Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: VET at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using “VET” at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
On a trip with his dog to the vet,
A fellow attempted to pet
A fish-lover’s guppy.
“That isn’t a puppy,”
Yelled the vet, who was doggone upset.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Animal & Pet Humor, Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Veterinarians, Vetting Humor, Writing Prompts
Since her kitty was always quite wet,
She consulted the neighborhood vet.
He prodded and poked,
“I’d do more,” he half joked,
“But really, we’ve only just met!”
In southeastern Asia I met
A veterinarian, Brett.
He has moved to the States.
His competitor hates
That he says he’s a Vietnam vet.
A gal took her hound to the vet
With a story he hadn’t heard yet.
“I bent over this morning”
“He jumped me with no warning.”
“Trim his nails.” “He’s my favorite pet.”
The hooker decided to vet
His claim to a “bass clarinet”,
Saying “Call that a dick? Hello!
More like a piccolo!
But high notes I’m happy to get.”
He went looking on Craigslist to get
A companion to take to the Met.
She arrived at his place
But alas, had the face
Of something you’d take to the vet.
I was sick – the result of a bet –
But my doctor said “Go see a vet”,
For I’d swallowed a frog
And a hair of the dog,
And my nose had turned shiny and wet.
My ex-wife is a qualified vet,
Educated, well-spoken, and yet
She said hardly a word
When she gave me the bird.
Now I’ve only a parrot to pet.
It’s a day I shall never forget,
When my brother turned into a pet.
He would pee in the park
And incessantly bark
Till I had him put down by the vet.
In a country that’s ex-Soviet,
They are hoping to find a good vet
With a needle to shoot in
A mad dog called Putin,
But no one seems willing, just nyet.
I was ready, but not quite set
When my brother offered to bet
That he could whip me
Like some old monkey,
So we haven’t done that, not yet.
I was ready, but not yet “set”
When my brother offered to bet
That he could whip me
Like some old monkey,
So we haven’t done that, not yet.
A man had decided to vet
His appeal on a sexy brunette.
But try as he might,
Because of or in spite,
She hasn’t said yes to him yet!
A guy had decided to vet
Some whiskey, wine and anisette.
But the next morning,
A strong future warning-
His head and his stomach, upset.
How I would love to be a vet.
To me the best vocation, yet!
But give your pet bacon,
I’ll be more than shaken,
And say something I will regret!
There once was a young army vet
Who saw things he’d want to forget.
Vet health care was cut
By some right-wing nut
He still hasn’t gotten help yet.
A woman decided to vet
Three guys she had recently met.
With no compromise
When it comes to their size;
No love making she would forget.
I bought me a silver Corvette
The chicks aren’t swarming, not yet
But my friend’s Model X
– That’s a Tesla – gets him sex
From girls he’s not even met!
He was famed for superb “Crepes Suzette”;
All the food critics loved him, and yet
In his “Beef Cannelloni”
Were kitten and pony –
The chef was supplied by a vet.
My blind date was an honored vet
We met on “Patriot.Net”
We wined and dined
He was very kind
He even cured my ailing pet.
Two models named Eve and Yvette
Were charmed by a chap they just met.
He told them he’d breed
With the strength of a steed.
(For he was a fine equine vet.)
She went to a neighborhood vet
And decided to play hard to get.
They had a big chase
All over the place;
Our bill now we’ll likely regret.
An actor, a well-seasoned vet,
Embarrassed himself on the set.
A blue pill he forgot;
His co-star was not
Too happy with what she would get.
I took my dog to the vet
I saw she was very upset.
She wouldn’t let go
I paid the dough
Now I’M spayed with a pink barrette.
Something I’ll always regret
Is my date with a so-called “vet”
We hupped, two, three
Right into a tree
And ate freeze-dried meat from a net.
Bush’s search for a VP was set
All that’s needed is someone to vet
Dick Cheney selected
Himself, got elected
The world hasn’t recovered yet
My girlfriend and I used to pet
Her father was strict and a vet
He caught us half dressed
As you might’ve guessed
Found a new place for his bayonet
I took my cat to the vet
Her name is “Lovely Cocette”
He removed the wrong leg
Set her up with a peg
Her new name is “Gimpy La Pet”
A tennis pro wanting to vet
A new client, rushed towards the net.
The ball headed long;
He noticed her thong
And then she won match, game and set.
Love that word ‘guppy’. Fun one, nicely done.
Here’s my attempt:
Down in her basement kitchenette
Across the street from Lafayette
Healing kittens
She was smitten
She thought she was some kind of vet
When the kids go to bed, don’t forget:
We must always take care not to let
Grandpa put ’em to sleep.
Though his kindness runs deep,
He’s forgetful… and once was a vet.
She’s a sight that I’ll never forget:
Lean and muscular, curvy and wet.
I caress her, and she
Opens up, welcomes me.
I so loves me that cherry-red ‘Vette.
