Archive for February, 2014
Thursday, February 27th, 2014
Foreign News Blues (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s so windy, I have to go out:
Foreign papers are scattered about.
Though I clean up our yard,
It’s soon once again scarred.
This paper route’s making me pout.
True story: This afternoon, I look out our living room window and see that our front lawn is strewn with newspapers. It’s a windy day, and a neighbor’s Korean (I think) newspaper has apparently made a run for it.
I immediately stop what I’m doing and go outdoors to contend with the litter. Why the big rush? Because New York City Sanitation workers just love to peruse neighborhoods during windstorms, so they can give out messy-lawn citations.
Ten minutes after I finish, I look out the window once again, only to find that it looks like I never dealt with the garbage. So I go out once again, this time picking up similar-looking papers from the neighbors on either side of me, as well.
No, I won’t take credit for being a Good Samaritan. This was purely defensive.
It was only a matter of time before my neighbors’ messes decided they like my lawn better.
Tags: Garbage Humor, Home Ownership, Lawn Humor, Neighbors Humor, New York City, Sanitation Verse, Weather Poem, Wind
Posted in Chores Humor, House & Home Humor, Limericks, New York Limericks & Haiku, Seasons Humor, Weather Humor | 1 Comment »
Thursday, February 27th, 2014
Here are my entries in the Washington Post Style Invitational’s good/bad/ugly contest:
Good: While walking through a wildlife preserve, you encounter a crane.
Bad: It’s moving toward you, getting too close for comfort.
Ugly: A man in a hard hat yells, “Whoops!”
Good: You get a great sounding job and are promised tons of bread.
Bad: The job turns out to be boring.
Ugly: You’re paid in actual bread.
Good: You and your spouse like to dance, so you sign up for swing.
Bad: You enter the club and hate the music.
Ugly: The dancing is horizontal.
Good: You’ve earned an MS in Zoology.
Bad: Despite your credentials, finding a job is tough.
Ugly: You’re finally working in a real zoo … a New York deli.
You can find the entertaining winners list (which doesn’t include me) here.
Tags: Animal & Pet Humor, Dancing Humor, Employment Humor, Outdoors Humor, Washington Post Style Invitational, Wildlife Humor, Zoology Humor
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Contests, Dance Humor, Outdoors Humor, Workplace & Career Humor | Comments Off on The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly
Wednesday, February 26th, 2014
This interesting study sheds some light on how we make decisions: According to scientists at the University of Toronto Scarborough, people think more objectively when in darkness, making more rational decisions when the lights are dimmed.
No Longer In The Dark About Decision-Making (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Here’s a study with insight that’s stark:
Our reasoning’s best in the dark.
Need to make a decision?
Dim light aids your vision.
Watch lucid enlightenment spark.
Tags: Brain Studies, Decision Making, Logic, Reasoning, Scarborough, Science Limerick, Scientific Studies, Thinking Humor, University of Toronto
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Limericks, Science Humor | Comments Off on No Longer In The Dark About Decision-Making (Limerick)
Sunday, February 23rd, 2014
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman whose life was fast-paced…*
or
A fellow who frequently paced…*
or
A fellow was working with paste…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Paste
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal using wallpaper paste
Had been sloppy — some got on her waist.
From there it slid down,
Till she feared, with a frown,
She might have to be lastingly chaste.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 44 Comments »
Sunday, February 23rd, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A caveman would give her a knock
On the head with a stone or a crock,
No romantic palaver …
Today, we are suaver,
And stun them with Tiffany rock.
Congratulations to Chris Doyle, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for these three limericks, each of which received the most Facebook “likes.” (Yes, Chris is in a three-way tie with himself.)
Chris Doyle:
At midnight there came a strange knock,
A tap-tapping that rattled the lock.
‘Twas a crow at the door
Of my store to implore
That I keep Poe’s “The Raven” in stock.
Chris Doyle:
As you’re surfing online, there’s a knock
At the door, then a shout, “Break the lock!”
It’s the Feds, who suppose
You make bombs since you chose
As your tag “the nuke kid on the block.”
Chris Doyle:
My joke, which begins with “Knock, knock,”
Prompts your question “Who’s there?” and then shock
When my “Ivan” to you
Makes you ask, “Ivan who?”
And I say: “Ivan EighteenInchCock.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jane Shelton Hoffman, Ailsa McKillop, Steve Whitred, Charley Simmons, Fred Bortz, and Will T. Laughlin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A dog who had learned how to knock
Would stop at each door on his block.
He knew not to beg,
So he’d just lift his leg
And if given a treat, no wet sock!
