The Competitor (Limerick-Off Monday) Rhyme Word: Compete or Peat

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow who loved to compete…*

or

Don’t laugh, but I plan to compete…*

or

A gardener needed some peat…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

The Competitor (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow who loved to compete
Swore his records had never been beat.
But his one claim to fame
Is the one he won’t name.
Biggest braggart — it’s his in a heat.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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65 Responses to “The Competitor (Limerick-Off Monday) Rhyme Word: Compete or Peat”

  1. Andy Sewina says:

    Yeah I like it!
    Here’s mine:
    A fellow who loved to compete
    wore insoles glued onto his feet
    He won every race
    at breathtaking pace
    And nobody thought him a cheat

  2. Mark Kane says:

    Two guys who would like to compete
    For the gals they would meet on the street,
    Met their match with one girl,
    Who would give them a whirl,
    If they’d share her as HER special treat.

  3. Thomas Gorman says:

    A fellow who loved to compete
    With roommates in soiling their sheets
    So proficient was he
    In producing his pee
    That he end up winning the grand prix.

  4. Diane Groothuis says:

    A gardener needed some peat
    So he went to a house down the street,
    Asked a housewife in red
    “Can I get in your bed?”
    She replied “You can leave tout de suite”.

  5. Ron B. says:

    Competing Views

    A fellow who loved to compete
    in races he couldn’t complete
    just entered to stare
    at each cute derriere
    he gladly chose not to defeat.

  6. Sue Dulley says:

    A sandal-shod fellow named Pete
    Inhabits the island of Crete
    Where as often as not
    The road surface gets hot –
    Heat your feet on Pete’s neat Cretan street.

  7. Diane Groothuis says:

    That sandal-shod fellow named Pete
    Got tired of the island of Crete
    So he hoofed it away
    For a long holiday-
    Saying “I have to get out to excrete”
    Sorry Sue.

  8. Sue Dulley says:

    Diane, I can’t hope to compete
    With your sequel about Pete from Crete.
    It’s teatime for you
    While my day’s almost through
    And my brain and my body are beat.

    But please go ahead and repeat
    What became of our friend Pete from Crete
    Where is he, I wonder?
    Perhaps he’s Down Under
    Where heat is more common than sleet.

    The sandals (or flipflops) that Pete
    Invari’bly wears on his feet: –
    If he came to BC’s
    Chilly mountains they’d freeze
    Like two kilos of Costco’s raw meat.

  9. Diane Groothuis says:

    Yes I’ll tell you the story of Pete
    Who departed the island of Crete.
    He just got the pip
    So he jumped on a ship
    Whose captain was very discreet.

  10. Sue Dulley says:

    Perhaps we should never repeat
    What happened to Pete, once of Crete,
    On the ship that he boarded –
    A story so sordid
    It can’t be put out on the street.

  11. Diane Groothuis says:

    I’m not too upset about Pete
    And his antics on’t ship leaving Crete
    There were ladies galore
    And one thing’s for sure
    Bye and bye he’ll soon be in the suite.

  12. Ron B. says:

    Just to Re-Pete…

    The coming and going of Pete
    — in fashion exposing his feet —
    from isle to ocean
    is pointless devotion
    to someone who can’t take the heat.

  13. Diane Groothuis says:

    An evangelist fellow named Pete
    Handed pamphlets to all he did meet
    But I told him his tract
    Was far too abstract
    And he should present something con- crete

  14. Jon Gearhart says:

    Each week at Mad Kane’s we compete
    For a chance to transcend the elite.
    It’s short-lived, once aloft,
    Then, just like Microsoft,
    It restarts with ctrl-alt-delete.

  15. Jon Gearhart says:

    At long last, she was set to compete
    With her flower beds fin’ly complete.
    All top ribbons she’d take.
    When asked, “How, for Pete’s sake?”
    Claimed she won because she forsakes peat!

  16. Judith H Block says:

    A woman who loved to compete
    Creatively, it was a treat!
    With art works, she won;
    With rhymes, not yet done!
    Indeed that would be no mean feat!

  17. Judith H Block says:

    A woman knew not to compete
    With women whose clothes were aesthete.
    They dressed a la mode,
    With wealth overflowed!
    For her style was always offbeat.

  18. Judith H Block says:

    A fellow who loved to compete
    For love of the ladies, so sweet,
    Would give them great sex,
    Hot nibbles and pecks.
    Seductions that could not be beat.

  19. Jon Gearhart says:

    In life, it’s our goal to compete
    On a field level, fair, and replete
    With the chance to advance
    To the top. Sycophants
    Will still try to get by, lie and cheat.

  20. Judith H Block says:

    A Minotaur, fierce; full of savage heat
    Once dwelled on the ancient Island of Crete.
    In the Labyrinth he lived
    He’d kill King Minos’ captives
    By Prince Theseus’ brave hand, he was beat!

