Limerick Taste (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow with terrible taste…*
or
A woman had asked for a taste…*
or
The comic showed very poor taste…*
or
This meal has a terrible taste…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Taste
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow has terrible taste.
His pride in his place is misplaced.
It’s showy and lewd,
And his dates find it crude,
So the women he chases stay chaste.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
A fellow with terrible taste
Didn’t think when approaching in haste
A cannibal group.
They plopped him in their soup
Saying, “Though you taste bad, we shant waste!”
The young suitor was ranked for his taste
By the King. His young daughter he placed
Out beside a small yew
And a Wandering Jew.
Round and round the small bush she was chaste.
The meal had a terrible taste
Considering that it was based
On rare things exotic
And morsels biotic
A shame that it all went to waste
A limerick in the worst taste
Is a terrible poem to waste,
And no one is fonder
Of double entendre
Than I, so I’ll share it in haste.
I am hoping that I will be graced
And my brilliance will firmly be placed
In Lim’rick-Off annals
By Kane’s judging panels,
As the one on which others are based.
For its rhythm is perfectly paced.
With puns it is brilliantly laced.
But alas, it’s too late!
My unhappy fate
Is you’ve heard it. I see you’re red-faced.
A comic showed terrible taste
Making bad racist jokes. In his haste,
He did not stop to think
How his harsh words could sink
His career deep in excreted waste.
A fellow with terrible taste
Mixed some scotch with tomato paste.
It tasted just awful
And should be unlawful.
But who cares when everyone’s spaced.
A woman had asked for a taste
Of punch with brandy sweet laced.
Soon her eyes they would shine
For lost love she would pine.
Till at last she was wildly shit faced.
This meal has a terrible taste
Mixing gin and tomato paste
It’s indeed a rare sauce
To the eyes brings a gloss.
But at dinner the guests all embraced.
The comic showed very poor taste
To guests who his table they graced.
He served them some wine
In a five gallon stein
Of the night were all memories erased.
…
A limerick in the worst taste
Is a terrible poem to waste,
And no one is fonder
Of double entendre
Than I, so I’ll share it in haste.
I am hoping that I will be graced
And my brilliance will firmly be placed
In Lim’rick-Off annals
By Kane’s judging panels:
The one on which others are based.
For its rhythm is perfectly paced.
With puns it is brilliantly laced.
But alas, it’s too late!
My unhappy fate
Is you’ve heard it. I see you’re red-faced.
My second version has one extra syllable removed. Now it’s brilliance is unsullied! :)
A published limerick with “taste” in the B-rhyme as the lead of a book review.
Earth Moved
The meal had a rather odd taste,
Rather like marzipan paste.
It lead to the demise
Of a number of guys
Whose affections were badly misplaced.
A girl who developed a taste
To be friendly rather than chaste
Was a romp in the bed
But it went to her head
And then it went to her waist.
The meal had a terrible taste
Thus ensuring it would go to waste
It’s a pity, said the cook
But I must follow the book
And throw it all out posthaste
The drink had a curious taste;
Had her Vodka Martini been laced?
But she drank all the same –
It would be a great shame
If the spirit’s expense went to waste.
His girl had “gone down” for a taste,
But the speedboat blew up as he raced.
She was found near the boat
With his dick in her throat,
But the rest of him couldn’t be traced.
In the past, Ann displayed champagne’s taste,
But her budget is now lower paced.
Her old sugar daddy
Got caught by wife Maddie*
Who cut off his funds and posthaste!
*No relation to our hostess! :-)
The recipe’s terrible taste
Was in need of a change, and posthaste.
I found that the dish
Had the taste of bad fish,
So I found a good fish and re-plaiced!
There’s just no accounting for taste
On a planet where life’s carbon-based.
CO2 by design
Brings mosquitoes to dine.
Larger folks give off more, so we’re chased!
This turkey has quite an odd taste
Did you forget by chance to baste?
