Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CLIPS or ECLIPSE at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using either “CLIPS” or “ECLIPSE” at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
While an actress was showing her clips
Which featured her just enlarged lips,
She sipped from a cup
And her lips, all puffed up,
Caused the liquid to drip on her hips.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Actresses, Appearance Humor, Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Plastic Surgery, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Horsing Around
Through the parkway, he clops and ‘e clips,
Proud to be in the Midnight Eclipse.
With tossed head, sideways prance,
“Winning? I’ve not a chance,
But I’ll gladly accept any tips!”
A Suitor’s Offer is Summarily Refused
Ma chérie! Your beauty, those hips –
Others would find it hard to eclipse
Their dimensions: so vast,
They could not be surpassed!
(Brings to mind puffy sails on large ships.)
Who Will She Choose Tonight?
On display at the Midnight Eclipse:
Silk and leather goods, chains and thin whips…
Lisa sashays and skips
To the clink of her tips;
More than one’s gaze is fixed on her hips.
Jail Bait? Just Wait
Her hips, lips, and ponytail clips
Cause my heart to do multiple skips 8^9
She said she was eighteen;
Need to use the ol’ bean…
Give her up? Nah! (Too far into tips.)
Remember when ordering chips
Or enjoy a few extra sips
A moment on the lips
Is a lifetime on the hips
And a figure to cause an eclipse
The hooker was glued to my lips
And was wildly gyrating her hips,
Then she got me in line
Where the sun doesn’t shine,
And it felt like a total eclipse.
(… slaps himself on wrist for lewdness)
The plumber used solder and clips,
And wrenches and pliers and grips.
He made quite a racket,
And charged me a packet,
But STILL that confounded tap drips.
When one of your frat brothers strips
And runs naked through campus, his trip’s
Could be YouTube’s next boon
With a hook for this goon
Of: “Come watch last night’s lunar e-clips!”
I have kept all the cutting-room clips,
The ones where the heroine strips.
In the final release,
There is no golden fleece –
But at home, I’m still smacking my lips.
The gambler has run out of chips,
And his bill-folds are just empty clips.
“Can I wager with sex?
My wife’s stacked as your decks,
And you’re welcome to poker”, he quips.
He thought he had sensed an eclipse
When his gal wouldn’t kiss on the lips.
He wanted her back,
She was great in the sack;
He loved the way she moved her hips.
A guy’s health began to eclipse,
But still he would not come to grips.
Of fat foods beware,
But he didn’t care.
He’d still rather eat fish and chips!
It’s she with the come hither lips..
And sensual moves of her hips.
A strong siren call
Guys can’t help but fall.
All other gals, she does eclipse.
A clash over potato chips-
Instead of a “thank you”, she flips!
Acrylamide-
The danger inside!
But she didn’t want my wise tips.
she slowly removes her hair clips
sensuously gyrates and strips
yet causes him worry
if she doesn’t hurry
he’ll finish before he unzips
It’s she with the come hither lips..
And sensuous moves of her hips.
A strong siren call
The guy can’t help but fall.
All other gals, she will eclipse.
Susana wore ripped bright pink slips
on lush big hips, showing nips
when gents offered tea
she laughed tee hee hee
on trips quickly dwindling their ‘sipps’
sipps are pensions.
Susana wore ripped bright pink slips
on lush gorgeous hips, showing nips
when gents offered tea
she laughed “tee hee hee”
“I take’ sipps’ for total eclipse
sipps are pensions.
Mike took me to see an eclipse,
And some guy stole his chips.
He punched him in the face;
What a disgrace!
Now he has Mick Jagger lips.
I went to see a famous eclipse.
My date kissed me on the lips.
I left unscathed,
But the guy never bathed.
How do I find such drips?
Because I take a challenge like this so very seriously . . .
loony barber will only do clips
on the days of the solar eclipse
he like to get paid in the moon’s umbral shade
by aliens in lunar space ships
cheers
jzb
When we go to the shore to watch ships,
We buy fries from APOCALIPS CHIPS,
It’s a humorous name
That has garnered them fame,
But the food is not hard to eclipse.
Big Sugar was told told to eclipse
Yearly earnings without any dips.
And now profit balloons
With the heaped tablespoons
They’ve been adding to bagged tater chips.
When shooting those sexy porn clips
Remember to feature slow strips.
Forget about writing,
The key thing’s the lighting,
Supported by consummate grips.
Grips.
With his gardener’s clippers he clips
Pruning his plants sprawling tips
But a scorpion fast
Goes scurrying past
And with his sharp nippers he nips.
Two For the Money
She worked the day shift at Great Clips,
And moonlighted at hot Ruby Lips:
What she did there, I can’t say,
But it featured her sashay ~
Her hips garnered fabulous tips :)
Down and Out in Jersey
The week Lloyd was set to eclipse
All previous earnings and tips,
The Gaming Board raided.
