Limerick Pick (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman was trying to pick…*
or
A fellow was using a pick…*
or
A woman would frequently pick…*
or
A guitar player’s favorite pick…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Pick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A guitarist attempted to pick
A new image sufficiently slick
To aid in her rise
To pop music highs.
But for once, no one fell for her schtick.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
The Phantom’s a show I won’t pick
Cuz he kidnaps a girl, (what a dick)
Plus, he goes on to gloat
The next day, in a note
“Spent the night without making you … ” [sic]
Said Trotsky, “What IS an ice-pick?
Presumably some kind of stick …”
He found it quite horrid
When stuck in his forehead,
A gift from Joe Stalin, the prick.
Casablanca: the girl had to pick
Between Victor, her husband, and Rick.
Though it’s corny – let’s say it! –
Each time Rick says “Play it”,
It still gives the viewers a kick.
“Choose a card, any card, take your pick”
Said the conjurer doing his trick.
So I pilfered his Visa,
The silly old geezer,
And vanished from sight double-quick.
Richard couldn’t decide which to pick:
The guy, or the glamorous chick.
He could swing either way,
And his nickname, they say,
Was “Ambidexterity Dick.”
What a terrible rhyme-word to pick!
I’m too dumb for the new limerick,
For I lithp when I thpeak,
I can’t find what I theek,
And the effort ith making me thick.
A woman would frequently pick
Every Tom, Harry and Dick
With the three in the car.
She soon went too far
Saying “this is what makes my life tick.
A woman was trying to pick
Among Tom, Harry and Dick.
She went of a tear
And had an affair
With all saying “this is my shtick.”
A woman was trying to pick
Among guys with whom she could click
She chose a big fellow
Who made her life mellow
But alas was a slippery Dick.
The lock was quite easy to pick;
He twiddled, and soon heard the click.
But on opening the door
There were guards by the score,
For he’d broken straight INTO the nick.
INDECENCY WARNING
The streetwalker said, “Take your pick;
A handjob right now would be quick,
But if you’re a big cummer,
Then come back in Summer –
One swallow in Spring makes me sick.”
“I think that we now need to pick
A descriptor”, said Watson to Crick.
“How about DNA?”
Replied Watson, “No way –
It’s a name that’s too boring to stick.”
He had a split-second to pick
When his car hit a massive oil-slick:
Should he brake, should he steer?
Now he’s dead, for I fear
That he wasn’t sufficiently quick.
A woman was trying to pick…
A rose without thorns that she’d prick
Her fingers on. OUCH!
It hurt, she could vouch!
She’d have to wear gloves that were thick.
A woman decided to pick
A doctor who was holistic
He healed her health woes.
And now her skin glows.
He put her on herbs and garlic.
I really am trying to pick
A subject not voyeuristic
But try as I might
I gave up the fight:
It’s more fun if it is phallic.
A woman was trying to pick
Art Post and Impressionistic.
But she couldn’t pay
She lacked the Monet
And Toulouse them made her heartsick.
The rooster had taken his pick
Of the hens who admired his dick.
But he felt quite betrayed
When the chick that he’d laid
Surprised him by laying a chick.
He could never get people to pick
What he thought was his best party-trick –
Imitating a clock.
He was good at the ‘tock’,
But he’d never quite mastered the ‘tick.’
On Facebook, my wife saw the pic
Of me bonking an under-age chick.
That social network
Has turned me to fretwork;
My knacks are reduced to a knick.
One night, he took hammer and pick
To demolish the wall made of brick
Where his wife was immured.
Of her presence assured,
He plastered it up nice and slick.
A woman was trying to pick
From a line up down at the nick
It wasn’t his eyes
That she recognised
But the bulge in his pants,what a prick.
A woman was trying to pick
Should it be Tom Harry or Dick?
She couldn’t decide
So with legs open wide
She performed a perfect hat trick
Of rhymes for this week I’ve my pick
Of many like brick, chick, trick, sick,
Lick, Mick, frick, tick, Dick,
Kick, Rick, prick, and Nick.
With a click of my Bic comes quick schtick.
The dentist was using his pick
On a rather delectable chick.
When he said “Open wide,
I’m injecting inside”,
All she felt was the tiniest prick.
If it’s sex you crave, Leila’s my pick,
And the toys she employs are so slick.
Though she’s often engaged,
You can still have her paged.
That’s cuz Leila does not miss a trick.
