Archive for June, 2014

Limerick of the Week (167)

Saturday, June 7th, 2014

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

Her eyes were the color of slate.
And her oral endurance? First-rate.
Half a dozen and two
Guys collapsed while she blew.
It all proved that she sure could fell eight.

Congratulations to SCOTT CROWDER, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

Her eyes were the color of slate.
Her breasts would increase my heart’s rate.
And now that I think
Of the part that was pink,
This last line will just have to wait.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Konrad Schwoerke, Chris Doyle, Jen Harris, Brian Allgar, CJ@ProArtz, Sue Dulley, and Fred Bortz. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Konrad Schwoerke:

The sea was the color of slate
When we spied her afloat on a crate.
Once aboard our small ship
She began a slow strip,
So we drew to see who she’d first mate.

Chris Doyle:

With an Aussie tour topping his slate,
William tended to matters of state.
He could not have foretold
What the world would behold
On his trip — the “down under” of Kate.

Jen Harris:

I’m forgetful — my mind’s a blank slate.
But poetry can carry weight.
Now – what was I writing?
For what am I fighting?
Please apprize me, before it’s too late.

Brian Allgar:

His teeth are the colour of slate;
He walks with a simian gait;
He has a huge belly
That shakes like a jelly —
Which is why he prefers a blind date.

CJ@ProArtz:

I’m aging — my mind’s a blank slate.
My hair loss reveals a bald pate.
I’m so ready to squeal
Over lost sex appeal.
My only gain, lately, is weight.

Sue Dulley:

The menu, scrawled out on a slate
In the pub, let us choose what we ate.
The food was not ‘light’
And the staff took all night,
But the dinner was well worth the weight.

Fred Bortz:

With Agnew on Tricky Dick’s slate,
The country would first have to wait
For Crook 2 to resign.
Then the boss was in line
To receive his appropriate fate.

But Gerry Ford then cleared the slate,
Leaving us in a dubious state.
But there’s one thing for sure,
When a pol is impure,
The scandal will end with a “gate.”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

A Rhyme To The Wise (2-Verse Limerick)

Friday, June 6th, 2014

A Rhyme To The Wise (2-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A scrappy young felon liked rhyme,
So he promised himself — no more crime.
He’d instead be a rapper.
But here is the capper:
His “confessional tunes” got him time.

So limerick writers, take heed.
Your rhymes may be next. They could feed
A detective’s suspicions,
Who deems them admissions.
Then indictment — your verse his first lead.

Note: Legal experts are currently debating the surprisingly widespread use of rap lyrics in criminal cases.

Limerick Ode To the ATM

Wednesday, June 4th, 2014

Limerick Ode To The ATM
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The money withdrawing machine
Is a temptress that often seems keen
On increasing our spending.
My balance needs mending!
Oh, what has become of my green?

Happy birthday to Don Wetzel’s Automated Teller Machine! (A patent for the ATM was granted to Donald Wetzel, Tom Barnes and George Chastain on June 4, 1973.)

Limerick Ode To The Shopping Cart

Wednesday, June 4th, 2014

Limerick Ode To The Shopping Cart
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Sylvan Goldman designed something smart;
He invented the food shopping cart.
With its basket, it aids
In a task that pervades
All our lives — buying stuff at the mart.

On June 4, 1937, Humpty Dumpty supermarket chain owner Sylvan Goldman introduced his invention, the shopping cart, in Oklahoma City.

The invention did not catch on immediately. Men found them effeminate; women found them suggestive of a baby carriage. “I’ve pushed my last baby buggy,” offended women informed him. After hiring several male and female models to push his new invention around his store and demonstrate their utility, as well as greeters to explain their use, his folding-style shopping carts became extremely popular and Goldman became a multimillionaire by collecting a royalty on every folding design shopping cart in the United States.

Limerick Ode to “I Love My Dentist Day”

Monday, June 2nd, 2014

Brace yourself for “I Love My Dentist Day.” (June 2nd)

Limerick Ode to “I Love My Dentist Day”
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Some holidays offer delight,
And others are likely to bite:
Love My Dentist Day’s one
That is NOT packed with fun,
So I brush the day off like a mite.

(You might also enjoy my Dental Deal and my Biting Limerick.)

And don’t forget about National Toothache Day (February 9th) and Dentists Day (March 6th.)