Limerick Okays (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
An employee who needed okays…*
or
A fellow was dating two Kays…*
or
The races he likes are 5Ks…*
or
I was stumped by a word with three Ks…*
or
Never act without getting okays…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Okays
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A horse trainer needed okays,
But his boss kept him waiting for days.
Those delays made him bridle:
“That hack is so idle!”
In response he was saddled with nays.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
UPDATE: March 23 is OK Day.
Tags: Animal & Pet Humor, Animal Training, Competition Limerick, Employment Humor, Horse, Horse Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, March Holidays, Odd Holidays, OK Day, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
If you’re stumped for a word with three Ks,
Webster’s has one that’s sure to amaze.
“Kinnikinnik”: the name
Of a plant that’s the same
When it’s spelled either one of two ways.
“Kinnnikinnik” is the longest palindrome in Webster’s Third New International Dicitonary.
“This plant deserves more than okays,”
Reverend Spooner said, sparing no praise.
“See its mesh of racemes?
That is part of God’s schemes,
For He works in wisteria’s maze.”
Our lab rat, for cheese, ran 10Ks,
But of late appears lost in a daze.
He has yet to complete
This new task, and won’t eat
If he doesn’t start wending his maze.
You say there’s no word with three Ks?
My cousin in jail has a phrase –
The poor fellow stutters
Whenever he utters
“Oh, fuck–k-k, crime never pays.”
Pascal wouldn’t wait for okays;
His ideas never ceased to amaze.
He would tell the discerning
“My mind is just burning
With notions – in fact, I’m a Blaise”.
The photographer got the okays
To record revolutionary days.
He said to Guevara
“Forget the cigar, a
Nice smile for the photo – say Che’s.”
They say memory’s numbered in Ks,
But my mind is in rather a daze.
All those digital bytes
Give me somnolent nights;
When I count them, my eyes simply glaze.
Says the hooker in London, “Two Ks”,
But something about her dismays.
It isn’t her price
That fails to entice,
But the hundreds of pounds that she weighs.
My cabriolets drew okays,
Like my carriages, hacks, and coupés.
Every vehicle type
Was deserving of hype,
But my clients just cut to the chaise.
The Grand Coulee, once built, drew okays
Though it caused many boating delays.
When construction had ended,
Most sailors just tended
To dam it, instead, with faint praise.
The minstrel was dating three Kays
And fancied a triplicate ‘baise’,
But when trying to make it
His heart couldn’t take it,
So they were the minstrel’s last lays.
Cottage cheese that I make gets okays,
But the work that’s involved would amaze.
And if you were to ask
Do I love every task,
I’d reply, “Let me count all the wheys.”
Doctor Spooner detested ‘Okays’
And the slovenly speech that’s today’s.
He would say, “My good friend,
I must ask you to mend
Your turkey-like wobbling gays.”
A fellow was dating two Kays
Every week for at least two days
One had a tat “good show.”
The other “ahoy down below.”
And to each he gave praise with a raise.
A fellow was dating two Kays
And each he would always amaze.
For them he would love
Below and above
But soon found other pastures to graze.
A fellow was dating two Kays
But for him it never would faze
When playing hot games
He mixed up their names
Same names now he claims saved the days.
Never act without getting okays:
But this leads to NOs or long delays.
Don’t be a pawn:
Explain later on.
You will learn that initiative pays.
Never act without getting okays
From lovers: don’t cause hurts or dismays.
Don’t upset your mate,
It’s better to wait
Till you get to learn his or her’s ways.
A fellow was dating two Kays
Both needed love;lots of strong praise.
But he’s going broke,
They need verbal strokes,
And jewels from Tiffany’s not Kay’s!
SORRY! ROFL!!!
Cafes, cabarets, and good buffets,
Entrees, fillets, braise, and sauce purees.
My tummy okays
This food-funny phase!
Sundaes,frappes, parfaits, and souffles!
A fellow was dating two Kays,
and really enjoyed the three-ways,
but Kays found their charms.
in each other’s arms,
and he hasn’t seen them for days.