His dealer gig faded…
He now prepares veggies and dips.
Teenage Priorities
Brows furrowed, she clips and she clips,
Then highlights in black all her tips
(Hair and nails). Smiles in glass
But then frowns at her ass:
Loudly sighs, and retrieves dip and chips.
“Can you tell me,” the funnyman quips
(A self-satisfied smirk on his lips,
And with giggles a-boil),
“Why the moon’s like a mohel?
‘Cause ‘e goes to your son, and ‘e clips!”
“My girl and I tried to lock lips
In the midst of a total eclipse —
In the darkness,” he said,
“I smooched Grandpa instead;
And with that, I just can’t come to grips!”
Inspiration, once flowing, now drips,
Which accounts for my week-to-week skips.
I should try something new
(Like the TV shows do)
And submit an assortment of clips.
Helen’s looks have gone into eclipse —
Three children have broadened her hips.
Her burgeoning paunch
Means her beauty can launch
Only two hundred twenty-nine ships.
King Arthur won’t bring to his lips
An orange, ’til Lancelot clips
Out those horrible seeds.
Now, whenever he feeds,
The King’s glad his knight ends the pips.
(Oh, that was awful. I’m so sorry.)
Will T….That was nice little creative burst there. Kudos.
Patrice, I like limericks with titles.
Aisle Be Back
Mid movie she gets up and skips
To the snack bar for more bags of chips.
As she passes the screen
She then adds to the scene
The effect of a lunar eclipse.
Will Laughlin has returned in a big, creative way after a very bad bout with the flu. Welcome back Will!
After twice being flagged for clips
Three times too for giving leg whips
He was lucky the ref
Was practically deaf
And out of position to read his lips
With speakers of higher end Klipsh
Gladys Knight and her back-up Pipsh
There sound was so cristhp
Except for that listhp
The feedback caused while on road tripsh
should be their not there – sorry
Yes, Will has me Laughlin a bit too hard for the competition :)
Thanks, Errol…yes:
Yule Be Bach
Performing before an eclipse
His Majesty “shifts” and downs nips;
Heir’s air of the season
Provides a sound reason
Bach’s metre (unusually) skips.
In Vegas we were handed our chips.
The next day we saw an eclipse.
I don’t mean to brag,
But we went on quite a jag.
We even saw Gladys Knight and the Pips.
Moonbeam
We awoke for the total eclipse,
And I kissed her and moistened her lips.
Now we wait for sights lunar
(For we both have come sooner)
In afterglow, joined at the hips.
I went to see Doctor E. Clips
To discuss my upcoming p. clips
And out of respect to me,
He described my vasectomy
As a small set of painless, wee clips,
And after describing three clips
He showed past procedure v. clips,
And those frames of reference
Have made the vas deferens
In prepping my bits for thee clips.
I witnessed a solar eclipse
When the Sun and the Moon came to grips
But it seemed a bit strange
When I noticed a change
In my man who kept licking his lips.
You thought your life firmly in grip
But didn’t prepare for your trip
Now your heart’s on the brink
Due to one fair-eyed wink
And your world has fully eclipsed
Lights dim like a solar eclipse,
As the hungry Mad Scientist dips
His potatoes in oil
Brought to nuclear boil
By plutonium — yes, fission chips.
I went to see a gorgeous eclipse.
Then my date kissed me on the lips.
I left unscathed,
But the guy never bathed.
Where do I find such drips?
Suzy can really shake her hips.
Man! she’s a solar eclipse!
Our eyes bug out,
Like a rainbow trout.
Compared to others she unquestionably outstrips.
‘E Gypt Us! (or Tried)
They proudly displayed their news clips,
Lengthy records of all of their trips:
One twin traveled by land
While his brother (more tanned)
Stressed ’twas he aboard all of those ships.
When young, Leonard made his demand:
He would venture forth only ‘cross sand
Leaving Denard at sea,
Which worked out comfort’bly
‘Til their rendezvous in the Dead Land.
Such a riproaring tale: they “chased” Pharoah
Decades past, then fled young deaths by arrow!
Leonard sped down an alley,
Denard sought out a galley
(Each made clever use of a wheelbarrow.)
‘Mongst the perils of their treasure hunting
Was evading the troops puffing, grunting:
Nip and tuck, they escaped,
Then both hooted and japed 8^P
Yes, they (sadly) indulged in affronting.
The governor ordered a search
In hopes brothers’ reps he’d besmirch,
But in mosque lingered Leonard –
Safe offshore had fled Denard.
Soldiers did find his basket of perch.
Yes, our Indy was based on the twins!
And their storehouse of knowledge and sins.
Both grew calm, if not sage,
Consequence of their age;
They were lucky to keep both their skins.
Though the government men were suspicious,
They proved nothing (but Guv’s tongue was vicious).
