Limerick Appeasement (Limerick-Off Monday) Rhyme Word: Peas or Appease
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow had tried to appease…*
or
A gal told her kids, “Eat your peas…”*
or
A gal was served overcooked peas…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Appeasement
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow had tried to appease
His wife, when she caught the old sleaze
In bed with some floozy.
His line was a doozy:
“This will save wear and tear on your knees.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
A fellow had tried to appease
His child enough to eat some cheese
But the longer he went
His energy was spent
And he ended up down on his knees.
Its not always good to appease
Despots who impose with such ease
To make you a cog
To sleep with the dog
Cause you’ll surely wake up wth fleas.
A fellow had tried to appease
His fiance, while still on his knees
Trust me, Begonia
Cubic zirconia
Will do; it is just my first tease ;-)
Talk of carrots and peas
Makes me go weak at the knees
Films like Forrest Gump
Give me the hump
Just don’t mention it please
A man was trying to appease
his wife, when he burnt the cheese.
The dish gone awry
Her rage, he was wary.
Hence, said he “Let’s go out for lunch, please?”
Though his brain was the size of two peas,
Dubbya held five impressive degrees
That he’d bought on the Web.
As he proudly told Jeb,
“Ah kin count on mah fingers with ease.”
The young man on the fly trapping peas
From touching his rye, ham, and cheese
Needs a plate that’s segmented
So he’ll look less demented.
Forking peas tops his worst OCDs.
The man on the flying trapeze
Had a partner whose skills failed to please.
As he flew through the air,
She would catch him – yes, there! –
With her teeth, as he hollered “Oh, Jeez!”
A fellow had tried to appease
His children with big shopping sprees.
But they need love much more
Than things bought in a store.
They really do hope that he sees.
A fellow had tried to appease
Political foes with treaties
Torturers are insane
This isn’t a game:
Can’t placate- they act like Nazis.
Obama had tried to appease
Republicans- they are such sleaze!
They want him destroyed,
Consensus, avoid!
And naught he’d do would ever please.
A gal was served overcooked peas.
She quickly said, “I can’t eat these”.
The taste is no good,
Hope that’s understood!
A salad instead, if you please!”
The girls were as like as two peas,
Especially down on their knees.
Which sister was sucking?
Which one was he fucking?
They charged him identical fees.
A fellow seduced with great ease,
His girl friend, he knew how to tease:
“My cock’s starting to throb!
How I need a blow-job.
I’m burning for you, hear my pleas!”
A gal was served overcooked peas
They were mushy and smashed and well, Jeez!
She misunderstood wholly
“This is great guacamole!
“Can you bring some tortilla chips, please?”
A prince tried his princess to please
with champagne and exquisite cheese
She showed him away
wasn’t willing to play
Cause in bed she wanted her peace
(or maybe the peas).
An old printer ran short on his p’s,
But the fruit man he wanted to please.
So he turned all around
And then flipped upside down
And spelled “apple” by using two d’s.
A fellow had tried to appease
A gal he thought his main squeeze.
He got caught playing house
With two gals, what a louse
On his knees his gal gave him the freeze.
.
So the guy who tried to appease
Told the squeeze who gave him the freeze
He was merely free forming
To improve his performing
To be sure in their bed he would please.
.
This gal who he couldn’t appease
Called him instead a big tease.
So she took him to bed
To his shock she instead
Gave his balls a tight fisted squeeze.
.
His main squeeze he couldn’t appease.
So it was others he tried to please.
But his balls he encased
In a strong iron brace
To the seas he tossed all the keys.
I am minding my Q’s and my P’s,
And avoiding all folks with disease,
But I can’t lose the itch
For that golden blond bitch.
My weakness? Retrievers with fleas.
A fellow had tried to appease
By dropping his shorts to his knees
She said:” not so fast
Every time in the past
Your sail failed to fill to my tease.”
I know a young woman who pees
Out of doors, ‘mongst the rocks and the trees.
Now she’s moved (what the heck?)
To the north of Quebec
And I fear that her ass off she’ll freeze.
A fellow had tried to appease
his wife who sees..
Red yellow and blue and purple
as she pleases..
So he figures new black is THAT..
A gal who’d had overcooked peas
Was resting on her seat of ease.