The artist pronounced his okays
As he finished the painting with glaze.
But it aged where it hung
While the subject stayed young,
For the portrait is Dorian Gray’s.
She murmurs “Oh, Wow!”s and “Okay!”s,
And yet somehow her eyes seem to glaze
When she’s bringing him off,
For she’s bored by this toff,
But she’ll blow any fellow who pays.
Doctor Spooner declared that “Oh, Kay” ’s
A show that its welcome outstays.
“Though they’re Wodehouse’s lines
And his shit often whines,
Gershwin’s music has seen better days.”
The young redneck had learnt the three Ks,
And was eagerly countin’ the days
Till becomin’ a man
In the ole Ku Klux Klan
By settin’ some black folks ablaze.
The evangelists shouted okays,
To the plot to bring on End of Days,
By converting the Jews.
(When my tribe got the news,
We responded with countless Oy veys).
(In the limerick above, I originally used the ‘N’ word instead of ‘black folks’, but I feared that even on a site as politically incorrect as this one, it might be unacceptable, so I bowdlerized it.)
The bridesmaids all carried bouquets
Made from corn, maybe you call it maize
The groom, name of Bob,
Also carried a cob,
He’s a COLONEL who LOVES his wordplays….
For Brian Allgar:
Oscar Wilde finds a fruit that decays
In bizarre and mysterious ways:
Its aroma won’t fade
Or its color change shade,
And then suddenly durian grays.
The organization Three K’s,
The pne setting crosses ablaze,
Has now been replaced
By the GOP’s abased
Tea Party it seems nowadays.
A fellow was dating three K’s
But online, so he had little praise
When Keith, Ken and Kyle
Upended his style
With first-date surprises; no lays.
Franz was stumped for a word with three Ks
With his awful and bad-spelling ways.
Chained to a court desk
When he wrote “KafKa-esK,”
He described ‘The Trial’ with that phrase.
The boss man was dating two Kays
And bought them both new négligées.
Kay 1 donned the bright red.
Kay 2 went naked to bed.
Which Kay do you think got a raise?
When searching for synonyms, Kay’s
Sister Sue can provide them for days.
Who cares which word Kay chooses
If Funk n Wagnall Sue uses
Or if Sue used her funkin’ Roget’s?
“My report card is filled with, huh, K’s?
There’s more grades that come after the A’s.”
“Look me square in the I,
And I’ll tell you the Y:
It’s because you keep smoking the J’s.”
If you wouldn’t mind, Mad, and at your convenience, please remove the quotation marks beginning line two of the above post. Sorry and thank you.
Note from Mad Kane: Done. At least, I think I did what you wanted me to. You might want to double check.)
I’ve just won the lottery, ten K,
I’m planning my dream holiday
Where it’s clear blue seas
And ninety degrees
Shit, I’ve thrown the ticket away
A fellow was dating two Kays
Seeing them on alternate days
Double booking one night,
And ensuing cat fight
Saw the end of his two-timing ways
You did right, Mad, thanks again.
Though most nobles, at best, rate okays
For fellatio, one would amaze.
Sadly, now she is dead,
But she once gave great head;
None was better than Lady Jane Grey’s.
When searching for synonyms, Kay’s
Sister Sue can provide them for days.
Who cares if Sue chooses
Funk n Wagnall or uses
A word from her funkin’ Roget’s?
If you’re stumped by a word with three Ks
You must simply approach it two ways:
Search New York and DC.
You’ll find two there for free:
“Knickerbocker” and “Kickback” displays!
A fellow was dating two Kays
Satisfying him in different ways
Whilst Kate number one
Was always great fun
Number two gave amazing B-J’s.
Something radioactive decays
And emits lots of super strong rays.
They will not give you powers
For leaping o’er towers,
But cause more than eyebrows to braise.
Seems our Reynolds is fond of AKs
And the hundreds of bullets one sprays.
Though he wrote a disclaimer,
I know he’s an aimer
Just waiting for someone to blaze.
