Crabby Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal who was rather a crab…*
or
A woman enjoying some crab…*
or
A fellow who’d frequently crab…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Crabby Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A crabby young man eating crab
Claimed “This tastes like it came from a lab.
It’s fishy indeed
That you’d try to mislead
With faux food, so I’m chucking this tab.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bad Behavior, Competition Limerick, Complaining, Crab Limerick, Dining Out Humor, Eating Limerick, Food Humor, Food Verse, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Money Limerick, Personality Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Restaurant Humor, Restaurant Tab Limerick, Seafood Humor, Writing Prompts
A girl who is rather a crab
Moves sideways to get in a cab
But she’s ejected because
With one of her claws
She deals out a quite nasty jab.
A gal who was rather a crab
at least had the gift of gab
But more than just use it
She’d always abuse it
One day she’ll end up on a slab.
A Vogon did crave some jeweled crab
He found a fork and took a good stab
The crab would have none of this
It gave the fork a sharp twist
And slammed its attacker down on the slab
A fellow who’d frequently crab
of her ever expanding fresh flab,
Deserved what he got,
As she left him to rot,
Stretched out on a slab from her stab.
A customer ordered some crab
At a seafood place out in Moab
They showed him a tank
It was green and it stank
They said, “Stick your arm in and just grab!”
a guy who was rather a crab
knew it would sound like a jab
when he told the Mad one
“your prompt is a bad one”
but thought he would give it a stab
Said a prawn to a lovely young crab
“Do you know love I think you are fab?
I’m not feeling too shabby
But if you’d prefer yabby
You should go for the best you can grab”
A woman enjoying some crab,
Placed a live one on a stone slab.
The crab grabbed for her chest
Its claw clamped on her breast.
Where today she still has a sore scab.
A fellow who’d frequently crab
“Bout his gal who would dress awfully drab.
Till at last she said “Honey,
You don’t think it funny
When I take off my clothes and you grab.”
A gal who was rather a crab
Dressed in clothes that were terribly drab
She never wore makeup
Till she had a big breakup
Then flipped and turned drab into fab.
A woman enjoying some crab
Didn’t stop her gift of gab,
Didn’t pay attention,
To shell thorn extensions,
And so in her thumb she got stabbed.
A woman would frequently crab
When he ordered a cheaper young cab.
He said, “Buy what you like,”
As he got on his bike,
And left, sticking her with the tab.
Three bedbugs, two lice and a crab
Convened for a post-feeding gab.
One thought he had seen
A new tick on their teen,
But turned out it was only a scab.
A gum-popping teen who’s a crab
Thinks acronyms sharpen a jab.
Tweeting “Give me a break”
Is a rookie mistake
When one simply can comment “GMAB.”
I don’t hunt for the small stuff like crab
And a shark is too easy to nab.
I may give the impression
Of cetacean obsession.
My name? You may call me Ahab.
They added the genes of a crab
To a Doberman’s eggs in the lab.
Now here is the clincher:
That dog bore a “Pincher”
With claws on its paws that could grab.
A fellow who’d frequently crab
complained that his life was too drab.
Though he wasn’t too bright,
I’d say he was right.
Even his house was pre-fab.
I’m a Cancer, so rather a crab.
Not docile, no sleeping black lab.
But I’m funny as well,
Which makes the wife kvell,
So this saves me, my smooth gift of gab.
Well this Taurus is not like a crab
I’m solid and stubborn and fab
May be a bit stodgy
Sometimes even podgy
But my no – bull side is never drab.
A gal who is rather a crab
Liked a guy with flab
She found him grand
Took him by the hand
Now he’s her own special lab
A maverick breeder named Krabb
Developed a dog he found fab:
It bubbled and hissed
And shot flames when it pissed;
He called it his chemistry Lab.
A maverick breeder named Krabb
Developed a dog he found fab:
It exuded strange fumes,
Then blew up several rooms;
‘Twas a true methamphetamine Lab.
A gal with a fondness for crab
Said, ‘Oh, these crustaceans are fab!’
So crabby and crusty
Became, and so must she
Be sent on a crab-type re-hab.
btw – Haiku Monday theme:
Haiku Monday Madness
A freshly ensconced hermit crab
Met some hounds on the beach for a gab.
“Your new shell,” the dogs bayed,
“It looks almost homemade.”
“Well, it’s not,” replied he. “It’s prefab.”
Mad, I’m just passing this along because I had it laying around and, after all, how often does a call for crabs come along?
Old-school ties
When guys’ used ties are up for grabs
Always choose the one with crabs
Stripes suit ordinarily
but those who go crustacean-free
will soon surplus themselves in drab
Consider Dyspanopeus Texans
who lives in the Gulf, Mexicanus
On any shirt he’d surely be
pink and most delectably
distracting from soup spots that stain us
And on a maître d’s stock loaner
a Dungeness or hermit loner
will snootify you, too
just like that gilded, Windsored crew
who dine in ties from Brooks, the Brother
So trust this good advice to you:
Snap up a handsome crab or two
Their silky claws won’t choke or sting
and women say they’re “quite the thing,
almost as sweet as kangaroos”
A gal who was rather a crab
Bought a tight yellow dress; ’twasn’t drab.
She asked poor, honest Hubby:
“Does my butt appear chubby?”
It’s a month ’til he’s out of rehab.
Take a moment to thank Buster Crabbe,
For back then Flash Gordon was fab.
Kids would flock to the features,
Get off on the creatures,
Then dream of a life in the lab.
We do testing on lobsters and crab
At a noted Crustacea lab.
Though it ain’t scientific
They sure taste terrific
And Headquarters picks up the tab!
The gentleman would often crab
About his life, which he found drab.
His existence – dull –
In a perpetual lull,
Boring his friends with constant gab.
A woman enjoying some crab
Was listening to “Abacab”
“My life is just bliss
I love Genesis
But what the hell’s this song about?”
When I said that my wife was a crab,
It wasn’t just meaningless blab:
YOU try to convince her
To loosen her pincer
When she gives YOUR testes a grab!
(By the way, this is in no way autobiographical! :^) )
There was an old crab
Who worked in a lab.
He invented Viagra
Went to Niagara
Now, his life is just fab.
A man with the hand of a crab
Spent way too much time in the lab.
Still his schedule was swimming’
With sexy young women;
He really had that gift of gab!
He moves sideways at night, like a crab,
While he’s looking for prey he can nab.
So don’t walk home alone;
He’s a dog; you’re the bone;
And he’s quick with his gift of the grab.
Romeo started to crab
’bout Mercutio’s gift of the gab:
Said he: “Dude! You must stop!
For my brain’s gonna pop
After seven encores of ‘Queen Mab’!”
My date decided on crab
With nary a care ’bout the tab
So I asked if she’s Dutch
Or to play with my clutch
Instead, she hailed her own cab
My first was a bit of a crab
My second…? Too gifted with gab
My third was the ticket
He sorely could stick it
Bulling my pulpit; smack DAB!
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the week 143.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: A Round Of Limericks.