I took my cat “Brett”
To the”distinguished” town vet
He looked like a fish
Licked from a dish
Now Brett is treating Doc Fret
Tim Tebow’s an NFL vet;
Spent time as a Bronco and Jet.
His career kind of stalled –
Now Philly has called;
The T-Bow show’s not over yet.
I shouldn’t have married a vet
I’d say it’s my biggest regret
He’d go out on the lawn and
Play Reveille at dawn
Till the neighbors issued a threat!
Humpty Dumpty went to the vet
He was very friendly with Doc McKett
His head was on the seat
His hands were on his feet
He was an esteemed member of the “Shattered Jet Set”
Tom Cruise played a young Navy vet
Who spent his time flying a jet.
With “Maverick” his call,
He sure had a ball
In a Tomcat as cool as you’ll get.
Lisi’s Humpty reminded me of this one:
After Humpty had his great fall,
They came and demolished the wall.
But there was no shame;
They trademarked his name
For an omelette cafe at the mall.
A return to a favorite theme
Santorum consulted a vet
On what man-dog sex will beget.
The reply: “I admire
Your desire to be sire,
But your offspring will fail as a pet.”
“Have no doubt, the result is regret.
A pup’s risk of distemper is set
By the sire’s attitude,
And I see how you brood
About breeding–the worst I’ve seen yet.”
My town has the world’s worst vet
He should be taken away in a net
He put Dumbo’s ear
On my doggie’s rear
When he poops, he can smell Tibet
not a duplicate….just similar
Something I’ll always regret
Is my date with a so-called vet
We did the military crawl
It ruined my new shawl
And I got horrendously wet
not a duplicate
My town had the world’s worst vet
His name is Doc McKett
He put Dumbo’s ear
In my doggie’s rear
Now when Rover poops, he hears catcalls in Tibet
Humpty Dumpty went to the vet
He wondered if he could be reset
His head was on the seat
His hands were on his feet
But his disheveled condition was a sad regret
My prescriptions have put me in debt
I am in a state of perpetual fret
I put on a green beret
Went down to the local V.A.
And said, “Hello, I’m a vet”
One day I decided to vet
The behavior of the local Jet Set
They stayed up till three
Had an erotic spree
I fell asleep and my panties got wet
A practical joker named Chet
Was waiting to talk with the vet.
To a pit bull named Sue,
He turned and went “BOO!!”
His ICU nurse is Annette…
What happens on my pilot, hubby’s jet?
Now is my chance to vet!
I sneaked on the plane
There he was with Jane!
Ah, ha! he went off his DI-ET!
Not a duplicate
Humpty Dumpty went to the vet
He wanted to be reset
Head, on the seat
Hands, on his feet
A disembodied regret!
“At port,” said the old Navy vet,
“In Thailand, I had one regret.”
“I met some poontang,
At a bar, up in Trang,
But never did get to Phuket.”
not a duplicate
Humpty Dumpty went to the vet
To see if he could be reset.
With his head on the seat
And his hands on his feet.
He was a complete disembodied quintet!
not a duplicate
My town has the world’s worst vet
His name is Doc McKett
He put Dumbo’s ear
In my doggie’s rear
Fido poops, while hearing yelps in Tibet
A vigorous volatile vet
Had a vibrating viperous pet.
Voracious for voles,
It victimized moles.
His rattler’s named Rodents’ Regret.
Our committee was determined to vet
How a librarian gets a job in Marquette
She must be well-read
And extremely well-bred
And have cleavage with a nice firm set
The sax player wanted to vet
A new drummer for his quintet
Her style was just right
And he hoped that might
One day get to play with her set.
Going with Roger to the vet
Was a day I’ll always regret.
He peed on the floor
Threw up on the door
And we also had an ailing pet
Sax man (take 2)
The sax player wanted to vet
A new drummer for his quintet.
Her style was just right
And he hoped that he might
One day soon get to play with her set.
Sax man – out of rehab
The sax player wanted to vet
A new drummer to join his quintet.
Her style was just right
And he hoped that he might
One day soon get to play with her set.
Right-wingers are trying to vet
The candidates, hoping to get
One that’s ideal,
He’ll roll over and heel;
A Koch brothers poodle dog pet.
In the waiting room at the vet
Francois and Fifi met
At first glance
They did the dance
Now I’m raising La Litter Quintet
That is a cool limerick.
I am lousy at writing limericks and thus, I would not make an attempt. I read some of the entries and they are wonderful.
In Paris there was a coquette
who went by the name of Anette
she traded in sin
there was no-one akin
cause she treated herself at the vet
Too many of the apathetic forget
an actual person flies the jet,
& if the plane is brought to ground,
too often the pilot is never found.
Time to repent–go help a Vet.
In Judaism, if you attempt to vet,
You’ll find a divorce is called a “Get”
But if you stay single
Your pockets will jingle
And you’ll have no need to get a “Get”
Ol’ Charlie’s a veteran’s vet;
Most gung-ho that I’ve ever met.
I once asked him why;
Hel looked to the sky,
“For their sacrifice, lest we forget.”
