A Round Of Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow whose body was round…*
or
A woman was running around…*
or
A rumor was going around…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
A Round Of Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
An expounder loved lounging around
By the pool, spewing thoughts unprofound.
“You’re a bore! Do a chore,”
Hounded spouse number four.
He thumbs-downed her. Unsound! He soon drowned.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Battle of the Sexes, Bores, Chores Humor, Competition Limerick, Household Chores, Husband Wife Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Marriage Limerick, Poetry & Prompts, Talkative, Writing Prompts
A close friend was running around
With a man whom I’d recently found
To be quite a nutter
Who had a bad stutter
So t’was easy to c c confound!
A lady whose body was round
Would eat chocolate by the pound
Growing sweeter and sweeter
Boy friends wanted to eat her
There was nibbling and giggling profound
A woman was running around…
Her antics made others frown
It was acceptable
But she fumbled
One she wished she had found
Hank
A rumour was going around
(But then, you know, rumours abound)
And this one was so crude,
And so very rude,
It really couldn’t help but astound !!
A man whose body was round
At meals ate enough food to astound.
He said ” i’ve got to get thinner,
So each night I’ll skip dinner,
Until two people’s arms can fit ’round “
A rumor was going around:
Chiro’s leaving! I feel like I’ve drowned!
I made such a fuss:
“You’d do this to us?
A solution indeed must be found!”
A woman was running around
With a really big hunting hound
The dog it would drag her
To a pound where she’d stagger.
As the hounds from the pound came unwound.
A woman was running around,
Her head, it was not to be found!
Her excuse, it was lame:
“I’m a real scatterbrain!
I really must learn to calm down!”
A woman was running around
With a guy who refused to be bound
By a ring on his finger.
With others he’d linger
Till the woman a new guy she found.
A fellow whose body was round
said, “I’m fit as a ship and I’m sound!”
But he struck a reef
Because his love of beef
Finally made the whole thing run aground.
A rumor was going around
‘Bout a gal whose assets astound.
She played with full vigor
Soon the guys would all dig her.
They admired her talents profound.
A rumor was going around
that the King had stolen his gown
off a lady fair
he desired to see bare,
so he wore it around the town.
He’s no amateur playing a round,
‘Cause when into the rough ball does bound,
It’s truly amazing
He can, just by gazing,
Find a golf ball that’s lost. It’s pro found.
Archeologists looked all around,
And they combed through the dirt on the ground.
“Here it is,” the man said.
And the news headline read:
Missing link’s missing cuff link was found.
Merger rumors are going around.
An unlikely one that I have found
Is Teflon and Velcro
Will join. I don’t think so,
‘Cause to me it just doesn’t seem sound.
At Home Depot, I look all around
For commodes; don’t know where they’ll be found.
So I stop, ask a clerk,
Who replies with a smirk,
“On the toilet-tries aisle they are found.”
The Beach Boys sang, “I Get Around”
It fit with the rest of their sound
They went, “Wah wa ooo”
Yeah, their lyrics were poo
No one claimed they were ever profound
A rumor was going around,
that Santa is coming to town.
The truth of the matter?
He’s gotten much fatter,
and never will get off the ground.
A girl who once got around
From one prince to next she would bound
If IT didn’t fit
On another she’d sit
‘Till, finally, her slipper was found
A rumor was going around
That Mad was fit to be bound
I heard her complain
That Mark’s raising Kane,
A fool-hearty venture, he’s found…
A large fellow whose body was round
Was out looking for one til he found
A concave lass for sex
That could match his convex
And would fit like a glove, pound for pound
A woman was running around
She’s single but wants to be bound
In ties matrimonial
Because her hormonial
Clock’s ticking and needs to be wound
An ol’ cougar was prowlin’ around
With just any young dog that she found
She would open her crease
And play catch and release
Drop ’em used and abused at the pound
I
A rumor was going around
That the sun was going to astound
But all those white flakes that fell
Made winter a very cold living hell
That left too many of us house bound!
