Limerick Grub (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was grabbing some grub…*
or
A fellow would frequently grub…*
or
A scientist studied a grub…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Grub
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A cabby was grabbing some grub
At a bar in a neighboring hub,
When he noticed his eggs
Appeared to have legs.
From now on, he’ll steer clear of this pub.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Food Humor, Grub Humor, Grubs, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
A fellow was grabbing some grub
When along came a hungry bear cub.
The man wouldn’t share
His grub with the bear.
Unbearable! Ay, there’s the rub.
If you’re weary of eating bad grub
You should give all that fast food a snub
Here’s what you should do
Grab some great barbecue
Give your baby’s back rib a good rub
A fellow was longing for grub
at a very exclusive nightclub.
But no one could ignore,
as he walked through the door,
he was dressed like a pitiful schlub.
They threw him out into the night
Because he looked such a fright.
He said, “Why these schmucks.
I’ll come back in a tux.”
And he did. Then they treated him right.
Dancing The ‘Stub’
A gangster was grabbing some grub
Gyrating in ‘Rumba Roll’ club
When rolling drums rose
He suddenly froze
He’d swallowed his cigarette stub.
I had found a gargantuan grub
That was eating my favorite shrub.
I told myself “Brian,
A number-six iron”,
And beat it to death with my club.
A lion was searching for grub
For himself and his ravenous cub.
“But I don’t have the skill
To move in for the kill –
It’s your mother that’s needed here, bub.”
I was feeling in need of some grub,
So I strolled to my neighbouring pub.
But the food was no good,
I was chewing on wood,
For the sandwich was made from a club.
A locust, a worm or a grub
Is a meal many people can’t snub.
When resources run out,
I’m afraid there’s no doubt:
Pretty soon, we’ll be joining the club.
She’d invited me round. Though the grub
Was a long way from what you might dub
“Gastronomic”, who cares?
In the bathroom upstairs,
For dessert we had sex in her tub.
The sleazy reporter would grub
For some scandal or dirt he could rub
In the face of his readers;
He’d libel their leaders,
Then lunch at the Puritan Club.
(Fellow-pedants please note: this is one of the increasingly rare occasions when the word ‘hopefully’ has been used correctly.)
I had baited my line with a grub,
And was hopefully fishing for chub.
Yes! I felt something snatch,
And I reeled in my catch –
It was just an old KFC tub.
Ophelia said “Let’s have some grub,
‘Cos I’m starving.” “Of course, tiger-cub”,
Replied Hamlet, “But first,
You must deal with my wurst.
Move your hand like this … Ay! There’s the rub!”
My daughter had swallowed a grub.
When I smacked her, she started to blub.
“But you said we could eat
Some nice grub for a treat,
So why did you give me a drub?”
The patients complained of the grub
In the hospital; each got a tub
Of grilled kidneys and liver.
They’d all known the giver,
Who tasted of surgical scrub.
I’d no money to pay for my grub,
So I hit on the boss for a sub
Till the following payday,
But he told me “Mayday!
I’m broke, just like you – join the club!”
After camping I needed good grub.
Sure I stank and should first do a scrub,
But my stomach was groaning,
“Feed Me” it was moaning.
I instead skipped the tub for the pub.
In my garbage looking for grub
Was the cutest black grizzly cub
I shone the flashlight
To give it a fright
But here is where things took a rub
Its mother asked “what’s up, hey Bub”
You’re scaring the crap out of my cub
We like to shit in the woods
Not in strange neighborhoods
Then used her large paw as a club
When I came to it was down at the pub
My poor head felt light as a Cherub
Went on home half drunk
Where my trash can stunk
And on it was a honey brown schmub
A fellow was grabbing some grub
Before heading down to the pub.
But he needed to know
It was not GMO
That is the stuff of beelzebub.
A scientist studied a grub
He had caught from under a shrub.
But to study it well
And ignorance dispel
He kept it alive in his tub.
A fellow was grabbing some grub
And after that, food he would snub..
It was thereof
The religion of
Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.
A fellow was grabbing some grub
In a very high-class nightclub.
The prices were high
He let out a sigh.
He did prefer the local pub.
A fellow was grabbing some grub
And eyeing gals in the new club.
He thought they looked sweet,
But he’d rather eat
The barmaid in the local pub.
A fellow would frequently grub
For sex in a steamy hot tub.
His wife said “Oh no.
For here I won’t blow.
But a club in a tub I’ll happily rub.”
A fellow was grabbing some grub
At a friendly neighborhood pub
He had just one wish
To find a fair dish
Who’d turn into a hot tiger cub.
