Limerick Switch (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was fixing a switch…*
or
A gal who was wearing a switch…*
or
A woman was planning to switch…*
or
A fellow had pulled off a switch…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Switch
By Madeleine Begun Kane
As a miser was fixing a switch,
Standing high on a ladder, an itch
Made him twitch and then tumble,
His last words — a grumble:
“Oh no! Soon my sons will be rich.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, House Repairs, Inheritance Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Misers, Money & Finance Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Tightwads, Writing Prompts
After mid-terms we maybe will switch
From a Dem controlled Senate, but which
Will be party to blame
When they play the same game?
“The fault’s still Obama’s,” they’ll bitch.
Enjoyed this limerick of yours :-) Clever.
You write really cool limericks – I wish I could do the same..
I indulged the temptation to switch
From my wife to her friend, but the bitch
Screws around unprotected,
And I’ve been infected
With some kind of seven-year itch.
The Governor pulled on the switch …
Nothing happened, not even a twitch.
The utility bill
Was unpaid, and to kill
Without juice in the chair is a bitch.
The blonde bimbo decided to switch
To brunette, but discovered a hitch:
On the bottle, it said
“Only use on the head.”
In the toilet? That seemed a bit rich!
My computer? I off/on the switch
Every time there’s a Microsoft glitch.
Their software’s so poor
That I’ve never been sure
How Bill Gates got disgustingly rich.
The huntsman had pulled off a switch
And he gave a wild boar to the witch,
While the real Snow White
Had a dwarf every night,
Though she never could tell which was which.
It was finished! He turned on the switch
Saying “Let there be light!” Just one hitch:
Creation was tiring,
He’d screwed up the wiring –
The Universe stayed black as pitch.
A fellow tried fiercely to switch
Hands and angles, but no matter which,
The right spot was not reached,
As he twisted and screeched,
“An itch you can’t scritch is a bitch!”
A fellow was fixing a switch
On a stripper who dressed as a witch
The switch finally lit
And the light showed a split
That opened and closed when she’d twitch.
.
A gal who was wearing a switch
Was a stripper who dressed as a witch
The switch turned a light
That went dim and then bright
And revealed she wore nary a stitch.
.
The stripper who wore a light switch
On a costume that mimicked a witch
Turned it on just in time
To show assets sublime
And bulge eyes of the guys she’d bewitch.
.
Now this gal with the magical switch
On a costume that mimicked a witch.
Did a mean bump and grind
From her front to her hind.
And found she was now growing rich.
.
Lest you think this gal with the switch
Was happy while getting rich
Well then you’d be wrong
For she sang a sad song.
With the rich comes the hitch, an insatiable itch.
a fellow was fixing a switch
tho really was scratching an itch
to fix up the place
which was a disgrace—
it’s funny how all used bitch
A woman was planning to switch
From being a bad, lying bitch.
I will be a saint
But really, I ain’t!
I’ll do what I must to bewitch.
A woman was planning to switch
From junk food to eating spinach
It’s no fun to be sick
Rather be a hot chick!
And this is today’s health food pitch!
A woman was wielding a switch
To train her guy, she’d be a bitch!
But then he had told her,
“A whip makes me colder..
Just spread your legs- you will bewitch!”
Allison Holker is indeed rich
Dance audiences she did bewitch
SYTYCD star
She certainly raised the bar..
And she’s married to great dancer, tWitch.
If one wishes spouses, to switch.
You might postpone scratching that itch.
In springtime take note o’
That wise old sage, Yoda
Who said, “May divorces bewitch.”
The magician decided to switch
His assistant, that ugly old bitch.
So she went in the box
Fully dressed to her socks,
But the blonde who came out – not a stitch!
I have written entries for two previous ones but not got round to posting them in time – this time I am making sure. I think I’ll put the others on my blog later, just for fun. Anyway, the on-current-topic ones:
A fellow was fixing a switch,
But suddenly started to twitch:
It seemed that the main
‘D been switched on again,
Providing a re-volting hitch.
A schoolteacher swishing a switch
The school had decided to ditch:
In this modern era
You can’t rule by fear; a
Real bit of a bitch for a witch.
A woman had pulled off a switch,
transformed to an enchanted witch.
When her boyfriend complained
that nothing was gained,
she said, “That’s too bad. Life’s a bitch.”
A woman, while planning to switch
Her Halloween costume of kitsch
To something divine,
Was tippling wine,
Hit a hitch and drove into a ditch
At this point in my life, I should switch
To a healthier diet (less rich).
But to make a fresh start
Would require more heart,
So I shop Abercrombie and Fitch.
Well, I finally let my wife switch
My mind about “quelching my kitsch.”