Ailsa McKillop:
The circle all heard a loud knock.
Cried their leader (in black trailing frock):
“Oh spirit, pray speak!”
To her left was a shriek.
That latecomer caused quite a shock.
Steve Whitred:
In Boston a drug cop’s a ‘nawc’
And a prank or a spree is a ‘lawk.’
All the dogs are baroque.
This I swear is no joke:
At the moon they don’t howl, they just ‘Bach.’
Charley Simmons:
A sailor gal heard a loud knock.
At the door, she was in for a shock.
For a flasher was there.
He was smiling and bare,
So she tied a square knot on his cock.
Fred Bortz:
At the séance when I heard the knock,
I was sure it was charlatan schlock.
Then the medium, small,
Loomed quite large after all,
When my late Granny started to talk.
Will T. Laughlin:
You open the door to the knock:
It’s a skeleton holding a clock.
It hits you (too late)
As you go to your Fate
That you ought to have gone to the Doc.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Ailsa McKillop, Brian Allgar, Charley Simmons, Chris Doyle, Fred Bortz, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Steve Whitred, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 1 Comment »
Friday, February 21st, 2014
Since I know absolutely nothing about sports, I probably shouldn’t have bothered entering the Washington Post Style Invitational contest that requested “sports fictoids.”
My failed fictitious sports trivia entries are here:
* One-quarter of all competitive curlers earn money off-season by cleaning houses.
* Over one-percent of all U.S. divorce complaints name the NFL as an “alienation of affection” correspondent.
* A mistranslation almost caused Olympic Basketball to be replaced by Hula Hoops.
* Babe Ruth and O. Henry were bitter enemies.
* The NFL “Super Bowl” was initially called the “Super Plate.”
You can read the winning sports fictoids here.
Tags: Sports, Sports Fictoids, Washington Post Style Invitational
Posted in Contests, Limericks, Sports Humor | Comments Off on Sports Fictoids
Monday, February 17th, 2014
Presidents Day Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It’s Presidents Day. Zut alors!
Does anyone know what it’s for?
I’m not sure, but I’d guess
It’s meant to address
The need for more sales at each store.
Note from Mad Kane: I blame the champagne.
Tags: Abe Lincoln, February Holidays, George Washington, Holiday Humor, Money & Finance Humor, Presidents Day, Shopping Limerick
Posted in Holiday Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Shopping Humor | 1 Comment »
Monday, February 17th, 2014
Nightmare Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I rarely remember my dreams,
Except those that go off to extremes,
Like last night’s — I was taken:
A hostage, till wakin’.
I should stop watching Homeland, it seems.
Tags: Homeland, Media Limerick, Nightmare Humor, Sleep & Insomnia Humor, Television Humor, TV Humor
Posted in Entertainment Humor, Limericks, Sleep & Insomnia Humor, Television (TV) Humor | Comments Off on Nightmare Limerick
Sunday, February 16th, 2014
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal heard a rather loud knock…*
or
A fellow would frequently knock…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Knock
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A pawnbroker tended to knock
All those people who “live by the clock.”
When they buried the slime,
Folks lost track of the time,
And the sole attendee spoke ad hoc.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Behavior Humor, Competition Limerick, Funeral Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Time Limerick, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest, Time Humor | 58 Comments »
Sunday, February 16th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Will T. Laughlin, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
She was sick, but was also afraid
Of the bill that would have to be paid;
So she dressed as a pet
And went off to the vet.
Now she’s cured — but she’s also been spayed.
Congratulations to Kevin Ahern, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
On the stand was a dentist afraid
Because of some perjury made.
But his lawyer was wise,
Describing the lies
As something that was truth decayed.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Chris Doyle, Sallie McKenna, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Steve Whitred, and Diane Groothuis. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Chris Doyle:
My nerves last Good Friday were frayed
After learning I’d somehow mislaid
My false teeth, so I feared
I’d look pretty damn weird
Eating lamb on that Easter–puréed.
Sallie McKenna:
A clergyman’s collar was frayed,
Years of chafing induced as he prayed;
He kept craning his neck,
Stealthy hopes raised to check
Any cleavage in front pews arrayed.
Tim James:
A fellow appeared unafraid
To play juggling games with a blade.
“I know tricks that can’t miss;
Hold my beer and watch this!”
Say, does anyone here know first aid?
Will T. Laughlin:
Said the judge, “There’s a fine, I’m afraid…”
To the hooker they caught in a raid.
“Well, judge,” sighed the whore,
“Since I’ve seen you before,
I assume that you’ll take it in trade?”
