Archive for March, 2014
Saturday, March 29th, 2014
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
While shopping for fantasy-wear…*
or
A woman appeared unaware…*
or
My break pads have suffered some wear…*
or
I would never buy ready-to-wear…*
or
My wife disappeared — don’t know where…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Ware
By Madeleine Begun Kane
How I wish I could choose what to wear
Without worries that people might stare.
‘Twould be lovely to skirt
The whole issue (no shirt,
Dress, or leggings) and simply go bare.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Clothing Humor, Competition Limerick, Fashion Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Nudity, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Fashion Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 72 Comments »
Saturday, March 29th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to SCOTT CROWDER, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A fellow whose mortgage was due
Had even more woes than he knew.
His payment, though late,
Was the least of his fate;
His wife and his girlfriend were too.
Congratulations to CHRIS DOYLE, who (in a tie with himself) wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for these two limericks which received the most Facebook “likes.”
When a crone caused a London to-do
Hiding blades in the heel of her shoe,
And she carved up a dame
In a lav, she became
The old woman who shivved in a loo.
A wildebeest’s blue, and it’s due
To a shortage of does in the zoo.
He doesn’t know when
He’ll be mating again,
So he waits to go wooing a gnu.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Johanna Richmond, Christopher Finch Reynolds, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Brian Allgar, Colleen Murphy, Bob Leggett, Chris Doyle, and Will T. Laughlin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Johanna Richmond:
Dan’s wife kept her Dippity Do
In a jar on the dresser — Woohoo!
“If it stiffens her hair,”
Wondered Dan, “do I dare?”
Now Dan’s dippity ding-dong is blue.
Christopher Finch Reynolds:
It was foggy and thick was the dew,
And I thought it was time for a screw.
When she climbed into bed
And began to give head,
Then like Adam and Eve we both “knew.”
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
“Stop telling me what I must do!”
The dog thought when caught with a shoe.
“You’ve still got one more
Right there on the floor.
Why not share with me, when there are two?”
Brian Allgar: (“quoting” Moses)
“Stop telling us what we should do!
Commandments? OK, one or two,
But on marble, all ten?
Can’t You just use a pen
On a substance that’s light, like bamboo?”
Colleen Murphy:
The stonehead said, “What shall I do?”
When he looked at his recent tattoo.
See, he realized too late
He had inked the name “Kate,”
But she was the girl, before Sue.
Bob Leggett:
A woman at last got her due
When she got to the head of the queue:
“Your offer I see
Is buy one, get one free.
I would like to buy one single shoe.”
Chris Doyle:
I’m a shepherd with little to do,
As I tend to the flock the night through.
To help me not sleep,
I snuggle a sheep—
My sexy embraceable ewe.
Will T. Laughlin:
His weakness is Tullamore Dew.
If they give him a tumbler or two,
Then his lips will unseal,
And it’s probable he’ll
Tullamore than he knows that he knew.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bob Leggett, Brian Allgar, Chris Doyle, Christopher Finch Reynolds, Colleen Murphy, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Scott Crowder, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
Wednesday, March 26th, 2014
Just Deserts (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“It’s home-made” is just one of those lines
Often used after everyone dines,
And they’re serving dessert.
That’s when guests ought not blurt:
“Tell the truth; it’s a mix — ‘Duncan Hines.'”
Happy birthday to Duncan Hines — author, food critic, and founder of the company that bears his name. (March 26, 1880 – March 15, 1959)
(You might think that I use mixes; I couldn’t possibly comment.)
Tags: Cake Mix, Cakes Humor, Celebrity Birthdays, Dessert Humor, Dining Humor, Duncan Hines, Food Humor, March Holidays
Posted in Birthday Verse, Celebrations Poetry, Celebrity Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Odd Holidays | Comments Off on Just Deserts (Limerick)
Monday, March 24th, 2014
How could I possibly ignore a title like “‘Porn Studies’: The world’s newest scholarly journal?”
