Fried Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man who liked food that was fried…*
or
A woman shunned food that was fried…*
or
A fellow appeared to be fried…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Fried Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A young foodie shunned meals that were fried
And would constantly mock and deride
People fond of cuisine
Neither wholesome nor lean,
Right up to the moment she died.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Food Humor, Food Verse, Fried Food, Health & Medical Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
This new gal gets my head kinda fried.
Every time I want sex, I’m denied!
You would think it would suck
That she don’t like to … you know …
But she’ll happily swallow my pride.
A fellow appeared to be fried,
Like the souls of his brain cells had died.
But he said, “Have no fear,
This week’s chili’s still here,
And it’s burning my innards inside.”
a woman shunned food that was fried
“clogs you up you fools!” she decried
she ate nuts seeds and flax
until she suffered attacks
diverticulitis clogged her inside
a man who liked food that was fried
refused to listen to those who decried
his habits finger lickin
kept him a grinnin and a pickin
the bypass stent he smiled slid easy inside
A woman while clearly quite fried,
Took a fellow aside to confide,
“Given my condition,
I’ll grant you full permission,
To use me as you like, once I’m tied.”
A woman shunned food that was fried –
Said grilled was more healthy inside;
But mushrooms from grill
Still made her feel ill,
And could be the reason she died.
A Brit, in States, seemed to be fried
When seen with ten cars to collide;
Said, ‘Why do you shink
I’ve had too much to dhjrink?
The whole lot were on the wrong shide!’
A woman shunned food that was fried
In bland recipes taking much pride.
Then one day met a guy
Bought pans so she’d fry.
And she fried till one day was a bride.
.
A woman shunned food that was fried
Had a plan to become a quick bride.
Her new guy showed delight
Ate fried every night
After vows he found out she had lied.
.
A fellow appeared to be fried
When he took a sweet gal as his bride.
He went into a mood
He ate no fried food
And too soon he was fit to be tied.
A man who liked food that was fried
Other than that he wouldn’t be satisfied
Try as he might
of other delights
But he regretted it would not take flight
Hank
A woman shunned food that was fried
And requested all sauce on the side.
No refined carbs or wheat,
She would never cheat.
In her sexy shape she took pride.
A man who liked food that was fried,
ate a veggie and on the spot died;
his guts launched rebellion,
when he gulped down an onion,
the fumes boomed and shattered his pride.
A fellow appeared to be fried,
unclear if he’s mad or pie-eyed;
couldn’t find a tie-breaker,
which pose was the faker,
no solution, he’ll have to divide!
A woman shunned food that was fried,
thought it helped keep her wonderfully thighed;
she was steadfast at dinner,
though her values got thinner,
no fried, but inhaled all cheese-plied.
a man who liked food that was fried,
in time became so thick and wide,
that according to lore,
when he went to the shore,
he would have an effect on the tide.
The lovers eat foods that are fried
For the lubricant aid they provide.
It will work (it is true)
If they don’t overdo.
Too much slide means he won’t stay inside.
I adore my new diet: it’s fried.
Moist within, and yet crispy outside.
Can that heavenly lightness
Cause quite so much tightness?
It promised reduction; it lied.
A guy who loved foods that were fried
Learned to cook from an old TV Guide
He ran a long wire
From his set to a fryer
Now he’s just like his screen, extra-wide
A gourmand ate lion cubs, fried,
Saying, “Gourmets will tend to deride:
Though I much prefer feces,
To endangered species,
Sometimes I just swallow my pride.”
A man would shun food that was fried
‘Cause if not, on the pot he’d reside
With severe diarrhea
(No onamonapia!)
He was stuck there ’til it would subside
On a French topless beach I once fried
My poor body-so red it looked dyed
My hooters were burning
No sex were they yearning
It was aloe-Wished they’d stayed inside.
After eating beans that were refried
Had a feeling that wouldn’t subside
As the pressure grew
To bathroom he flew
Coming up short by only a stride
A seamstress’s nerves were all fried
From dealing with one kinky bride.
She finished the dress
Under utmost duress
As the patron was fit to be tied.
Chris Christie by now should be fried,
No matter how much he’s denied.
He enjoys giving threats
And has no regrets.
This bully who’s life is writ wide.
~
Though his chicken’s no longer called “fried”
They still show his image with pride
At that place, “KFC”
But what’s not said is, he
From clogged arteries long ago died
Last weekend my girlfriend got fried
And wanted my pony to ride.
I said no, but she pled.
So I caved, and she said:
“You’re really quite nice deep inside.”
A woman shunned foods that were fried
“Just a silly wives’ tale!” chefs decried
But, she feared her remains
From pure fat and clogged veins
Would define her once she expired.
The Pats got their asses deep fried
And Brady looked like a scared bride
They ran out of luck,
Found out Broncos buck
Them’s horses that no one can ride
A chemist appeared to be fried
when he spoke of a drug he had tried:
“My brain’s far from flaccid;
it’s some sort of acid –
lysergic diethylemide.”
