Light Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man who liked traveling light…*
or
A criminal plot came to light…*
or
A woman stopped short at a light…*
or
The snow was supposed to be light…*
or
My husband was out like a light…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Light Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman liked traveling light,
No matter how distant her flight,
Often visiting nudists–
“No clothes” absolutists–
Who took naked delight in their rite.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Air Flight, Clothes Humor, Clothing Poem, Competition Limerick, Flight Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Naked Limerick, Nudity, Poetry & Prompts, Travel Humor, Writing Prompts
(This is a variant on one I’ve done before – same joke, different words)
They struggled in rain and dim light
To measure the flagpole upright,
But it kept falling flat,
And the problem with that
Was – they measured the length, not the height.
Though his needs for nutrition were light,
The vampire felt peckish that night,
And invited a maid
Who had foolishly strayed:
“My dear, do you fancy a bite?”
He assured her the cocktail was “light”,
But the taste somehow wasn’t quite right.
He had spiked her Daiquiri –
Her memory’s bleary
Of what might have happened that night
My husband is out like a light.
He’s insistent on sex every night,
But as soon as he scores
He’s asleep, and he snores
Like the sound of an elephant fight.
Her intellect, frankly, was light;
She read cookery books day and night,
And she thought that the Bard
Was some fat or some lard
That you wrap around meat nice and tight.
My output today must be light;
This may be the last one I’ll write.
Although it’s appalling,
The ‘day job’ is calling –
Yes, work is the drinking man’s blight.
Charlie Brown found a tree that was light
And quite easy to carry alright.
They got carried away
And it’s needle-less to say
The show taught us of love at fir’s blight.
(With apologies to Kevin Ahern for similarity…or was it shameless theft?)
The snow was supposed to be light
Get your honey and snuggle up tight.
It’ll snow up to two feet
Mix in with cold sleet
But under the sheet you’ll find a delight.
The snow was supposed to be light
It was but it snowed all night
And when came morn
It all would adorn
Creating a nice winter sight.
The snow was supposed to be light
But it snowed for a week, what a fright
The wind it would blow up
And pile all the snow up
Till it reached an enormous height.
A rich man who liked traveling light
Had a gal who created a plight:
Her trunks by Louis Vuitton
Were nice but they weighed a ton
He should have left her home, in hindsight!
A smart man who liked traveling light
In women had discerning insight.
He had a gal in every port
Who just wanted la petite mort.
He always knew where he’d spend the night.
My smart guy was out like a light
He is indeed my shining knight.
He always works so hard
His firm’s in the vanguard.
I’d love to just watch him all night.
The snow was supposed to be light
I ventured to go out despite.
Now I’m in a jam
Don’t know where I am.
Or if I will get home tonight.
A criminal plot came to light
To a London ‘dick”‘s clever insight
So He and his dog
Crept around in the fog
And the perp ended up with a bite!
As she came in and turned out the light
Then undressed and climbed in on the right,
I joined her in bed
In the dark room and said,
“I’m de-lighted yet turned on tonight!”
When first thing I see by the light
Is my hair in the morning – a fright
But once it’s contained
It has never abstained
From inviting all kinds of delight.
A woman stopped short at a light
And gave her tailgater a fright
But risking her fender
Let to a bender
Which was, for them both, a delight.
A criminal plot came to light
And led to the Guy on that night
Remember, remember
The fifth of November
Parliament nearly set right!
Though Planck’s math used quanta of light,
He still did not think that was right.
Young showed light behaves
Exactly like waves.
Then Maxwell’s math made that case tight.
Herr Einstein, of course, saw the light:
In photoelectrics, you might
Need only one quantum
(Or more if you want ’em)
To eject an electron. That’s right!
Then deBroglie declared that if light
Is both wavelike and grainy, you might
Find electrons the same,
And when Schrödinger came,
We saw Quantum Mechanics take flight.
Though limericks make this tale light,
The science behind it is quite
A profound undertaking
And foundation-shaking.
That’s why we call physicists bright.
A music motif that is leit
Is a common Wagnerian sight
It’s a theme that’s recurring
In an opera, all during
If you miss it, you can’t be too bright
They set course in for comedy, light
With a cast that was eager and bright.
They chose to employ
Some guy named Nimoy,
Though his Spock was more terse than they’d write.
The snow was supposed to be light.
But no snow at all, was that right?
He wanted to stay indoors,
Watch the game, of course,
But, with wife he shopped to avoid a fight.
When you see that cop’s bright flashing light,
You had better slow down and move right
Or risk making the paper
For a high speed chase caper
Feat’ring black and white twice in one night!
Staring right into the light
burning a hole in my sight
It isn’t much fun
to look at the sun
yet something you can’t do at night
A loud crack, and spellbinding light
Ben shouted, “Tonight is the night!”
His wife said, “You fool!
What’s a watt and a joule?
You might as well go fly a kite!”
Sorry, cheap.
My wife will not turn off a light.
She will let them all burn through the night.
