Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: DECK at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using DECK at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
While checking his freshly built deck,
A man felt some bites on his neck.
He inspected, then cursed:
“Damn mosquitos! The worst!
I will deck you. Bugs ain’t on the spec.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
My wife said, “Put up the deck!”
She’s such a big pain in the neck.
I looked at the wood
This won’t turn out good,
I thought. And I built a real wreck.
So I turned to my only friend, Stan.
When it comes to tools he is The Man.
He fixed it up nice.
But it came at a price
‘Cause she left with him (that was my plan).
An ex-tugboat captain named Breck
Was diagnosed “crazy as heck”.
He won’t be released
Until he has ceased
His hollering “All hands on deck!”
New Date: Sex Can Wait?
She thought about stacking the deck;
Reconsidering, shrugged: what the heck!
So her 38B
Became 42D,
His attention’s now fixed ‘neath her neck.
A Promising Season
With holly boughs, let’s the halls deck!
Sure, it’s Yoda speak, but what the heck:
Like a pol I can obfuscate,
Clarity – pah! too late.
Of course, by the male is your check :)
The conductor exclaimed “What the heck!”
To the violin in the last deck.
“Your playing is poor, Jack;
Your scraping makes Dvořák
Sound horribly like a dud Czech.”
They were sunbathing out on their deck,
Tanned all over, not wearing a speck.
Through binocular glasses
I ogled their asses,
And soon had a very stiff … neck.
The waitress who brought me my Beck
Was as stacked as a sixty-card deck.
I was left in no doubt
That she’d gladly put out –
In return for a generous cheque.
He was dealing from the bottom of the deck
She knew beyond mere introspect
When she threatened to expose him
He did the apropos then
He bribed her with a blank check
The Captain was strolling the deck
On the ship that would soon be a wreck,
Saying “Don’t be alarmed,
The ship cannot be harmed
By an iceberg, it’s far too hi-tech.”
Christmas Day: I decided to check
What my children have used to bedeck
The tree. For my son,
There’s a mask and a gun,
For my daughter, a skinning-knife – yeck!
It was dusk; she was tied to his deck,
And the vampire went down on her neck.
Oh, the feast would be bloody!
But she sneered at him: “Buddy,
This ‘Twilight’ is yesterday’s dreck”.
The radio clown named Glenn Beck
Is missing some cards from his deck.
Though it’s hard to play poker
With one card (a joker),
He throws down his card — and cries, “Check!”
The waiter will bring me my check
But why should I pay for this dreck?
You dare call this food?
It tastes like it’s glued!
And I didn’t eat it, just pecked.
With a Hermes scarf, she did deck
Her comely and so graceful neck.
For she was all his
This very hot miz
As long he would pay the check.
He got so crocked on triple sec
He no longer played with full deck
He fell to the floor
And began to snore
He was a complete drunken wreck.
A woman sunbathed on her deck
But nothing but pearls on her neck
And she didn’t give pause
When some guys gave applause.
“If they want to look, what the heck!”
Poor Cap’n Jack’s barge is a wreck:
He tried to say, “All hands on DECK…”
But the order that Jack sent
Was spoiled by his accent.
They thought he was saying… (oh, blecch!)
Old Cap’n Jack’s eyes, they grew large
When he saw what went on in his barge.
I’m told upon landing
The misunderstanding
Resulted in seaman discharge.
While sunbathing nude on their deck,
They spotted a bright, shiny speck
Hovering on high
Way up in the sky;
Those drones are as snoopy as heck.
While standing outside on the deck
He gave his girl a loving peck
But she wanted more
They fell to the floor
And after she was a sweet wreck
Marshawn Lynch has just hit the deck.
One more yard – we’re happy as heck!
But, “OH NO! THEY CAN’T
BE THROWING A SLANT!!
Our Super Bowl now is a wreck.
While out on a wilderness trek,
They’ll sleep on a cold, craggy deck.
But at home she’ll say
“I’m hurting today;
Our mattress is lumpy as heck!”
It took time, but was now on deck
Pursed lips while craning his neck
He reached in his shorts
And purchased 8 quarts
Jim’s kissing booth score of a peck
On Nantucket there was a shipwreck
Captain Joe stayed on the main deck
He went down on the ship
Caught a case of the drip
With his wife he’s now up to his neck
Stay in your cabin or take a chance?
There’s a party on the Lido deck.
I can’t go; I’m a wreck.
My hair is a mess
I hate my dress
Let’s go anyway; what the heck!
Redecorating
When I showed the designer my deck
I said I wanted it to look “high tech”
When I saw the result,
I lashed out an insult:
“Where on earth did you find such dreck?”
The Sixties Predicament
Rick and I were on the deck
He asked “Want to Play Hunt and Peck?”
When daddy saw my hickey
He said “NO MORE RICKEY!”
Next time I’ll cover my neck.
not a duplicate
There’s a party on the Lido Deck
I can’t go; I’m such a wreck!
My hair is a mess
I hate my dress
But I’ll go anyway; what the heck!
He sat on the ship’s upper deck
Watching the passenger’s trek.
Ogling a lady,
His musings were shady;
For a quickie, would she take a check?
