Limerick Rank (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was proud of his rank…*
or
A woman was trying to rank…*
or
A fellow would often pull rank…*
or
A fellow was filthy and rank…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Rank
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The cigar he was smoking was rank.
His hotdog was messy and stank.
Its mustard was dribbling,
But no one was quibbling;
When you’re powerful, few folks are frank.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
A woman was trying to rank
The men who’d lay by her flank—
But she couldn’t decide
If the time of the ride
Trumped the length and the width of their shank.
I have proven I’m worthy of rank
By past actions and really must thank
The men in my charge
I abused by and large
With my farts which, in General, stank…
A woman was proud of her rank
On her navy career she would bank
She guided the ship
Made nary a slip
That is, until her ship sank
Our serial number, name, rank
Is all we would give when we sank
And the enemy fished us
From watery vistas
And threw us right into the tank
To rise through the limerick rank
For the win feels like cash in the bank.
If you really believe,
Your stuff will achieve.
(If the check you give Mad’s signed and _____!)
Should be your not you’re. Really smart, Jon.
Fixed. :)
The Captain, abusing his rank,
Exclaimed as the ship hit a bank,
“Forget children and women,
They’ll have to try swimmin’ ”,
Then jumped in the lifeboat – which sank.
The General tried to pull rank
On a female cadet in his tank.
She was eager to please,
And went down on her knees,
But the charge in his cannon was blank.
The turkey was rotten and rank;
It was crawling with maggots, and stank.
On that Thanksgiving Day
All the guests, in dismay,
Felt a disinclination to thank.
Higgs was trying to order by rank
All the particles known to Max Planck.
“But there still is a gap”,
Said this brainy young chap,
“And a ‘boson’ would fill in the blank.”
The odour of vomit was rank
And the coins and the banknotes all stank.
There were drunks on the floor,
Empty bottles galore …
They’d had a wild time at the bank
A woman was trying to rank
As first but she could not outflank
Her lover’s esteemed job
Though she made his heart throb:
Of course his career’d outrank.
Fun limericks as always Madeleine. Maybe if dVerse stays quiet I will find something rank to write about!
A fellow was proud of his rank
In a foreign affairs think tank.
He took cash from donors
Who were really his owners.
But their money he took to the bank.
A fellow was proud of his rank
Till it plummeted after his shank
His handicap rose
From his toes to his nose
He had only bad strokes to thank.
A woman was trying to rank
The safety of funds in her bank.
She discovered a flaw
A security maw
So big that she sat down and drank.
“Oh Francis, dear, how do I rank?”
“Tell me true, has your love for me shrank?”
“Such a question you pose!”
“When my love for you grows!”
“An you know, dear, I’ve always been Frank”
A FELLOW WAS PROUD OF HIS RANK..
SHOT ME A BIRD ON THE DANCE FLOOR of RAVE..
i LOOKED OVER MY SHADES IN TIGER EYE STARE..
HE HEAD BUTTED ME..so i put a grip of steel around his neck!
He no longer shoots birds..he NOWgains respect..4different2!
By the way..true story..
happened a few
days ago..while
i’m dancing RAVE!
in FREEST STYLE WAY!
For a gunfighter, he was top rank
And quicker, the more that he drank
I tested my fate
I drew, fired, and, wait…
Dammit, I just drew a blank
J. Arthur Rank.
After Methodist Church allegations that US films of the 30’s were detrimental to British family life, J Arthur Rank took up the challenge …
British film mogul, J Arthur Rank
Said, “This ‘Gone With The Wind’? It’s too Yank!
“If I’d made it, Butler
“Would say something subtler
“Like, ‘I couldn’t care less, to be frank.’ ”
A Russian of very high rank
Skedaddled with missiles to the Ukraine’s flank
“You closed McDonald’s in Crimea!
Well, I’ll just see ya –
Their calories are illegal for the Russian food bank.”
A lady of very high rank
Was very reluctant to thank
Her chauffeur of old
Who when out in the cold
Said “It’s stopped and I can’t find the crank”
The fellow was filthy and rank
sufficient to say that he “stank”
But that smell is the clue
to the work that he “do”
pumping the full septic tank!
(Having just had new septic system installed for our home, this was easy!)
A fellow is filthy and rank,
with plenty of dough in the bank,
and so he will sue
but Sterling is through
the bigoted, senile old crank
A woman was trying to rank
Her preference to whip or to spank.
This S and M babe,
The kinky she’d crave.
Her guys’ rods she did love to yank.
A fellow was proud of his rank
as top teller of his neighborhood bank.
But, it didn’t take long
for him to be wrong.
He missed the hot babe on his flank.
A man who was proud of his rank,
12 inches without even a yank,
But with much modesty,
all the women he’d see,
would ask him to do ‘em point-blank.
thewritersvillage.wordpress.com
A man who was proud of his rank.
Had a member as big as a tank.
Women would run
To ogle his gun,
And then they’d swing under his shank.
thewritersvillage.wordpress.com
A man who was proud of his rank
would plank lightly on a lady’s flank.
The naughty girls waited
’cause he was X-rated
in arousing pink flesh with a spank.
thewritersvillage.wordpress.com
“Flowers In The Turret”
Every crank there is fighting for rank
Every go makes a hole in their bank
Cause to pay for a post
Will sure cost like a roast
But Fanstory’s my playground and wank.
