Limerick Pass (Limerick-Off Monday) Rhyme Word: Pass or Surpass
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow who’d just made a pass…*
or
A fellow was trying to pass…*
or
I purchased an annual pass…*
or
A woman had hoped to surpass…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Pass
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A stoner was trying to pass
Forged fifties to pay for a class.
He got caught and was jailed
And then tried to get bailed
With more fakes, so his ass is now grass.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
A woman hoped not to surpass
The size of her best friend’s pert ass
By toning her chassis;
Her moans weren’t too classy.
Misguided, she gained weight – alas.
Hi, Mad! :) I hope to be “back” more often in the future :)
The slogan is “This 2 shall pass.”
For a product that some folks call crass.
But those in the know
Love its go-go-go-go,
And cheer, “Metamucil’s first class.”
A curmudgeon made a crude pass
At a cute and comely young lass
He said “come with me honey
I’ve plenty of money”
But , she kicked his wrinkled old ass.
A fellow was trying to pass
A runner who’s ass was first class.
But loving the view
(She was fine, it is true)
He paused as he feigned losing gas.
A guy who was eager to pass
His fellow commuters en masse
Was pulled over (surprise!)
By a cop with “green” eyes
For attempting to pass on the grass.
He crashed when attempting to pass
A police car. Amid fragments of glass,
He was tested for drugs.
Said the sergeant with shrugs,
“Sir, when driving, please keep off the grass.”
Her grades were too wretched to pass
Till she started to sell off her ass-
Ets. Her prof, an old lecher,
Gave straight “A’s”, you betcha,
And now she is top of the class.
(Sorry about the hyphen, Madeleine!)
“Can anything really surpass
A donkey for eating the grass?”
Asked the farmer with pride.
“No, it can’t be denied
That my donkey’s a fine piece of ass.”
He had made an unfortunate pass
At a girl who was quite upper-class.
She explained to the schmuck
“Well-bred ladies don’t fuck!”
In a voice that could cut right through glass.
She refused his suggestion. “I pass!
I am really not that kind of lass.
Though you may think it odd of me,
I find that sodomy
Is simply a pain in the ass.”
He found himself in an impasse
When he fancied a roll in the grass
With a lovely young chick,
But she felt a small prick –
She’d been bitten by ants in the ass.
A woman had hoped to surpass
Contenders who rivaled en masse.
They’re good at a pun,
Their limericks are fun!
She’d have to try harder, alas!
A fellow who’d just made a pass
Was called a stupendous jackass
His method was crude,
His actions were lewd.
And all things about him were crass.
A fellow had just made a pass
At a young and most comely young lass.
Singing, “You’ve got a friend..”
She wished it would end.
She thought his behavior was crass.
A fellow had just made a pass
But showed that he had no real class.
She was no pushover
And it was all over
When he dared touch her on the ass.
John Kerry thought he’d get a pass,
The French thought his actions were crass
James sang, “You’ve got a friend”
Will this farce never end?
Je pense que vous etes un jackass.
Some guys like big butts while some pass.
I guess I’m in that latter class.
I like all the brooders
With really large hooters,
But don’t complicate things with morass.
In the game of life, when go you pass
You don’t get two hundred, just sass.
That plus fifty cents
Posts a letter that hence
After states you can just kiss my ass.
The US is stuck in a morass
The French think our actions were crass.
It was a faux pas
“You’ve got a friend!” Nah!
But luckily this too shall pass.
When handing out brains, they would pass
Right by you, and so now, alas,
Only clue that you’ve got
Was when you went and bought
The board game, you big stupid ass.
A man made an unfruitful pass
at a gal in his Calculus class
and now he knows why
when you’re solving for pie
you don’t want to mention her mass
The young guard said, Sir, you may pass.
In a move meant to shame and harass
He grinned, Honey, your zits
Are as big as your tits.
Sir, you’re smaller than either (you ass…)
And later with friends at the bar
She proceeded to “feather and tar”:
My whole person’s off limits
Even if he were Nimitz!
In fact, I hope this guy goes far.
A dude, while attempting a pass
Chose complimenting her ass
Ignoring her eyes,
Which were glaring goodbyes
‘Scuse me – I’m no anal lass!
I purchased an annual pass
To an out-of-state Fest o’ the Grass.
Thought, the wearin’ o’ the green,
Music, beer, Irish scene;
But saw mellow, tuned-out folks en masse.
For Mark Kane:
On a run, I’ve attempted to pass
Some young gal with a cute little ass.
If her butt’s slim, it’s true,
So’s the rest of her too;
So I’ve no chance to catch her, alas.
On our trek up Serenity pass,
We discovered we needed a pass.
Would a thousand apiece
Help us find inner peace?
Empty pockets said, “Give it a pass.”
Once I purchased an annual pass –
all the days of the year en masse –
except i misread it
thinking instead it
was an all-access pass for some ass
Wilson threw an overtime pass.
Kearse caught it and lit on his ass.
Now because of that goal,
They’ll go to the Bowl,
The heroes of media mass.
The Donners were trapped on the pass,
When blizzards of snow did amass.
Some drank and ate hearty,
Of the rest of the party,
Saying, “come Spring all this will pass”.
Guaging Aging
Said a gal who still sought to surpass
the reflection she saw in the glass,
“It’s not gone, my “allure”
is just getting mature —
and, with toning, becoming my “class”.