  21. Tom Harris says:

    In order to better compete,
    The slick pol campaigned on deceit.
    His speech had more lies
    Than garbage has flies,
    Still, he won the congressional seat.

  22. Jon Gearhart says:

    When there’re subject* replies about Pete
    And others’ first tries, incomplete,
    As their task sits before ’em,
    I see Alice’s clit’s bore ’em
    New life. (*REs: Erecting old meat.)

  23. Ron B. says:

    According to Pete…

    Diane, your evangelist Pete
    just gave you the wrong folded sheet.
    His large tri-fold brochure
    has such detailed allure
    he swears it will make you “see Crete”.

  24. Sue Dulley says:

    Ron B., do you think that if Pete
    At sea with not much on his feet
    And suitcase still packed
    Met Pete-with-the-tract
    His sad depressed state that would treat?

  25. Diane Groothuis says:

    Concerning our sandalled friend Pete
    And evangelist namesake (not neat)
    I assume it is fair
    To say that with prayer
    With 3 words they could rescue a fleet.

  26. Ron B. says:

    To Sue:

    Assuming Diane Is Correct…

    No, in fact, I believe if said Pete
    is asea in the fantasy “suite” —
    a good man’s position
    parlayed with a mission
    would be doomed to deaf ear and defeat.

  27. A fellow who loved to compete
    Tried his line on six girls off the street.
    Three slapped his face
    and two others sprayed mace
    But the last offered things indiscreet.

  28. Jon Gearhart says:

    If suitors were asked to compete
    For your hand, it would scare the whole fleet.
    You’re so fugly and large
    As a 50 tonne backrge,
    And King Kong couldn’t sweep you off your feet!

  29. Diane Groothuis says:

    No suitors are asked to compete
    For my hand, or my legs or my feet
    When I just want to dream
    To raise self esteem
    I’ll just give Georgege Clooney a Tweet.

  30. if nobody wants to compete
    for a job or awards, then i wonder
    how people decide one’s position,
    to stand firmly on one’s feet,
    everyone has to compete to feel sad or great.

  31. share you limerick with our humor prompt today.
    best wishes.

  32. Blessèd Ends

    It’s a tour – there’s no need to compete;
    Just enjoy the bike – helm, gloves and cleat.
    Long-ass ride makes my bum
    Start to chafe, then go numb –
    Trade from shorts to my kilt with kick pleat.

  33. John Sardo says:

    A fellow who loved to compete
    Took a shot at a flying clay skeet.
    The shot went awry
    Went straight to the sky
    And landed in front of his feet.

  34. John Sardo says:

    Don’t laugh I mean to compete
    I’m a banker and ready to cheat.
    Then the world I will trot
    On my eighty foot yacht
    For deceit when discreet tops defeat.
    .
    The banker who loves to compete
    Without guilt all accounts he’ll deplete.
    Told by his soothsayer
    Just hit the taxpayer
    To restore all the billion I cheat.
    .
    The only way to compete
    In business with others who cheat.
    Is to steal every dime
    Since stealing’s no crime
    So it’s neat on Wall Street to mistreat.

  35. Jon Gearhart says:

    For affections, I’m set to compete
    And your loving would make life complete.
    If our hearts take a ride
    Right up front side by side,
    May the rest of us take the back seat.

  36. Jon Gearhart says:

    For laughs she prepared to compete
    With a touch soft and light; what a treat.
    So much laughter we’ve shared
    Though, at first, I got scared
    When she said, “Here’s my test tickles, sweet!”

  37. Jon Gearhart says:

    Close but no Cigar

    I think if you had to come, Peter
    You’d find some young bird and come pleat ‘er
    By blowin’ on dress pleats
    Like Bill Clinton’s mess seats.
    (Bill convinced every twit ‘er he’d come tweet ‘ er!)

  38. Jon Gearhart says:

    For the biggest male pig I’ll compete
    As I point out your prime, A1 seat.
    Your fine gluteus maximus
    Faced childish attacks from us.
    May you cum pleatly bare each repeat.

  39. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    Pooph The Magic Dragon

    When puff said to Pete “you’re on fire,
    let go of my tail or expire”
    Pete said: I’m so cool!
    just drop on me drool
    and soprano he sang with the choir.

  40. Tim James says:

    A fellow who loved to compete
    Took a teacher to bed, quite a feat.
    He was drunk. ‘Twas unwise,
    For he couldn’t arise.
    So she graded his work “Incomplete.”

  41. Ron B. says:

    Easy Chair

    A wise husband refused to compete
    with his wife for their favorite seat.
    T’was a chair she’d recline
    until being supine
    made it easy to be indiscreet.