It seems like vast tech to me.
This “simple vasectomy”.
The vas deferens is just snip and stitch.
A woman is planning to switch
but this woman is truly no witch..
she’s my grandmother silly but..
not today.. back when i am a real..
and i forget the fifth line ditched here….
I was groping on the wall for a switch
When I felt something cold on a witch
It was not what you think
All rounded and pink
But a medal for winning Quidditch
I had groped on the wall for a switch
When I felt something cold on a witch
It was not what you think
All rounded and pink
But a medal for winning at Quidditch
Please ignore the previous two versions:
I had groped on the wall for a switch
When I felt something cold on a witch
It was not what you think
All rounded and pink
But a medal for winning Quidditch
A hitter who’s looking to switch
Just couldn’t relate to the pitch
His instructor said left
He was rightly bereft
When his swing developed a hitch
To correct this he hired a witch
Who cast a spell which was her niche
Mixing the eye of newt
With ground up bamboo chute
Made his vision suddenly twitch
His average is now in the ditch
Gone is dream of becoming rich
There’ll be no hall of fame
For the guy with this name
On back of uniform it said Glitch
A woman had pulled a man’s switch
A woman had pulled a man’s switch.
I bet you were thinking I’d rhyme it with bitch.
I would if she hadn’t arranged
a sexual exchange
to help this poor fellow who had developed a twitch
But then this fellow began fixing a switch.
As he liked his sex with an S&M niche.
The woman complied
after he qualified
that he’d make her swiftly and switch-edly rich.
Now here’s where it all takes a switch.
He calls out his wife’s name to the (I tried not to use the word) bitch,
But while he is astride,
she cries out wide-eyed,
This will cost you even more or I’ll snitch!
Switch
At the clinic there’s been a big switch,
‘Cause the doc’s sense of humor is rich
A sign on a shelf
Now reads: SUTURE SELF
And patients go home in a stitch
She silently flipped the on switch
And started to fidget and twitch
After five minutes groanin’
And shakin’ and moanin’
The park ride was over. Whatdja think was going on?
Seems your brain is in need of a switch
And it’s caught in a seven-year glitch
I could hear grinding gears
As smoke puffed from your ears
When you learned cliche ain’t pronounced clitch!
Last night, we decided to switch
Out partners with neighbors. That bitch
Was a great piece of ass,
But I’d go back and pass
Cause it burns now to pee. My nuts itch.
I decided it’s time that I switch
Into boxers from briefs cause they itch
And they pinch on my manberries
Till they’re red just like cranberries
And they leave me with no woo to pitch.
My Lawyer’s Bigger Than Yours
While his ex- was asleep at her switch,
He filed motions designed to unhitch
His affairs from her grasp…
Awful, burbling gasp!
Eyebrows jumped! and she started to twitch!
“I don’t care for ideas that you pitch,
For they’ll all come to naught! Oh, and which
Of your balls will you lose
On this round, dear? You choose…
Or, I leave you with nothing to itch!”
Last night she drank scotch for a switch
And she woke up today in a ditch
With her panties half on,
But her bra was now gone
And her bagpipes in hands of young Mitch.
America pulled off a switch
Where elections are bought by the rich.
It takes lots of moolah
To pick a new rulah
For parties, regardless of which.
A couple agreed they would switch
Who did what and to whom and with which,
To find a new mission
For plain old coition
(At any rate, that was the pitch).
In Silicon Valley they switch
The traditional way to get rich:
Instead of a trap,
Your mouse builds an app,
Provided it ain’t got a glitch.
A warlock was planning to switch,
To a gal who seemed nice, from a bitch –
But identical twins!
Well, on needles and pins,
He couldn”t tell which witch was which.
A sstand-up had decided to switch
His routine to another one, which
Would get more applause,
And not giggles – guffaws,
But the patrons were only in stitch
He knew it was time he should switch,
From calling his bride and old witch,
To being “gracious groom”,
‘Cause she took out her broom –
It was stitch after stitch after stitch
She bore him a son, what a switch!
But the doc was a smart-ass sumbitch,
“Well, we had to incise,
But for you, thought it wise,
“To take it up one extra stitch.”
A woman completed a switch:
For the “other team” now she will pitch.
It’s a major surprise
That she gave up on guys;
Now she’s found her own personal niche.
On the mantel he mounted the switch
Bric-a-brac quintessentially kitsch
He said “When I was bad
As a one legged lad
Mother used it for tanning my britch”
She wanted a girl for a switch
She thought that might just scratch her itch
Then she went out with Kat,
Whom she heard was a rat,
But nevertheless kissed her snitch
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 187.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Grub.