Smut Studies (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
So-called “scholars” expect us to think
That the “study” of porn is worth ink.
Seems this “labor of love”
Has a goal: rise above
All the dirt and gain insight. (Wink, wink.)
Tags: Academic Journals Humor, Porn Humor, Scholarly Journal Humor, Scholars Limerick, Smut Humor
Posted in Bawdy Limericks, Limericks, Porn Humor, Scholars Humor | Comments Off on Smut Studies (Limerick)
Saturday, March 22nd, 2014
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow whose mortgage was due…*
or
A woman asked, “What shall I do?…”*
or
A woman at last got her due…*
or
“Stop telling me what I should do!…”*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Ado
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Stop telling me what I should do!
You’re a shrew — I’m the glue of this crew.”
(Not a guy taking tough
To a friend — bad enough,
But a man to his boss. This he’ll rue!)
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Boss Humor, Competition Limerick, Employment Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 72 Comments »
Saturday, March 22nd, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Chris Doyle, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
In the convent, once matins are done,
Comes the time before terce is begun.
That’s when Scrabble is played,
‘Cause the abbess has made
Entertainment a sine qua nun.
Congratulations to Will T. Laughlin, who wins the Special Spring-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
The fragrance of Spring fills the air!
Birds sing, and the weather is fair;
The sky’s a bright blue
Of a dazzling hue,
And I’m frankly too busy to care.
From their beds the first crocuses climb,
And the early narcissus. While I’m
All alone in the gloom
Of my dimly-lit room
As I make these “Spring” limericks rhyme.
Congratulations to Robert Basler, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
A fellow cried, “What have I done!
“I’ve been having hot sex with a nun!
“Yes, I got in the habit —
“Oh my God, oh dagnabbit!
“My sin’s been confessed as a pun!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Joel Wasinger, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Brian Allgar, Jon Gearhart, Will T. Laughlin, and Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Tim James:
A gal got a bit overdone
When she lounged in the buff in the sun.
It imparted a glow
(Please don’t ask how I know)
To the tats on each well-toasted bun.
Joel Wasinger:
“These lim’ricks already cite Donne;
They’ve taken my angle and fun.”
My wife says, “Who cares?
Just add yours to theirs.
‘OverDonne’ is a workable pun.”
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
The big cowboy’s fly was undone.
She thought that she might have some fun.
She wiggled her hips,
Then moistened her lips,
But all that stuck out was his gun.
Brian Allgar:
She protested “My fish isn’t done,
And I’m cold at this table for one.”
Removing her flounder,
The waiter soon found her
An excellent plaice in the sun.
Jon Gearhart:
A woman was feeling undone,
Alone as a party of one.
She tried PC Date
To help find a mate.
Her ‘inbox’ is now overrun.
Will T. Laughlin:
It’s Spring! Let the greenery grow!
And the blossoms, in colorful show,
Explode into flowers!
Because in twelve hours
They’re going to be buried in snow.
Brian Allgar:
“In Springtime”, the naturalist boasted,
“There’s many a field trip I’ve hosted.
We love, as we ramble,
To see the lambs gambol,
And love them still more when they’re roasted.”
Tim James:
It’s cold, and the skies are all gray
And the forecast says sleet’s on the way.
My spirits are sinking;
I think I’ll start drinking
And wait for when Spring starts, in May.
Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly:
Here I romp with my love twixt the heather
With my kilt hiked up high in spring weather.
Neath sun-swirled highland mist
On warm moss, by dew kissed,
We’re exploring those regions called nether.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Byron Miller, Chris Doyle, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Joel Wasinger, Jon Gearhart, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Robert Basler, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
Thursday, March 20th, 2014
Open Limerick To My Southern Hemisphere Friends
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Don’t be mad, if it’s fall where you are.
(My friends are from near and from far.)
I can’t help blow my cork
Over spring in New York,
Which (so far) appears way under par.
