Mining Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday) Rhyme Word: Mine
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
“The promotion he got should be mine…”*
or
A fellow who worked in a mine…*
or
A woman was trying to mine…*
or
A youngster yelled out “That toy’s mine…”*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
This week I’ve written two sample limericks:
Mining That Data
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow whose job was to mine
Online data, by email would whine
About “nit-picking rules
Caused by privacy fools.”
(Hackers accessed his email, just fine.)
and
Personal Shopping
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A customer yelled out “That’s mine,”
After cutting in front of the line.
But two gals now behind her
Proceeded to bind her
In holiday ribbon and twine.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Data Mining, Email Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Privacy Humor, Selfishness Humor, Shopping Humor, Writing Prompts
The auto mechanic of mine
Was lying and had to resign.
Said the wheels are not straight
On my car. I just hate
When he’s trying to feed me align.
A fellow who worked in a mine
Came up to the surface all crine;
He sobbed, ‘From a blast
My future’s now past,
I skip to the end of the line!’
“The promotion he got should be mine!
I’m by far your besht taster of wine!
I not only taste it,
But I never washte it,
Sho what if my noshe has a shine?”
A woman was trying to mine
All gifts she could get from a swine.
“He treats me like dirt
We’ll see who’ll be hurt!
But first I will pile him with wine.”
A woman was trying to mine
A guy with a lifestyle so fine..
He’s worth many millions
Perhaps even billions..
She’d gladly be his concubine.
The promotion she got should be mine..
Our rich boss is indeed a sick swine.
I won’t suck his dick
That disgusting prick!
But for her, the idea was just fine.
That promotion he got should be mine,
I’m the one with a brain like Einstein!
They’re chauvinist pigs
Those selfish bigwigs
It’s my choice: should I sue or resign?
A fellow who worked in a mine
Infrequently saw the sun shine.
Not good for his health,
No way to get wealth;
End up in a box made of pine.
I purchased some really fine wine.
Too good not to share, just be mine.
So we all got drunk
In wistful mood, sunk…
And we all sang, “Sweet Caroline”.
Lo the math phobic neighbor of mine:
To understand trig he does pine.
He knows not when to choose
The long hypotenuse.
Cries he: “Someone please give me a sine!”
The promotion she got should be mine
But because I opted to decline
The boss’s advances
I ruined my chances
If only I’d said yes and not nein.
Tarzan said “O Jane love of mine,
I’ll swing by and we’ll go out to dine”
Then his now famous yell,
Burst forth without quell,
For she reached up and grabbed the wrong vine.
Our mascot down in the coal mine
Felt we finally had crossed the line
The reason he’s wary
Our new pet canary
“If the bird dies get out” said the sign
Was hoping some day she’d “be mine”
That’s what it said on the valentine
I plied her with candy
Hoping she’d get randy
From there her figure took a decline
The king wore his finest ermine
At the feast where served was a swine
Fattened and suckling
Belt needed unbuckling
This pig monarch sure knew how to dine
My darling, if you will be mine
For tonight, then the moonlight will shine.
A night such as this is
Made for hugs and kisses.
My name is Bill. Here, drink this wine…
The promotion he got should be mine!
As a doctor, he’s really a swine.
Stealing bodies at night,
he’ll create such a fright.
I don’t care if his name’s Frankenstein!
This New Year, great fun will be mine
As the party lights twinkle and shine
With confetti gun shooters.
Gals, show me your hooters
As I hold up this owled hang sign…
An old picky girlfriend of mine
Found fault with wherever we’d dine.
She’d bitch and complain,
And just drive me insane.
Extra time never mellowed that whine.
Thank goodness he’s her date, not mine
My poor friend again got a swine
For our two weeks abroad
All her dates were quite flawed
She’s cross, internat’nal dateline.
“At light-speed in gadgets of mine
You’ll travel,” said Albert Einstein,
“When my in-laws go fast
Back in time to the past,
Relatively, I’ll say, they aren’t mine.”
A woman was trying to mine
Who wanted to be with me all of the time
I got so tired,
And my life became mired,
But we got married and now everything’s fine.
