Limerick Outing (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman would often go out…*
or
A fellow was going all out…*
or
A woman was throwing things out…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Outing
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman would often go out
With a sad-sack who’d grimace and pout.
When her friends warned that “he’s
A wet blanket and sleaze,”
She said, “Date-wise I’m having a drought.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Battle of the Sexes, Competition Limerick, Dating Poem, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
A fellow was going all out
To woo a pretty girl scout.
“I’ll buy some of the cookies
In exchange for some nooky…”
But left her with one up the spout.
A woman was throwing things out
When her husband gave a loud shout.
“I’m happy enough
That you’re chucking out stuff
But my moose heads i can’t live without!”
A woman would often go out…
For friends she had seen not
Long time longing
For those missing
Friendships were long sought
Hank
A woman who’d suffered some blows
From a very long list of beaux,
Took revenge on each suitor
By threatening to neuter.
So each his love now bestows.
A fellow who frequently blows
Off each gal whose charm she bestows.
He’s no doubt a big lout
For each conquest he’d flout.
Fell victim to the gals quid pro quos.
A fellow who’d just come to blows
Gave his wife a mean bloody nose.
He’s a terrible lout
A GOPer no doubt
Whose running for Senate in the snows.
I heard bells Christmas Eve and looked out.
Santa’s reindeer were flying about.
They had bells ’round their necks
Because Santa expects
Bells to be quite a-pealing, no doubt.
Of his favorite dog food we’re out.
With disdain, dog will raise high his snout.
When I go to the store,
I will buy ten cans more.
Until then, he will just doo without.
When he pops up, decides to come out,
The ground hog does carry some clout
Warm weather or snow?
We all want to know
Beyond a “shadow” of a doubt.
From the Bible a page did fall out.
Many days the monk searched all about.
A look of surprise
Was shown in his eyes
When ’twas found. “Holy sheet!” he did shout.
Two teenagers on date went out,
Enjoyed sex, of that there’s no doubt,
Protection was spurned,
So they quickly learned,
What parenting was all about.
Many members decide to go out
To the pen pals convention. No doubt
Though the gathering’s good,
Be much better, it could.
It is nothing to write home about.
The yacht maker’s sending some mail out
For money, in hopes he can sail out
Of trouble. He’s thinking,
With finances sinking,
He had to request a bail out.
As slowly they soar in and out
Of canyons, black birds tend to shout
About what’s down below,
And we soon come to know
Just what they are raven about.
Politicians are duking it out.
I don’t see what the fuss is about.
When they speak, I will smirk
‘Cause they sound quite berserk.
They don’t know what they’re talking about.
a woman was throwing things out
leftovers forgotten about
a strange purple treat
blue mystery meat
and something that’s started to sprout
A woman was throwing things out
Some of them were heavy, no doubt
Result? Yes, alack!
What went out was her back
Too bad that she wasn’t more stout
A prostitute liked to go out
By a long and circuitous route.
Down wild paths she’d meander
Then stop and philander
With any old boot-scootin tout.
A fellow was going all out
With gifts for his love, there’s no doubt!
But his taste is bad,
It really is sad.
If I were her, I would bailout.
A woman was throwing things out
To charities, really- no doubt!
Though not worn for years,
She was right in her fears!
They were the new fashion break-out!
A woman was throwing things out
And replied when asked, “What’s this about?”
“I’ve become quite obese.
I have no use for these
That I wore when I merely was stout.”
Our captain appears to be out
Of the closet without any doubt.
From high up in the rigging,
I spotted him frigging
The cabin boy coming about.
Madeleine, would you mind replacing my original with this revision? Please and Thank you.
Our captain appears to be out
Of the closet without any doubt.
From high up in the rigging,
I spotted him frigging
The cabin boy coming about.
Note from Mad Kane: Done!
A woman would often go out
to enter an arm-wrestling bout
She used Dynamic Tension
and, oh, did I mention?
She frequently won in a rout.
A fellow who had pulled it out
was proud of it, there be no doubt
But sadly for him
going out on that limb
it’s nothing to write home about
A husband one night, sneaking out,
Was met by his wife’s pensive pout.
