Limerick Disguise (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman was dating three guys…*
or
A fellow was out with the guys…*
or
A fellow who wore a disguise…*
or
A gal was just one of the guys…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Disguise
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A sales clerk who dates many guys
Keeps them coming with kudos and lies.
She’ll bellow in bed,
“What wonderful head!”
A whopper each buys — no surprise!
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bawdy Humor, Competition Limerick, Dating Humor, Disguise Humor, Guys Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
A gal who was dating three guys
Would pick one that she knew never lies.
When she asked for the part
That was dear to his heart
He responded with thunderous thighs.
I loved your limerick and your opening lines have caught my attention. Perhaps tomorrow, I will give it a try. :)
A fellow who wore a disguise
Developed a craving for pies
When he got busted
His face with sugar was dusted
And the cops wouldn’t buy his sweet lies
A gal who was dating three guys
Wore panties of luminous plies.
The colors were dandy
When fellows got randy
For reflecting light into their eyes.
A British lad, Jack, hunts for guys.
When he’s queried on this he replies:
“I don’t know what it means,
I’m just drawn to their jeans.
Now they’re calling me ‘Lord of the Flies’.”
A man who gets more than most guys
Has a measure on which he relies:
“It’s not breasts I revere
Or the shape of her rear;
What I want is to hear bedroom ayes.”
Henry Miller was wearing disguise
For he hoped that the chance would arise
To seduce (the old cheater)
A young senorita,
Then give her his Big Sur prize.
He snuck in, wearing female disguise,
To the dorm full of maidenly thighs,
But they saw through his trick
When they spotted his dick –
He’d forgotten to button his flies.
Though Butch is the toughest of guys
(for a fee, he’ll arrange the demise
of your wife or your part-
ner), he’s tender at heart —
when he watches ‘Love Story’, he cries.
A surfer went out with the guys,
A decision that proved most unwise,
For a shark bit him dead,
Leaving half of his head.
They identified him from his eyes.
Titus A, quite a chef in his guise,
Gave Tamora a tasty surprise.
Under puff-pastry lids,
He had cooked her own kids
In one of his gourmet meat-pies.
Said Dubbya, “I’m one o’ them guys
Whom jest cain’t help kinda despise
Them folks who say ‘Geez,
Ain’t no WMDs!
Who’da thunk that a President lies?’ ”
Said Bill, “I am one of those guys
For whom sex is an act between thighs.
Since I stuck to her mouth
Without going south,
Then I didn’t have sex, tell no lies.”
Bill Gates said: “Now listen up, guys.
Each new version of Windows just dies.
But our buyers are stupid,
They love us like Cupid –
We’re still selling Word to the ‘wise’.”
In Rome, wering woman’s disguise
a hustler tried fooling the guys
but he could’t behave
forgetting to shave
exposing his two shaggy thighs
A gal was just one of the guys
With burger she had her french fries.
She downed them with beer
And said with a sneer
Complain and you’ll meet your demise.
A fellow was out with the guys
Chasing gals and the ultimate prize.
He approached a fair maiden
With hopes to get laid in
An hour or two he’d surmise.
A woman was dating three guys
She selected the one with blue eyes.
He lived in Sumatra
And just like Sinatra
A wink always won him the prize.
A woman was dating three guys,
Each one was a gem! What a prize!
One dazzled her mind,
One musically shined,
And one’s cock was a wondrous size.
A gal was just one of the guys,
But each one she did fantasize
With her having sex
Deep kisses and pecks.
Some nights she just stays home and cries.
Said a young buxom gal to some guys,
“What I say should be no big surprise.
Know what I’d like best
To get off my chest?
It is simple: your two staring eyes.”
Red exclaimed to the Wolf, “What big eyes!”
He growled back, “Here’s a further surprise.”
Then he threw off the sheet,
Roaring, “Later, I’ll eat
You, but right now, try THIS on for size!”
(Does the end of my first line — g eyes — qualify as a “guys” homophone?)
A woman was dating three guys:
A doc; a tycoon; but the prize
Was a lama, undoing
The fun in the screwing.
But she’s healthier, wealthy, and wise.
Said a gal who was dating three guys,
“In their own ways, they’re all sweetie-pies,
But my days and my nights
Need more spicy delights
Than any one lover supplies.”
A woman was dating three guys
And happily they were unwise
That she’s splittin’ zippers
Of three different dippers–
Time’s fun when you’re out halving flies!!
A woman was dating three guys:
A first baseman; a shortstop; but prize
Was her fielder.
Each time that he keeled her
She remembered the fun shagging flies.
A woman is dating three guys
And she has no tears in her eyes
When she cannot see Fred
She has Oscar in bed
And for Johnny she’s”sparing” no lies
A guy who does porn in disguise:
“No one looks at your face or your eyes.
It’s about the erection
And mine is perfection;
It’s why I’m a star on the rise.”
A wolf who would hunt in disguise
Was howling with laughter—then sighs,
“Dem sheeps be some fools;
Jus’ pull you some wools
Down ober yer head and deir eyes.”
wrote:
Beelzebub came in disguise.
