Archive for January, 2015
Saturday, January 31st, 2015
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using either “hair” or “hare” at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s are my two limericks, one for “hair” and one for “hare.”
When a man lost a race by a hair,
He objected: “I won. It’s not fair!
Both my feet got there first.
But it seems that I’m cursed
Cuz I’m bald. Just his mane beat me there.”
and
A woman had offered to share
A meal with her boyfriend — roast hare.
He responded, “Not funny!
It looks like my bunny.”
Then he fled to she doesn’t know where.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Baldness Humor, Competition Limerick, Hair Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Racing Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 87 Comments »
Saturday, January 31st, 2015
It’s time to announce the TWO-HUNDREDTH Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to PATRICE STEWART A/K/A PATRICE OF THE MANYCATS, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
The crew was refusing to clap
For the actors and muttered, “What crap.
We feel sick – lunch was bad!
We’re not sure what we had.”
And were told, with disgust, “It’s a wrap.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Scott Crowder, Colleen Murphy, Jon Gearhart, Brian Allgar, Fred Bortz, Tim James, and David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose.
Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Scott Crowder:
A gal heard a thunderous clap
And felt something warm in her lap.
She’d found, so it seems,
The man of her dreams,
But sadly, awoke from her nap.
Colleen Murphy:
I really had wanted to clap
When the speaker stopped moving her yap,
But her speech was so boring
I guess I was snoring.
She’d lectured me into a nap.
Jon Gearhart:
Sherlock Holmes was inspecting the gap
Twixt the legs of yo mama when, “Snap!”
Her legs clamped around him.
That’s where Watson found him;
He died in “The Case of the Clap.”
Brian Allgar:
“How on earth did I pick up the clap?”
She beseeched a young medical chap.
“If you really don’t know,”
He said, “Well, let me show
You this human anatomy map.”
Fred Bortz:
Said Ludwig, “Four notes make a clap
Of thunderous fate that will wrap
Your soul in a tower
Of musical power.”
Said his musical rival, “What crap!”
Tim James:
A paradigm shift’s when you scrap
All your old preconceptions as crap.
With Mad’s new rhymes appearing,
It’s akin to my hearing
Rice Krispies go pock, snapple, clap.
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
It’s considered uncultured to clap
At the symphony during a gap.
When the fiddlers pause
Just hold your applause
And don’t wake me up from my nap.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy, David Lefkovits, Fred Bortz, Jon Gearhart, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Patrice Stewart, Scott Crowder, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Thursday, January 29th, 2015
Here’s my non-winning entry into the Washington Post Style Invitational’s obit-poem contest.
Ode To Joan Rivers
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A comic genius died last year.
“A Piece of Work” she was — sans peer!
Her edgy style brought rivers of tears
From laughter — not to mention, cheers.
Her plastic surgeons went too far.
She looked (let’s face it) quite bizarre.
A victim of the youth craze? Yup!
To those who’d mock her:”Oh, grow up!”
Tags: Celebrity Humor, Comedians, Joan Rivers, Obit Verse, Obituary Humor
Posted in Actors & Actresses, Celebrity Humor, Obit Verse | Comments Off on Ode To Joan Rivers
Monday, January 26th, 2015
Shoveling Duty (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s snowing, alas and alack,
And I just finished shov’ling — can’t slack
During storms this severe.
But I did it. Oh dear!
All the snow I removed has come back.
*****
Blizzard in progress.
I resent New York City
resembling Fargo.
*****
Oboe-playing years
armed my shoulders for shov’ling,
but failed to prep mind.
Tags: blizzard, Haiku & Senryu, Seasonal Humor, Shoveling Snow, Snow, Snow Limerick, Weather, Weather Humor, Winter Humor, Winter Limerick
Posted in Haiku & Senryu, Limericks, Seasons Humor, Weather Humor | Comments Off on Shoveling Duty (Limerick)
Saturday, January 24th, 2015
UPDATE: As an experiment, I’m officially freeing you up to use “clap” as the rhyme word in line 1 or line 2 or line 5. (If this works out well, perhaps I’ll make this a regular (or semi-regular) thing.
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal heard a thunderous clap…*
or
A man was refusing to clap…*
or
The sheriff had threatened to clap…*
or
A man had come down with the clap…*
or
Some birders were hoping to clap…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Clapping For Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow refusing to clap,
Kept his hands tightly clenched in his lap.
When his wife said, “Applaud!”
He said “No!”and then jawed:
“That damn play interfered with my nap.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Applause Humor, Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts | 62 Comments »
Saturday, January 24th, 2015
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to ALLEN WILCOX, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A fellow was trying to pass
A lass who was swinging her ass
Side to side (super-sized).
