Rash Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man who was terribly rash…*
or
A gal was upset by a rash…*
or
A woman had done something rash…*
or
A city had suffered a rash…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Rash Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A musician was terribly rash
In committing to drum up some cash
For an equine-themed play.
No one rich said okay;
A loud chorus of nays, but no stash.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
A woman had done something rash
Had tonic and gin just a splash
She woke up in a daze
With eyes all a glaze
She had been taken out with the trash.
A gal was upset by a rash
From a night that left her abash
She fell out of a boat
And so couldn’t gloat
She plunged in coal ash with a splash.
A fellow was terribly rash
About spending his limited cash
He bought a Ferrari
But soon he was sorry
In a flash he had spent all his stash.
My wife had a painful red rash
From eating some strawberry mash.
She hiked up her skirt
To show where it hurt
Which made my car swerve and then crash!
In my neighborhood, there’s been a rash
Of break-ins and folks losing cash,
Possessions, and jewels.
Recession’s what fuels
Aggressions and makes burglars brash.
Dear paleface, quit acting so rash.
It’s annoyingly lacking in flash.
When you act inflamed
Then you should be blamed
For red welts on your lily-white ash.
Though often not one to be rash,
He sent them the bulk of his cash.
Their magic repair
For his thinning hair?
Alas, just so much balderdash.
His back had come up in a rash
Where his mistress had wielded the lash.
“Killer bees!” he tried lying –
His wife wasn’t buying,
And bundled him out with the trash.
I adnit it was foolish and rash
To show her my bankroll of cash,
But how could I know
That the sweet little ho
Would slip me a Mickey, and dash?
I’d intended to write about “Rash-
omon” (Japanese film), but such brash
Hyphenation would, sad-
ly, infuriate Mad,
And my chances of winning would crash.
Jimmy’s girlfriend developed a rash
While petting in the back of his Nash
He slipped her a Vlassic
Right there in that classic
In a pickle she’s now looking for cash
In an opium den Ahmed got rash
After smoking up all of his stash
He swore that he’d quit
Then had to admit
T’was an oath that he’d often re-hash
A woman had done something rash..
And dyed her hair- Oh, it looked brash!
The red was too strong-
On her it looked wrong.
So she changed it to a brown ash.
A fellow was terribly rash!
Declaring love, he was quite brash.
But he was adored.
And in bed he soared
He lived his life with great panache!
A woman had done something rash.
Switching from beef to succotash.
It made her a saint-
To show such restraint.
But it was all great balderdash!
A gal was upset by a rash
six inches south of her sash
only to learn
it was just whisker burn
and made her man shave his mustache
A gal was upset by a rash
When she listened to ‘Jumpin’ Jack Flash’
She said, ‘Hold it, Mick!’
‘I’ve got zits I must pick!’
‘So I wish you’d stop singing your trash!’
A man who was terribly rash
Signed up for the hundred-yard dash.
His head in a muddle
He slipped in a puddle,
And he finished up with a splash.
A fellow was terribly rash
In love making, he had panache.
But she laughed; didn’t moan,
His rhythm was thrown.
He’d tickled her with his moustache!
In building, like love, don’t be rash
By beginning to screw in a flash.
First, be gentle and drill
Tender holes with your Skil
So you won’t split that nice piece of ash.
Che Guevara had been rather rash,
And his enemies pounced in a flash,
But he gave them the slip
By disguising his lip
With a huge Groucho Marx-ist moustache.
Some rhetorical historical fiction:
“Now, Gorbachev, please don’t be rash,”
Said Dutch, “like your head or I’ll bash
Your purpley-red top off.
Like Yuri Andropov,
Chernenko and you will be ash.”
A gal was upset by a rash
That appeared next to her forward slash
The bumpy red patch
That enveloped her snatch
Made it hard for the whore to earn cash.
Perl said to him, “Please don’t be rash
and in haste when you come for a #.