She was warning her “Dear”
How he acts with strong beer,
And how stout only makes him feel stout.
John was in a mood, acting out
but didn’t want to seem a lout
his comic tom-foolery
about rattling some jewelry
was an intro to play “Twist and Shout!”
(the semi-obligatory and periodic Beatles reference limerick)
I finally popped my head out
after months of lurking about
a couple of rhymes
with dubious times
or meter is all I can tout :)
A fellow was going all out
to avoid getting into a rout
when finally he said
enough is enough
and his clout left there be no doubt
The woman refused to put out
For her date, who asked, “What’s that about?”
She replied, “It’s your stuff.
It’s not nearly enough
Seeing you in the buff leaves no doubt.”
A lad with a most porcine snout
attended a pro boxing bout
A fighter quite big
said “squeal, Mr. Pig”
so he uttered a Ned Beatty shout!
*** when reading the previous limerick, please correct the spelling of the final word on the first line. it should be “porcine” and not “procine” ***
Not from Mad Kane: Done!
Dead good Mad, love the way you wrote this. Happy New Year!
MOYES
A fellow was going all out
To beat Swansea City no doubt
No FA Cup fun
Because Swansea won
Uni-ted had nothing to shout
This German would often go out
For sausage and strong sauerkraut
His wife was well-versed
In the smell, “It’s der WURST!
“Period, ampersand und umlaut!”
Key and Peele have been listed as out
If they’d chosen that, I’ve no doubt
Flamboyant and free
And for all to see
Proudly from rooftops they’d shout.
A woman was throwing things out
When she came across feelings of doubt
For out on the street
Was her husband named Pete
And now she was missing the lout.
My lumbar I often throw out,
When dancing. If I twist, I shout.
Salsa gives me such pain,
Tango causes a sprain,
And the limbo? Just fuhgettabout.
That slovenly barfly goes out,
With a guy who’s a letch and a lout.
He’s not much or a catch,
But at least she can’t kvetch,
‘Bout his poor taste in women, no doubt.
In my youth I had cause to go out,
With a gal with a merciless pout,
Those lips she would purse,
In a manner so terse,
To this day I can’t look at a trout.
My veggies I’d try to throw out.
When my mom made me eat them, I’d pout.
Belchin’ endive caused blemish,
But what made me Flegmish,
Was facing a lone Brussels Sprout.
This gal had it all figured it out:
Her sex life had long been a drought
“I’ll visit a tavern”
“Find meat for my cavern”
“But probably settle for trout”
An agent was going all out
To capture an old Nazi kraut
At the chophouse he waited
But the kraut had vacated
Still, what a well done steak-out
His accent he couldn’t work out
He said ‘proud’, which sounded like ‘prout’
His girlfriends weren’t rattled
At his speech when he prattled
As he ‘claimt’ he was very ‘endowt’
The umpire had just called him out
The player then called him a lout
“A lout? You’re ejected”
“You once were respected”
“Now your talent to curse is in doubt”
A fellow was going all out
Trying to avoid his wife’s snooty pout
Just ‘cause he forgot her birthday
Playing poker did get in the way
She complained to all “he’s a lout”
When Lady Macbeth shouted “Out,
Dam-ned spot!” she was talking about
Not some dog in her house
But the blood which her spouse
Had from Duncan (the king) caused to spout.
A Congressman liked to make out
With the gals in his office, the lout!
‘Til one day when he met
The girls’ boyfriends. I’ll bet
That he’s learned a new meaning of “clout.”
A fellow was going ‘all out’
In flashing his assets about;
Girls said, ’My, oh my,
There’s a worm on your fly –
No doubt you can fly-fish for trout!’
This polar vortex makes it cold out
I grabbed both my balls and I strolled out
I was totally bent
To get myself spent
And now in the alley I’m bowled out
a fellow would often go out
to hear the poetry shout
until he got tired
and soon retired
now only stories come out his mouth
a woman was throwing things out
worry and anger and doubt
they did her no good
so she thought that she should
learn what living free was all about
A woman would often go out
All she would do was shout
Such a loud mouth broad
And she smells like a cod
Someone please shut up her snout
The stains in my toilet come out,
When I scrub, with a toothbrush, the grout.
