Clapping For Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday) Rhyme Word: Clap — UPDATED
UPDATE: As an experiment, I’m officially freeing you up to use “clap” as the rhyme word in line 1 or line 2 or line 5. (If this works out well, perhaps I’ll make this a regular (or semi-regular) thing.
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal heard a thunderous clap…*
or
A man was refusing to clap…*
or
The sheriff had threatened to clap…*
or
A man had come down with the clap…*
or
Some birders were hoping to clap…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Clapping For Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow refusing to clap,
Kept his hands tightly clenched in his lap.
When his wife said, “Applaud!”
He said “No!”and then jawed:
“That damn play interfered with my nap.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Applause Humor, Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
A bird heard a thunderous clap;
Squawking, set up a furious flap
Then just for good measure
From fright and for pleasure,
Emitted a sizeable crap.
The sheriff had threatened to clap
The young speeders in jail and then slap
Some additional fines
On them, despite their whines,
For disturbing his afternoon nap.
The crew was refusing to clap
For the actors and muttered, “What crap.”
“We feel sick – lunch was bad!
We’re not sure what we had.”
And were told, with disgust, “It’s a wrap…”
A man had come down with the clap,
Passed it on to three strippers at Snap
Who alleged it all started
When “Mr. Brown” farted;
Perversion of tickle-and-slap.
He deflected, “You three caught it first!”
All the women jeered loudly and cursed.
“I’ll pay more, raise your price!
I love leather and ice
(I’ve had better, but no sex is worst).”
“How on earth did I pick up the clap?”
She beseeched a young medical chap.
“If you really don’t know,”
He said, “Well, let me show
You this human anatomy map.”
I leapt up and started to clap;
It was over, that opera crap –
The fat lady had sung!
But I’d got it all wrong.
“Sit down!” hissed my wife, “you poor sap!”
The audience continued to clap
And to stamp and to yell and to tap.
Though the act wasn’t finished,
Their cries, undiminished,
Quite drowned out the terrible rap.
A gal got a resounding clap.
After making love with a new chap.
His applause was not cool,
She felt like a fool
And gave him a really hard slap.
A dog heard a thunderous clap
And started to whimper and yap.
In a Thundershirt
Which cut down the hurt
He cuddled in his owner’s lap.
A man was refusing to clap
For music that sounded like crap
The notes were off-key
He knew that, you see
And made it clear he’s not a sap.
The sheriff had threatened to clap
Handcuffs on an unruly chap.
But not a choke hold
For that, truth be told
Indeed could have been a death trap.
Some birders were hoping to clap
A birdhouse with hopes to entrap
A very rare bird
Whose song they had heard
Then release him after the cold snap.
A comic with fears they’d NOT clap,
(At midnight they might even nap)
Arrived well prepared,
And was no longer scared,
with his ‘iPhone Applause Laugh Track’ app.
a gal heard a thunderous clap
and felt something warm in her lap
she’d found, so it seems
the man of her dreams
but sadly, awoke from her nap
Stamp your feet twice, and then clap,
Do it again, and then rap
About mud on his face,
A big disgrace…
We will rock you to sleep, for a nap.
Hey, Jen! :)
I’ve seen Queen in concert: YEAH, clap!
Freddie M. was a spectacle, slap
To the head :) and his presence
Was sheer effervescence.
He was someone special, that chap…
Bohemian Rhapsody: clap!!
Freddie’s four-octave range would entrap
All who heard, and enthrall;
On stage, he gave his all.
(It’s some current-day bands who play crap.)
A virulent case of the clap
Attacked a philandering chap.
He thought it was fun
To make whoopee and run.
At the moment he feels just like crap.
Dim Bulbs
I once owned that lamp you could clap
On and off, but one wanted to slap
All those who thought it funny:
On! OFF! ON! (spend my money…)
“You can leave now.” [Buh-bye! Need a map? :)]
“The sound of a one-handed clap
Is what I want to hear from your trap!”
Said the teacher of Zen
To Johnny just then,
“Or, in other words, shut your big yap!”
The gallery began to clap
As pro golfer gave it a rap
From poor concentration
The ball’s destination
Led into the other sand trap
Put up your hands, everyone clap
YT Cai is going to rap
There’ll be lots of cursing
But my lack of rehearsing
May lead to a new take or two
An actor came down with the clap
Swaddled his pecker up in burlap
When asked on the set
Why the burlap was wet
The director said all that’s a wrap
Everyone’s a Critic
Said Ludwig, “Four notes make a clap
Of thunderous fate that will wrap
Your soul in a tower
Of musical power.”
Said his musical rival, “What crap!”
A man was refusing to clap.
He said this opera is crap.
Without any grace,
He punched his wife in the face.
He surely was not a nice chap.
My verse was inspired by the limerick like rhythm of the famous opening of Beethoven’s fifth. To wit:
Fifth symphony, dah-dah-dah-DUM…
So stretching my theme a bit:
Fifth symphony starts with a clap
Of thunderous fate you can rap.
You’ll sing dah-dah-dah-DUM
(Not a piece that you hum),
And end with a crash-bang-boom-SLAP.
Your mama, the whore, gave me clap.
I wish she’d stop spreading that crap.
I shoulda know’d not
To be pokin’ a twat
That was big as the Cumberland Gap!
A man had come down with the clap;
His wife claimed he strayed with a strap.
That’s not true, he professed,
But with no blame assessed,
I was trapped by the gap in her lap.
Sherlock Holmes was inspecting the gap
Twixt the legs of yo mama when, “Snap!”
Her legs clamped around him.
That’s where Watson found him;
He died in “The Case of the Clap.”
Rot On The Spot
A gal heard a thunderous clap
but, lightning not striking was – crap
first kiss gone to pot
hot Johny was – rot
and the smell – one additional slap.
