UPDATE: This Limerick-Off will continue for a second week and run through March 7th. Why? Blame Time Warner’s outage in my neighborhood, from which I’m now recovering. Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: EMOTE or REMOTE or MOAT at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using EMOTE or REMOTE or MOAT at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner early March 8, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your extended submission deadline is Saturday, March 7, at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
An actress who tends to emote
Over nonsense was grabbed by the throat
By an actor one day.
’Twasn’t part of the play,
But his mode of theatrical note.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Acting Limerick, Actor Humor, Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Theater Humor, Writing Prompts
Unseemly Behavior, or, Avaricious Knights
He rode to the most remote moat,
Where the foul knight indulged in a gloat:
Oh, man, Percy and Lance
Would indeed shite their pants
When they saw his brand new Dragon boat :)
Cry Harder
The boy did his best to emote
On the stage as he dripped on his coat,
But director yelled, Cut!
Come here, son: smacked his butt –
Now you feel it! (Smack harder, she wrote.)
Are We Feelin’ It Yet?
The polished pol, stuck on Emote,
Cajoled “sainted patriots”: Vote,
But make sure it’s for me!
He joked loudly with glee –
Believing foes’ chances remote.
Santorum is known to emote,
“First man-on-man, then man-on-goat!”
Said a goatherd named Thomas,
“If that is a promise,
Then Rick will be getting my vote!”
A Win-Some Gesture
The shy young man’s chances remote,
He plunged both hands into his coat.
She took just one glance,
Then ogled his pants:
His package seemed worthy of note :)
They ended up on her long couch,
Where shyness aside, he, no slouch,
Propelled by attraction,
Plunged into prompt action:
Less filling, she later would vouch :(
“Watch me climb up that hill!” I emote.
To some tourists, my partner does note:
“He is mountain goat-like
When he goes on a hike,
But to me, he is just an old goat.”
He Wants To Watch TV, Too
One night she declared, tone remote,
I just can’t continue devot[e]-
Ing time to your hunt
For more jewels, coin, and blunt!
Your lifestyle’s not one to promote.
Furthermore, I have no idea where the *amn remote is :(
There once was a newsman of note,
who told tall tales just so he could gloat.
He got caught. He got sacked.
Then he said, “I’ll be back!”
but I’d say that the odds are remote…. ;)
Water, Water Everywhere
Crusoe intended to float
To additional islets, remote,
Then it struck: rain and thunder.
Bail full speed or go under!
Whatever, he groused, floats my boat.
Mad, aaaghhh! I must have been thinking “opera” while writing “shipwrecked” :( Can you replace with Crusoe? Thx :))
(MBK: Done)
Egocentric? It Goes to Show
Bystanders would swear a large tote
Might contain actors’ egos’ mass bloat:
“It’s rare, such a lout
Could be quite so devout!”
Cast projected, in over-Emote.
The Moat in Todd’s “I”
A techie designed an e-moat
About which he’d overemote
‘Til his date grew remote
Early on, grabbed her coat:
Cute but boring! she flung (quote, endquote).
God Shoulda Noah-n Better?
Many times, Noah thought God remote
But constructed His Ark: it would float :)
People died…time went by
(Russell Crowed.) See the sky!
Raven: land! Man’s hope: greed’s antidote?
She was wearing a stunning mink coat;
Underneath, not a stitch or a mote.
She obtained it – wink, wink! –
The way minks get a mink,
For a sizeable treasury note.
The actress could never emote;
On the screen, she recited by rote.
But the girl was no slouch
On the old casting-couch,
So they chose her by popular vote.
I was born on a world that’s remote;
When I tell you its name, kindly note
That to laugh would be heinous –
I come from Uranus …
Stop cackling, you stupid old goat!
In areas near and remote
The press is now eager to note
This puzzle of three,
But which should it be:
‘The Year of the Ram, Sheep or Goat?’
Year of the Yang
Oh why, last night did I emote
Now I regret most that I wrote.
Felt sad for myself
Emotions to shelf!
“Real beauty is inside,” I quote.
Please give me the goddamn’ remote!
I hate watching sicko pols gloat.
I can’t stand their lies,
Oh, how I despise
These Repubs, and how they emote!
The knight had a bad case of bloat..
Just stood and stared at the deep moat.
No way he could cross,
The fault was the sauce…
He damned last night’s huge gravy boat!
His chances of scoring, remote
A guy brays like a billy goat
His methods are crude
His comments are lewd..
He won’t sow a single wild oat.
The director said I can’t emote,
Because I always have a frog in my throat.
He said so smugly,
“You are very ugly”.
I replied “You’re no dreamboat”!
On a mountain far and remote
There lived a quite lovely, wild goat.
With friends he did thrive
More than just survive!
