having a civil rights ball.
The Confederate flag has to fall.
There is much more to do
Before we are through.
How many will answer the call?
And then? – the Obamacare ball
With Roberts explaining it all.
There is much more to do
Before we are through.
How many will answer the call?
And then? – well, the gay marriage ball
With Kennedy telling it all.
There is much more to do
Before we are through.
How many will answer the call?
Allen W – that is awesome.
Scalia and Thomas will bawl
“This week has been no fun at all.
Our cadre of five
Did no longer strive
To answer the G.O.P.’s call.”
Three-fingered Hoots was wearin’ some boots
That made him look skinny and tall.
He met him a gal named Bow-legged Sal
And soon they was havin’ a ball.
They rolled through the night all buzzy and tight,
Then things sorta ground to a halt.
Hoot’s fingers found out – beyond any doubt
Ol’ Sal was a feller named Walt.
They’ve manufactured a doll
So perfectly lifelike and all
That now they must start
On a male counterpart
That she might be willing to ball.
She fixed me up with her cousin Paul
Told me, “Don’t worry; you’ll have a ball”
We went for a swim
I lost sight of him
I almost sank home, doing the crawl
Papa gave me his beloved prayer shawl
He said “Wear this and you’ll have it all”
I prayed for a “He”
with the sensitivity of a “She”
I was so happy when in walked RuPaul
She appeared at the Debutante Ball;
Then down the staircase she did fall.
The cause of this mess
Was under her dress;
Those CFM heels were too tall.
When making some holes rather small,
A leather punch started to bawl.
“We’re stuck in this job,”
It said with a sob,
“And that is the fate of us awl.”
An arrogant groundskeeper, Saul,
Thinks cutting the lawn is a ball.
Since he likes to cut grass,
Many lawns he’ll amass.
The guy is a real mow-it-all.
After many a day of snowfall,
To the snowgirl the snowman did call,
“I do hope that perchance,
You would like to go dance.
And the venue, of course: the Snow Ball.”
Brokenhearted, the snowman did bawl,
And was filled with a feeling of gall.
Though she thought he looked chic,
And admired his physique,
For his nose she did not carrot all.
The cannibals started a brawl
Over who got what portion of Paul.
They battled for dibs
On the meatiest ribs,
While the chieftain was having a ball.
In my cereal, rolled in a ball,
I found a dead rodent. “Appall”
Is too feeble a word.
When the food maker heard,
The result was a Total recall.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 219.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Rhyme Jerk.