When I mention this fact
With my usual tact,
I am left to but yearn till contrite.
The plot fin’ly shone like a light
when the cast sang “Let’s Go Fly A Kite”.
It seems “Mary Poppins”
was largely ’bout droppins
and trippin’ our way thru the night
My drumming while stopped at a light
is probably one messed up sight
My car’s steering wheel
has got a great feel
and different tones mid, left and right.
One duck travels at speeds fast as light.
Time slows down for this duck in its flight,
But a twin duck whose speeds
Remain normal succeeds
In a pair o’ ducks aged different, alright?
Struggle and try as I might
I just can’t reach to the light;
‘Cause the depths that I’m in
From my wages of sin
Must mean that I’ll never be right.
Our waitress is such a delight,
But the diners are sometimes a fright.
One tried copping a feel;
Now he’s wearing his meal,
So we think she has served the guy right.
If a seamstress who diets’ sew light
And a skinny Polander’s Pole-lite,
Then I propose
When we wash lightweight clothes
That’s from thin lambs, we should use Woolite!
If you’re finally seeing the light
That those waiting for marriage were right,
You’ve just had an urgin’
To wait for your virgin
And she’ll wait for you, just holed tight.
Without darkness, we wouldn’t know light.
Without blindness, we wouldn’t know sight.
Without wars, there’s no peace.
Without whores, there’s no piece.
Without lawyers, we wouldn’t know shite!
The first PCs on memory were light
And their CPUs heat out of sight.
Their size filled the whole room.
Lots of power they’d consume,
Though they took less than one mega bite.
These days we have cars, smart and light,
That can park themselves. Oh, what a sight.
The next thing you know,
They’ll be makin’ it so
With flat tires, they’ll pull off to the wright!!
My new hard drive is solid and light.
It so sleek-lined and gorgeous to sight.
I think that I wanna
Call this drive the piranha
Cause it’s no less than one tear a bite!
I like to keep things loose and light.
“Have a Coke and a smile” fits me right,
But sometimes I fear
I’m just like flat root beer
And my Barq’s grows much worse with no bite.
On Thanksgiving, the mood here is light.
Lots of food, family, fun, noon to night.
We’ve got plenty pop, too
Root Beer, Pepsi, Coke, Dew.
We’ve had fun, though it’s been out of Sprite.
My lims were all sweetness and light
When I met Meyran’s elf in the night.
My muse left for a G.E.L.F.
Now I’m losing Mey’s elf,
So I wrote this whole thing out a sprite.
The old witch was out like a light
My chance to escape for the night
For stolen kisses
With my mate’s missus
And back home in bed before light
Gordon Lightfoot, or simply G. Light,
Sang a song about cheatin’. He’s right,
If I find you’ve been creepin’
Round my wife and bleepin’
With her, your last Sundown’s tonight.
Being all that is awesome, I’m Lyte.
I’m encompassing all that is right
In the world and, of course,
I am hung like a horse
And your ‘noose’ loops my ‘neckline’ just right!
Lyte
A criminal pun came to light
When a bedbug decided one night
To hold a church wedding
Right there in the bedding:
An example of mite making rite.
On dying, I saw a bright light,
And my people who’d passed were in sight.
They were waving to me,
But I soon came to see—
They were waving me off to the right.
A woman who ran a red light
Passed police stationed there at the site.
To the airport she fled.
One observant cop said,
“I think she is trying to take flight.”
A vampire avoiding the light
Computed far into the night.
He found in this action
A compulsive attraction,
Because it had been love at first byte.
The commercials from old Miller Lite,
“Less filling/Tastes great,” were quite bright.
They used star appeal, humor,
And knew their consumer–
Passing piss as ambrosia done right!
A man who liked traveling light
Returned on the previous night
Wait, that’s been done
In old books of fun
Ah me, a relative slight
He was told he should turn off the light
And then told he should go fly a kite.
When she started to snore,
He opened the door
And threw her out into the night.
RU L ES ARE MADE TO BE BROKEN
The snow was supposed to be light,
But it seemed that that changed overnight.
Even Mark Ruffalo,
Who rhymed nicely with Buffalo,
Couod see that the town was alll white,
And we hoped that the town was all right.
They kissed in the smoldering light
Of their campfire, once burning bright
“Here, Babe, grab this wood,
Put it in, yes, good.
Let’s keep it hot all through the night.”
A photon is traveling light.
Without it you wouldn’t have sight
And if Planck were a Jew,
You would ask him, “So nu?
Why does h makes you math turn out right?”
(This is for those “versed” in physics. For those who aren’t, E=h*nu is the formula for the energy of a photon, where h is Planck’s constant and nu is the frequency of the light.)
Corrected for punctuation and spelling errors:
A photon is traveling light.
Without it you wouldn’t have sight
And if Planck were a Jew,
You would ask him, “So nu?
Why does h makes your math turn out right?”
A damp cellar can make the heart light
As an entymological site
For a group that elects
To study in sects
With their peers, a combined show of mite.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 190.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Butt of Limericks.