Limerick Scrap (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow got into a scrap…*
or
A woman decided to scrap…*
or
A merchant who bought and sold scrap…*
or
I was writing some verse on a scrap…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Scrap
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow decided to scrap
His plans to develop an app
That would help him make beer.
He’d been told with a jeer:
“That app is already on tap.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Scrap Humor, Writing Prompts
A fellow got into a scrap;
He was having an afternoon nap
When the rapper next door
Started shaking the floor,
And he ended up beating the Rap.
Here’s a long ago pun, just a scrap:
You wish water to draw from the tap
Which is stuck—do not faucet!
I know, yeah, of course it
Is weak, but still feel free to clap!
Regretfully, Bush had to scrap
His idea for the next place to zap:
“I’ve a humdinger plan
For invading Iran,
But I cain’t find the place on a map.”
I admit that my poem’s a scrap
[Missing line till I fill in the gap] –
It’s unfinished and loose,
[Missing words] no more use
Than the sound of a one-handed clap
A woman decided to scrap
Agreement she had with a lad
Amazingly she forgot
Had ‘fleeced’ him a lot
No more expected from the chap
Hank
Though the dancer was just a mere scrap,
She knew how to grind on my lap.
I gave her a nickel
And hoped for a tickle,
But all that I got was a slap.
A fellow got into a scrap
When found with a girl in his lap,
His wife wasn’t impressed
That the girl was undressed
And gave the old bastard a slap.
A fellow got into a scrap
When found with a girl in his lap,
His wife hit him again
When he tried to explain
The girl was just having a nap.
A fellow got into a scrap
When found with a girl in his lap,
“She was at a loose end
And she needed a friend
So I am just filling the gap.”
A fellow got into a scrap
When found with a girl in his lap,
His wife shot him quite dead
With a round to the head,
Saying “Nah, your story’s just crap!”
I hope he’s not drowning his sorrows.
An ex-girlfriend was looking to scrap
A cock ring that she gave to her chap
Down at the pawn shop
They saw some jaws drop
When trying to pry it from his lap
At the strip club there was a big scrap
Getting down to some co-worker flap
It turned out at this joint
Became central to point
When two dancers fell into his lap
I was writing some verse on a scrap
Of green paper I had on my lap.
I got up and lost it.
The cleaning man tossed it.
My great idea is gone- can’t re-cap.
A fellow got into a scrap
There was a cute girl on his lap.
His wife wanted a divorce
And loads of money of course
It’s just an attempt to entrap.
A merchant who bought and sold scrap
Was surprised to be asked by a chap
“How much for these jaws,
My late mother-in-law’s,
That used to go yackety-yap?”
A boxer who lost his last scrap
Was laid out to rest in the chap-
el. Imagine the shocks
As he climbed from the box
Saying “Just took a dive and a nap.”
A fellow got into a scrap
In a night-club, well-known as a trap.
As he fought off the whores
He said “Please, no applause,
For I know that you’ve all come to clap.”
There come times when some rhymes I must scrap
‘Cause those rhymes reach the one forty cap
When composing for Twitter
While I tweet on the s
I was writing some verse on a scrap
An attempt to impress my old pap
But it fell on deaf ears
I was tossed on my rear
I fault the generation gap
Jon, that’s brilliant. I don’t even have to count the characters… Bravo!
A woman decided to scrap
A guy she couldn’t entrap
She grabbed up her rings
Among other things
While the guy took an afternoon nap.
A fellow got into a scrap
With a gal who gave him a slap.
She hit his shocked face
Then sprayed him with mace.
When he graced her backside tap, tap, tap.
A crabber got into a scrap
with a mermaid who gave him a slap.
’Twas his rude repartee
after setting her free.
He should never have opened his trap.
…
At first I decided to scrap
This entry as nothing but crap.
But please do not scoff:
For this Limerick-Off,
Dogg’rel verse can look better post-nap.
(I’m back having met a deadline, but clearly in need of some limerick practice.)
With creationists, I had a scrap.
I said they were caught in a trap.
They need some reminding,
With every new finding,
There’s less of their God-of-the-gap.
Alas, all I found was a scrap
Of the buccaneer’s lost treasure map.
I could follow each clue
A-B-C down through U,
But without X, it wasn’t worth crap.
A fellow got into a scrap
When undoing the bimbo’s bra-strap.
As he tugged the elastic,
He punctured the plastic,
Deflating the doll on his lap.
Two shoppers got into a scrap
On the last bra down at the GAP
It was a sale tug-o-war
Like no other before
Cup winner went off in a snap
An MP got into a scrap
Persuaded his wife to take the rap
To save him she lied
Both ended up inside
The price they paid for a speeding trap
The S and M master used scrap–
Tarnished iron–as his captive’s bra strap.
She was dubbed Lusty Rusty,
That statuesque, busty
Young slave who makes love in a trap.
HIKER’S LAMENT
Time was, I could tear off a scrap
From the unwanted end of my map.
Sure, my GPS screen
May be fast and conven-
ient… but not after taking a crap.
A merchant who bought and sold scrap
read the song I had written to rap.
“If you want my two cents,
and I mean no offense,
you should sell it to me cuz it’s crap.”
A boxer, preparing to scrap,
Ignored his opponent’s, “Old chap?
“Just before we start punchin’
“Would ya let my late luncheon
“Go down?” It came up in his lap. :(
MAYBE IT WAS A BLACK HOLE?
For a month now, they’ve search for a scrap
Of the wreckage, all over the map.
But the Media’s cred
Is still lost, presumed dead
In the Great Credibility Gap.
My car was reduced to mere scrap;
I was hit from behind by a chap
Who’d had too much to drink.
Consequently, I think
He’ll spend time in the pokey, the sap.
A big thank you to Will for the scrap
Of high praise he let loose from his yap
How my spirits were lifted
To have HE who’s so gifted
Like my writing–It’s usually crap!
My departed first wife loved to scrap,
And bought papers (like post-its and wrap)
Perhaps in excess.
New wife would’ve liked less;
She refers to the bounty as crap.
[True story.]
A woman decided to scrap
A very-much-outdated chap –
His manners were courtly
But he grew quite portly
And too much inclined for a nap.
A fellow got into a scrap
Of trouble when shooting at crap:
He just would exclaim
The name of the game,
Too loudly when he’d had a drap.
On Fridays he’d frequently scrap
All his scruples, and not give a crap.
First a keg of good brew
Followed up with a screw:
An end-of-the-week double tap.
A fellow who bought and sold scrap
Had all sorts of trinkets and crap
From bins he would plunder
Grandmothers “Goes under”
Her teeth and a broken mouse trap.
“Goes under to us is an old chamber pot which “goes under” the bed. Don’t know if the term is widely used elsewhere.
A woman decided to scrap
Her hubby for some younger chap
She said “I’m appalled
That you have gone bald
And you have nothing under your cap”.
I was writing some verse on a scrap
A virus had frozen my app
But try as I may
I just have to say
My limerick turned out to be pap
The singer got into a scrap
When a heckler called her song crap
She was sick up and fed
Bounced a mike off his head
And dumped a cold beer in his lap
A woman got into a scrap
With her guy and it earned her a slap!
You must please bear in mind,
She’s in love but not blind.
Hence her haste to unwrap her old chap.
With strippers there’s always a scrap
As they troll for the same sort of sap.
One with bucks for unwinding,
who’ll pay for some grinding,
And is lured by the bare booby trap.
I had an unfortunate scrap
With a cereal bowl and a map.
O’er my ma’s old home town
Flew the bowl upside down;
Now Poughkeepsie goes pop crackle snap.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 160 .
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Strained Limerick.