Limerick Snag (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman was trying to snag…*
or
A fellow who managed to snag…*
or
A woman encountered a snag…*
or
A man told his boss, “There’s a snag…”*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Snag
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman was racing to snag
A bargain-priced Michael Kors bag.
But two ladies, quite mean,
Caused a tug-of-war scene–
Shopping bagged cuz of hags — what a drag!
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
A woman was trying to snag
A cure for her breasts that did sag.
But her new bustenhalter,
It started to falter.
And her tits hit the floor. What a drag!
A fellow who managed to snag
A one-off date with a hagg
He not only won,
but managed to’ve done
End up half in the bag.
A man told his boss, “There’s a snag.”
Our servers are starting to lag.
We must pull the plugs!
Our site selling “thick rugs”
Is confused by men wanting a “shag!”
A man told his boss, “There’s a snag,
Your offer of raise is a drag!”
So off he went
And depressed- got bent,
His luggage then now just a bag.
A fellow who managed to snag
A moll for an afternoon shag,
Found something amiss
When they started to kiss.
Surprise! It’s a man dressed in drag!
Politicians are really a drag.
Of their parties they constantly brag.
But no party’s untainted
With which they’re acquainted
They just care if their poll numbers sag.
My sleep schedule has hit a snag.
I must raise to this blog a white flag.
I keep working on gimmicks
For writing new limericks.
My eyelids are starting to sag.
The seducer encountered a snag:
The girl he’d picked up was a hag.
But he grinned and he bore it:
“At least I can score it –
She’s only an overnight bag.”
A woman encountered a snag
At a shoot for a new fashion mag.
While striking a pose
She busted her nose.
She zigged when she should have gone zag.
A pilot was trying to snag
a date with a comely young wag.
But her seat’s crimson stain
as she got off the plane,
was really quite a red flag.
A woman was trying to snag
While dancing the Carolina shag
A fun guy with left feet
Who missed every beat
But a wag in a shag is worth two in a bag.
A fellow who managed to snag
A woman so easy he’d brag
Her clothes she would shed
As he took her to bed
Then admitted it all was a gag.
A woman was trying to snag
A lim’rick win so she could brag.
But her rivals are SMART!
At least she’s good at art.
Looks like the cat’s out of the bag.
A woman was trying to snag..
A guy so great she’d want to brag.
“But I need to smile,
To keep up the guile..
If not I look like an old hag!”
A woman encountered a snag
When her date was a man dressed in drag
She said “Give me a chance
I’d prefer you in pants
In that garb you look like a fag”
The cross -dresser met with a snag
When she told him she didn’t like drag
He said “Darling don’t worry
There’s really no hurry
There’s plenty of time for a shag”.
Macbeth was aware of a snag;
On the heath, he was told by the hag
“To be more than a thane,
The old king must be slain”,
But he found regicide such a drag.
While flirting I hit a small snag.
She scowled and reached for her bag.
Then yelled, “Make my day!”
As she sprayed pepper spray.
I’m guessing she’s one I won’t shag.
A woman was trying to snag
the bastard who’d stolen her bag.
She ran after him
with vigor and vim,
which made for a woeful sight gag.
A woman encountered a snag,
Her happy mood began to sag.
She had dropped her ring,
But where? Baffling!
In view of the rug’s heavy shag.
A woman encountered a snag
She wanted a Birkin handbag.
But she had to admit
She could not commit-
It was way too high a price-tag.
A woman ran into a snag
her husband she had to drag
to the Nuitcracker Suite.
He squirmed in his seat
What a Nutcracker! What a nag!
A woman encountered a snag
While writing a piece for a rag
About a Grande Dame
So lacking in charm
Was tempted to call her a hag
A cormorant, perched in a snag
Said “Please do not call me a shag.
There IS such a bird
(Though it’s not a nice word)
And it nests on some north Scottish crag.”
If your cat’s nails are likely to snag,
Then buying new carpet’s a drag.
I’ve gotta say shucks then
‘Cause that really sucks when
Your pussy can not have a shag.
The Confederates hit a big snag
And their egos would totally sag.
Chattanooga was breached. It
Was Grant who had reached it
To generally defeat Braxton’s brag.
Braxton Bragg was a Confederate General in the Civil War. He was defeated in the battle of Chattanooga by General Grant.
Our golf outing hit a small snag
Big Stu collapsed tending the flag
Now what should we do?
We hit, then lugged Stu
The rest of the round was a drag
A woman was trying to snag
A rich dude with an XKE Jag.
“Hey, Ricky! I’m loosey!
Come look at my poosey!”
Then let the cat out of the bag.
Australia’s encountered a snag
And time is beginning to lag
When they went for a cup
20 people holed up
By a nut with an Islamic flag.
Hose Woes
How cruel the fate that would snag
unseen, on a wee little crag
Sue’s last-of-that-hue
sheer nylons so new
they left her there holding the bag.
