Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: MAIL or MALE at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using either MAIL or MALE at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
While lunching and sorting my mail,
I saw markings that referenced “jail.”
Seems a worker’d gone postal,
Or possibly toastal…
All my mail was stamped “Send bread for bail.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Our cousin from Prague came to Yale
Where he spent all his time chasing tail,
Till he realized one day
He’d prefer to be gay;
That’s the reason our Czech’s in the male.
Did you hear the one how Clinton’s mail
Was erased just to cover Bill’s trail?
Billy’s been stepping out
And tom-catting about–
Bet it’s more than just ONE old wives’ tail!
In Maui she met a mod male
Who promised her he wouldn’t fail
To give her some thrills
Only island-born skills
Could give her — well, that was his tale.
A particular narcissist male
Had “Keep sucking” tattooed on his rail;
For blind dating dolls
He had on his balls
The same information in Braille.
The Time Lord need not be a male
Then if her Companion’s not hale
And he comes on a dime
She can go back in time
Until there’s no epochal fail.
A tall, tanned, well-turned type of tail
Is the kind that she likes to impale
Herself on, but sadly
They all hump her madly
Then come like the damned express mail.
There once was a really hot male
Was twelve on a one to ten scale.
Every woman he’d fuck,
Caress, kiss and suck,
Feels like she has touched the third rail.
When one goes to a college like Yale,
Which is co-ed now; used to be male.
One can’t get distracted
Despite how attracted.
One must excel, always prevail.
One thing that will prevail
Is that the species known as male
Will always want some fun
And “No, it’s not a gun”!
So stick around and to you he will avail
I wait every day for the mail
It’s always late in Riverdale.
Our mailman retired,
The one we admired.
The news that we get now is stale.
I had a great, steamed lobster tail.
On top of some organic kale.
It was large and sweet
With flavor, repleat.
No eggs, so it must be a male.
One fact about a male
Which will invariably prevail
He’ll brag about his finesse
And great macho success
Also known as a big cock-and-bull tale
One thing about getting my mail
About which I simply must rail.
Torn magazine pages
Send me into rages.
Please put those bad postmen in jail!
Sir Kay, in full armour and mail,
Found he needed to pee. With a wail,
He said “Brothers, let’s try
To invent the zip-fly –
For a Knight, it’s the true Holy Grail!”
The bimbo was learning to sail;
Her instructor was handsome and male.
He said “Jerk off this guy”,
So she knelt to comply,
Though he’d meant “Free the rope from the rail.”
It is tough if you’re born as a snail;
Which end of yourself should you nail?
Are you husband or wife?
The hermaphrodite life
Means a miss is as good as a male.
Said Shakespeare, “This fine month of May’ll
Produce darling buds without fail.”
But cynical Bacon
Said “Nah, they’ll be shaken
To bits by the rough bloody gale.”
The Judge had released him on bail,
But his kids – seven female, six male –
Screamed and fought all the time,
So he planned a new crime
And returned to the peace of the jail.
“Oh, no!” she exclaimed, turning pale.
“My boy-friend is built like a whale,
And that big tub of lard
Must have sucked me too hard –
Now my clit-ring is lost in the male.”
The hunter was boastfully male:
“Ah’ll be back draggin’ moose by the tail.”
But he missed deer and widgeon,
Not even a pigeon,
And bagged just a short-sighted quail.
When you look forward to your mail
You’ll find crap that is stale
Then when you don’t care
A check will appear
Made out to you, signed by a cashier!
(And one more, although it doesn’t actually use the rhyme-word.)
They were lost on the old Lonesome Trail,
And their water would pretty soon fail.
Said Ollie, “Confess!
It’s another fine mess!”
And poor Stan could do nothing but wail.