A fellow in bed with two Kays
Was heard to give words of high praise:
“This is all kinds of fun;
Betcha can’t eat just one!
These gals are two wonderful Lay’s!”
Instead of some paltry okays,
My invention will garner high praise.
It’s a fission pipe lighter;
A real hot igniter,
So surely in glory I’ll blaze.
The races he liked were 5Ks
with challenging, thin passageways.
So he turned his right side
toward each narrow divide
And shimmied through each one edgeways.
Never act without getting okays
To change pastures where cows can go graze.
If the field has short grass,
It will sure be your ass
When the cattle have blocked the fairways.
An employee who didn’t get okays
Moved his desk into the hallways.
The day he acquired
A new chair, he was fired
For lounging his days in a chaise.
An employee who needed okays
Was full of some mighty malaise
Bad cop wanted to shoot
But he’d then get the boot
So instead he decided to taze
An employee who needed okays
saw a beauty outside the truck bays
as he watched her walk by
He dropped hot kosher chai
And muttered a bunch of oy veys
Humbert Humbert just mumbles okays
When marrying old Mrs Haze,
But her daughter Lolita
Is temptingly sweeter,
And Humbert is counting the days …
An employee who needed okays
From her boss was receiving bokays.
His wife did resent ‘er
When roses he sent ‘er
The day she got TWO big fokays!
EDIT:
An employee named Kay got okays
From her boss by receiving bokays.
His wife did resent ‘er
When roses he sent ‘er
The day that she got ‘er fokays!
In a world of okay, I am okay,
You’re okay, if merely today,
Everyone’s bland,
Head in the sand,
Until religion enters the fray.
Tweaked with Mad’s help:
When searching for synonyms, Kay’s
Sister Sue can provide them for days.
Who cares if she’ll choose
Funk n Wagnall or use
A word from her funkin’ Roget’s?
A fellow was dating two Kays
In the hope that he might get two lays.
They conferred and they said,
“Your fantasy’s dead.
You simply can’t have it two ways.”
A fellow was dating two Kays.
The three way they had did amaze.
When they came up for air,
The memories there
Will last ’til the end of their daze.
Never act without getting okays
Unless not doing so really pays.
Every rule that’s been spoken
Has been made to be broken
Ane written ones too.
The races he likes are 5K’s
Out under the sun and its rays.
He contracted skin cancer
And now has the snswer –
Is it true exercise slways pays?.
The rehab – it took months, not just days.
For his doctors he had nothing but praise.
It’s hard not to win
With the skin that he’s in.
He’s once again running 5K’s.
An employee who needed okays
Was startled to witness a blaze
Break out in the store.
He just walked out the door.
His boss learned delegation sure pays.
Though he races for fun in 5K’s’,
He takes time to screw dogs as he plays.
Now this might seem odd,
But he swears to his God
Thant he only does it with strays
Now once you have got to the K’s,
Assuming you won’t mend your ways,
It’s L, M, N, O, P’s
Q, R, S, T, U, V’s
W, X, Y, and Z’s – back to A’s.
A pitcher with twenty-six K’s
Thinks that one more will win him great praise.
He does not understand
That to get them all fanned
Took him four thousand twenty two days.
A “Yes Man” will provide just okays.
No ideas for some alternate ways.
But he’ll plans your demise,
With those other “Yes Guys”
As he scrapes and delivers high praise.
From pensions to 401-Ks
We went, in those long-distant days;
Now our fortunes are dwindling,
For stocks were the kindling
That set our life’s savings ablaze.
We applaud when the Head Chef okays
His filets in a veal demi-glaze.
As he sends out the plate,
Cries the maître d’: “Wait!
Mr. Trump says it needs mayonnaise!”
The Government, folding, OKs
Cliven Bundy’s permission to graze.
If it’s threat of a fight
That determines a right,
Well… then I propose arming the gays.
So you’re curvy — don’t starve for okays,
Join Mensa! Put in for a raise!
Eat butter — buns fatter
Boast better gray matter!
*This* smart ass and I shan’t part ways!
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 169.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Vice.