Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SLIDE at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using SLIDE at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
The trombonist begged,”Please let this slide.”
But the band leader’s answer was snide:
“You’re banned from my band
Cuz I simply can’t stand
Any man who makes time with my bride.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Music Humor & Verse, Poetry & Prompts, Trombone, Writing Prompts
Our host showed us slide after slide
Of the day that he married his bride,
Till a bang and a spark
Put us all in the dark –
Thank the Lord, his projector was fried.
His face was beginning to slide;
Transformation could not be denied.
As each blotch and each freckle
Appeared, Dr Jekyll
Had nowhere to turn but to Hyde.
“Ouch! My finger!” the trombonist cried.
“It is painfully stuck in the slide!”
To a girl in the band
He said “I need a hand –
Could you pull off my ’bone?” … She complied.
She was ready, positioned astride,
And she felt it beginning to slide
In and out, to and fro,
Her whole body aglow –
Yes, that rowing-machine was her pride.
Madeleine, I didn’t read your limerick until I’d written my own four above. Any similarity in the matter of trombones and bands is purely coincidental!
From Mad Kane: No worries! Our limericks are very different anyway. :)
When Godiva unfastened her slide,
Her long hair was sufficient to hide
The provocative bits
Such as pussy and tits
As she went for her naturist ride.
We had followed our Alpinist guide,
But an avalanche started to slide,
And he fell like an ass
Down a gaping crevasse.
We were lucky his rope wasn’t tied.
Though from sin all his life he had shied,
Now the priest felt a yearning to slide
Down the slippery slope
Into sex, booze and dope.
“Lord, redeem me – but not yet”, he sighed.
Her dentist said “Please open wide;
You will feel my instrument slide
Round your mouth and your gums
Until – Ah! Here it comes!
Now, just spit in the bowl by your side.”
“Ten commandments on stone”, Moses sighed,
“They’re so heavy, I’m starting to slide.
This job is no heaven –”
“Let’s make it eleven:
THOU SHALT NOT COMPLAIN!” God replied.
“Ten limericks”, he muttered with pride.
“Now at last, I can let the thing slide,
And the contest begins,
But if none of them wins,
Then, dear Madeleine Kane, woe betide!”
My first limerick sent in with pride
With rules I need to abide
Poems deep or quite silly
Buttoned up or quite frilly
I’m glad I’m along for the ride
Down a slippery slope we will slide
If the US won’t swallow it’s pride
Don’t try to rule all,
Stop corporate cabal.
Alas it is so far untried.
Her skin started to sag and to slide,
To her, a matter of great pride.
Her goal to look pretty
Not subject to pity.
She looked at herself and she cried.
Ice skating she’d slither and slide
She’d not give up- she had her pride.
Some watched her amused
Others felt confused
When into a crowd she’d collide.
Tip ‘O the hat to Brian – great job!
Now to borrow one of your themes:
With Lady Godiva astride,
Their attention started to slide.
What the townspeople saw
Wasn’t sanctioned by law;
But did make them swell up with pride.
Down she went in a drunken slide,
She felt someone in her, astride.
“Want more brandy, ‘m’dear?
It’s a very good year.
Just relax and enjoy the ride!”
With frustration he just couldn’t hide,
The rowing coach yelled “Slow the slide!!”
To enhance his emote,
He jumped up in the boat
And flipped right over the side.
To help when you slip in and slide,
She might want to try AstroGlide.
Just one quickie lube
From our cute little tube
Will ensure a most comfortable ride.
Write a lim’rick on trombones? I tried,
But there’s one thing that can’t be denied:
I don’t know ’bout that horn,
So I felt quite forlorn,
And decided to just let it slide.
A prowess they show off with pride,
They’ll jump on a pole for a slide.
The action is hot
For this eye-catching lot
In the big hook and ladder they ride.
This actually happened
I went way up on the slide
With my handsome grandson, Clyde
We landed in mud
There had been a flood
We wobbled home side by side
When I saw myself on the slide
I was thoroughly mortified
I gained so much weight
My ass looked like the great
Mt. Everest mountainside
Let’s try this again:
A radio shock-jock named Hyde
Heard his ratings were starting to slide.
So he did play-by-play
At a swingers’ soiree
With an analyst right by his side.
a note to myself – not part of the contest
A writer should always take heed
To proof every sentence, indeed.
One letter astray
Can alter the way
We comprehend what we will bead.
A Bad Pun!
My husband’s in prison
I can’t let this slide
His hearing’s not good
and he misunderstood
I told him we’re having HUMMUS ON THE SIDE!
(get it?)
The blues man was using a slide;
A result, his guitar really cried.
He started to preach,
But his voice had a screech
That made us think something had died.