Steve Whitred:
A woman whose nerves appeared frayed
From her friends heard “We’re getting you laid.”
She said “Sounds like a plan,
But please, not with a man.
Since that last guy, I may have been gayed!”
Diane Groothuis:
A citrus tree got very frayed
At 42 C in the shade:
“I am not in the pink
If I can’t get a drink.
Please get me some cool lemon-aid.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Chris Doyle, Diane Groothuis, Kevin Ahern, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Sallie McKenna, Steve Whitred, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | Comments Off on Limerick of the Week (152)
Saturday, February 15th, 2014
Post-Valentine’s Day Ode
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Shoveling snow–
Not my favorite chore.
Mark did it for me.
That’s what marriage is for.
Tags: Battle of Sexes, Chores Humor, February Holidays, Holiday, Husband Humor, Marriage Verse, Romance Humor, Romantic Husbands, Shoveling Snow, Snow Verse, Valentine Day's Humor, Weather Poem
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Chores Humor, Holiday Humor, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Romance Humor, Seasons Humor, Weather Humor | 1 Comment »
Friday, February 14th, 2014
I wrote the following limerick in response to a personal request from Ralph Nader. And yes, I know that sounds crazy. So please allow me to explain:
Over twenty years ago, the New York Times Sunday Business section published my serious personal essay about technology in the workplace. My column, entitled “When Executives Should Just Say No,” dealt with the downside of technological advances. I concluded it with these questions:
Does that the 7:00 p.m. message really merit an immediate response? Is keeping staff hooked to computers all night a sensible use of personnel? And perhaps most important: Am I using these machines? Or are they using me?
My piece attracted a fair amount of attention, including radio interviews, a Boston Globe interview, and a reprint request from Pushcart Press’s Bill Henderson for his anthology “Minutes of the Lead Pencil Club.”
So, what does this have to do with Ralph Nader? It seems that Nader, a fan of that anthology when it was first published, has recently re-read it. And he’s sent personal letters to its contributors, asking us to re-read our respective pieces and send him updated thoughts on the topic, for an article he’s working on.
Instead of a prose response, I decided to express my updated views via limerick. So here’s what I sent to Ralph Nader:
In a decades-old piece, I once warned
With a Luddite’s distrust, unadorned,
Of technology’s lure;
Folks were duped, I was sure.
Now I’m one of those people I scorned.
Tags: Bill Henderson, Luddites, Minutes of the Lead Pencil Club, New York Times, Pushcart Press, Ralph Nader, Techno-Stress, Technology Limerick, Workplace Limerick
Posted in Computer Humor, Limericks, Print Publications, Technology Humor, Workplace & Career Humor | 9 Comments »
Thursday, February 13th, 2014
In a recent Washington Post Style Invitational contest, we were challenged to invent and define weather-related terms. You can read the excellent winning entries here.
And here are my losing entries:
Snow-Brawl: Two arctic storms battle it out.
Frizzly: Just damp enough to frizz your hair.
Withering Heights: Too miserably hot out to leave the house.
Itticane: Gender neutral term for hurricane, favored by most feminists. (Some feminists prefer Himmicane.)
Bellweather: Sunny forecast.
Rain Cower: Hide from a storm, usually under storefront awnings.
Tags: Neologisms, Seasonal Humor, Washington Post Limerick Contest, Weather
Posted in Contests, Limericks, Neologism Humor, Seasons Humor, Weather Humor | 1 Comment »
Sunday, February 9th, 2014
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman whose nerves appeared frayed…*
or
A fellow whose collar was frayed…*
or
A fellow appeared unafraid…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Frayed Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman whose nerves appeared frayed
Yelled, “Somebody come to my aid!
I left home without cash,
And this cabby is brash
And quite rude — he expects to be paid.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Cab Humor, Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Taxi Limerick, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 66 Comments »
Sunday, February 9th, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Tim James, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A fellow had made quite a scene
In the bath with his girlfriend Nadine.
After hot, soapy thrashing
Away he was dashing.
He dumped her, and got away clean.
Congratulations to Chris Doyle, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
On the animal husbandry scene
(Where bionics is all but routine),
A zebu was bred
To an aurochs, which led
To the very first zerochs machine.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Will T. Laughlin, Kevin Ahern, Kirk Miller, Chris Doyle, Michael Moulton, Byron Ives, and Brian Allgar. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Will T. Laughlin:
The diners were making a scene
‘Bout a fly in their fish soup tureen.
I can understand why:
It’s a Bluebottle fly,
And with fish soup, you always serve Green.
Kevin Ahern:
The zaniest thing that I’ve seen
Was something I saw through the screen.