II
A woman was running around
With layers of clothing was bound
Being a devout nudist
As well as a Buddhist
She tried hard to not make a sound
III
A fellow whose body was round
Took himself to the reindeer compound
Red suit with white trim
And no thoughts to be slim
Chuckled merrily as Rudolph was found
©JP/davh
A butcher in town, plays around.
Its helped him, he’s now gaining ground.
Sure his prices are high,
But still they come by.
They value his meat, pound for pound.
The circus fat lady is round
Her walking can punish the ground
She’ll rise to great fame
Rotunda’s her name
Makes tons cause she’s paid by the pound
A fellow whose body was round
(Could roll off without making a sound),
Fell one day off his feet
And rolled off down the street
Ending up in the Sears “Lost and Found.”
Frosty the Snowman was round
As he hopped down the street with a bound
He gave up his pipe
To a Republican gripe
When he married in tiara and gown
Revised Version:
Frosty the Snowman was round
As he hopped down the street with a bound
He gave up his pipe
To a GOP gripe
When he married in tiara and gown
They say what comes round goes around
And truly it does I have found
So watch who you slight
Or else you just might
Wind up under 6 feet of ground…
A woman was running around
with every political clown.
She went down on one
and also his son,
who by changing his views, got her browned.
A fellow whose body was round
Was known in headlines for his sound
Denials, apologies, fury
Repeated twice more, in a hurry
Until finally that video was found.
A fellow with stomach quite round
A flaky white nakey chef clown
Rolling in dough– so merry
That doughboy Pillsbury
Just loves a hard rise before browned
A fellow whose body was round
Laid in the sun to get browned
“If I sit here and bake,
I’ll look just like a cake”
Said he as he put sunscreen all around.
A zoo keeper was running around
When he saw a huge walrus aground
“Golly whiz , what a heap!
Feeding him can’t come cheap!”
Exclaimed he, at the beast’s big fat mound.
A woman was running around
In a way that did truly astound.
For she surely did look
Like the proverbial headless chook
And she clucked with a quite chooky sound.
When Bob grilled out, word got around
For his burgers were truly renowned;
He mixed ground beef and pork
With some finely chopped stork,
And topped each with sautéed tongue of hound.
A nurse who liked joking around
Peered closely at Ann’s ultrasound:
“The head is quite clear,
But what puzzles us, dear,
Are the tail and fins that we found.”
A fromagère whacked a large Gouda round
With an orchard-grown stick that she found.
“Apple-smoked is okay,”
She was well-known to say.
“Apple-smacked makes cheese world-renowned.”
The limerick judge came around,
Saw my bribe, and declared I’d be crowned.
But I didn’t ponder
Her double entendre
‘Til her clop on my kopf did resound.
The library aide searched around
But her quarry, alas, wasn’t found.
Seems that dyslexic clerk
Looked for Faulkner’s great work
With the search string, “The Fury and Sound.”
BTW, that’s one of my favorite books from college days.
The geometer went round and round
Insisting a pattern he’d found
Was repeating in pi.
But the truth is the guy
Was irrational. He always clowned.
Rush Limbaugh is running around
Spouting nothing but fury and sound.
In view of his “talents”
The budget would balance
If bullsh*t were taxed by the pound.
LINES ON HEARING THE DIVINE MS. P HARANGUE AT LIBERTY UNIVERSITY, DECEMBER 2013
Sarah Palin? Why’s she still around?
She opens her mouth to expound
And the nonsense spills out
In a meaningless rout,
Like a car never fully unclowned.
MAYBE DR. FRED CAN ANSWER THIS ONE
Now, as I’ve grown old, I grown round.
But here’s a dilemma I’ve found:
The young people swear
That I’ve also grown *square*…
The geometry doesn’t seem sound!
(*I’ve, first line. Sorry)
His appendage was tiny and round.