Tags: Autumnal Equinox, Down Under, Fall Limerick, New York, Seasonal Verse, Southern Hemisphere, Spring Limerick, Vernal Equinox, Weather Humor
Posted in Limericks, Seasons Humor, Weather Humor | 1 Comment »
Thursday, March 20th, 2014
Springtime Blues
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s the first day of spring — so they claim,
And I’m searching for someone to blame,
Cuz we’re still in the throes
Of winter, which chose
To give springtime a very bad name.
Tags: Seasonal Poems, Seasonal Verse, Spring Limerick, Weather Poem, Winter Humor
Posted in Limericks, Seasons Humor, Weather Humor | 1 Comment »
Wednesday, March 19th, 2014
Happy Poultry Day!
Limerick Ode To Poultry Day (March 19)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The chickens and turkeys squawk, “Beat it!”
But they’re looking a wee bit defeated.
Though it’s Poultry Day, true,
It’s a day those birds rue,
Cuz the way we rejoice … is to eat it.
Tags: Animal & Pet Humor, Chicken Humor, Food Holidays, Food Humor, March Holidays, Odd Holidays, Poultry Day, Turkey Humor
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Limericks, Odd Holidays | Comments Off on Limerick Ode To Poultry Day (March 19)
Sunday, March 16th, 2014
A few minutes ago, I announced the 156th Limerick of the Week. And that means it’s anniversary time at Mad Kane’s Limerick-Offs.
The Limerick of the Week Awards started as an experiment three years ago in March 2011. Of course, I had been informally posting limerick prompts for years before that. But it was on March 13, 2011 that I decided to get organized and start picking weekly winners. Here’s what I wrote.
But I’m trying something a bit different this time: One of your limericks will be anointed Limerick Of The Week.
As you can see, my experiment took. So congratulations to all of you and thanks so much for helping to make this limerick competition such a success.
In light of our 3rd Limerick of the Week Anniversary, I’m offering you an alternative: In addition to your regular challenge, you may write a limerick related to SPRING, using any first line. Next week I’ll present an extra award — one for the best spring-related limerick.
And now, getting back to the business at hand, it’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman was feeling undone…*
or
A fellow announced, “We are done…”*
or
A creditor threatened to dun…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Undone Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A would-be inventor’s undone
When told to go back to square one;
His whole concept shot down
By each bank with a frown—
No bucks for his edible gun!
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bank Humor, Competition Limerick, Gun Humor, Inventors, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Loans & Borrowing, Money & Finance Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 82 Comments »
Sunday, March 16th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
The contestants would spin the big wheel,
Then Vanna turned cards to reveal
Some quite obvious phrase.
‘Twould _er_lex and amaze!
I never could gras_ the a_ _eal.
Congratulations to Chris Doyle, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
The Teapers are seizing the wheel
Of the GOP van with their zeal.
Here’s their plan: do away
With the damn A.C.A.,
Turn off welfare, then slay the New Deal.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Robert Basler, Colleen Murphy, Chris Doyle, Joel Wasinger, Kevin Ahern, Brian Allgar, and Will T. Laughlin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Robert Basler:
A cave man invented the wheel.
He hoped to get rich off the deal:
“I only require
“The right name for my tire.
“This will be a good year now, I feel.”
Colleen Murphy:
When you’re spinning a pottery wheel
It is better to temper your zeal,
Or the clay you have thrown
Will take shapes of its own
Which are short on artistic appeal.
Chris Doyle:
In the Navy, my hubby’s a wheel–
The elite special forces’ ideal,
But at home he’s a slouch
Who just sleeps on the couch,
And won’t earn his Good Housekeeping Seal.
Joel Wasinger:
A man fell asleep at the wheel
‘Cause his wife had just copped a quick feel.
They both thought it was hot
But somehow forgot
He dozed off after sex or a meal.