No need for a human-built cote.
I asked her last night and I quote,
“Where the hell is that fucking remote?”
It soon came to pass,
It’s so far up my ass,
I change channels by clearing my throat.
not a duplicate
I don’t think it’s too remote
To call you a dirty old goat.
I saw you stare
With an indecent glare
Right under my pink petticoat!
On an island so very remote
I met an angora goat.
I stripped him bare
So that I could wear
My fashionably elegant coat.
The invaders were stopped by the moat
Round the castle, and hadn’t a boat.
So the knights, rather dim,
Then attempted to swim,
But their armour, alas, didn’t float.
Miss Kentucky had won every vote
And her folks were all there to commote,
Though her paw said “A pity
She ain’t very pretty,
But, heck, she can fuck like a stoat!”
I like a man who can emote,
And sing the songs he wrote.
Who wears great blazers
And does shows with lazers.
His name is Tom Petty-Coat.
not a duplicate
On his daughter the father did gloat.
One could even say he did dote.
So afraid was he
She’d go out on a spree,
Around their house he built a moat.
When women got the vote,
My father did angrily emote:
“Nothing in pink
Can seriously think”
And that is an actual quote.
Hey, Jud-ith :) or, Praising Block On the Clock
I agree that The Right “can” emote.
Gee, why not deny them the vote?
They can see how they like it,
Hard-won votes not worth spit:
Toss prejudice down their mass throat.
Politics seems to bring out my bad side
Which relishes having a wild ride!
I’d hum that old song,
Can’t we just get along?
Wish we could! All of us must decide…
Great Scot(t)! Can We Watch TV at Your Place?
Seems your talent for hitting emote
Helped you locate your missing remote :)
Don’t complain, it’s internal!
Her response was nocturnal-
Ly infernal :) Yes, your “she” gets my vote.
Where Do They All Come From?! or, Mad in 2016
I love a well-told anecdote :)
Puns surge forth in my brain: I emote!
I invent and confess,
Rail and wheedle, profess;
Praise this forum, Mad ~ YOU get my vote :)))
An actor — well-known to emote
When he reached that familiar quote —
In a blunder historic
Cried, “Poor ass, Alorick!”
(And that’s what the “Times” review wrote.)
“My liege,” said Sir Bedevere, “Note
That construction’s come in under quote —
For the contractor digs
A new moat using pigs!”
Said King Arthur, “Don’t hog the re-moat.”
We got in our vessel to float
Far away to an island remote
Where there’s no damned TV.
Hold it — who’s this I see?
Is that Gilligan? BACK TO THE BOAT!
In wooing, I tend to emote
And give my emotions full-throat.
As my zeal hits its acme,
The girls often smack me…
It figures: I’m smitten, they smote.
@ Patrice
While watching the Oscar emotes,
I laughed at your lim and your note,
which caused me to cough,
that channel went off,
and turned it to Murder, She Wrote
In high school I totally did dote
For Jim I’d embarrassingly emote.
I started to cry
And thought I would die
When the teacher saw me passing a note.
My entry is here:
Brash Landing: Taking It on Chagrin
Two lovers rented a boat
To flee to an island remote.
But when a hole in the hull
caused their flight to be null,
They decided to get out and float.
When Lord Brimley filled up the moat
His feelings were way more than smote
He fell in from the bank
Then rubber ducky sank
And his blow up dragon won’t float
Shipwrecked on an island remote
Caruso took charge from a vote
Though Friday abstained
Young Robinson reigned
Over what he couldn’t connote
Hey, Patrice of the ManyCats (which proves you are a TERRIFIC person!)
That’s something we’d all like to do…
For that would sure teach them, how true!
But they own the vote-
The fat cats just gloat!
We’re governed by the greedy few.
For Patrice, Continued-
With Citizen’s United we’re screwed:
Corporations, greedy and shrewd.
So they all emote
And then buy the vote
We’re all in a to the death feud.
So you think that the chance is remote
You’ll be killed by the gun that you tote?
Well, I’m sorry, my friend,
But the Second Amend-
ment may serve as your suicide note.
JHB, I Agree – CU at Rush Hour :(
Gah! Talk about overemote:
Cram the “Right Stuff” down each reader’s throat.
CU’s site, poli-babble
For the wealthy and “rabble”
Aims low at Barack, Head Scapegoat :(
Their content reminds one of Rush,
Whose vitriol ducks behind “plush”:
PRN’s true crown jewel
Or their fatuous fool?
Hint – his goal: fans’ wee brains turned to mush.
And, would you believe this? You must:
Taxpayers protected his bust!
Missouri paid for a cam,
(Rush is glam?) Ballsy scam :(
Why not pay a maid full time to dust?