.
A fellow would frequently grub
For sex at a neighborhood pub
He at last got his wish
But she turned out a cold fish
So instead all he got was a snub.
A fellow was grabbing some grub
And eyeing gals in the new club.
He thought they looked chaste
So he’d rather taste
The barmaid in the local pub.
I was going to make me some grub
It was pork with an enticing rub
But I am to blame
When the grill turned to flame
And the meat cinder I had to scrub
I’m hungry, I need some good grub
So I grabbed up a shovel and dug
Found a fat one for free
It’s just protein you see
Fried crisp, it goes great with a sub
a fellow was grabbing some grub
then decided to soak in the tub
and there he got stuck
but had all the luck
secret service had butter to rub
(to our late dear president…ha)
I was baked, and needed some grub
So I went down and faced the hubbub
The party, still goin’,
Freaks puffin’ and blowin’
Screw munchies, I blazed me a chub
I guess she was offering grub.
My girlfriend called me a big schlub.
“You misunderstood
When I said that I would
Fillet, not fellate, for you bub!”
A drunk was once fed some grub,
By a man name of B. L. Zebub.
B. L. said, “You fell.
Now you’ll go to hell.”
The drunk said,” I’ve been there. My wife’s at the pub.”
A drunk was once fed some grub,
By a man name of B. L Zebub.
“I’ve saved your life.”
The drunk said, “Don’t tell my wife.
She gives me hell if I’m not at the pub.”
Herein is where lies the rub.
Alcohol gave this man quite a drub.
So he went to AA,
But then on the way,
The devil bought Canadian Club.
As I sat there inspecting the grub
On my plate in the dimly lit club,
All the lights were so poor
That it made my eyes sore.
I tried not to, but eyes there’s the rub.
A trainer would frequently grub
on a horse at the old jockey club.
One day his mount spooked
then he loudly rebuked,
landing hard in a thorn-covered shrub.
A fellow was wanting some grub,
a BLT, burger or sub,
He finally said, “Bitch,
just make a sandwich!”
and ended up getting a Club.
I rowed out to catch fish for my grub
In a boat that I’d rented. The bub
That rented it out
Was a lecherous lout–
It went down like your mom on my chub!
I hear that this tavern serves grub,
So I’d rather go find a new pub.
Though I’m thoroughly drunk,
And I’m not a damned punk,
Eating larvae is something I snub.
He left school and brought back some grub,
Then lunched with the cute fifth grade sub
He straightened her stencils
And sharpened her pencils
Then showed her his Eberhard stub
They lured him to eat a white grub
For entrance into their club
He raised it and leered,
He swallowed. They jeered.
A loathsome, premeditated snub
A guy, sitting down for some grub,
Said, “Is this thing a hero, or sub?
Or a po’ boy? I’ve heard
It’s a ‘hoagie.’ Strange word.”
It’s a *sandwich*. Just eat it, you schlub.
At midday I stopped for some grub
At my neighborhood grill and pub.
I said, “how is your meat
So spicy and sweet?”
And he said, “therein lies the rub”.
A scientist studied a grub
And opined on its genus and sub
“Twas found in tequila,”
Said the barmaid, Ophelia,
“You’ve had enough, get out of here, Bub!”
A fellow was grabbing some grub
Of egg salad, mustard, and chub
It drove him insane
His oath was profane
And summoned Beezlebub
Inflation, less moolah, less grub
Our diminished middle class club
Can there be any doubt
Why we voted them out?
A prodigious, predictable, flub!
A traveller wolfed down some grub
On an airplane, then started to rub
His stomach im pain.
He was hardly insane
To withdraw from the high flyers club.
A sailor discovered a grub
Crawling out on a branch of a shrub.
This shouldn’t astound,
Except it was found
Down deep in the bowels of his sub.
As a scientist studied a grub,
He sang “Rub a dub dub in a tub.”
He wasn’t sure why,
But then he was high
From downing a few at the pub.
The pols do rummage and grub
And swing their vast verbal club.
“Pick Me! Pick Me!
You can Trust me.(You’ll see)
To work in payola’s great hub.”
The cowpoke who showed up for grub
Got much more at Miss Nell’s special club.
Her gals cured his hanker,
For which he did thank her.
Said she, “Where’s my Benjamin, Bub?”
Slight improvement:
The cowpoke who showed up for grub
Got much more at Miss Nell’s social club.
Her gals cured his hanker,
For which he did thank her.
Said she, “Where’s my Benjamin, Bub?”
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 188.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Stake.