Kevin Ahern:
Painter Dali was quite the big wheel
And whenever he sat for a meal
For breakfast or lunch
He ate Cap’n Crunch
Because he just loved the surreal.
Brian Allgar:
“You shouldn’t say ‘us’ll’, but ‘we’ll,’”
The Harvard boy tells us – big deal!
Old rednecks like us,
Why, us don’t give a cuss,
’Cause us’ll get richer than he’ll.
Will T. Laughlin:
The Government tends to our weal,
Yet too many Conservatives feel
That our *weal* is a welt
That deserves to be dealt
By the force of a down-treading heel.
Brian Allgar:
A woman was changing the wheel
When a fellow appeared, full of zeal.
“May I help you?” he said,
But she bashed in his head
And made off with his automobile.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Chris Doyle, Colleen Murphy, Joel Wasinger, Kevin Ahern, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Robert Basler, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
Friday, March 14th, 2014
Happy Pi Day! (The last time I wrote a limerick for Pi Day, I was one day late. But this time I decided to be as precise as Pi.)
Limerick Ode To Pi Day (March 14th)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The math’matical constant called “Pi”
Is Greek to your average guy.
“Transcendental,” some call it,
But most people maul it;
Comprehension is pie in the sky.
Tags: Arithmetic, Celebrations Poetry, Education & School Humor, Greek, March 14th, March Holidays, Math Humor, Mathematics Poem, Odd Holidays, Pi
Posted in Celebrations Poetry, Education & School Humor, Limericks, Odd Holidays | 11 Comments »
Sunday, March 9th, 2014
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man was asleep at the wheel…*
or
A woman was trying to wheel…*
or
A fellow was turning the wheel…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Wheel
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man was asleep at the wheel–
Not driving, but doing a deal,
And by failing to spar
While buying a car,
He fell prey to the dealership’s spiel.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Car & Driving Humor, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest, Shopping Humor | 49 Comments »
Sunday, March 9th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to CHRIS DOYLE, who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
Father Fine teaches art and design
At St. Joe’s and is known to use wine
To get lads to undress
And caress him. So yes,
I would guess every good boy does Fine.
Congratulations to Mark Kane and Fred Bortz, who are tied in winning this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for the limerick receiving the most Facebook “likes.”
Mark Kane:
A comic worked hard to design
A routine which allowed him to shine.
He’d set out a bowl,
Spike the juice, then cajole
Out the laughs from his loaded punch line.
Fred Bortz:
A scandalous spying design
Led to President Nixon’s decline.
His brash overreach
Caused the House to impeach
And led Tricky Dick to resign.
Congratulations to Chris Doyle and Brian Allgar, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange about Edward Lear, widely recognized as the “father” of the limerick:
Chris Doyle:
Who’da thunk Edward Lear would design
A new verse form we had to refine
So as not to repeat,
Word for word, the three feet
At the start in the terminal line?
Brian Allgar, speaking for Edward Lear:
Mr Doyle, my splendid design
Pleases many, so why do you whine?
I regret that your taste
For the new has debased,
Mr Doyle, my splendid design.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jon Gearhart, Tim James, Sallie McKenna, Will T. Laughlin, Chris Doyle, Brian Allgar, and Kevin Ahern. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jon Gearhart:
A woman worked hard to design
An After Ten dress to define
Her nice set of cones
And erogenous zones,
But her date ripped it off before nine!
Tim James:
Our language is strange in design.
If the plural of “cow” can be “kine,”
Then explain to me how
Just one swine’s not a “swow”
And a bride doesn’t take wedding vine?
Sallie McKenna:
A woman worked hard to design
A new look for her scruffy canine;
She tied ribbons and bows,
Then she tweeted a pose.
In a trice, he got four dates online!
Will T. Laughlin says:
So now we see Putin’s design.
His beady eyes narrow and shine:
“Send bombers! Send tanks!
Send troops on both flanks
(This’ll keep Pussy Riot in line)!”