  42. Ron B. says:

    Wrecked Respect

    Now as moss, I was “boss”, but as peat
    I’m just rotting away in the heat
    till I’m bagged to be spread
    on a vegetable bed
    and be treated like dirt by a beet.

  43. Ron B. says:

    For Peat’s Sake

    Now as moss I was “boss”, but as peat
    I just rot from my head to my feet
    till I’m hardened as coal
    or I’m heaped in a hole
    that will make my life cycle complete.

  44. Jon Gearhart says:

    For Miss Universe she should compete.
    She is built like a brick house, complete
    With an ample upstairs
    And a back porch that bears
    A resemblance to fine art from Crete.

  45. Kirk Miller says:

    Manufacturers always compete
    At a watch-making industry meet.
    It should not be a shock
    That they all watch the clock.
    It’s a race against Timex, quite neat.

  46. Ole Phat Stu says:

    I’m a guy who likes to compete
    and see if it’s you I can beat
    by getting a sign
    from the back of my mind,
    And putting more words in the last than you, as a weet ;-)

  47. Emily Raun says:

    here is my try:

    all men like to compete,
    so that they have pride and fame indeed,
    not all men prefer to break,
    not even for Sam Walton’s sake,
    thus, it is racing time, Mary against Meet.

  48. Sue Dulley says:

    In Lim-offs I love to compete
    But I know I will soundly be beat
    And I’m wasting my time
    If my lines fail to rhyme
    And for sure if my meters don’t mete.

  49. Ron B. says:

    Busch Garden

    A gardener — for want of some peat —
    would have lost a prized flower to heat,
    but forsaking his brew
    said “This, bud, is for you”
    as he emptied his glass at its feet.

  50. John Larkin says:

    Don’t laugh, but I plan to compete
    in your upcoming track and field meet.
    I know I’ll prevail.
    No way I can fail,
    ‘cause there’s no one as good as a cheat.

  51. Fred Bortz says:

    A SAD BUT TRUE STORY

    In politics, if you compete
    For an occupied Congressman’s seat,
    You won’t get enough folks
    If you rankle the Kochs.
    Their big bucks will, alas, mean defeat.

  52. John Armstrong says:

    The sheet is replete with compete
    The use of peat is discrete
    The options are there
    I’m pulling my hair
    Repeat to complete the beat or cheat?

  53. Diane Groothuis says:

    A girlie who loved to compete
    In the Games was endowed with three feet.
    Said “I know it is hard
    But 3 feet make a yard
    When you start I’ll be way down the street”.

  54. John Armstrong says:

    The old wrangler chose to compete
    On a steer they called Sugarland Pete
    While up in the air
    He crossed off a square
    To complete his life long bull sheet

  55. Alan Draeger says:

    A fellow who loved to compete
    Attended a dancing hall meet
    But it wasn’t his day
    And I’m sorry to say
    It’s because he had two left feet

  56. Allen Wilcox says:

    In matters of love, I compete.
    I like to come suave, to come neat.
    Though I love to stand tall,
    I must say, most of all,
    When I come, I do want to complete.

  57. Allen Wilcox says:

    A prostitute loved to compete
    With her rivals, who walked on the street.
    But stilettos she used
    Took their toll as she cruised.
    ‘Twas a feat to survive on her feet.

  58. Allen Wilcox says:

    A prostitute loved to compete
    With her rivals who greeted the fleet.
    She welcomed each sailor,
    Who offered to nail her,
    With her breasts she described as petite.

  59. Allen Wilcox says:

    There ionce was a fellow called Peat
    By his frienas, who all thought that was neat,
    And Peat was not cross,
    ‘Cause his last name was Moss.
    His punderful name was complete.’

  60. Allen Wilcox says:

    Lim’rick contests tempt all to compete.
    The meter has rules you must meet.
    If you don’t take the time
    To make sure that you rhyme,
    Mad will throw you right out on the street.

  61. Brian Allgar says:

    I knocked at the Gates of St. Pete,
    Thinking “Heaven looks really quite sweet”.
    But he gave me the push
    Saying “Bugger off, Bush –
    There’s a place for you just down the street.”

  62. Brian Allgar says:

    The hooker refused to compete
    In the beef-eating contest’s last heat.
    She explained “It was fun
    For a while, but I’m done –
    I’ve had more than enough of jerked meat.”

  63. Brian Allgar says:

    The body was buried in peat,
    But whose was the corpse, so petite?
    They think it was Maisie’s
    That pushed up the daisies,
    Or could it have been Marguerite?

    (Perhaps I should add that “marguerite” is a kind of daisy.)

  64. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    This week I was set to compete
    With the best of the lim’rick elite,
    But I think I’ll abort,
    Cuz my entry is short
    By two feet.

  65. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 197.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Tart Limerick.