It is not that its dry
But when given a try
Ben stuck in my throat since we graced
A woman had asked for a taste
Of cake filled with rich almond paste.
But without self-control
Sugar would take its toll
She had better leave there posthaste.
George Boole had developed a taste
So the love of his life often graced
His meals making dishes
With mathematical fishes–
Her soups were all Boolean-based!
My wife’s cooking’s distinctive in taste.
It sticks in your throat, unreplaced.
Showing how well it can
Also stick to a pan,
It leads sales as industrial paste!!
The meal had a terrible taste
So the customer had it replaced
“This dry ballpark frank you
Cooked too long, no thank you!
Start over again, and first baste”
A woman had asked for a taste
Of what I had below my waist
I did not want to disappoint
Or get her nose out of joint
For that was what she faced
The comics had very poor taste,
Their prank, deemed by all, a disgrace,
They showed little remorse,
For their comments so coarse,
Ill-judged and extremely misplaced.
The comic had very poor taste,
His audience, very strait-laced,
His act was so rude,
They jeered and they booed,
He ended up flat on his face.
She woke up with a terrible taste
In her mouth and her corset unlaced.
When a voice in her ear
Purred, “Madeira, my dear,”
She knew she’d been unchastely embraced.
A woman had asked for a taste
Of life that was free and unchaste.
Really hot and fast guys;
Who gave sexual highs!
She laughed- “What a sweet aftertaste!”
A woman had asked for a taste
of whiskey, I thought in my haste
though here is the kicker
she wanted hard licker
and both of us ended up “faced”
A woman had asked for a taste,
Though swearing that she was quite chaste,
After one or two
Of the local pub’s brew,
Her apparel came quickly unlaced.
A woman had asked for a taste,
Her fellow quickly felt graced.
His jewels she would treasure
And give him great pleasure,
But ’twas only his cash she embraced
A woman had asked for a taste,
Gave her man a stern looking face,
He lifted his glass,
Afraid of his lass,
Then spilling it on her in haste.
Young Rubens was longing to taste
The delights of his model; in haste
To explore her positions,
“What wonderful Titians!”
He cried, as her bust he unlaced.
She hated the texture and taste,
But his cravings just had to be faced.
He was built like Apollo,
And begged her to swallow
His grandmother’s anchovy paste.
She was dressed in impeccable taste
From her diadem down to the waist,
But the Queen – do I dare
Say the rest was quite bare? –
Had forgotten her skirt in her haste.
His jokes had a rather stale taste:
“Did you hear how the Prince was dis-Graced?…”
But the audience groaned
And the comic was stoned,
Which reduced him to old chestnut paste.
The King found it more to his taste
That his wives have their noggins displaced,
So when Anne Boleyn said
“May I offer thee head?”,
Henry grinned, and assured her “Thou may’st.”
The odor was thick and the taste
It evoked was like green, noxious waste
I imagined effusing from
Some toxic oozing drum.
This death cloud to you has been traced.
A fellow with terrible taste
Was ga-ga with joy when he faced
Two gals in a stirrup
Clad in chocolate syrup
(I’m sorry, this line got erased.)
The Mafia comes for its “Taste”
Wherever your business is based.
Just treat it like dues
Which you can not refuse,
Or in haste they will render it waste.
I leaned in and stole a quick taste.
She matched it with motions unchaste.
With ardent affection,
Forgetting protection,
Our haste would soon fill out her waist.
A Harley fan had a strong taste
For driving his hog with great haste.
Then his girlfriend fell off.
Is he Ruthless? I scoff!
That’s a cheap, shabby pun. (He’s dis-Graced.)
The comic showed very poor taste,
said the gal in the front was unchaste.
But he didn’t foresee.
The gal’s significant he
made sure from the stage he was chased.
A fellow with terrible taste
Found a virgin that he soon embraced.
She slipped loose and ran
And all that I can
Do is to leave you this pun: She’s still chased.
A fellow with terrible taste
Met a girl who was much too strait-laced
So in several dark places
He undid all her laces
Then he undid himself too poste-haste.