“Oh, Good God” she said. She’d
Just then realized she’d need:
“A roll of TP, and Quick, Please!”
The old man all the day and night pees
Without knowing just when need’ll seize.
When the tide starts to rise,
It first crosses his thighs,
Then winds up causing water on the knees.
Baby boomers’ songs didn’t appease
Moms and dads; made them much ill at ease.
Today’s songs don’t rebel.
Folks don’t like it. Oh, well,
There are some who you just cannot please.
Though Chamberlain tried to appease
To Hitler til down on his knees
The Channel was lost
To the Germans at all cost
And now we enjoy the French cheese.
“Don’t make us eat carrots and peas,”
I’d beg as she’d serve them with ease.
Then my mom would reply,
To my brother and I,
“When you’re big you can do as you please.”
He ate mostly beans and chickpeas
Raw cabbages and broccolis
He was a naturopath
And when he sat in the bath
Big bubbles came up thru his knees
A rooster who tried to appease
All the chicks at the barnyard orgies,
One day screwed an owl,
And his progeny now
Is a cock that’s up all night with ease
He hated beets, carrots, and peas
And really despised cottage cheese
Plus any green plants,
He would hide in his pants,
Then later flush down with poopies
A panda, with a gun, chowed down peas,
From a waitress, then shot at her knees,
Gnashed a bug in his fur,
Then left in a blur
In essence, he eats, shoots, and fleas?
When you’re dealing with sleaze don’t appease.
Any hope for a deal is a tease.
Barack’s using his clout,
Once he figured this out:
It’s just better to act as you please.
Satisfaction Attraction
Some plumbers with ease can appease
young women upset with their fees
by timely projection
of manly perfection
assuring their service will please.
Mother’s ‘D’ruthers
A mom told her kids, “Eat your peas…
don’t let them roll down on your knees…
don’t mash them to mush…
don’t slash them to slush…
and swallow them first if you sneeze!”
Comically Keen Cuisine
Said a mom who served overcooked peas
— on warm diapers with crackers and cheese. —
“It seems making ends meet
is an easier feat
when you’ve learned to reheat what you freeze!”
When Santa sets forth to appease
The kids of the world with gifts, he’s
Said to fly in his sleigh
For the length of a day
And give good kids all gifts with great ease.
I think that the reason that he’s
Been able to do this with ease
Is that most kids are naughty
With mouths spouting potty;
Thus, no gifts delivered to these!
Hot spicy wasabi dried peas
With some cold icy saki might ease
My fair fussy spouse
To undo her blouse,
And let me proceed as I please.
So you think hot wasabi peas
Will get you in good with your squeeze?
A PajamaGram, dude
Will set the right mood
Add good scotch. Enjoy the striptease!
Pique Performance
If means are required to appease,
there’s not much in you that she sees.
If you must use a ruse
— whether food, clothes, or booze. —
you”re likely unable to please.
Plantation Nation
Those in power because they appease
those for whom they will do as they please
— disregarding the law. —
by the clout of their jaw
rule a people whose freedom they seize.
I’m writing this verse to appease
My five-line compulsion disease.
My muse, so pathetic,
It just whacks poetic.
Sweet verse? No it’s Limburger cheese.
Jack decided to try to use peas,
But no stalks appeared, if you please.
Elves did, but not giants.
Jack bellowed defiance,
“Now you all behave, or I’ll sneeze.”
A prostitute tried to appease
Her johns, who demanded she please.
“Oh, come on now, fellas.
I’ve got two sore patellas.
I’ve been sucking too hard on my knees.”
She decided to make porridge from peas,
So she boiled it, then let it freeze.
For nine days she meted
It out – once reheated.
Her children cried, “Stop, pretty please!”
A woman had tried to appease
A guy that she wanted to please.
Such a busy guy;
She often will sigh!
But she will continue to tease.
A gal told her kids, “Eat your peas
or I’m going to tell all the bees!”
The kids laughed out loud
which scared a small crowd
of mice eating lots of Swiss cheese
With soft words I will try to appease
My drunk gun-totin’ neighbor, ’cause he’s
Seeing Martians advance
As pink elephants dance.
He’s outside right now, shooting the breeze.
New Year’s rice and black-eyed peas
Even though it’s thirteen degrees
Sincerity
Prosperity
So winter’s gods appease
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 195.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Mining Limericks.