If you’re not careful, hon,
It’ll be your last 1.
If you ENTER and ! my \.”
A fellow did something quite rash
Late at night when he took out the trash
Saw his neighbor quite bare
from a shower so fair
He ran masterbaiting into a tree, with a bash.
[last line probably to long but, I think it’s hilarious]
A girl was upset by a rash
she got worrying ’bout not having cash
So she married Joel
who bought and sold coal
and kept her ass happy in ash
Randy Mazie
thewritersvillage.wordpress.com
A girl was upset by a rash
when her boyfriend brought home succotash
she wondered how he
wasn’t sick just like she,
but he strained it first through his moustache
Randy Mazie
thewritersvillage.wordpress.com
A gal was upset by a rash
from eating folk’s leftover trash
I urge you not try it
it is a bad diet
and I don’t recommend the goulash
Randy Mazie
thewritersvillage.wordpress.com
A gal was upset by a lip rash
she got from her boyfriend’s moustache
she cut off his hair
while dead drunk, my dear,
Then later got caught up in whiplash.
Randy Mazie
thewritersvillage.wordpress.com
There are some who will think that it’s rash
Saying super type heroes are trash
In the sack, but it’s true.
They’re not better than you
If they’re coming as quick as the Flash.
A woman had done something rash
One night at a party with Slash
She jumped the guitarist,
(Who humped her clitarist)
Got pregnant, some fame, and some cash
With sex, it’s best not to be rash,
Even after a gal’s wink and flash.
Can you really be sure
Her intentions are pure,
Or might “she” be a “he” seeking cash?
I think it’s a little bit rash
To hurry and make a big splash
So you can be first
And wind up the worst
Once everyone debugs your trash
With a hare-triggered temper, he’s rash.
That Yosemite Sam’s also brash.
Though some say that he scored
With a widow whose horde
He has stolen and stored in his ‘stache.
“Dear Sirs, Your ointment ‘STOP RASH!’
Has removed all my pubes! It’s just trash!” …
“Dear Madam, Our pills
‘GET PUBES!’ clear such ills” …
“Dear Sirs, Now I’ve grown a moustache!”
You don’t have to do something rash
Just come to this state with some cash
Forget about paper
It’s all about vapor,
Gummy bears, wax weed, and hash
The bloggers may have gone rash
Each week there’s a limerick mishmash
But now here’s a word
Where few rhymes are heard
In hopes the server won’t crash…..
The POTUS did something rash
He went fundraising for cash
Oh wait, that’s the norm,
No matter the storm,
Or crisis, or jumbo plane crash
The physicist sprinter was rash.
He claimed he had won in the dash.
He asserted that Quantum
Mechanics don’t daunt ‘im:
“It’s warp speed that earns me the cash.”
My demented old neighbor was rash
Seems thieves stole her food, but no cash
She said violators
Took her corned beef and taters,
Then she went home to Bob to rehash
In Nevada, you may get a rash
If you’re lured by the neon light’s flash
To the wrong pleasure palace
Where a hooker named Alice
Makes you hot then demands your cold cash.
The moral is not to be brash.
When your lust and your good judgment clash,
Choose a brothel that’s legal.
You’ll soar like an eagle
To know that your gal is not trash.
So maybe Gramps did something rash
He made, sold, and hid, sour mash
I’ve heard this same drama
Many times from old Gramma
A rehash of cash from mash cache
Can you treat my poor, sore privates rash?
And Doctor, please say you’ll take cash,
Cuz my wife can not know,
The cause, blow-by-blow,
Or she’ll toss me right out in a flash.
Her triple entendre seemed rash
As she started removing her sash
“You’ll jump my wee furry,”
“And then want to scurry.”
“So, I’ll have you off in a flash.”
The iPhone has caused quite a rash
Of pictures, and some with panache.
But pervs can’t be happy,
As they are caught snappy
Undressing and sometimes mid-flash.