He’s a snake and likes spreading his lies.
He said, “God is now dead!”
Then encircled my head.
That’s how scales came to cover my eyes.
A fellow who wore a disguise
was given away by his size.
And not only that,
his feet were both flat
and he couldn’t uncross his eyes.
Seems all of dear Mad’s many guys
Like Burger King’s burgers and fries.
She’s terribly sly
When telling a lie,
Because it’s a Whopper each buys.
A woman was dating three guys
Was most adept at telling white lies
Did it with finesse
Made them look nice
Was prompted by the will to survive
Hank
A woman was dating three guys
Measuring each one up for size
It wasn’t the longest
Who finished the strongest
Little Rod romped home with first prize
A gal was just one of the guys,
Playing baseball beneath sunny skies.
She spat dip and she scratched;
At her privates she snatched.
She showed major-league form, hygiene-wise.
If you’re one of those dinosaur guys
Who likes skeletal fossils, be wise.
In order to see ’em,
Go to a museum,
‘Cause it’s really a site for saur eyes.
He craftily wore a disguise
He’d not see his kids otherwise
Donning female attire
Darling Mrs Doubtfire
Made us laugh, brought tears to our eyes
At NASA, it seems there are guys
Who, no matter what anyone tries,
Think that they have a place
Out in outermost space;
It just must be the stars in their eyes.
A woman was dating three guys
With members of varying size
‘Twasn’t the largest measure
That gave the greatest pleasure
‘Tiny Tim’ brought tears to her eyes!
A woman was dating three guys
Feeding each a tissue of lies
She promised to marry
Tom Dick and Harry
Then ‘turned’ and eloped with a ‘bi’
A gal was just one of the guys,
And enjoyed things like fishing with flies.
Then one day at some creek
They’re all taking a leak—
Yes, her penis was quite a surprise.
A gal was just one of the guys,
But suffered a sorry surprise:
It turned out the lot
Seemed what they were not,
For all were just girls in disguise!
A woman was dating three guys,
Which turned out to be most unwise –
They came the same day
For their roll in the hay,
And that led to three quick goodbyes.
From sleeping around with some guys,
Lucille got a nasty surprise.
Now Lucille is quite miffed
At a man’s lasting gift:
A burning between her two thighs.
Miss Uhura was dating three guys
And, when asked if she thought that was wise,
Said, “Why not? Kirk will bed
Any chick who’s not dead.
It’s the essence of free Enterprise!”
A baker well-loved by the guys
Was a little behind making pies.
She peeled before sug’ring
Her fruit which made boog’ring
The best way to keep off the flies.
A woman was dating five guys,
Which was hard on that spot ‘tween her thighs.
But she’d never complain,
‘Cause her oft heard refrain
Was: “I sooo love their burgers and fries.”
Sherlock often wore a disguise
But it appears Irene Adler grew wise
A Scandal in Bohemia
Grew a tad steamier
When she wished him good night en prise
Said one of those literate guys:
“I went off to school to get wise,
And found my degree
Would qualify me
To order up burgers & fries.”
“I’ve had it with all of these guys,”
Said a woman while rolling her eyes;
“I’m not in the mood
For a bro or a dude,
But I may try a man on for size.”
Said Sterling: “Those nappy-haired guys
Are acceptable, basketball-wise,
But not at the game
On the arm of my flame,
Or as residents in my high-rise.”
Snow White could seduce seven guys,
Though they were of diminutive size.
She ordered: “Hi-ho!
Two above, three below,
And two more to tickle my thighs.”
A gal was just one of the guys,
Which was certainly quite a surprise.
She pulled out her prick,
And then gave it a flick,
Which brought something like tears to their eyes.
A lad who came out with his guys
Had to tell them, “I have a surprise.
Although you’re my pals,
I much prefer gaks,
So it’s time that I say my good-bys.”
A gal was just one of the guys,
But she said,”I have quite a surprise.”
So she lifted her dress,
And, as one might guess,
One ball and two cocks met their eyes.
A woman was dating three guys.
They were Tom, Dick and Harry – surprise!
When all three found out
What their dates were about,
She offered no words to the “Whys”.
Part 2
This response did not please our three guys.
They were quite mad as hell – no surprise.
They all threw her out
And threw her about,
And replied with no words to her “Whys”.
Part 3
But this tale didn’t end for our guys,
For imprisoned they were – no surprise
And when they got out,
They were queried about
What they did – still no words for the “Whys”.
Part 4
After years of deep thought, our three guys,
An answer they had – a surprise.
“Watch what you’re about
When ;you ask a girl out”
Was the best they could do for the “Whys”.
Dear Author
Your sex book says “Don a disguise…
There’s eroticism in surprise…”
But it fails to lay bare
Changing organs down there
Moves a man to crack up — please advise.
On a whim this god Zeus takes the guise
Of a swan to deceive Leda’s eyes.
Then he does what gods do,
And asks, “Good for you too?”
“Are you daft? It was fowl!” she replies.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 162
Bu you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Break