Yet on tour here, today,
They hold court, lean and grey ;^D
Each pronouncing the teacakes delicious.
Keeping Up With the Ks
There once was a woman with thin hips
She danced but got very few tips
She wished to be plump
With a rather wide rump
One that the sun she could eclipse
That florist! The roses he clips
Are covered with aphids and thrips.
A comment on love?
Of a side-effect of
Inattention and memory slips?
The thrills of Las Vegas eclipse
Good sense and economy. Trips
For a Teachers’ Convention
Too often to mention
Turn into “Goodbye, Mr. Chips”.
My secretary took my paper clips.
So I told her that I loved her hips.
Oops, I goofed;
She hit the roof.
Another one of my Freudian slips!
Your incorrect knowledge of an eclipse
Shows your full of pretentious quips.
A hypocrite like you
Has absolutely no clue
Of the nonsense that escapes from his lips.
Writer’s Block
He skates fast and controlled, but he clips
Errant rock. . . makes him wobble. . . he slips!
Oy! He’d had the lead nicely,
But the group’s on thin ice-ly –
How would you caption these comic strips?
A Real Gem
She blew on a stone, searched for chips
And occlusions by using the tips
Of her fingernails – slowly.
No deed was too lowly
For “John”, prayed the view’d not eclipse 8^p
Rub _alt in the Wound
She knew that he watched, nibbling chips
And then dabbing the salt ‘cross her lips.
It played great in Poughkeepsie
But tonight she was tipsy,
Yelling OW! [confused chip bag with clips] 8^X
A girl with immensely grand hips
Was kissing her lover’s hot lips.
As her large frame descended,
And her breasts she amended,
He was caught in a total eclipse.
He Bloody Well Won’t
A vampire performs aboard ships
Using clamps, sheets, thick needles, and clips;
And though he might eye it,
He’s on the Kind Diet:
Whipped cream never whitens his lips.
Rip [Off] Dog Salon
He smiled and produced shearing clips.
Oh no, Benji thought: There’ll be whips…
Floor awash now in fur.
Benj submitted, then Grrrr!!
You’re yanking too hard, read my lips!
Nip and Tuck
She kicks up her heels, then does flips
For the promo [short film and long clips].
He soon spots her, entranced:
She just must be romanced!
. . .
Not today. His tail’s tucked – ow, she nips ;c(
Dogged Resistance
Back door slams: loud commotion, heel clips.
We sit up, strain our ears – whines and yips
Say the boss brought in Zoe
And twin poodle Chloe
(Who nips.) “Lunch!” Out half the staff skips :)
Leaving Brad and me, making up time.
Nikki’s hot, but the pay is a crime :(
She strides in: frozen smiles;
Looks around: work in piles.
Grimly sits: “I’ll just wait!” Cool in lime.
Our heads down, we work, wait for the show;
That she saw their stacks, others don’t know.
They strolled in, unconcerned;
Oh man, how their ears burned.
Poodle-doo cleaning crew? Got to go! :)
When the moon twixt the Earth and Sun slips,
Occultation occurs, or that flips
And the Earth’s in between,
Or yo mama’s butt’s seen:
What three things can cause total eclipse?
In the 40’s beauticians used clips
to set women’s perms and snips.
But now a blow dryer
Helps to acquire
Lovely bouffants and flips.
Heavenly Bodies
Well, there’s solar and lunar eclipse
Plus the one where one “won’t” place their lips:
Perigee parody,
‘Pologies to Jon G. :)
Mama, let’s get full-moon memberships!
Have you ever seen an eclipse?
It makes you want to do flips!
The obscuring of light
is an amazing sight.
It evokes thoughts of an apocalypse.
Your incorrect knowledge of an eclipse
Shows you’re full of pretentious quips.
A hypocrite like you
Has absolutely no clue
Of the nonsense that escapes from his lips.
1504: Don’t Ja-maica Me Hurt You…
They set sail in ’02 in four ships;
Chris predicted the lunar eclipse
(Total). Natives said, Wow!
CC, men: Feed us now?
They ate, made it to Spain; end of trips.
In Vegas he always slips,
Even though he gives generous tips.
First goes the money
Then so long honey.
And finally good-bye “Mr” chips.
The Saga of gambling
For good luck Mike holds metal clips.
But the poor lad usually slips.
First goes the money,
Then so long honey.
And finally, good-bye “Mr” chips.
While adjusting my nightly hair clips,
I felt something crawling on my hips!
A family of critters
Had a case of the jitters.
You should have seen my flops and flips!
“Come along,” said my friend, “on our trips:
Let’s travel to see the eclipse!”
In fact, it’s his wife’ll
Provide me an eyefull —
She’s popping straight out of her zips!
(Can you see where the rhyming-word goes?