(Can’t hope to compete with Brian A. but:)
An unscrupulous lawyer named Clyde
Was aware that his client had lied
But he had so much money
And brought Clyde a ton, he
Decided to just let it slide
(This Clyde fellow sure gets around…)
“Did you get to third base?” we asked Clyde,
Coming home from his date. He replied,
“When two balls had been reckoned,
I stole third from second…
Then: OUT! For attempting to slide.”
In each conversation, I slide
My favorite sentence, with pride.
For it thrills me to quip,
“It is crackers to slip
A rozzer the dropsy in snide!”
As a child on the playground, I tried…
But I never liked sliding the slide.
For I’d the conviction
The build-up of friction
Would burn off my pants, and my hide.
A coy Early Music music fan sighed
For a man with a very long slide.
“Oh please,” cried the miss,
“Won’t you give us a gliss?”
“My sackbut’s Baroque,” he replied.
(This one’s a little grim.)
Oh, life’s like a very long slide:
As you climb to the top, you decide
What to do, what to see…
Then you’re on it, and — WHEEEE! —
You’re caught up in the thrill of the ride.
Then you see, with your eyes opened wide,
That there isn’t much left to the slide.
Though you scrabble and kick,
Your descent is too quick;
Then you fly off the end — and you’ve died.
He stared at the Waterworld slide:
“This is something I’d never abide,
Unless smoking herbal,
For I am a gerbil.
On dry land is where we reside.”
There once was a cool water-slide
that’d drop you right into the Clyde
But that’s not as much fun
as a seat in the sun
watching Celtic and Rangers collide!
His future continued to slide;
Which left him uneasy inside.
That’s when he fled
His runaway sled
Before that big tree could collide.
It seems that her time she would bide
Before pushing off on the slide
She hung up her rear
And cowered in fear
On seeing her top come untied
Just one look at Allgar has made me decide
Opportunity, this time, I’ll need to let slide:
It is such a pity
His rhymes are so witty –
So now all the rest are completely outside!
I went on “Olympic Water Slide”
I had an invigorating ride
I had to cough
So my trunks fell off
I’m now employed at “Freaks of Nature” (poolside)
Matt was a man who lied
He also let many things slide
He looked the other way
When I fell in the bay
And was carried away with the tide.
When my son got on the slide
I warned him not to collide
With a friend who “was”
Then it will be all abuzz
That one of you sat down and cried.
Our park has a brand new slide
But it is quite a bumpy ride
It was made by a male
Who designed it in Braille
Because he thinks you can read with your hide
It’s risky when we have to slide
Around slowpokes who block the left side.
If we could just get
Them to move further yet,
The median’s where they’d reside.
Somethings you can’t let slide
And others you can’t just hide
When asked very discreetly
How I want a girl to treat me
She answered “Okay, I’ll just swallow my pride”
APOLOGIES TO BROWNING
“Now, that’s my Last Duchess, my bride.
She was seeing someone on the side:
Her TV. Much too much
Of ‘Real Housewives’, and such,
So I had her beheaded. Next slide!”
DANTE 2016
“If there’s one thing I cannot abide,
It’s walking to Hell with a guide.
So I’ve nothing to lose
If I vote for Ted Cruz,
Since his platform’s a Handbasket Slide!”
AT LEAST HE’S WELL-PRESERVED
Alan Alda, career on the slide,
Caught hell for a stage role he tried.
How the critics all heckle
When Alda, as Jekyll,
Assumes his new Form: Alda/Hyde!
Sorry Mad; should’ve read “nothing TO lose” at 8:42 above.
(MBK: Fixed it. :) )
“There’s one thing I cannae let slide,”
The Glaswegian riverman cried.
“Though Maxwelton’s braes
Hae won plenty o’ praise,
They’re nowhere as bonnie as Clyde!”
When choosing a potential bride
You must not let anything slide
She should be well bred
And good in bed
And have a father who’s financially diversified
Big Bertha went down the slide
But not for the complete ride
She got stuck in the middle
And began to piddle
Since then, on Depends, she’s relied.
When I looked at the doctor’s slide
There were creepy crabs inside
My next blind date
will wear an armor plate
And not remove it till I decide!
not a duplicate
When looking for a potential bride
You should not let anything slide
She should be quite well-bred
And good in bed
And have a father who can richly provide
My kids love to play slip and slide.
I watch them careen and collide.
My son and my daughter
Abide in the water
So much I can’t get them inside.
A woman dressed up like a bride
Covinced me to give her a ride.
When she got in my cab
I could see she felt drab,
So I told her I’d let the fare slide.
SCIENTIFIC PROGRESS GOES “BOINK”
(Sincere apologies to Bill Watterson)
Her glance caused his slide-rule to slide.
To the break room at CERN the pair hied.
As they rutted like pigs,
They discovered the Higgs’
Through a different kind of “collide”.
The sonnet is something I tried
Went on to a couplet – that died
Ogden Nash had no worry
Nor D. Parker so blurry
The limerick – c’est moi – I cried!