A fellow who worked in a mine
Took a spill which broke his spine
He sued his employer
Who had a staff of lawyers
And now he’s permanently inclined.
A youngster yelled out “That toy’s mine”
To which his mother responded “Must you whine??”
But the problem was solved
When she threw away that ball
And now just everything’s fine.
A woman was trying to be mine
Who wanted to be with me all of the time
I got so tired,
And my life became mired,
But we got married and now everything’s fine.
(slight correction of previous post; added ‘be’ to first line. Sorry I hadn’t caught it sooner.)
The depths of my psyche I’ll mine,
I’ll even resort to red wine
To dredge up a verse
Be it florid or terse
With a genuine rhyme in each line.
The old kitchen table of mine
Leans at twenty degrees while I dine
My salad and eggs
Tend to roll down my legs
But hey, that’s the way I incline
The promotion he got should be mine
His star rose on the back of my shine
One saving grace
I’ll remember his face
and sparking revenge will be fine
“The promotion she got should be mine,
But never will you hear me whine”
Said the grumpy old clerk
“It just sounds like more work
Plus the grapes are all sour on that vine.”
If I had a big diamond mine,
I’d make your life truly divine.
If our love life went daft,
I’d get stuck with the shaft
But my rocks would remain wholly thine.
Next week in this igloo of mine
With a Christmas-gift bottle of wine
The old mantel I’ll clear
For cards early next year
That commemorate Saint Valentine.
A therapist, trying to mine
The brain of a pun-hooked fraulein
Asked “Will you please say,
Just how many today?”
She gave a sly smile and said “nein”.
At times, sweet indulgence is mine;
With a French gal I get to entwine.
It’s always a pleasure
No matter the measure.
(In metric, it’s still sixty-nine.)
I just sold a clunker of mine
It pulled left and was out of align
I never did let on
The chance for a head-on
Hell, other than that it was fine
A fellow who worked in a mine
Found he had no place to dine.
So he ordered a pizza
With plenty of meatsa
And tipped Papa John a mere dime.
.
Papa John says everything’s mine.
His fortune we know is sublime.
Cheap labor’s the source
Of his private golf course
So he’s living a life on cloud nine.
.
Papa John sits atop a gold mine.
To his wage slaves a raise he’ll decline.
Should they get hunger cramps
There’s always food stamps.
They deserve nothing more says the swine.
I will start this new project of mine
And carve a full female design.
I’ll be forming her crack
From knot holes front and back;
I’ll make the hole thing from screw pine.
This really hot girlfriend of mine
Likes to sit on my bed and recline
In a face up position,
Disposed to coition,
Living up to her name as Sue Pine.
I met this new girlfriend of mine
At 8 in a long conga line
She stopped; I rear-ended.
She wasn’t offended
And did not disengage until 9.
This new hot, kinky girlfriend of mine
Has a fetish for feet, which is fine.
She likes squatting on toes
And you’re right to suppose
That for her I’ll be toeing the line.
My wife’s an enabler of mine.
Drinks merlot, cabarnet, Napa vine,
Champagne, and Chablis,
And much more, so you see
When I suckle, she lactates jug wine.
Let me introduce this ex of mine.
If all you want’s sex, she’ll do fine.
She’s one butt-ugly case.
If you don’t mind her face
And you get past her mace, dick’s on line.
Let me introduce this ex of mine.
If all you want’s sex, she’ll do fine.
Otherwise, she’s quite scary.
In the next dictionary,
Her face should “butt-ugly” define.
Let me introduce this ex of mine.
If all you want’s sex, she’ll do fine.
I found out quite fast
I’m not first, won’t be last
By her tramp stamp that says, “Get in line!”
Met the most recent conquest of mine
At The Sneaky Vine out on Route 9.
It turned out, she’s a dude
And I really got screwed
From behind by her sneaky root vine.
Met the most recent ‘conquest’ of mine
At a whore house on Route 69.
Winds up costing you more
Than you first bargain for
When her tramp stamp’s a huge dollar sign!
Owning Moaning
A youngster who’s yelling “It’s mine!”
thinks “owning” is how you define
that you want it the worst
and you get to it first
and giving it up you decline!