Look carefully! If you suppose
It’s just in Line Two,
Please review it… and you
Should discover it’s under your nose.)
Her co-workers suck: they eclipse
Bright ideas from anyone’s lips.
A collection of hacks!
Like a bowl full of snacks,
This poor gal is surrounded by dips.
Just Dessert
She jogs through the desert, hair clips
Tinkling, falling and bouncing off hips.
She’s a sight to behold
With no chance to grow old,
Thinks coyote pack, licking their lips.
Shock the Monkey?
The monkey went by Mr. Chips,
Who submitted long tax forms for tips.
He winked and he nodded
But confessed all, once prodded:
Forms trashed, he’d skip town (read his clips).
Lip Service
The stripper’s career in eclipse,
She wore jeans with strategic, long rips.
But waist up, she looked fine,
Oh yes, darling, divine!
Applied lipstick to show off those *ips.
Bye Bye Birdie, or That’s Just Ducky
A duck, in his (plumage) eclipse,
Off a log into swift water slips
Down the creek with no paddle.
Whoops, there floats a saddle
(With a horse of a different color?)
Submerging him ‘mongst the cowslips.
A fellow. who hoped to eclipse
Past sexual exploits, just strips,
Asks a whore for advice,
Who unbras, says “How nice.
Let me give you a couple of tips.”
She smiles as she sits there and clips,
And the “Midnight Train” crosses her lips.
She remembers the four
Men whose singing could soar.
Says Gladys, “My God, they were pips.’
A barber, who chats while he clips,
Drops hair on the floor and he slips.
On his scissors he lands.
Rising up ’til he stands –
“This is not how I want to get tips.”
We’ve a friend who thinks everyone flips
At each tidbit of wit from his lips;
And though none of us ever
Would say he’s not clever,
His quips are hard to eclipse.
Moonlight
We awoke for the total eclipse,
And I kissed her and moistened her lips.
Now we’re viewing sights lunar
(We came a bit sooner)
In afterglow, glued at the hips.
(revision)
Big Sugar expects to eclipse
Yearly earnings without any dips.
Watch their profits balloon
From the heaped tablespoon
They’re now adding to some brands of chips.
(revision)
When we go to the shore to watch ships,
We buy fries from APOCALYPSE CHIPS,
It’s a humorous name
That has garnered some fame,
But their food is not hard to eclipse.
(revision)
Aisle Be Back
Mid movie she gets up and skips
To the snack bar for chocolaty chips.
As she passes the screen
She then adds to the scene
The effect of a lunar eclipse.
(revision)
Yes, Regrets
Out clubbing, she’s drinking and trips,
Is helped up…ooo, his teeth: diamond chips!
One hot night was to follow
Though now she feels hollow,
Betrayed by Spike’s posted (long) clips :(
Rest In Peace?
Tall gravestone, drear under raindrips;
When it clears, gardener gets out his clips.
An unfortunate site,
He thinks (in daylight):
“I Will Rise! You can all stuff your RIPs”
Thus “proven” an alien infidel,
The priest was informed: Yes, she went to Hell.
(Please report back post-death!
But we won’t hold our breath.)
Heaven, Hell? Either one’s a hard sell.
I believe we all reincarnate
(Well, not Hitler, yet: he “earned” his fate
But staged left far too easily :( )
You and me? Please! Less weasely,
We’ll be back: more to learn, love, create :)
[And I don’t mind each “wait”: God is Great.]
Affair Leads to Bare
Stranger’s hair in your hubby’s nail clips
When he’s back from those long foreign trips?
I can place a small hex
(It’s not all that complex)
On his *ick: hair will fall out in strips.
Strip Tease – NY Style
He ogled them all, gobbling chips
In full costume, unsteady, ‘tween nips.
“Look, I’m Sin-ta,” he jeered,
“If you’re good (burped and cheered)
You can see my big total eclipse.
Yes, I model the great Dennis Franz!
Doing this wasn’t part of my plans:
I aspired to a vixen
Who turned tricks for Nixon,
But comfort myself with my fans :)”
From C to Whining C
She cooed, Where they may, let fall chips!
And declined to take wiser gals’ tips:
“Study more!” Came the day
To high D plunged her A.
Snagged one: “Jobs – Wield Those Lush, Pouty Lips!”
Mixed Media Messages
The Home Office ran off a few clips,
Admonished that “Loose Lips Sink Ships”.
Young Lucy inquired,
I was recently hired;
Does this mean “Puckered Lips Prevent Nips”?
Whoops, “From C to Whining C” didn’t use the rhyme word: Rats! :(
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 202.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Troll and Patrol.
When Dead Men Flu
Stephen King’s dread “Captain Trips”
Struck partially during eclipse:
Hit the Midwest this time,
Where it sure reduced crime!
Then over New York (whew!) it skips :)
Thanks, Mad – just wanted to post all my efforts, late or not :)