*http://crooksandliars.com/cltv/2012/05/missouri-taxpayers-fund-24-hour
I live in a place so remote
It’s often been known to emote
Isolationist fears
That it just might be years
Before someone comes over thee moat.
Spouting Gibb-erish, or Joust Nuts: *Paying Tribute
King Arthur to Merlin did gloat
O’er the size and length of his moat.
Then: “I spoil for a fight!
Joust one more Broad-Weigh knight
Blamin’ it all on his surcoat” :(
“How long will they stand between us?
Defend moat? (Cuss.) Knights, are they surplus?
Bee ye deaf! Gees, my Wiz,
Turn away not thy phiz:
It goes straight to the heart, acting thus” :(
*http://www.lyricsfreak.com/b/bee+gees/nights+on+broadway_20015575.html
ArThur Still More Huns?
A huge, mottled horse leapt the moat;
Knight dismounted, sword to the guard’s throat.
Is Merl in? I’m Sir Plus,
There’s no need for a fuss.
Attil(y)a, this castle’s remote!
I’ve come to report to the wiz
And the king, help support what is his.
But our Queen Guinevere?
All is not well, I fear;
She has Lance – a lot. It’s what it is…
Education: Pearls Beyond Price
Its location was fairly remote;
Ah, the memories of yeshivoth
Where he studied Talmud –
Those days, they were good :)
We all should have time to devote.
Down the Up Ladder – It’s Just Wrung
A slacker girl tried to emote:
Boss (dwarf) said he’d have to demote
Her, but sad lack of practice
In fact led to actus
Reus: wrung him dead by his throat.
Still Got Money, Though No Honey
Now, darlin’, let’s not sugarcoat
How you’re actin’! You’ve been so remote,
Bet you’re leavin’ me soon :(
…What, this same afternoon?
Leave the checkbook: mah shure antidote :)
Lenny Unwise
He acknowledged the chances remote
Of finding much valuable groat,
“But it’s my lucky day!
(Can I borrow $10k?)”
No, you can’t, you pound-foolish old goat!
The Couch Potato family all have strep throat.
What makes it worse, they have lost the remote.
They turned the house upside down,
But little Janie got the golden crown:
She found it grandma’s Prada tote.
My new TV’s humongous remote
Is too big for one person to tote.
The damn thing’s 6 feet square
With more buttons on there
Than upon yo fat mama’s big coat!
not a duplicate
My mother-in-law visited by boat.
With white gloves in her tote.
She said, “Good heavens, my dear,
I strongly fear
I have detected a dreadful dust mote!”
Chef Pierre went to fish in the moat
‘Cause the king wouldn’t spring for a boat.
He caught catfish and eel
And an old orange peel.
It’s cuisine, but it’s not very haute.
High On A Website
Whee! I’m in a state of emote ~
Just discovered the site Wikiquote :)
Wikivoyage and -travel…
Wahoo! Let’s not cavil
O’er time spent; I need a brain “tote”!
not a duplicate; let’s try again!
We who matriculate at Choate
are elite, elegant and haute.
I’m glad I sleep in the nutmeg state,
because I really live near the Golden Gate,
So commuting would be very remote!
not a duplicate
My father was wont to emote.
He was such a crabby old goat.
He claimed he was from Siberia,
But he suffered from deliria.
Saying he got here rowing a boat.
The open mic poet clears throat
and then does his best to emote
but then it is found
that we can’t hear a sound
another old amp has been smote
The director said, “EMOTE”!
But I had a frog in my throat.
“Hit the road,
And get rid of that toad,
or go back to Terre Haute!”
I must strongly emote
because there’s something caught in my throat.
Daddy made dinner
And it wasn’t a winner
I think it was a fricasseed goat.
Water World, or, One Too Many Motes
Last night, I could fill up a moat:
My nose, eyes! Kleenex in a tote :(
Sneezing was the first sign;
Pour! honk; cough, clear (slight whine).
Today, searched: yoga antidote :)
Wedded Bliss
“Give me the remote,
You Stinking Old Goat.
Get out of your chair.
Go get some fresh air.
Don’t just sit there and bloat.”
The brave knights crossed the moat
In a small wooden boat.
But,they ran out of luck
When the moat monster struck.
Sadly armor doesn’t float.
To the anti-gay clergy, a note:
If you’re bound on removing the Mote
From your gay neighbor’s eye,
Could you please tell us why
Your Beam’s down that altar boy’s throat?
My Brother William
Brother William lives on an island remote.
Now and then we receive a scribbled note.
He is so unkempt,
That we feel contempt,
So we call him Billy The Goat.
If the past tense of smitten is smote,
Then the past tense of mitten is mote.
This language is confusing,
So remember that when you’re using
Something that you done did wrote.