Chris Doyle:
The proctologist knows the design
Of my colon, but still I’ll decline
The exam he’ll suggest
‘Cause his mother knows best:
That’s a place where the son doesn’t shine.
Brian Allgar:
A woman asked God to design
A companion who’d treat her just fine.
But the spare rib – bad luck! –
Was a pig’s, so she’s stuck
With another male chauvinist swine.
Kevin Ahern:
I think you should know the design–
Why we toast to the great pinot shrine:
“The wine,” said a sage
“May get better with age”
“But it’s age that gets better with wine.”
Will T. Laughlin:
We workers in graphic design
Have a precept we’d like to enshrine:
Should the customer want
Comic Sans as his font,
We will pickle his noggin in brine.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Chris Doyle, Fred Bortz, Jon Gearhart, Kevin Ahern, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Mark Kane, Sallie McKenna, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
Friday, March 7th, 2014
Here are my entries in the Washington Post Style Invitational’s “add some words in parentheses” to a song title contest:
Let It Snow (Somewhere Else)
50 Ways to Leave Your Lover (That Don’t Require A Restraining Order)
The Tide is High (Because You Over-Filled The Washing Machine)
(Optometrists Warn Us) Don’t Let the Stars Get in Your Eyes
(Why The Heck Would You Garnish My Martini With A) Peppermint Twist
(I Didn’t Say I Like You) Just the Way You Are (I Said I Like You Just The Way You Were)
I’ll Dance at Your Wedding (If You Guarantee Tips)
(Message) I Care
Guitar Polka (Has To Be Better Than Accordion Polka)
Bridge Over Troubled Water (In New Jersey)
It’s Time to Pay the Fiddler (Cuz He’s Threatening To Strike)
Livin’ on a Prayer (Cuz My Food Stamps Were Cut)
(I Have A Headache, So Don’t) Play that Funky Music
(How I Wish Our House Came With A) Handyman
On Second Thought (I Don’t Take You To Be My Lawfully Wedded Wife)
He’ll Have to Go (To The Bathroom)
Accentuate the Positive (If You Can Find Any)
(I’m Going To Hold My Breath) Until You Come Back to Me (That’s What I’m Gonna Do)
One Bad Apple (Will Ruin Your Pie)
Remember The Time (Our Wedding Is Supposed To Start)
What’s She Doing Now (And How Much Has She Had To Drink)
(You Don’t Deserve A) Good Hearted Woman
To All The girls I’ve Loved Before (I Have Some Really Bad News)
(Pay Your Movie Streaming Bill Or) Get Off Of My Cloud
One Way Or Another (I’ll Win This Contest)
You can find the entertaining winners list (which doesn’t include me) here.
Tags: Contests, Music Humor & Verse, Song Titles, Washington Post Style Invitational
Posted in Contests, Limericks, Music Humor & Verse | 1 Comment »
Thursday, March 6th, 2014
Not Chicken About Taking A Stand (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I feel bad about arrows and slings
That are suffered by chickens. This brings
Lots of tears to my eyes.
I choke up — no surprise.
And for that, I blame Buffalo wings.
(Buffalo Wings were invented 50 years ago on March 6, 1964, at Buffalo, New York’s Anchor Bar, by the tavern’s owner, Teressa Bellissimo.)
Tags: Anchor Bar, Bar Humor, Buffalo, Buffalo Wings, Chicken Humor, March Holidays, New York, Odd Holidays, Taverns, Teressa Bellissimo
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Limericks, Odd Holidays | Comments Off on Not Chicken About Taking A Stand (Limerick)
Tuesday, March 4th, 2014
Happy National Grammar Day (March 4).
Grammar Gripes (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A grammar-fanatic would gripe
To his wife about language, and snipe:
“Your syntax is bad!”
She’d respond, really mad:
“I’ll divorce you if down you don’t pipe.”