He was quite hipnotized,
And his privates went public en masse.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jon Gearhart, Colleen Murphy, Scott Crowder, and Konrad Schwoerke. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jon Gearhart:
For my birthday, my son bought a pass
To go fishing. They stock them en masse.
They’ll replaice what you like.
We caught walleye, carp, pike,
But they cut us off, right at the bass.
Colleen Murphy:
A student who struggled to pass
Had trouble with volume and mass.
“Fill it in, fill it up?
Is it pounds or a cup?
I’m too dense for this matter, alas.”
Scott Crowder:
A man made an unfruitful pass
At a gal in his calculus class.
And now he knows why
When you’re solving for pie,
You don’t want to mention her mass.
Jon Gearhart:
When a quarterback drops back to pass,
The refs need a spy on his ass
To make sure that his balls
Are the right size. If all’s
Not the same, they’ve been letting off gas!
Konrad Schwoerke:
A fellow who made a lewd pass
Has confirmed for his wife he’s an ass
And a two-timing prick,
So she severs his dick–
Now it lies, like a snake, in the grass.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Allen Wilcox, Colleen Murphy, Jon Gearhart, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Wednesday, January 21st, 2015
Limerick Time
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Don’t be TIM-id. Give LIM-‘ricks a TRY.
There is NO need to FEAR them. Here’s WHY:
Simply CO-py my ME-ter.
(You WON’T be a CHEA-ter.)
Let A, a, b, B, a-rhyme FLY.
*****
Here’s my how to write limericks article.
View my Limerick Time limerick image here.
Tags: Limerick Images, Limerick Writing, Limericks, Writing & Publishing Humor
Posted in Limericks, Writing & Publishing Humor | Comments Off on Limerick Time
Tuesday, January 20th, 2015
Word Hoarder (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
With words, I am rather a hoarder.
My brain is a language importer.
Is it all for the birds?
How I long for my words
To arise in a risible order.
UPDATE: I just found out that January 9th was National Word Nerd Day.
Tags: January Holidays, Language Humor, National Word Nerd Day, Odd Holidays, Writing & Publishing Humor
Posted in Language Humor, Limericks, Odd Holidays, Writing & Publishing Humor | Comments Off on Word Hoarder (Limerick)
Sunday, January 18th, 2015
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow who’d just made a pass…*
or
A fellow was trying to pass…*
or
I purchased an annual pass…*
or
A woman had hoped to surpass…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Pass
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A stoner was trying to pass
Forged fifties to pay for a class.
He got caught and was jailed
And then tried to get bailed
With more fakes, so his ass is now grass.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Crime & Punishment Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 63 Comments »
Sunday, January 18th, 2015
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to SCOTT CROWDER, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A man fell in love with a tart
@ lonely dot com backslash heart.
He craved her affection,
Yet used no protection,
And now his computer won’t start.
Congratulations to Allen Wilcox on winning the Limerick Saga Award for his clever 3-verser:
A man fell in love with a tart
Who thought that tattooing was art.
He, being quite daft,
Let her practice her craft
And proceed on his most private part.
As you might well imagine, the tart
Needed firmness before she could start.
So she used an injection
For proper erection
And pain pills brought in by the cart.
Her masterpiece finished, the tart
Explained that her tatting might smart,
And whenever he “sinned,”
He would always break wind,
Which made it a true work of fart.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Ron B., Jon Gearhart, Colleen Murphy, and Fred Bortz. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Brian Allgar:
The waitress had brought him a tart,
But Count Dracula fancied her heart.
So although at this venue
Blood’s not on the menu,
He just served himself à la carte.
Ron B.:
A fellow had picked up a tart
– At least so he thought at the start –
Until gasping for air
He announced with despair,
“’Twas a quiche with an art…uh…choke heart.”
Jon Gearhart:
Are philosophers’ words sweet or tart?
“I think so I am,” said Descartes.
Berkeley said, “If I am,
So is God.” “Life’s a sham.
Yes, it is. No it’s not.”– Jean-Paul Sartre.
Colleen Murphy:
If ever you’re dating a tart,
Precaution with sex would be smart.
You don’t know where she’s been.
To ignore’d be akin
To battling a gun with a dart.
Fred Bortz:
Marge Simpson was baking a tart
For Homer and Lisa and Bart.
She cried out, “Oh, no!
I’ve no yeast for the d’oh.”
But at least it gave Pesach a start.
Ron B.
Men madly will fall for a tart
Who, shallow of mind and of heart,
Will claim her vows taken
Have long been forsaken
By death never doing its part.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Allen Wilcox, Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy, Fred Bortz, Jon Gearhart, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Ron B., Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limericks | 1 Comment »
Thursday, January 15th, 2015
Attention Pyro-Gourmaniacs! Are you all ready for Hot And Spicy Food Day? (January 16)
Limerick Ode To Pyro-Gourmaniacs
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Since my taste favors flavors that hurt,
“It’s not spicy enough,” I’ll assert,
As I dive for the water,
Which worsens the slaughter;
Can’t save taste buds for sav’ry dessert.