Castled and Checked (and Maybe Screwed)
King Arthur admonished, Re-moat!
We need enough water to float
The longboat out of here,
Or we’ll rot ’til next year!
Attil(y)a, he really would gloat :(
Guinevere came the same night
By land, to soothe A. ‘midst his plight.
A: Upon you I dote!
G: Stick that in your (tote)…
So commenced one royal heck of a fight
Which subsided when Merlin stepped in:
Hey, Guin, how the *ell have you been?
Why not make up by screwing,
Just as easy as chewing!
I can sleep, then, and all of us win :)
Iraq, Webb Rocks! Nixed Photo Opp (Dem Run in ’16?)
Jim Webb, of Virginia? Remote
Though his chances, the man can emote :)
Dubs to Webb: How’s your boy?*
Webb: [One more to deploy,
In this war that you love to promote…]
*http://www.spurstalk.com/forums/archive/index.php/t-54781.html
I’ll whisk her to somewhere remote,
Nice and warm where we won’t need a coat.
Oh we’ll play in the sun,
Then make our own fun,
And I might even sow my last oat.
Message for Limerick-Offers and other limerick fans: This Limerick-Off will continue for a second week and run through March 7th. Why? Blame Time Warner’s outage in my neighborhood, from which I’m now recovering.
So you can continue to post entries with the rhyme word EMOTE or REMOTE or MOAT (for lines 1 or 2 or 5) both on this blog post and on this FB post: Facebook Limerick-Off Post
Focus! But Not Overmuch
The director urged, “Bud, re-emote:
Easy thing with your hands ’round her throat!”
Prod.: “Bud has ADD,
But insist and you’ll see!”
…Ann was buried wrapped in her new coat.
Shipwrecked on an island remote
Caruso fell in love with a goat
When push came to shove
He thought it was love
Till the goat rammed him back on his boat.
An immigrant said, and I quote:
“As a citizen, someday, I’ll vote
To throw out ev’ry twit
Down in Congress, to wit:
Let’s make GOP chances remote.”
In a country very remote
Columbo was stuck in a boat.
For meals he eats fish,
But he wants a knish.
And found one in his trusty trench coat.
You can plead, with a catch in your throat…
You can rage, tear your hair, and emote…
Or just sob in the corner;
Whatever. Time-Warner
Will watch as you suffer, and gloat.
not a duplicate….wrong tense!
On an island very remote
Columbo was stuck in a boat.
He survived by eating fish,
But he was dying for a knish
Then found one in his trusty trench coat.
(Time-Warner’s screwup means I have time to contribute an acrostic. Yay!)
CPAC
Each speaker takes pains to emote,
Making much of each fake anecdote.
Oh, it’s total manure —
Though of this they make sure:
Ev’ry lie is a quotable quote.
I once knew a girl who’d emote
Her pleasures as if to gloat
Til her daily rendition
Of her “coming to fruition”
Her neighbours all knew by rote.
Too Bzzzzy To Let It ~Beey~
Never heard of this word, too remote;
Wiktionary’s Word of the Day (quote).
Best not pester bees drowsing
Nor when they’re carousing…
You may hear them gloat as you bloat :(
“I’ve invented,” the scientist wrote,
“A ‘Star Trek’ transporter. Take note:
After many a try
I’ve beamed dust by wi-fi,
Thereby sending the world’s first e-mote.”
To make the new house more remote,
He had them construct his own moat.
He’ll reach the back door
By traversing the floor
Or paddling around in a boat.
I’ve a fetish for moisture: a moat,
Or some pond, or a pool gets my vote.
Any sex is way better
When things are way wetter;
It’s water that’s floating my boat.
With chances of winning remote,
The head of the party took note,
“Put away all your tissues.
We can’t win on the issues,
So let’s try suppressing the vote.”
How much longer can we devote
To words that rhyme with remote?
We have racked our brains
Till nothing remains.
It’s time for the next favored vote.
When I couldn’t find the remote
I grabbed my stepdaughter by the throat
She kept losing the thing
As if it ‘had wings’
In the end, I threw her in the moat.
Emote or Remote? Let’s Promote Both
My hubby defaults to “remote”
While I often choose to emote:
It all shows in my face!
Yes, both modes have their place
And keep many a marriage afloat :)
The sound came from somewhere remote,
But familiar it was, I must note.
Its howl, though not throaty,
Came from a coyote,
Or, if you prefer, a coyote.
A king with free time used his moat
For experiments worthy of note.
So he let the turds come
To discover why some
Of them sink and why some of them float.
We had our last date in a boat,
in a spot both romantic and remote.
‘Twas nice way to spend it,
though his aim was to end it,
not considering that my body might float.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners!
Limerick of the Week 2014.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: PRIZE OR APPRISE.