If you’re looking for a male
Don’t visit Jim “dot wholesale”
He’ll make you pay
For a lavish buffet
Then say he must get back to jail
A sure thing about a male
Which will forever and always prevail
He’s in love with his peeper
And knows it’s a keeper
And thinks it’s perfect for Chippendale
One thing that will always prevail
IN the species known as the male:
He’ll always want some fun
And “No that isn’t a gun”
So have enjoyment with his extra tail
My dog is a poodle……male
So when I see him wagging his tail
I know there’s a pug
Waiting for a hug
All he has to do is inhale
I got my neighbor’s mail
It was a coupon for a fabulous sale
I started to pout
Because I was a girl scout
The hell with it…I’m off to Bloomingdale
Farmer Dell pulled a fraud by mail
Sent investors his haymaking tale
Could turn straw into gold
But it all came to unfold
As the feds found he couldn’t make bale
Presidents are often from Yale
As always, are a caucasian male
Now we’re a huge debtor
And just might do better
If we elected the next one from jail
Just last night I checked my e-mail
Nancy replied straight from the d-rail
She said let’s meet in the car
Promised I would get far
It’s a story line with more to N-tail
Cheers and jeers for the male
He’s great with a hammer and nail
He’ll fix your toaster
And your bake-broil-roaster
Then exit leaving a muddy trail
One thing about a male not a duplicate
Which is true without fail
He’ll brag about his finesse
And his great macho success
Also known as a cock-and -bull tale
not a duplicate
One thing about a male
Which is true without fail
He’ll brag about his finesse
And his great macho success
Also known as a cock-and- bull tale
correction :”Then exit leaving a BIG muddy trail” sorry
Here’s my new one:
I had a dream that a male
Was born with a ten inch tail
He used it to sweep
His Wrangler jeep
And have a 3-way on his Schooner sail
Oops, I forgot to rhyme with mail
When you look forward to your mail
You find junk to no avail
But one day you’ll cheer
Because a check will appear
And you’re off to a vacation in Vail
While getting my evening’s mail
I came across a cute little snail
“I seem to be lost
I was to meet Jack Frost
We’re on our way to a fairy tale”
I received a strange e-mail
Asking how I prepare my kale
“You give it a vigorous scrub
Get onions, garlic and rub
Then close your eyes and don’t inhale”
My hubbie’s a macho male
Never whines; doesn’t wail
He tried on my Maybelline
And looked just like a queen
Now his name is Gail
Oceanic Impulses
I opened the door for the mail;
There he stood, looking so – well, so male…
Frantic bedroom activities
Gave rise to our proclivities.
Later on, what a whale of a tale :)
The package arrived in the mail;
A late-night erotica sale.
Having opened her prize;
In awe of it’s size,
She’s naming it both Chip and Dale.
A sea-going call-girl named Gayle
Was aboard and about to set sail.
She said to each guy
With a wink of her eye,
“I’m here to deliver the male.”
At Yale, if you’re a male
You must know it’s pass or fail
If you PASS a pretty lass
And FAIL to notice her ass
You’re not Ivy League MA-TERI-ALE
There’s a pot-smoking group, said the e-mail,
Of all men that was met by a she-male.
When they offered a smoke,
She said, “Sure!” Took a toke.
Now she’s known as the group’s tokin’ female.
A Post Office worker named Dale
Delivers the residents’ mail
That must quickly arrive.
Toward that goal he does strive.
His nickname’s Priority Male.
Man got out of his job in retail;
Is a surgical vet, says the e-mail.
He’ll detach cats’ tails fast.
His success, which is vast,
Is because of attention to de-tail.
I met an elegant male
who took me for a fashionable sail
I fell overboard
Which was quite untoward
But I met a lovely Baleen whale
A touring musician named Cale
Came home to a month’s worth of mail.
One letter, it seems,
Was the stuff of bad dreams:
“I’m pregnant; send money – don’t fail.”
I mail-ordered one baby quail,
And called when the seller did fail
To send it to me.
“Please wait,” was their plea.
“We shipped it; the chick’s in the mail.”
