Limerick Knock (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal heard a rather loud knock…*
or
A fellow would frequently knock…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Knock
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A pawnbroker tended to knock
All those people who “live by the clock.”
When they buried the slime,
Folks lost track of the time,
And the sole attendee spoke ad hoc.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Behavior Humor, Competition Limerick, Funeral Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Time Limerick, Writing Prompts
The first kay is silent in knock,
Like the third letter, ell, when you talk.
I like Yiddish much better.
You pronounce every letter,
Like the kay in knaidel soup stock.
Good theme. Not very good verse. I’ll sleep on this and hope to be back with a more worthy submission.
A gal heard a rather loud knock
In her car as she entered the dock
So she parked by the pier
Found a handyman near
Who knocked a rock from her sock
A girl heard a rather loud knock
Her fella had made it ad hoc
While jumping ahead
” I’m diving” he said
” Oy vey zmeer I married a yok”
A yok – feather brain
Oy vey zmeer – oh dear – oh my god
The circle all heard a loud knock.
Cried their leader (in black trailing frock):
“Oh spirit, pray speak!”
To her left was a shriek!
That latecomer caused quite a shock.
A gal heard a rather loud knock
her fella jumped off a high rock
Elated with joy
She shouted ” Oh boy”
” that shmock was a pile of old crock”
In the hope that he’d get a free “knock”
A fellow dressed up in a frock.
But the knocking-shop owner
Detected his boner
And said “You must pay to bang, cock!”
A girl heard a rather loud knock
At her door stood a man in a frock
He opened it wide
But his tide had died
So she gave him ‘Goat Weed’ for ‘tic-toc’.
“Nessie’s image has taken a knock”
Said a tourist-guide Scotsman called Jock.
“The monster has shrunk
From pollution and junk,
And the quay that they’ve put in the loch.”
A robber politely would knock
To avoid giving victims a shock.
As he loaded his bag.
With the valuable swag,
He assured them “I’m just taking stock.”
My output has taken a knock –
I think I have caught writer’s block.
My limericks are fine
Till I reach the fourth line,
But then I just don’t seem to be able to finish them properly.
A fellow each night heard a knock
For his order—Chinese—he’d unlock
The delivery boy
(Bringing rice and pak choi)
Came by bike, so he’d not had to wok
A gal heard a rather loud knock
Had been working round the clock
Was not really sure
Emanating from her
If bursting that would be a shock
Hank
A dentist would frequently knock
All sweets and the chocolate in block
That children will pick.
The worst? A pink stick
Of “death to the teeth” seaside rock.
(Seaside rock is a (mainly) British delicacy, and is a hard stick of boiled sugar flavoured with peppermint, about 8 or 9 inches long and 1 inch in diameter. It usually has the name of the seaside resort running through its length.)
A fellow would frequently knock
On the case of the grandfather clock
For tapping on wood
Means your luck will stay good!
And—oh come now! There’s no need to mock!
The proprietor’s had some hard knocks.
He’s about to go broke, lose his socks.
In a glass he puts ice
And some booze that tastes nice.
Like the owner, the drink’s on the rocks.
At the seance when I heard the knock,
I was sure it was charlatan schlock.
Then the medium, small,
Loomed quite large after all,
When my late Granny started to talk.
A gal heard a rather loud knock.
“It’s OPPORTUNITY, you rock!”
But she was wrong:
Her tale, llfelong.
It was just a guy selling some shlock.
A fellow would frequently knock
On doors on any old block
The neighbors all knew
He banged right on cue.
As he binged day and night round the clock.
.
The fellow who’d frequently knock
Found a suite in the local cell block.
He stayed there till morn
As neighbors would scorn.
And when sober his actions they’d mock.
.
The guy heard a rather loud knock
On the bars of his private cell block.
It woke him in fright
To the cops great delight.
The latch on the block they refused to unlock.
.
In the Bible, a guy named Enoch
Goes with God for a leisurely walk
And Genesis say
God took Enoch away
Although some people think that’s a crock
Loud music had started to knock
From a car, and was heard ’round the block.
But as Mr. Dunn found
When he fast stood his ground,
Not all problems are solved with a Glock.
The engine was starting to knock
As we flew in to land at Bangkok.
But we overshot Thailand
And made it to Ireland,
Where Paddy Field got quite a shock.
A gal heard a rather loud knock
FB window blinked in all its shock
ping was from the stalker
her ex flame, the cracker
well, now was the time to block block block
Apropos of a post by Mad a few days ago, which was followed by chaos and a rare banning by our fearless mistress.
On Facebook are folks who will knock
Every action by POTUS Barack.
And heaven forfend
You should rise to defend.
Thank goodness they’re easy to block.
A gal heard a rather loud knock
And looked at her bolted padlock.
“Please don’t think me a boor,
Love the signs on your door.
I think, my sweet lady, you rock!!”
A gal heard a rather loud knock
And then, “Open up, it’s a cop!”
“Oops, sorry wrong door,
Won’t bother you no more.”
She’s still shaking from the big shock!
A caveman would give her a knock
On the head with a stone or a crock,
No romantic palaver …
Today, we are suaver,
And stun them with Tiffany rock.
I can quite understand those who knock
Poor old ‘Star Trek’; they sneer and they mock.
I’ll admit Captain Kirk
Is a drunk and a jerk,
But in fairness, let’s ’ear it for Spock.