It’s the least I can do,
For the place where I poo,
Hence my cleaning is rather devout.
Dousing the Cookout
Yet that fellow her friends thought a lout
Finally showed her her friends, without doubt,
Suffer co-misery,
Just as angst-filled as she–
Then he dumped that whole coterie out!
The prisoner yelled “Let me out!
This jail cell’s the lamest!, no doubt!
It’s gaudy and jokey –
This here “hokey pokey”
Can NOT be what it’s all about!”
The prisoner sneaked his way out
Intending to go “walkabout”
But found it so cold
Was not quite so bold
And begged to return with a pout
Slowly, I pulled the knife out
No blood? Now what’s this about?
Shouldn’t it be spurting?
I found myself blurting
Oh, duh! I’m just gutting a trout
A woman would often go Out
wITh A man she never knew..
That woman’s husband was a
24 year old habit she could not
BREak..Love’s a bitch sometimeS
A SEASONAL LIMERICK:
I usually like to go out
That is when the nice weather’s about
But up near Niagara
I’d need help from viagra
To make life worth talking about.
Ending a sentence with ‘out’?
Against all the rules, no doubt
But do rules apply
When it’s rhymes I ply?
If so, stick this poem up your snout
Mama ogre could not figure out
Why her son screwed his snout in a pout:
“Bud, you drool at the scent
Of a sapling from Ghent,
So why not for a nice Brussels sprout?”
Baby ogre refused to go out
And he just didn’t like Brussel Sprout.
When Mom asked “What’s the matter?”
He started to chatter
“I’ve got something wrong with my spout.”.
Chris Christie’s Press Conference on The Bridge Lane Shutdown
“I’m too trusting — my secret is out —
And too genuine, lovable, stout…
But a bully? Vindictive?
My wounded heart fictive?
That’s not what Chris Christie’s about!
I am sad and so very depressed;
Tell me, how could I EVER have guessed
That my dep chief of staff
Would have made such a gaffe
I cut loose that dead weight — thought it best.
As you know, folks, I don’t blow my cork.
To the fellow who differs: Hey dork,
If you think you felt pain
When I shut down your lane,
You should see what I do with a fork!”
The fisherman tried all his lures out,
Trying to catch an old wile trout.
But, the trout would swim by,
And just give him the eye.
So he screamed and ran home to pout .
A virginal girl ventured out
To find out what sex was about
A young German caught her
And not only taught her
To f..k, but to eat sauerkraut
Gone Out
A woman would often go out
And the rules of decorum she’d flout.
Though by day she became
An exemplary dame,
That’s not what this rhyme is about.
Afraid that her man would find out
That her virtue was rather in doubt,
To hide from his eyes
She donned a disguise
With a wig and a sizable snout.
At midnight, thusly turned out,
In the club she would frolic about.
When men asked to dance
She would fondle their pants,
She said, “For avoidance of doubt.”
Then fin’lly her game was found out
As her husband could cleverly scout:
“It may well look to you
Like you’ve tried something new
But I’m not such a tender young sprout.”
This old fellow would always be out
Chasing the girlies about
When he was a boy
Now his pride and joy
Is only a water spout.
When your old you never get out
And it plays merry hell with your spout
What once was a doodle
Now resembles a noodle
As for sex, there’s really a drought.
The newly weds thinking was out
Switching KY and Putty about
The result was a block
In the eye of his cock
And all their windows fell out.
I’ve thought that “ought” ought to be *out*
(We never say *drawt* — we say *drought*).
But if you get caught
Not pronouncing it “aught”,
Doughty laughter will follough, nough doughbt.
One day, he just let it hang out,
Good taste and good manners to flout.
But he soon realized
He was way undersized,
So he zipped up and went home to pout.
Well, I’m glad that my daughter goes out
With a man who is truly devout.
I looked in on them: He’s
Got her down on her knees…
“God! Oh, God!” I keep hearing him shout.
A new antidepressant’s come out,
One your men-friends are likely to tout.
And you won’t go bone dry
If you blow your supply;
It’s renewable — rarely a drought.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winners, the Limerick Saga Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 147.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Advance.