Tags: Food Humor, Food Verse, Hot And Spicy Food Day, Hot Food, January Holidays, Odd Holidays, Pyro-Gourmaniacs
Posted in Food & Drink Humor, Odd Holidays | 2 Comments »
Tuesday, January 13th, 2015
Yoga Tale (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A student was learning a stretch
From her yoga instructor — a lech
Who made passes in classes;
He loved fetching asses.
A class action’s been filed v. that wretch.
*****
View my Yoga Tale Limerick image here.
Tags: Bawdy Humor, Class Actions, Exercise Humor, Lascivious Humor, Lecherous Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick Images, Litigation Humor, Yoga Humor, Yoga Limerick
Posted in Bawdy Limericks, Behavior & Personality, Education & School Humor, Exercise Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks | 1 Comment »
Monday, January 12th, 2015
Limerick Ode To “Clean Off Your Desk Day.”
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s “Clean Off Your Desk Day” today.
I examine my mess with dismay.
What a foolscap-prediction–
That “paperless” fiction.
Laptops save us? The trees all say, “Nay!”
(The second Monday of January is “National Clean Off Your Desk Day.”)
View my Clean Desk Limerick image here.
Tags: Chaos Humor, Clean Off Your Desk Day, Computer Verse, Desk Humor, January Holidays, Limerick Images, Messy Desks, Odd Holidays, Office Humor, Paper Humor, Paperless Office
Posted in Limericks, Odd Holidays, Workplace & Career Humor | Comments Off on Limerick Ode To “Clean Off Your Desk Day”
Saturday, January 10th, 2015
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man fell in love with a tart…*
or
A fellow was eating a tart…*
or
A reviewer whose comments were tart…*
or
I prefer all my food to be tart…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Tart Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man fell in love with a tart,
But was warned an affair wasn’t smart.
Said his sourpuss pal:
“She’s a cat-around gal.
Only fools would give floozies their heart.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Relationship Humor, Tarts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 65 Comments »
Saturday, January 10th, 2015
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Ron B., who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Now as moss, I was “boss,” but as peat
I’m just rotting away in the heat
Till I’m bagged to be spread
On a vegetable bed
And be treated like dirt by a beet.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Diane Groothuis, Jon Gearhart, Ron B., Marty McCullen, Kirk Miller, John Peter Larkin, Brian Allgar, and Allen Wilcox.
Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Tim James:
A fellow who loved to compete
Took a teacher to bed, quite a feat.
He was drunk. ’Twas unwise,
For he couldn’t arise.
So she graded his work “Incomplete.”
Diane Groothuis:
A gardener needed some peat,
So he went to a house down the street,
Asked a housewife in red
“Can I get in your bed?”
She replied, “You can leave tout de suite.”
Jon Gearhart:
At long last, she was set to compete
With her flower beds fin’ly complete.
All top ribbons she’d take.
When asked, “How, for Pete’s sake?”
She replied it’s cuz SHE forsakes peat!
Ron B.:
A fellow who loved to compete
In races he couldn’t complete
Just entered to stare
At each cute derriere
He gladly chose not to defeat.
Marty McCullen:
A gardener needed some peat
From property just down the street,
So he set about tasking
Without even asking.
He’s now in a small jailhouse suite.
Kirk Miller:
Manufacturers always compete
At a watch-making industry meet.
It should not be a shock
That they all watch the clock.
It’s a race against Timex, quite neat.
John Peter Larkin:
Don’t laugh, but I plan to compete
in your upcoming track and field meet.
I know I’ll prevail.
No way I can fail,
’Cause there’s no one as good as a cheat.
Brian Allgar:
The hooker refused to compete
In the beef-eating contest’s last heat.
She explained “It was fun
For a while, but I’m done —
I’ve had more than enough of jerked meat.”
Allen Wilcox:
Lim’rick contests tempt all to compete.
The meter has rules you must meet.
If you don’t take the time
To make sure that you rhyme,
Mad will throw you right out on the street.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Allen Wilcox, Brian Allgar, Diane Groothuis, John Peter Larkin, Jon Gearhart, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Marty McCullen, Ron B., Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
Friday, January 9th, 2015
Limerick Ode To Driverless Cars
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Though cars with no driver sound scary
And sharing their roads makes me wary,
Software doesn’t use gels,
Comb its tresses, dial cells,
Or smoke cigs, so the concept’s less hairy.
Tags: Car & Driving Humor, Driverless Cars, Multitasking
Posted in Car & Driving Humor, Multitasking Humor | Comments Off on Limerick Ode To Driverless Cars