A sailor gal heard a loud knock
At the door she was in for a shock
For a flasher was there
He was smiling and bare
So she tied a square knot in his cock.
A fellow would frequently knock
the music we’ve come to call Rock.
This Classical player
in secret loved Slayer.
His protestations a crock.
I’ve used your first two lines, not just the rhyme word. Hope you don’t mind, Mad
A pawnbroker tended to knock
All those people who “live by the clock”.
His executors found
All his clocks overwound,
And their golden appearance was mock.
When asked why his motor would knock
Each time that he went ’round the block
Said mechanic I’m not
But when running hot
My piston will quickly reach mach
Needing cash poor Paddy did knock
On the door of a shady shylock
A fake diamond ring
Got his arse in a sling
When trying to pawn his sham rock
The walls were resounding, knock-knock
Followed by wails of, “You ROCK!”
Oi! All through the night
Two Toms in a fight
MAN, could that man till a crock!
His knees would incessantly knock
Each time he consumed too much bock
Since giving up drinking
Can’t stop endless blinking
From hair in his eyes said Ewok
A gal heard a rather loud knock
and hurried to put on her frock.
When she opened the door,
she let out a roar,
for to see Mr. Spock was a shock.
A food critic started to knock
Take out he got down the block
He returned to complain
About their dry lo mein
His head is now shaped like a wok
A fellow would frequently knock,
his wife for her use of their wok;
she said it was seasoned,
he otherwise reasoned,
her stir-fry stuck to it like flock!
A gal took a rather bad knock,
for refusing to take off her frock,
she said, “You’re impert’nent,
I don’t want to get dirt ‘n it,
with a hanger, I’d do it ad hoc!”
A gal heard a rather loud knock,
coming out of her grandfather clock;
the long pendulum swung,
and fast forward she flung,
that tock gave a sock to her walk!

With Jon Hamm there’s this regular knock:
Does he wear those tight pants just to shock?
Or is the guy blind
When his member’s confined?
Unlike some, he’s not using a sock.
A gal heard a rather loud knock
It gave her a sudden shock
Who could it be , at this time?
the wind blowing against the chime.
Stopped dead , the clock.
These linguists all tended to knock
The pronunciation van Goff or van Gock
But what does it matter
This meaningless patter?
I’m watching the cloch, cloff or clock.
A young woman heard a loud knock
From some fireworks in the next block
And she said “I can’t sleep
I am just counting sheep
To the very last ewe in the flock”.
The Padre was ready to knock,
on the door to start confessions’ talk,
but he had second thoughts,
about hearing “ought nots”,
having trouble with bad “righter’s block”!
A locksmith would frequently knock,
on the door of a miss on his block;
though he knew he could burst in,
he thought he’d best first win,
her hand, before keying the lock!
My Limerick:
She Followed Him.
A gal heard a rather loud knock
She glanced at the clock
It was one at midnight
She opened the door holding her jacket tight
Then she followed him after double checking the lock!
A girl heard a very loud knock
From the Bailliff whose first name was Jock
He said “Will you pay?”
She said “No not today
I’m between a hard place and a rock”
The picklocks are taking a knock
From the banksters who cackle and squawk:
“They hustle by hand!
For a grand or two! AND …
Their directorates don’t interlock!”
They learned from the school of hard knocks,
Those boxers who all are big jocks.
To succeed in this sport,
Fighters’ friends all exhort
This phrase: Think outside of the box.
Port prop engine had started to knock,
And some birds swooped on past- a big flock!-
I thought it unfair
They were lighter than air
As I fast approached cliffs made of chalk.
A fitness buff tended to knock
His friends’ efforts when weights they would rock.
He once jeered: “Watch and learn!”
And he soon felt the burn…
‘Cause they put pepper spray in his jock.
A girl fighter used to hard knocks
Had muscles as solid as rocks
When she fought in the nude
Fans hooted, some booed
But all cheered when they saw her box.
Her ego received quite a knock
After hormone treatment a shock
She said, “I’ve grown hair”
And her Doc said, “Just where?’
“Ön my boobs and right down to my cock!”
A Geriatric’s mind took a knock
And upon checking his withering cock
Said, “Why must it be
When I finish a pee
Dribbles run into my sock.”
In Scotland you “chap”—you don’t “knock”
On a door—yet one more for my stock
Of Scots’ words and phrases.
Their lingo amazes
Me further with each one I clock.
(A “chap at the door” means a knock on the door in Scotland, but in England it means a man’s standing outside.)
You open the door to the knock:
It’s a skeleton holding a clock.
It hits you (too late)
As you go to your Fate
That you ought to have gone to the Doc.
Kirk’s vanity suffered a knock
When the alien’s versatile cock
In the midst of its grapple
With Bones AND Nurse Chappell
Signed “live long and prosper” to Spock.
St Matthew has told us to knock
And the door will be opened tick tock
If we seek we shall find
THe Lord does not mind
Us submitting requests round the clock.
Knock ‘Em Dead!
The old joke goes this way: “Hey! Knock, knock!”
Comes the query, “Who’s there?” like a clock.
And the set: “I’m a boo.”
Response: “I’m a boo WHO?”
“You sure are!” – as they chase ‘round the block.
:
If you’re thinking “the new word is ’knock,’
Ten bucks Jo will crawl out from her rock
Spouting slang words for ’penis,'”
You’ve wounded this Venus.
What’s more, that’s a whole lot of cock.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 153.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Paste.