The vampire patrolled the town-deck
Seeking virgins to nibble and peck,
But there weren’t any left,
And the rest were too deft
To succumb to a pain in the neck.
My sightless date gave me a peck
We were out on his lovely deck.
“It’s not over, Cutie
I must touch your booty
And then do a full body-check.”
changed for a perfect meter
My sightless date gave me a peck
We were out on his beautiful deck
“It’s not over, Cutie,
I must touch your booty,
And then do a full body check!”
We all loved “Goomah” Beck
We were all from Queens, Little Neck
Till one sunny day
He gave us away
Arrivederci: time to hit the deck!
Pete Piper would usually neck
With his girlfriend outside on the deck.
From a fridge in the back,
He’d pick a six-pack
And prep her with his pickled peck.
Elvis sang “Wear my ring ’round your neck”.
When I heard it I thought: Wait a sec,
If she threaded her head
Through his ring, she’d be dead!
(That’s before I acquired a full deck.)
Dr. Smith’s Blunder
My patient’s name was Steck
I established that we were all “on deck”
But instead of removing his toes,
I accidentally removed his nose.
No wonder he wrote a bad check!
Some backpackers on their last trek
Left behind half their stuff on the deck.
Having nothing but snacks
In their pockets or packs
They ate mushrooms and berries on spec.
MASHUGANA DATE
My blind date was a total wreck
First, he wrote, “You’re pretty” on my neck.
Then he got on my bed
And stood on his head
You think he was playing,” Full Deck”?
not a duplicate
MASHUGANA DATE
My blind date was such a wreck
First he wrote “You’re nice” on my neck!
Then he got on my bed
And stood on his head
Think he was playing with a full deck?
Ol’ Cooter was guzzling some Beck,
Then followed it with triple sec.
That wasn’t too keen;
He went from a lean
To snoring face-down on the deck.
In a hanger bay under the deck,
Those sailors are busy as heck.
Both women and men;
It’s much better than when
They only had Shop or Home Ec.
Be safe Zachary…
A gambler once salted the deck
With aces, thus risking his neck
But he won all the cash
Which he put in his stash
And generously picked up the check
Let’s wander outside on the deck
And see what the storm didn’t wreck.
Well, we still have some stairs,
But where are the chairs?
To Home Depot now we must trek.
I was on my new sun deck
When a love bug gave me a peck.
First I got a kiss
But the bug was remiss
And he bit my lovely tanned neck.
not a duplicate
I was bathing on my new sun deck
When a love bug gave me a peck
First I got a kiss,
But the bug was remiss:
And now I have welts on my neck!
I’ve got to get this right!
I was bathing on my new sun deck,
When a love bug gave me a little peck
First I got a kiss,
But the bug was remiss
And now I have welts all over my neck!
A hockey enforcer named Beck
Takes no guff – he’d just as soon deck
An opponent on ice.
They always think twice;
Their dental work he likes to check.
I invited Doc Jones to my deck
I said “Doc, NO HEALTH CHECK”
We’re here for a party,
So don’t be a smarty.
I need my disability check!
A worker forgot to connect
Some bolts that are under our deck.
Sometimes it’ll sway
Either this or that way;
Air-sickness bags help the effect.
not a duplicate
I invited Doc Jones to my deck
I said “Tonight, don’t be such a tech!
This is a party,so
Don’t touch me, smarty:
I need my disability check!”
A batter was standing on deck;
His package he thought he would check.
Adjustments were made;
But there in the shade,
The ball girls were laughing like heck.
A captain was striving to check
His foundering seafaring trek
As his mutinous crew
Formed a startling queue
To punch him right in the deck
A captain was striving to check
His foundering seafaring trek
As his mutinous crew
Formed a startling queue
To punch him square on the deck.
Canadian Disaster
We bought a house in Quebec.
It came with a beautiful deck.
The rest of the place
Was such a disgrace
That we’ve named it “Maison a la Dreck”
At a party, he tried to connect
With a hottie out there on the deck.
But he didn’t know
That she brought a beau
Who’s known as “The Whoopin’ Ass Czech”.
It’s Hurricane Sandy, oh, heck!
Hubby and I are a wreck!
We’re flying around
We can’t get down!
And Toto is on our deck!
The magician had shuffled the deck.
“Take a card, any card, I won’t check.”
He then closed his eyes,
And to his surprise,
“I see a white rabbit – Oh Heck.”
He cruised on the ship’s upper deck,
Looking hard for a life he could wreck.
He took down below
A woman in tow,
“I’ll be through with you, dear, in a sec.”
“I’m a cop, you dumb ass, hit the deck.
He quickly turned into a wreck.
With handcuffs in hand,
On his neck took her stsnd,
“I’ll be through with you, dear, in a sec.”
A gal, making love on her deck,
Needed lube, so she reached for some Breck.
She applied it down there;
Her guy’s thrilled, ’cause that hair
Now is fluffy and bouncy as heck.
If Pete Piper could pick a full peck
Of Peruvian peppers, then, heck,
He could give all those peppers
To poor homeless lepers—
Then they might stay off of his deck.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 208.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Stick — Limerick-Off Monday.