General Monger was proud of his rank
So he rolled into town in a tank
It really blew his mind
When he got a ticket and fine
For running down the ATM at the bank
The Cole Bros Circus does rank
The worst,to a new low they sank:
Animals abused;
Torture trained and used.
Cole laughs all the way to the bank.
His own self he most highly did rank
And non-stop on his wealth he would swank.
His poor lover (neglected)
Gloated: “It’s been rejected!
The donation you sent the sperm bank.”
An artist, whose sketches would rank
With the best, was forthcoming and frank:
“It would seem that my muse
Is providing no cues,
So right now I am drawing a blank.”
“Those vegans? You know how they rank
In my mind; they’re the worst sort of crank.”
Opined most, when ’twas “edgy”
To even be veggie!
Cranks laughs now, right up to the bank.
(Cranks was London’s flagship vegetarian restaurant chain, opening in Carnaby Street in 1961.)
There once was a skank who was rank,
And at first, a whiff shrank my poor crank,
But her skill was so great
The smell seemed to abate,
So the sex never, thankfully, stank.
Everyone here’s trying for rank
With innuendo, quite frank
Looking for giggles
By implying wriggles
Of flesh, they can take to the bank.
A pimp took the time out to rank
(By real market value) each skank.
The girls near the top
Earned him thousands a pop,
The low ones $1.50 a yank.
Told my wife, “I can smell something rank
In this corner. It’s dark, wet, and dank.
It feels kind of squishy
And smells kind of fishy
And tastes like your sister’s.” “THAT SKANK!”
Low Rank Prank
An obsequious clark of low rank
Contemptuous of manager Hank
Forged all the files
On the loo with his piles
Then got Hank hung enjoying his prank.
Obsequious – ingratiatiating behaviour.
Crank The Prank Frank
A rank bastard disguising his rank
Was frank when he told Frank ” you stank!”
Frank said ” I don’t care,
get out of my hair!
You crank cause I know it’s a prank.”
If I had to order by rank
The best who have pleasured my plank
I’d need the whole day
To think of a way
To choose which hand gives the best spank… :-)
A lady of very high rank
Gave her butler a cheque that was blank
Saying “Spend what you will
The sex was a thrill
And remember to re-fill my tank.”
If I had to order by rank
The best who have pleasured my plank,
With hands-on attacks
I’d take a few whacks
At deciding which hand gets top wank!
If I had to order by rank
The best who have pleasured my plank,
I’d take the whole week
To twaddle and tweak
In a hands-on search for top wank!
If I had to order by rank
The best who have pleasured my plank,
The subject I’d broach
With a hands-on approach
To tally up whacks for top wank.
If I had to order by rank
The best who have pleasured my plank,
I’d have a go
At a full blow-by-blow,
And top flautist I’d tout as top skank!
If I want the very top-rank
Most talented woodwinding skank,
Where shouldst thou goest
To find an oboist
That knowest the ways of the shank??
rrrrgh. Can you get rid of that r-ible r in line one?
Note from Mad Kane: Done. :)
Hey, youse blonde! you ‘as tryin’ to rank
Th’ partic’lars o’ ma’ legen’ crank—
See now, me’be yo tooks
Off yor ow’ daisy dukes
An’ we splash in the ol’ water tank… eh?
(Way too much comics and TV: Lil Abner, Petticoat Junction, Dukes of Hazzard, etc.)
The best movies we tried to rank
“Clearly,” said Jim, “Casablanc…”
Marie butted in,
She said, “Gone With the Wind”
For my vote, I went with “Shawshank”
Nice one Mad!
Here’s mine:
A fellow was filthy and rank
his feet and his armpits both stank
He lived on the streets
with all the dead beats
His millions untouched in the bank
A woman’s B O was so rank
And even her underwear stank
That when she went in
To withdraw a fin
She got an escort from the bank
A competitor of the first rank
Took his speed-eating prize to the bank.
He never got flustered.
With relish, he mustered
The courage to swallow each frank.
A fellow, drunk, filthy and rank,
Exposed his sad wang to a skank.
But she was farsighted.
His scream was ignited
When she reached out and gave it a yank.
The younger would often pull rank
And give orders the older thought stank.
Said the younger, “Be free.
When you must disagree,
I’ll be Jesse and you can be Frank.”
A billionaire reached the top rank
Of those who stow loot in the bank.
When asked who to give credit,
Quite astonished he said, “It
Is me, only me, I must thank.”
Collect all your thoughts and then rank
Rod Resplendent or Awesomely Swank.
Assess if you treasured
Nine inches that pleasured.
Keep mindful, I’m just a big
^______________________/
With banking the key word is rank;
Who grovels and who you must thank.
But behind that veneer
Is a cold-hearted sneer.
These pirates should all walk the plank.
A French guy attempted to rank
All the gals in the bar where he drank.
With the top four he dared
But they all gave him merde.
So he settled for Mademoiselle Cinq.
There once was a lord of high rank
Who made juvenile jokes that so stank.
And the worst of the lot
Made guests flee from the spot
When he offered his finger to yank.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the week 175.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Post.