A fellow was using a pick
To remove a thorn from his dick
In bushes whilst wooing
And merrily screwing
He suddenly felt a right prick
A woman was trying to pick
Which suitor to date. She mused, “Mick
Is well hung; so is Nick;
Whereas Brick’s smaller dick
Is offset by a bankroll that’s thick.”
A woman was trying to pick
Her nose, but it made her too sick.
So she got out a Luger
And shot out the booger.
Now didn’t this make you go, “Ick!”?
A woman was trying to pick
The winner for Best Limerick.
Surprise! She picked mine
For containing the line,
“Hey Madeleine, you’re a great chick!”
Now, what is a good rhyme for ‘pick’
Without being rude? “If you prick
Us, do we not bleed?”
That’s Shakespeare, indeed.
Then there’s Dickens, and daft Mr Dick.
A fellow was trying to pick
The perfect nickname for his dick.
“Call it Timex,” he said,
“For when I’m getting head,
It keeps ticking — lick after lick.”
This week we are rhyming with ‘pick’
Bawdy lines have come fast and thick
Correct meter and stress
Is the key to success
Who will be the cleverest dick?
@Val: challenge accepted.
If Heaven allowed me to pick,
I’d stick with my undersized dick.
It readily fits
Into anyone’s bits,
Since it isn’t too long or too thick!
Today’s GOP tends to pick
Its facts from attacks that will stick.
Now history shows
They were picking their Knows
While the planet grew terribly sick.
Michael Sam was the NFL’s pick,
And it made all the homophobes sick.
Yet complaints had they none
About Plaxico’s gun,
Roethlisberger, or Favre, or Vick.
Let’s face it: if you get a kick
Out of burly men, sweaty and slick,
As they grope for a ball
In a free-for-all brawl…
Then you need to get over it. Quick.
A JUDGE IN HIS COURTROOM WOULD PICK
HIS NOSE AND THE BOOGERS HE’D FLICK.
SOME WOULD LAND IN THE FOYER
OR BOUNCE OFF A LAWYER
AND THE JURIES VERDICT WAS “ICK”.
An Irishman given his pick
Was noted for not being quick
So they showed him 3 hoes|
And said take one of those
He replied “Ther’s no pick so you’re thick”
Crickety-Crick In My Nickity-Nick
Dickety sticked his frist ickety-pick
‘Fore the widgety-thing went xick-click!
Irt the kickety-clock
Chirped sum hickety-pock—
Evermore it was slickety-slick.
A fellow with six had to pick
An implant to size up his dick.
“Now eight” he said “might
Be just about right,
But not if it might tend to stick.”
A filcher of cookware did pick
An attorney exceedingly slick.
With no frippery, he’ll
Do a slippery deal
That will make all the charges non-stick.
A 49er was swinging his pick
At a vein that seemed pretty darn thick
A splinter did glance
Towards his rod of romance
The family jewels are now literally eponymic
Said Glorx of Arcturus, “Let’s pick
Some backwater planet, and stick
An assortment of tubes
Up the butts of the rubes…
Then laugh ’til we make ourselves sick!”
It wasn’t too prudent to pick
Up a six-pack and knock it back quick.
But there’s no need to fear;
I don’t bet gunk from dreer.
So I’m sone stober, Ocifer (*hic*).
A woman was trying to pick
A man by the size of his prick,
But some men are showers,
And some men are growers,
Which made her search a wider and longer and much more
enjoyable trick.
A guitarist was using a pick,
And he used it exceedingly quick.
He had known he would need
To build up such speed
So he’d practiced at length on his prick.
A woman was trying to pick
New ways she could utilize dick,
But her husband resisted,
And most firmly insisted,
“I’m a pony with only one trick.”
A witch who was ed that was wick
Did tricks that weren’t et that was crick.
She gave White that was Snow
Some fruit good that was no.
Now that was ey Mouse that was Mick.
A fellow was whispered a pick,
Bet “Red Rum” to win, that’s the trick!
From Secretariat’s mate,
His bloodlines were great.
The problem? This horse wasn’t quick.
A woman was trying to pick
A style that would give her a kick
She put on fishnet hose
And a stud in her nose
Realization hit like a brick
On vacation, a fellow did pick
(At the urging of brother named Dick)
With dolphins to swim.
He knew they liked him.
When they swam, he just knew they would click.
Gun Extremists Target Women
Say, Ladies… which role do you pick:
Human shield for some Bundy Ranch hick?
Or human spitoon
For some cockeyed buffoon
When you threaten his surrogate prick?
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 164.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Beau.