I offended a buddy of mine
He bragged that his cat’s fur had shine
I agreed it had sheen,
But I said, “It’s not clean,
There’s spit up and down your feline.”
My doc said this ‘issue’ of mine,
Where some parts don’t always incline;
For thunder down under,
Just take this blue wonder,
You’ll be beating your ‘issue’ just fine.”
There’s a cop with a dog that is mine
At my door which could be a bad sign.
By the roadside, he said,
Dog gave birth. Why my dread?
I’ll be getting a littering fine.
My diction’s just fine, in the mine,
Thought Eliza, repeating her line.
Dr. Iggins’ all weht
And I’ll mike you a beht
It doh even rine up in Spine.
Title of my previous should have been “Owning Moaning”. Please correct. Thanks.
Done. (MBK)
I asked of a new date of mine,
“Would touching your pussy be fine?”
She gasped, “Oh my God!”
But then touched my rod
I smiled, ’cause I meant her feline
To the scouts went a young son of mine
At the camp loomed a huge wooden sign:
“Don’t give up your hopes,
You’ll learn all the ropes,
Be proud, and never stop twine.”
My Way Robbery
An engineer worked in a “mine”
each time he could rightfully whine
that “…merest of edit
gave others the credit
for work that was ‘mine’ by design…”
Raw Deal
Her promotion should have been mine.
Though the least in a very long line,
she has proven I guess
that “undress for success”
can make the bared minimum shine.
When I’m offering opinions of mine,
I’ll say brains will trump looks. It’s a sign
I do not care, for sure,
If her face is a four
If she is above ass o’ nine.
My ex liked a flip phone of mine
In her thong, it got slipped, by design
Preset to vibrate
Her glee, I’d actuate,
By dialing her new ‘party line’
You see, this gnu calendar’s mine
And says this gnu year should be fine.
My new gal at least
Ain’t a fat wildebeest
But my last one sure fit that design!
I am looking for life’s love of mine
And to start a new life that’s divine.
I think it’d be Zen
If her face were a ten
And at least that her cans, sirs, be nine.
There’s an old fishing buddy of mine
Who when asked how he did will just whine.
“Should have seen,” he will say
“The big fish that got away.”
His lament is a big fishing line.
Fool’s Gold
The prospector cried, “This mine’s mine”
As he stood outside at a shrine.
“God searches for gold
As I have been told.
Now I’ll pray and then all will be fine.’
Imperfection
“A great bowling trophy is mine.
I’ve learned how I must toe the line,
And I’ve mastered my pace.
There’s just one thing to face.
I never knock down more than nine,”
Binary Choice
“I play football, My future is mine.
My knowledge of logic is fine.
I now will give voice
To my difficult choice;
I’ll either resign or re-sign,”
Treed
“There’re no insults as nasty as mine,
And trees – well they”ll do me just fine.
I’m the best in the West,
And this is the best –
‘Your’re as old as a bristlecone pine”.”
Flee(t)ing
She stated with firmness. “You’re mine.”
I replied, without thinking, “That’s fine.”
Then she yelled, “Mop the floor.”
I yelled back, out hte door,
“I’m ifinished, I’m through, I resign.”
The Bald Truth
The ill fates of two traits became mine
by the will of genetic design —
hair is leaving my head
at a rate that I dread
but appears in my ears to grow fine.
Please correct line in previous entry. Line 4 should read:
“at a rate that I dread”
(Done — MBK)
Thanks for earlier edits. Sorry to be such a bother, but the first line of my last entry should read “The ill fates of…”, not “The ill fates or…”. The cell phone keyboard and screen are enemies I must confront more aggressively.
(No problem. I have no idea how anyone uses tiny devices. I have carpal tunnel syndrome, so my wrists spasm if I touch anything smaller than a laptop. MBK )
That ’64 Falcon was mine!
Burned rubber in 4 gears just fine
Rear end posi-traction,
Four barreled carb action
I smoked ALL those dweebs off the line
Got married and that babe was mine!
Bought a house with her daddy’s co-sign
He poured me a beverage
And dished out some leverage
G’bye Falcon, H’lo Econoline
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 196.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: The Competitor.