A Scotsman like his food fried,
(Even better with batter outside).
I imagine it risky
To deep fry malt whiskey
But I have do doubt that he tried.
The bibbed patron was eating deep-fried;
Battered chicken was piled high and wide.
I said, “Gawd, are you big!
You Falstaffian pig!”
My remark was, of course, an aside.
All these damned anapests! {His brain fried…}
Don’t give up, though! He still knew he vied
For the stellar top spot;
Competition white hot!
But his verse? At the very best – pied.
Pied (adj) having sections or patches colored differently and usually brightly
Blessèd food! Baked, sautéed, nuked, or fried!
Without eats, this whole race would have died.
Don’t forget stuff that’s dried,
Boiled, pickled, or lye’d;
How we love a repast, true-and-tried.
Chinese pirot in pranes often fried
But when dlunk he’d leflain. His gleat plide
Di’nt arrow him to fry
Cuz if things went awly
He’d of clashed to the glound and then died
A pepper is good when deep fried
With cheeses and spices inside
Serranos are super
But tough on your pooper
C’mon, just bite one, I lied….
A fellow was totally fried.
He jumped off a building’s top side.
But he was still tripping
through gravity’s gripping.
His last words were: Look, Ma. I flied!
(Forgot to post it here. Now I feel better)
In my youth I’d eat anything fried;
It’s disgusting, the stuff that I tried.
Cookies, Twinkies, and dough
Mixed with cola…God no…
Those are mem’ries I’ve tried to elide.
A marine met a hooker while fried;
And for four-poster bondage he vied.
But alas, the poor whore
Had lost limbs in the war–
And she now was unfit to be tied.
It’s legal to puff and get fried
In my state you won’t get denied
It shouldn’t concern one
If you want to burn one
Dude, how’d the rest of this go?
The libs all want Chris Christie fried
But Holder and Sebelius slide
And there’ll be no pillory
For Shrillery Hillary
And on her watch four people died
(this should certainly help my chances…)
A woman loved foods that were fried
Not just meats but sweets she tried
Fried Skittles and ice cream
On Mars bars she was keen
Hell, I can diet the day after I’ve died.
A sadist got thoroughly fried
And woke up to find HIS hands tied
“It’s not on the script”
“That my butt’s getting whipped”
“But I’m a bad boy, so hit me.” He sighed.
A whore whose appendix was fried
Got sent on an ambulance ride
The surgeon, a twit
Stitched up the wrong slit
So now she makes bucks on the side
A lady shunned food that was fried
Unhealthy and saw food fads tried
Hear the odd, foul, and windy fat ass?
Odor defined, “Why Satan had flatus”
An oaf farts? Hah- two suddenly died!
(All lines are an anagram of line one so my meter is way off…)
Near Nashville (where skin can get fried)
One morning we went for a ride;
We hit Cracker Barrel –
They sell gifts, apparel
And breakfasts for which folks have died.
“Would you like your eggs boiled, poached or fried?
With bacon or ham on the side?
Some hash browns or toast?
Pick the things you want most.”
It was hard to decide, but I tried.
I chose ham with my eggs, which were fried
“Over easy” – that’s fried on each side.
My toast was whole wheat
(It’s the best kind to eat)
With jam for some fruit to provide.
After that lot, my insides felt fried.
If I ate any more, I’d have died.
But that day, two more meals!
Now I know how it feels
When your breakfast and dinner collide.
I love eating food that’s been fried
About this bad food, I’ll confide:
Cheese burgers, I eat ’em
And I have that freedom
‘Cause statins make lipids subside
A woman shunned food that was fried
Precisely because she has tried
Reducing the rise
In her increasing size
Look left. What’s her name? You decide
*EDIT*
A woman shunned food that was fried
Precisely because she has tried
Reducing the rise
In her increasing size
Look left and her name I’ve supplied
A heart patient quit foods that were fried
A bit late for her life. Though she tried
Repenting her best she’d
Grabbed at her chest. Read
Her last word at left as she died
Fish and chips are always fried
and served with coleslaw as a side
I’d hoist up the old spinnaker
for a little more malt vinegar
and down the hatch they’d slide
A woman liked chicken deep fried,
But needed a guy to provide,
So she wooed a fat friar,
In hopes she’d acquire
A ring when he made her his bride.
News item: Time magazine names White Castle hamburgers “most influential” of all time.
Those White Castle burgers are fried
‘Til the grease is all soaked through inside.
Those “sliders” incense me
Good taste, though, prevents me
From saying just where ’tis they slide.
A woman liked chicken deep-fried
But it messed with her tiny inside
She ate feathers and legs
And surprised laid some eggs
“Which came first?” she exclaimed as she died.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 149.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Well-Read Limerick.