Tags: Divorce Humor, Grammar Humor, Grammar Limerick, Husband Wife Limerick, Language Satire, March Holidays, Marriage Humor, National Grammar Day, Syntax Humor
Posted in Language Humor, Limericks, Odd Holidays | 2 Comments »
Monday, March 3rd, 2014
Happy birthday Mr. Bell! (March 3, 1847 – August 2, 1922)
Birthday Ode to Alexander Graham Bell (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Happy birthday, dear Alex Graham Bell.
As the telephone’s father, you’re swell.
I shall try not to hold
You to blame for the cold
Way we’re tortured by phone voicemail hell.
Tags: Alexander Graham Bell, Inventions Poem, Inventors, Phone Humor, Telephone Humor, Telephone Verse, Voicemail Humor
Posted in Birthday Verse, Celebrity Humor, Inventions Humor, Technology Humor, Telephone Humor | Comments Off on Birthday Ode to Alexander Graham Bell
Sunday, March 2nd, 2014
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman worked hard to design…*
or
A man who taught graphic design…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Design
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman worked hard to design
A footwear and sports clothing line.
But she could not compete
With a trend-setter’s feat:
Selling pricey couture made of twine.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 52 Comments »
Sunday, March 2nd, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Kathy El-Assal, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
In a fleece, back and forth, the wolf paced,
Sneaking up on some prey which he chased.
He tried ewe, he tried ram,
Finally captured a lamb,
Which he then took the thyme to lamb baste.
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
Their first date had been rather fast-paced
‘Til she slapped him, and ended his haste.
She explained, “There’s a good
Chance you misunderstood
When I said I prefer to be chaste.”
Congratulations to Steve Whitred, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a very clever multi-verse limerick.
If the LGBT are outpaced
And these homophobe laws are embraced
We’ll look back and exclaim
“Where were we when they came
And our rights, one by one, were erased?”
***
I’ve a friend, or I had one, of late.
Things between us are not all that great.
He greets anti-gay laws
With a quiet applause,
Though their logic he never can state.
It’s the bible he says in the end,
A position he cannot defend.
If we legislate ‘sin,’
Tell me where to begin.
Did you know that it’s sinful to lend?
If your haircut is shaped by a bowl,
If your mare and your ass have a foal,
If you eat crab or pork,
Or you live in New York,
‘bomination will be on your soul.
So I say to my friend, not in haste,
“Even though you think ‘gays’ are debased,
It’s hypocrisy’s height
To deny them their right,
For not one of us truly is chaste.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sue Dulley, Chris Doyle, Steve Whitred, Brian Allgar, Scott Crowder, and Robert Schechter. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Sue Dulley:
Old photos in albums I paste–
Here’s Grandma, with wasp-worthy waist.
She must be nineteen
(In inches, I mean)
Back then, just as later, strait-laced.
Chris Doyle:
“One, two, three…,” Noah says making paste
With tomatoes, so none go to waste
In his homemade ragout,
Which some cheer and some boo
‘Cause there’s just Noah counting for taste.
Steve Whitred:
The filly “My Father Eats Paste”
Never won, never showed, never placed
Whereas horse number 2
“I Don’t Want To Be Glue”
Is a winner whenever she’s raced.
Brian Allgar:
A woman whose life was fast-paced,
Made some soup that was lacking in taste.
“Forget it!” she yelped.
“Some herbs might have helped,
But I really have no thyme to waste.”
Scott Crowder:
A woman whose life was fast-paced,
And hadn’t the time to be chased,
Was keen on a man,
She called Steely Dan,
Whose batteries could be replaced.
Robert Schechter:
I brush all my teeth with a paste
That’s infused with a fresh minty taste.
It makes a nice foam!
But since Charleston’s my home
I must rinse with industrial waste.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Chris Doyle, Craig Dykstra, Kathy El-Assal, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Robert Schechter, Scott Crowder, Steve Whitred, Sue Dulley, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 4 Comments »