She got lots of buzz.
The reason? Because…
She was a true comb humming queen.
Kirk Miller:
It is hard, as I’m sure you have seen,
To decipher and know what words mean.
There’s a word that I know
Which means “hide,” also “show,”
Contradictory meanings of “screen.”
Chris Doyle:
A leatherneck dad made a scene,
Blew his gasket and vented his spleen,
When his son, home on leave
From the Corps Christmas Eve,
Donned a dress colored aquamarine.
Mike Moulton:
In New Jersey there was a great scene
As the Seahawk’s defensive routine
Behind Pete Carroll’s brains
Closed more passing lanes
Than Chris Christie’s traffic machine.
Byron Ives:
The TSA agent on scene
Was ogling the x-ray machine:
Saw a ring in her nose,
Some bling on her toes,
And two bouncy gems in between.
Brian Allgar:
The Poet was making a scene:
“There’s a corpse in my best Hippocrene!
What lunatic swine
Could have drowned in my wine?”
Grumbled Keats, “He’s a true Gadarene!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Byron Ives, Chris Doyle, Kevin Ahern, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Mike Moulton, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | Comments Off on Limerick of the Week (151)
Friday, February 7th, 2014
A recent article over at DVerse Poets discusses the importance of using vivid verbs in poetry. And though I completely agree, I couldn’t resist writing this limerick:
Fun With Verbs (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
One never should write. One should scribe.
One must NOT coincide. Instead, jibe.
Are verbs that have color
Much better than duller?
I’m bewildered — must drink … or imbibe.
Boring adjective-freedom’s my goal,
And dull adverbs can sure take their toll.
I abjure and forswear them
And simply can’t bear them.
In this verse, though, they’re taking control.
Perhaps with Verse 3, I’ll succeed
In banishing words I don’t need.
Not an adverb in sight,
Nor an adjective blight.
Push my luck? No, not me! End of screed.
Tags: Drink Verse, Drinking Limerick, DVerse, Writing & Publishing Humor
Posted in Limericks, Writing & Publishing Humor | 5 Comments »
Sunday, February 2nd, 2014
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was making a scene…*
or
A fellow who liked being seen…*
or
A woman was making the scene…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Scene
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was making a scene,
Shouting phrases obscene and quite mean,
At a wedding, alas—
His own! Horse’s ass!
That groom’s surely losing his sheen.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Cursing Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Marriage Verse, Poetry & Prompts, Wedding Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 58 Comments »
Sunday, February 2nd, 2014
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Tim James, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A baker went into the red
When his payroll costs came to a head:
“I pay Dad and my brother,
Three aunts and my mother!”
It seems his whole fam’ly’s inbread.
Congratulations to Fred Bortz, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
My limerick turned my face red
As lascivious thoughts filled my head.
I’m sure you’d be fonder
Of my double entendre
If I dared to reveal what it said.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Kirk Miller, Johanna Richmond, Michael Moulton, Robert Schechter, Jim Delaney, Tim James, Sallie McKenna, and Jane Shelton Hoffman. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Kirk Miller:
A newspaper article read:
In his home, a cartoonist found dead.
Cops will try to find out
How his death came about.
All the details are sketchy, they said.
Johanna Richmond:
My computer was sure it had read
The prime booty for which my heart bled.
So to prove that thing wrong
I spent days searching “thong,”
Then bought white cotton panties instead.
Mike Moulton:
A chicken with plumage bright red
Tried to charm all the hens in a shed.
He said, “I’m a great cock.”
But the rest of the flock
Saw that he was a capon and fled.
Robert Schechter:
Most poets write “Roses are red,”
But I started my love poem instead
“A rose is chartreuse,”
Which is why, I deduce,
I never did get her in bed.
Jim Delaney:
A gal who was very well-read
Tried to tempt a young man to her bed.
But such culture can do less
When Emma is Clueless,
And boys watch the movie instead.
Tim James:
A woman was very well-read
And her topic of choice was sex ed.
“Dr. Kinsey’s her guide,”
Beamed her man, grinning wide.
“She just Masters my Johnson,” he said.
Sallie McKenna:
Old fashioned, she always wore red,
Said it kept her from being well bred;
With Tom, Dick, or Harry
The red kept her chary.
Her “stop” won’t go “green” till she’s wed!
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
The canvass was totally red.
“It’s genius!” the art critic said.
How could we agree
When all we could see
Looked the same when we stood on our head?
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Fred Bortz, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Jim Delaney, Johanna Richmond, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Mike Moulton, Robert Schechter, Sallie McKenna, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 2 Comments »