Passing Blame
Thought a fellow whose gas had to pass
I can do this without being crass
if I silently leak,
and if asked at its peak,
deny blame with equivalent class.
Pass Play
The true art of a good, forward pass
calls for touching quite lightly with class
and then calling the bluff
of her gentle rebuff
that means, “yes, but be kind and not crass.”
In “Guaging Aging” above, please, at line 1, insert “still” between “who” and “sought”. Thanks.
(Done — MBK)
For my birthday, my son bought a pass
To go fishing. They stock them en masse.
They’ll replaice what you like.
We caught waleye, carp, pike,
But they cut us off, right at the bass.
A guy who was failing to pass
His physics (semester one) class
On tests was a lightweight.
His answer sealed his fate:
E = mc squared [say Mass].
Taken For A Ride
Having purchased an annual pass
to a park I had heard was a gas,
a year later I found
having tested the ground
what I played on was Radon…not grass.
A physicist struggled to pass
A kidney stone so huge and vast
That his doctor soon fainted.
Then the nurse was acquainted
With the relative nature of mass.
A fellow who made a lewd pass
Has confirmed for his wife he’s an ass,
And a two-timing prick,
So she severs his dick—
Now it lies, like a snake, in the grass.
Twisted
A woman hoped to surpass
A fellow’s former young lass
Her legs she did send
Round her head they did bend
Which gave him a good view of her ass
When a quarterback drops back to pass,
The refs need a spy on his ass
To make sure that his balls
Are the right size. If all’s
Not the same, they’ve been letting off gas!
Deflated Footballs
Though you said we could date, I must pass.
You thought that I’d go, but, alas,
You thought my words good
But you misunderstood
When I called you a world class ass.
[Riffing off Jon G’s non-date :)]
Metal, Not Mettle
She answered, No raincheck, I’ll pass!
And stress that your offer lacks class:
A meal, show, then *uck?
I fear you’re out of luck,
But will grant that your balls are pure brass.
Mad, argh! I meant to say “balls” plural ~ ha!
(Fixed — MBK)
I usually try to surpass
Other poets quite out of my class.
And young Edward Lear
Would cry in his beer
At my lim’ricks both feeble and crass.
If it’s Lear, then I think I will pass;
He was naught but a silly old ass.
His nonsensical tripe
Gets unwarranted hype;
If it’s Lear, then I think I will pass.
I purchased an annual pass,
To a rock concert show on the grass
But I had a few itches
Under my britches
As the ants and the bugs bit my ass.
A fellow was trying to pass
A lass who was swinging her ass
Side to side (super-sized).
He was quite hipnotized,
And his privates went public en masse.
A lad, having just made a pass
At a woman, heard this,”Don’t Harass.
You’re too backward, young.man.
Grow up if you can.”
He, surprised, cried “A lack and a lass!”
They each asked the full prof for a pass.
In exchange, even offered him grass.
Said he, “I’ll not bow
To skullduggery. Now
I must leave. I’m the one who has class.”
Echos of current events are purely intentional.
The coach watched his quarterback pass
And thought to himself, “What an ass!
Can’t rely on bad calls,
So I’ll deflate his balls,
And, if caught, blame it all on thr brass.”
A man had hoped to surpass
His efforts in convincing his ass
But when his donkey did balk
He was left with his cock
And his hen had terrible gas!
Unmentionables In Passing
The short meet quickly came to impasse
As my ex- charged I only harass;
Though her bank accounts shrunk
‘Cause her earning skills stunk,
She did not like the term “working-class.”
On Sundays, some people would pass
The donkey when walking to mass.
When the donkey would bray,
All the people would say,
“That donkey is quite a bad ass.”
A young nympho made many a pass
(she’s a gal who most guys thought was crass)
At the men. ‘Twas a sin,
So she found herself in
A morass ’cause she wanted more ass.
U.S. soldier lived long, did surpass
Life expectancy; breathed mustard gas
And some pepper spray, so
I suppose that you know
Man’s a seasoned veteran, alas.
Arizona (Etc.) Blues
The bills that Obama would pass
Were tied up in Congress: impasse :(
It’s no big surprise;
We despise all their lies.
Congressperson? More likely, “tight” ass
To whom all those called middle-class
Are fair game to ignore or harass.
If you’re not super wealthy,
You’d better be healthy!
Vote for most’s re-election?! I’ll pass…
And as for that cretin, Jeff Flake,
Re-election was one huge mistake.
“I lied”; “That’s a joke!”
More damn mirrors and smoke.
How much more guff will citizens take?
A fellow was making a pass
to a lady he called “comely lass.”
The lady took stock
of his word choice and mocked!
So he shortened his woo to “nice ass.”
A gardener once made a pass
at a deviant sort of a lass.
Although he seemed square,
he scored on a dare
by nakedly mowing her grass.
A women was making a pass
to a man while keeping some class.
Her tactic was quiet
but turned into riot
when he replied with unprintable crass.
Maid of Ice
Her stare was so cold as you’d pass
you’d swear she was glacially crass
but you had to admire
the warm fire she’d inspire
with her stunning thoracic crevasse.
A codger was making a pass
With a line while fishing for bass
And hoping to charm
A lass with his farm
But all that he got was her sass.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 199.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Clapping For Limericks.