Speaking of trombonists…
My last girlfriend was musically tied
To a brass group, and when she applied
Her whole mouthpiece just right,
She could trombone all night
Making use of each inch of your slide!
We’re not sure what made him decide
On skateboarding down that big slide.
The one thing we know,
His stunt served to show
That humans can’t fly – but he tried.
“Internet Date”
Meet me at the pool outside
Right near the brand new slide
I shall be wearing a grin
And drinking gin
I’ll be the one with nothing to hide
When on a diet, you must abide
to precise rules; don’t let them slide
Eat cauliflower
Pursue will power
Then grab the Godivas and HIDE!
When going down a fun-filled slide
Make sure your pants are securely tied
It’s very rude
To be in the nude
At a public park amusement ride!
Mad:
I meant to write
“Then grab the Godivas and GO AND HIDE
When looking at the doctor’s slide
There were creepy crabs crawling inside
My next blind date
Must wear an armor plate
And obey my rules to which he must abide!
The sonnet is something I tried
The heroic couplet I let slide
Ogden Nash had no worry
Nor D. Parker so blurry
The limerick – c’est moi – I cried!
This should go with my first limerick:
All her musical talents aside
She was s’posed to become my young bride
But alack and alas,
Such a fine piece of brass
Always keeps other mates on the slide
At a dairy group once I espied
A cowed speaker. A farm joke he tried:
“Why’d the milking cow cross
O’er the barnyard? Because
He was off to the udder cow slide!”
I wanted to just let it slide
But she thought it better that I’d
Take this chance to express
My displeasure, and yes,
She was right; my damn know-it-all bride…
Miss Muffet was fit to be tied;
A spider sat down by her side.
Her screaming was shrill;
He said “Please, lady, chill.
Just tough it and I’ll let it slide.”
Tonight, the NFL will decide
On whose shoulders their franchises ride.
Some players they’ll claim
Are destined for fame;
But a few will begin a long slide.
Don’t be discouraged when you slide
Just “go with the flow and rise with the tide”
Life has its bumps
And its share of slumps
But you must always look for the joy in the ride
My parole officer said, “You better not slide”
“This time you must thoroughly abide”
It wasn’t nice
And I must pay the price
For killing my parrot and committing BIRD-A-CIDE!
almost the same but not a duplicate
When looking at the doctor’s slide
I saw creepy crabs crawling inside
My next blind date
Must wear an armor plate
And obey my rules or take a ride!
Our park has a beautiful slide
But it’s quite a bumpy ride
It was made by a male
Designed in Braille
And he thinks your can read with your bubble butt hide
Don’t be discouraged if things TEND to slide
You must “go with the flow and rise with the tide”
Life has many bumps
And quite its share of slumps
So you should always look for the joy in the ride
On my run I was hitting my stride
When a group of gals started to slide
Right around me. I chose
To drop back some, as those
Callipygian ladies I eyed.
After building a home for his bride,
Down the banister then she would slide.
He asked her one day,
“Why not use the stairway?”
“I’m just keeping it warm for the ride.”
When on a diet, you must abide
To certain rules; don’t let them slide
Eat cauliflower
Exert will power
Then grab the Godivas and go and hide!
Don’t be discouraged when things start to slide
You must “go with the flow and rise with the tide”
Life has bumps
And many slumps
But you must always look for the joy in the ride
We bought our son a “slip and slide’
He had quite a lively, playful ride
He landed in the roses
Right under our noses
Needless to say, we’re fit to be tied.
I found a blonde ringlet on my hubbie’s slide
He’s a famous scientist known world-wide
He pushed someone away
I could smell her spray
When asked, he said, “I haven’t seen hair nor hide”
Up and down the proverbial slide
First a groom and then a bride
He changed his gender
And went on a bender
His life’s been a multifaceted ride
I was pondering the opposite of the word slide
My husband was my scholarly and knowledgeable guide
He said ascend
would indubitably transcend
Any other word that might be applied
When searching for a potential bride
You should never let anything slide
She must be well-bred
And good in bed
And have a father who can richly provide
Chris Christie can no longer hide
Behind the blinds of awareness denied.
His conspiring aides
Are now pulling the shades;
So right off the on-ramp he’ll slide.
Convinced Dr. Jekyll had lied,
The police just could not let it slide.
For them he undressed,
Then said, I’m not blessed.
As you see. I have nothing to Hyde.”
The groom brought in rope he could slide
Around their new bed and his bride.
She seemed mad and surprised,
So he then summarized,
“You, my dear, just look fit to be tied.”
A singer she was with a slide
Down the charts. Said a friendly elf guide,
“You need change. By my wand
You’ll do better if blonde.”
And that was the day that she dyed.
A traveling salesman decried:
“This city I cannot abide.
The place is so slow,
There’s nowhere to go
For watching chick mud-wrestlers slide.”
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 211.
But you can still have lots of lmerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Rhyme Raid or Parade.