Jane’s stocking developed a snag
While climbing a treacherous crag
Her black panty hose
Hung on in the throes
That tear got her a new body bag
Farmer Charmer
A brash woman who managed to snag
a young farmer who majored in “Ag”
said she gladly would yield
to his plow in her field
if he kept all his seed in the bag.
Jim’s wife ran into a small snag
While hanging a decorative swag
Atop the ladder she stood
He could see under her hood
There on the new carpet they’d shag
Popeye ran into a wee snag
Encountering an horny Seahag
She wants a threesome
And Olive to come
Already he’s starting to brag
When Bluto caught wind of this shag
It helped raise his pirate ship’s flag
While sailing avast
With flag at full mast
Problem is that his journey was stag
Wimpy boarded the vessel with bag
Full of food that makes dog tails wag
A hamburger today
No pay on Tuesday
Prompted a lawsuit with the JAG
Swee’ Pea found all this quite the drag
A soap opera for a rumor mag
Entertainment for kids
Adults on the skids
It could make poor Jerry Springer gag
Middle Earth and Present Earth
Every tree on the land is a snag,
All around there’s but fire and slag.
Hobbit life? There’s a dearth,
Ekeing out of scorched earth.
No white horse, just a black wingèd nag
A man told his boss “There’s a snag –
That PA you managed to bag?
She made a recording
Of your filthy marauding
And took pics of you wearing a gag.”
A man told his boss “There’s a snag –
When you stepped out last night for a drag
Your phrasing so British
Made the hotel staff skittish
When you asked the desk clerk for a fag.”
A fellow had managed to snag
A ball-gown, about which he’d brag:
“I knew in i minute
I’d look Perfect in it:
I’ve a high co-efficient of drag”
Or t’other way round:
An engineer managed to snag
A ball-gown about which She’d brag:
“I knew in a minute
I’d look perfect in it:
I’ve a Low co-efficient of drag”
Absent-mindedness can be a snag;
My penis is wrapped in a flag,
And it’s tied in a knot,
To remind me of what? …
Oh, yes – must remember to shag.
Hire and Higher
Said worker to boss, “There’s a snag…
that canine whom YOU called a hag
was the President’s wife
who has just called your life
a puppy that HER tail can wag!”
An excitable man hit a snag
When driving his boss’s new Jag
His missed a tight turn
But we’re glad to confirm
The efficacy of the airbag
The bimbo had hit on a snag;
Thanks to silicone stuffed in a bag,
Her breasts were quite sprightly,
But, rather unsightly,
Her bottom was starting to sag.
My watch caught and made a big snag
In Pearl’s sweater, and now the old bag
Insists I’m not pullin’ knit,
Unraveling the woollen knit–
One Pearl, too, won’t pull on or drag.
A jockey was riding Miss Snag,
A mare whose performance would lag.
But when she felt the urge
For a stallion, she’d surge
Then that nag had the race in the bag.
A transvestite’s life hit a snag,
‘Cause his passion had started to flag.
He esxplains how she feels,
“My feet hate the high heels.
It’s a drag to be dressing in drag”
.”
The practical joke hit a snag
When the victim, tied up in a bag
Put over his head,
Indignantly said,
Through his gag, “Your dumb gag makes me gag,”
A teller of tales hit a snag
When one tale made his audience gag.
From then on he was screwed,
Because everyone booed.
‘Twas a case where the tale dogged the wag.
Esoteric. To understand this one all you need to do is
watch the 1979 comedy “The In-laws” starring Peter Falk
and Alan Arkin.e –
Now Shelly and Vince hit a snag,
Under fire – how escape with the swag?
Vincent yelled.”You’ll be fine
If you run serpentine.
Just make sure you don’t zig when I zag.
Dark light verse.
As the Vietnam war hit a “snag”,
And morale did far more than just sag.
Said a grunt, growing restive,
“How about something festive?
Let’s go out and have fun with a frag.”
Bob McDonnell’s career hit a snag;
He got caught taking thousands in swag.
But his lawyers had talent;
His defense was quite gallant:
“My wife is a crazy old nag!”
To the newsstand a man went to snag
The next issue of the “Small Penis” rag.
The sales clerk named Lynn
Said, “I don’t know if it’s in.”
He replied, “Yes! That’s the name of the mag!”
When I yanked on the monk’s tiny snag,
His whole robe came apart like a rag.
And beneath it: a furry!
So he hid in a hurry,
But the cat is now out of the bag.
The President tugged at a snag,
And was shortly as nude as a stag.
So he called for his aide
Who exclaimed, “The parade!
How ’bout wrapping yourself in the flag?”
If your wedding plans hit a big snag
Causing you to turn into a hag,
I hope that your groom
Doesn’t let it consume
All the feelings he had as you nag.
A woman encountered a snag
When putting on her nylons- OH DRAG!
She took them off
Not caring who scoffed,
And threw them into a bag.
Sea Mail
Two sailors in love outmaneuvered the snag
of separate ships by their wig and their wag
as they stood face-to-face
In imagined embrace
delighting in sexting by semaphore flag.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the week 194.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Appeasement.