Line 4 – He looked to the sky
“doggone upset”. this is just a fun write and made me laugh with glee. I take my cat to the vet tomorrow and I am printing this off for her to read.
Smiling at your limericks as well as the others ~ Fun post Mads ~
My friend dated a pet doc, Annette,
But soon wished that they never had met.
She’d insult the schlemiel
So routinely he’d feel
He was being put down by the vet.
Ivan was a seasoned vet
He sang till he would sweat
He never went to school
But the opera was “Ivan The Fool”
So he got to sing at the Met
There was an actress—-Coquette
Who claimed she was a “seasoned vet”
She played “Hansel and Gretel”
Was granted the “Operatic Medal”
She had two heads, so she did the duet.
A talkative yak from Tibet
Was sick, so he went to the vet.
But the doc couldn’t tell
How to make the beast well
‘Cause yak yacked, and he isn’t done yet.
Ah yes.. i’s takes my kitty kat to the vet..
And no tame pet is that kit kat at all..
in fact is met with chocolate kisses
from sweet vet ladies who kat meets
wherever his gold fur and green eyes go..:)
The parrott was there at the vet;
It seemed he was rather upset.
Squawking “Hey you dumb pricks,
What’s up with my fix?”
They duct tapped him with no regret.
Jon Gearhart, where yat?
petting a guppy…yes, that might cause consternation amongst vets. Can you even take your guppy to the vet? :-)
I almost am willing to bet
if you make a rottweiler upset
I’d be speaking truth
you would soon feel his tooth
and they’d call for a doc not a vet
A CRAZY CAT PERSON’S LAMENT
(A Dirge for a Distempered Clavier)
As the sun is beginning to set,
I look back on my life with regret:
Oh, if only I’d spent
All the money I’d meant
On my sins! But it went to the vet.
Those running so far are all wet.
We know little about them, not yet.
They’re all dogs,one can ,see
Almost all GOP..
It’s clear that they all need a vet.
my son dreams of being a vet
needs years of schooling yet
he studies so hard
he could be a bard
an acceptance letter he’ll get!
“I know that I made the floor wet.
I think it’s an unjustified threat.
We all lose control,
So please save my soul.
I can’t stand to go to the vet.”
GROWS FAST, TOO
“I don’t need a man,” said Yvette.
“This long and firm veggie’s my pet.
Just don’t be a meanie
And call him ‘zucchini’…
He’s Jacques, my beloved courgette!”
NB: There should be a grave accent over the ‘e’ in ‘beloved’, but I can’t get one on this stupid phone.
NIMBUS Q. DOG, 2000 – 2011
“This puppy,” I said to the vet,
“Is called Nimbus. It’s hard to forget:
Like the cloud, she is dark,
With a thunderous bark…
And she tends to leave ev’rything wet.”
Lord Byron, I’m quite pleased to get
You’re shout-out about me. I’m set
To return from my fog.
I’ve been sick as a dog
And had 2 lengthy stays at the vet.
We took our constipated pet
To an emergency visit at the vet.
“It’s okay for Rover
To observe Passover
But spare the matzos in his dinette”
Welcome back, Jon! Appetite’s whet,
To read your next funny vignette
Good health shall ensue!
(Pssst..hey, how did you
Get medicare to pay for your vet?)…..
My new gal’s a cute Army vet
She calls her left boob a boobette
I agreed with a laugh,
“Hell, it’s smaller by half!”
Since then I’ve had zero asset
In the waiting room at the vet
Francois and Fifi met
It was love at first sight
They did more than just bite.
Now I’m buying a puppy layette.
I’m still on the mend as of yet
So don’t expect reams of stuff yet.
Who says Medicare will
Be footing the bill?
I might have to sell off my vette…
I never did have no damn vette
I just weren’t among that jet set
I’m a biker, by God!
Could I pick up the broad?
On my Honda Trail 90? ….Not yet.
In Paris I met my friend Brett
He was recognized as an honored vet
I was looking for a hooker
Who was also a “looker”
He replied: “Yes, a charming gigolette”
He felt sick as he flew on a jet.
The only doc there was a vet.
The vet put him under,
But it seems made a blunder.
He left the plane minus a set.
“My baggage is less – I”m upset.”
He barked at the vet,”No regret?”
Said the vet,”I”m perturbed.
You seem quite disturbed,
But I”m sure you will make a great pet.”
He replied,”But how could you forget?
I”m a man, not a dog – you’re all wet.”
Said the vet,”But it’s free.
I will charge you no fee.
Give thanks you’re not deeper in debt.”
“That’s not an excuse, and I’ll bet
That you do this to all you can get.”
“I’m making amends.
It”s how I make freinds.
You must surely be glad that we met.”
Her dog, Jet, had her very upset.
“Well, your pet is just fine,” said the vet.
“But he’s sticking his nose
In that sheath ‘neath my clothes!”
“Don’t you fret, he’s just keeping it wet.”
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 210.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Rhyme: Slide.