A woman had done something rash,
Shagged the boss at their company bash,
Although she felt sordid,
She was well rewarded,
Come payday with double the cash.
Inspired by Season 2, episode 2 of Ray Donovan-
His wife, Abby, buys a gorgeous corset
and panties from the store, Agent Provocateur,
to seduce him:
A city has suffered a rash
Of shopping for thongs with panache
It’s expensive for sure:
Agent Provocateur;
For hot guys and women with cash.
Took my jock off and noticed a rash
Had formed on my “beast built to bash”,
So I slathered rash cream
On and in my gal’s seam
And she lathered my beam in a flash!
In the Limerick Off is it rash
To splatter your verse with the dash?
Using hyphens? No good–
That should be understood–
Mad Kane has declared that too brash!
A woman had done something rash
While having her way at a bash
So he spent his dime
And had a hot time
And everything then turned to ash
A swimmer once did something rash,
She tempted some guy with a flash
Of her pretty, bare breast.
Have you yet guessed the rest?
She’s made quite the internet splash.
It seems seeking attention is rash
If your plan is to snatch the King’s sash.
As I’m thrown from the roof,
I’m regretting this goof,
But at least, I will make quite a splash.
A computer buff did something rash
which caused all his programs to crash
And the main explanation
For this situation
Is too many cookies in the cache
The old guy’s embarrassing rash,
Which he got buying sex with cash
From a girl who looked pure,
Had good looks and allure.
But her morals? A bit slapdash.
Monty Python’s success spread like rash
Causing outbursts of laughs in a flash.
Blokes like Idle and Cleese,
Like infectious disease,
Are the boils on life’s arse–with panache!
A fellow was terribly rash:
With his gal he began talking trash.
“I turn eighteen today;
Where’s my b. j. and lay?”
So she gave him a quick birthday bash.
A fellow had a bad rash
But found himself short of the cash
He found an old skillet
And residue to fill it
He handled the rash with panache
A gal was upset by a rash
That covered her body like ash.
“Although it,” observed she
“Might seem I’m a pre-
Mature gray, I’m am really a smash.”
A lisper upset by a rash
Of friends who decided to dash
Away from her party
‘Cause she was so farty.
She invited again, “Kith my ash.”
A gal was upset by a rash
Of children who wanted to splash
Out back in her pool.
It was really not cool –
That was where she had hidden her stash.
I
A gal was upset by a rash
Of perverts who wanted to flash
Her the best that they had,
Which made her so sad.
She gave each a small part of her cash.
A gal was upset by a rash
Of the homeless who wanted her trash.
But she had to admit
It was nothing but shit,
And they just were a little bit brash.
A gal was upset by a rash
Of relatives wanting to crash.
And after ayear,
She was, it was clear,
A relative wanting to smash.
A gal was upset by a rash
Of stalkers who wanted to slash.
Her martial arts skills
Did indeed lead to kills
And to throwing them out in the trash.
A gal was upset by a rash
Of neighbors who wanted to clash.
Her preferred solution
To this verbal pollution –
To get it all out and then hash.
A gal was upset by a rash
Of beggars who asked for her cash.
They did it so rudely –
On top of that crudely –
It was out that she wanted to lash.
A gal was upset by a rash
Of students who wanted her hash.
She was open to trades,
If thwy got better grades,
And they did and, oh, what a bash.
A gal ws upset by a rash
Of addicts who wanted her stash.
So she gave them cocaine
Much too rich for the brain.
They went up, then a terminal crash.
A gal was upset by a rash
Of limericks written to thrash
Her good name, so she sought
Out the writer and taught
Him how not to survive as a mash.
A city had suffered a rash
Of gang members making a splash.
So out went the cops
To bust all their chops.
Without teeth they had nothing to gnash.
Some considered this move a bit rash,
And said that they thoughtt raising cash –
To educate, train,
Create jobs – was more sane,
And was less in the pan like a flash.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 174.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Lmerick Rank.