If Trump won’t stop flappin’ his yap,
We’ll all be waist deep in his crap.
If bullshit were money
He’d be richer by twenty
Times, and he’d expect us to clap.
The crowd stood and started to clap.
Well, not all of the crowd, but some sap
Stood first, which brought more,
But I found them a bore.
With their clapping, I woke from my nap.
For the Patriots, some folks won’t clap
‘Cause their balls got caught up in a trap,
But true men who have balls
Know when frigid cold calls
There’s much shrinkage involved in each lap!
We all got up to clap
The amazing Hip Hop chap
He began six foot tall
Though concluded quite small
Performing his famous shrink wrap
Nothing to Cheer About
A guy who came down with the clap
Vowed he meant to stop after one dap,
But the one led to more –
They adjourned to the floor…
Clap for two: oh, but such a cute chap!
Won’t you please put an end to this crap!
This new page is superfluous pap.
It adds nil to the essence;
It’s but an excrescence,
Like having three hands when you clap.
Triumphant, I held up a map;
My husband then started to clap.
“Now we know where we are:
That took too long, by far!”
{Dear, it’s my turn to take a long nap.}
300?
An experienced girl set her cap
At an ancient but virile satrap.
Said he, I’m an old Persian,
But I have an aversion
To trading my wealth for the clap :(
For Angie I was a big sap.
She excelled at the tickle and slap.
But she wasn’t true
And made me so blue
When I found out she gave me the clap.
When his act pleases me then I clap
Yankee or Aussie or Jap
If performance is poor
I am out of the door
It’s amazing how fast my wings flap
They got on till the sound of a clap
From where Tabatha’s rump met his lap
Interrupted their cuddle —
Tom (not being subtle)
Cried,”Cut! This blind date is a wrap!”
If you fancy my limerick clap.
I’m nor trying to cause any flap
But I do find mine best,
After reading the rest.
OUCH! Madeleine just gave me a slap.
My son said he drew a map.
So I began to clap.
But it wasn’t a place,
It had a face!
It was a woman wearing only plastic wrap.
When you’re trying to rhyme with clap,
You must put on your thinking cap.
Be funny, but not dirty,
and if you’re over thirty,
be aware of the generation gap.
A Willing Prisoner
I went to lie down for a nap,
But Mad’s limericks page is a trap.
With its siren call,
She encourages all.
Yet – confession: I feel moved to clap.
She moved on from the practice of law.
Now this website: I sit back in awe;
Her standards, severe.
“Winner” this week? Hear, hear!
But beware; somehow Mad spots each flaw :(
(But I’ll soon be lulled back: feel that draw…)
Mad, how could I forget the required word?! Pls insert for me, last line of Par.1. Thx!
(Yet – confession: I feel moved to clap.)
LOL! Done. :)
I don’t think I ever would clap
When I walk down the street in a wrap
And the girl on next floor
Comes out of her door
In identical clothes and says “Snap”
When the audience started to clap
For the children of Capt. Von Trapp,
Said Fräulein Maria:
“Well, Captain, my deah,
Our Salzburg is back on the map.”
It’s considered uncultured to clap
At the symphony during a gap.
When the fiddlers pause
Just hold your applause
And don’t wake me up from my nap.
“Well Doctor, have I got the clap?
There’s a burning distress in my lap.”
“For your inflammation
The best indication
Is antibiotics, old chap.”
Dear Patient you have got the clap
From mixing with girls who are crap
So please take this box
of pills for your pox
Avoiding the old well-known trap.
Dismayed, he’d come down with the clap.
Which was truly a puzzling mishap.
“I am certian, not prone, to be
Doing it alone to me.
It:s not like I’m all over the map.”
A man heard a thunderous clap
Issue forth from under his lap.
The following smell
Made passengers yell,
And the pilot came back for a slap.
As he heard the audience clap,
The hip-hopper cried, “It’s a snap.”
Documentary done,
He could now just have fun.
The director exclaimed, “It’s a wrap.”
So Mad tweeked the rules. Is that crap
Or a change that should make us all clap?
There is much we could modify
And then go on to codify –
I just finished this one with an app.
A gal heard a thunderous clap.
She thought it was her spaghetti strap.
Why would a dress
make such a mess?
It was a top- secret booby trap!
A man was refusing to clap.
His appendage was ensconced in his lap.
He had only one hand,
which was beautifully tanned.
He was an impeccable well-groomed chap.
A paradigm shift’s when you scrap
All your old preconceptions as crap.
With Mad’s new rhymes appearing,
It’s akin to my hearing
Rice Krispies go pock, snapple, clap.
News item: House of Representatives launches yet another Benghazi investigation.
With the noise of a thunderous clap
Back we go to that Libya flap.
This Congressional class
Couldn’t find its own ass
With a flashlight, both hands, and a map.
A Sailor got a dose of the clap,
From a Mermaid who danced on his lap.
He said “now I must run,
Catching crabs would be fun”.
“I’ve a burning desire to nap.
The singer got nary a clap
When he sang and they all took a nap.
He crept off the stage
Suppressing his rage
And cried “now I feel like such a sap”.
Yellow or Green Are Safest, or, Why Is Your Dad So Distant Now?
I gave an excited, loud clap:
Macho dad-in-law stood to unwrap
The great gift that I’d bought.
Oops, it’s not what it ought
To be inside! Wrong present – oh, crap 8^()
This didn’t occur, but just think
If it did: Quelle horreur! Oh, sure, wink;
Point no fingers nor boo,
It could happen to you.
You were sure you wrapped blue, but look – pink…
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the TWO-HUNDREDTH Limerick of the Week winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 200.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Hairy Limerick.