Bill Clinton each day tries to nail
Some pussy; he’s one horny male.
Each conquest he’ll log,
And just like his dog,
He and Buddy enjoy chasing tail.
She spotted a good-looking male
And decided to follow his trail.
Her approach would succeed;
For he did indeed
Start barking and wagging his tail.
I received a disturbing e-mail
From my old sweetheart at Yale
It said “Come to the reunion;
We can meet in seclusion”
I replied, “Fine, and bring your wife, Gail”
The party was hardy and hale;
And he was a red-blooded male.
The women were hot
But the ending was not;
He awoke with his head in a pail.
An old southern preacher – McHale
Decided he needed some tail.
So he went on Craigslist
And set up a tryst;
Too bad he picked “Male Seeking Male”.
Hail the Snail: the US Mail
Oh look, it’s some personal mail!
Mom’s, friends’ lives in a handwritten trail…
Though email’s quite dandy
(Wee hours: it’s handy),
Can’t sub for an “in the hand” tale.
While I’m on the topic, I treasure
My husband’s long missives on pleasure ~
They’re him, paper to pen!
Read again and again;
Sex/love memories past any measure :)
Gordon was definitely a male
Storm was a nice piece of tail
Whether it was “Our Miss Brooks”
Or the gal with the looks
They both answered to the name of GALE!
He had a tattoo on his rail
“Eat at Shorty’s NM” in blue Braille
She didn’t expect
When she got it erect
“Eat At Shorty’s Bar and Grill, Albuquerque, New Mexico” but now she loves telling the tale.
Of course all the cowboys were male,
but that’s not the end of the tale:
some cowpokes among ’em
would lip ’em and tongue ’em
as they travelled the old Jizm Trail.
Mr. Conklin was a stubborn male
Margie was a cute piece of tail
Television was new
But we had to say adieu
To the two comedic stars named Gale
Whether healthy and hearty and hale
Or feeble and fragile and frail,
If a cold makes you cry
And you think you’ll soon die
It’s a hundred to one that you’re male.
You probably don’t want to fail
To carefully go through your mail.
It’s unwise to miss
A notice like this:
“Appear, or you’ll forfeit your bail…”
Captain Ahab turned suddenly pale.
“My harpoons struck a white suckling whale.
I’ve destroyed Melville’s drama
By spearing a Mama.
With that name, Moby-Dick must be male!”
Her attempts to deliver a male
Did hardly proceed without fail.
Turns out the bordello
Rejected her fellow –
A policeman who threw her in jail.
To do what he thought would be male,
He hiked the Pacific Crest Trail.
At the nine-hundreth mile
He just had to smile,
As he met, in his way, a white whale.
It was true that Vlad loved to impale –
The worst he could do as a male.
But all else made him cry.
He could not hurt a fly,
And he died when he stepped on a snail.
When I received “jury duty” in the mail
I quickly relocated my tail
I went to a grotto
In Colorado
known as “No Extradition, Vail”
A fisherman, typically male,
Set a hook for his co-worker, Gayle.
What a catch, for the win!
After reeling her in,
He found out she was bait — for the jail.
O’Malley delivered the mail
In a neighborhood called Riverdale.
But later they found
At one stop on his round,
He always came twice without fail.
At the dawn of electronic mail,
New users found ways to impale.
If writing while drinking
or not really thinking,
“Reply all” would jump-start the fail.
Sweet letters from you in the mail
Give my heart its wings to sail
Keep sending your missives
And seal them with kisses
And my scripts will never curtail
The U.S. male
Drinks Golden Ale
He’ll buy rounds for all
Steer clear of Rohypnol
Or you’ll end up in Motel Tatteltale
Meanwhile, back on the PCT…
While hiking a wilderness trail,
There’s no need for fear or travail.
With wireless phones,
You can call up the drones
For snacks or air-dropping your mail.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 213.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Rhyme: Hound.