Her aperture? Wide and profound.
They had the desire,
But you can’t start a fire
Tossing marbles in Long Island Sound.
a girl who was sleeping around
wants to in marriage be bound
but who would she choose?
the one to amuse
as she wanted with many surround
For Will T. Laughlin:
1.
You can’t square what ought to be round,
At least that’s what Lindemann found.
I’m sure that it’s true,
Both for me and for you,
And for all who eat pi by the pound.
Squaring The Circle
2.
Pythagoras went all around
Spreading practical theorems, quite sound.
He wasn’t the guy
Who first spoke of pi.
Though his genius did surely astound.
A woman is running around
and her Nikes continually pound
til she carves a deep rut
in the cinder track but
she’s determinedly marathon bound.
In the mornings I do like a round
Of sandwich or toast nicely browned
With a topping of jam
Or better still ham
It’s the very best breakfast I’ve found.
a fellow whose body was round
really never measured by pound
he shovelled it in
as quick as he’d begin
then break wind in a most unnatural sound
@Fred Bortz:
But did you ever hear about Pythagoras’s brother?
Pizzathagoras traveled around,
And, arriving in Sicily, found
People gathered to hear him
Announce his new theorem:
“Pies R Squared!” The result is renowned…
Loz lb
A fellow whose figure was round
captained a rig on cape sound
He ate every morsel
even the dorsal
of the fish whose fin he found
A fellow whose body was round
Was placed on the top of a mound
On old McDonald’s farm
With a stick for an arm
(The other was et by the hound)
Continuing the conversation with Will.
Pi r square is the area round
The result of math, deep and profound.
So don’t play it fastandloose.
Just square that hypotenuse,
And praise through your class will resound.
A rumor was going around
She likes to be sensually bound.
Then tickles and spanks,
Are rewarded with “Thanks!
That keeps me from screwing around.”
And not being the brightest around
My small brain’s not hard to confound
So I have to assert
Windmill pudding’s dessert
If there is enough to go round.
A fellow whose body was round
Was reading the day’s “Lost and Found”
I wonder perchance
If those size 14 pants
Could be mine which I left lying round.
The story is getting around
And it’s sure to offend and dumbfound:
That interpreter guy
At Mandela’s goodbye?—
A phony! How very unsound!
Outrage Over Sign Language Interpreter At Madiba Memorial
A fellow whose body was round
Didn’t mind when he fell to the ground
he rolled down a hill
There hit a big grill…
The ‘all meaty’ that downed was profound!
Or last line:
I have found the ‘all meaty’ profound!
Men love strip clubs where dancers are round
And where scrawny slim models aren’t found.
We need women with curves.
It’s what each man deserves.
So tip as they wow and astound.
We’re eager to both fool around
At a private discreet picnic ground,
So we lay on a table,
Although it’s not stable,
And push past the risks that surround.
I know that my body is round
A fact which you need not expound
‘Round me the kids play
On a hot summer’s day
As I cast so much shade on the ground
What goes round must all come around
By karma the rules are inbound
So with great aplomb
They astounded poor Tom
Who dumfounded did not make a sound.
A fellow whose body was round
Wore a silk hat on snow covered ground
And much to his merit
Replied “I smell carrot”
When asked to say something profound
But Tom found a way to get round
This problem on unstable ground
While disguised as a toad
He hit open road
Just never again to be found.
A lady whose breasts were too round
To be the sort that’s naturally found,
Regretted to report
They were a pain to transport
And hard to keep up off the ground.
At doctors a woman made rounds
denying her baby bump pounds.
The docs could just file
her act of denial
and hope that the dad was around.
A young man was buying us rounds
and hogging CD player sounds.
We said what the hell
as we drank from the well
while he put someone else’s card down.
A girl, once pleasantly round
Was spread thin in hopes to be found
Not only attractive
But physically active
Died, running self into ground
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 144.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Sale.