The comic showed very poor taste,
When his turkey he forgot to baste.
The stuffing was dry and did crumble.
Several guests started to grumble;
“Feed us jokes, post haste,
Or we’ll lay this party to waste.”
The comic, ever so humble,
Didn’t stutter or mumble.
“You can all be replaced.”
A fellow with terrible taste
Thought the world by his presence was graced
But he didn’t get far
At the new singles bar
So he sits in his room single-spaced.
This lim’rick exudes such bad taste.
The verse is quite clean. What a waste!
Though this poem is clean
And its words aren’t obscene,
It certainly shows I’m debased.
A gal with regrettable taste
Escaped from a stalker with haste.
It appears that his urgin’s
Were directed toward virgins.
She was chased just because she was chaste.
A limericist had good taste
With lines and syllables aced
. His rhyming was fine
And his meter, divine
But he feft punctuation. misplaced
In your mouth it has left a bad taste,
The night a strange man you embraced,
Your tongue, used to titillate.
Strong drink can’t obliterate
The memory, but still you’re effaced.
My limericks are written in haste.
You say they are lacking in taste?
If a limerick’s too nice
And lacking in spice,
Then reading it’s really a waste.
I’m first to admit I’ve poor taste
As an asthete, I’m quite the disgrace
Be it Elvis on velvet
Or a cheap Cheesehead helmet
You’ll find that and more at my place
Dogs playing at cards? Sure, I got ’em
My nude paintings? Straight outta Sodom!
I find them a delight
But my guests cower in fright
My artistic sense rates near the bottom
But to heck with the standards of taste!
For to dwell on such things seems a waste
So please cease your complaining
Of my brand-new clown painting
It’ll look great above the fireplace.
So now I have shown that my taste
Can run to the filth or the chaste.
Days past I denied it.
No longer I’ll hide it.
The dark side of humor’s embraced.
Impresarios live by their taste,
Which, if doubtful, can see them disgraced.
A lady conductor
Complained that he’d assaulted her;
There’s music will have to be faced.
As a school girl, I sought out the taste
in that sweet little jar of white paste.
Then I caught my first scent
Of some rubber cement
And all thoughts of that paste were erased.
That handsomely dressed chap’s to my taste;
There’s respect with some bad interlaced.
See the set of his chin
And his shit eating grin?
I shall make his acquaintance with haste
The meal had a savory taste
And the cooking-show judges embraced
And enjoyed ev’ry course
With no clue it was horse.
Did it win? It did not, but it placed.
Nervous Norvis has excellent taste
In coffee at his little place
Norvis’ caffeinated café
Will blow you away
Like a rocket heading for space
She loved everything that she’d taste,
Which led to a challenge she faced.
“The more that I ate,
The more I gained weight.
I’m afraid what I eat goes to waist.”
A fellow with terrible taste
Like to eat his hamburger encased
With both onions and cheese
Yesterday’s old Chinese
Mustard, mayo and anchovy paste.
That Congressman left a bad taste
Of obstruction, corruption, and waste.
“So he lost?” You’re mistaken.
‘Cause he brought home the bacon,
He beat each opponent he faced.
She starts with “May I have a taste?”
As if I am done, and she’s chaste.
But before I reply
She devours MY pie.
And end with “That’s too good to waste!”
A man of impeccable taste
Like his letters all evenly spaced.
A recalcitrant “i”
Brought a tear to his eye.
(Ooh, eye-rhymes and I am disgraced.)
A fellow too poor for his taste,
Bought a ring from a woman disgraced.
She was married to Madoff,
But swore it was paid off.
He’s now stuck with her jewelry paste.
The FOX “news” team has such bad taste
That even when bacon encased,
Is so far from okay
Even cannibals say,
“Away I would much rather waste.”
You’re finding you’re using poor taste
In composing these lim’riks post-hate.
Don’t get angry, get Mad
She’ll critique just a tad
And adjust a syl-LA_ble misplaced.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 178
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Nest.