Limerick Jest (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow who’d frequently jest…*
or
A woman was speaking in jest…*
or
A fellow would often ingest…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Jest
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A disheveled young man would ingest
Lots of data, as if for a test.
Then each day, without fail,
He’d attempt to regale
Folks with factoids they wished he’d repressed.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
A fellow who’d frequently jest,
Was considered to be quite a pest
By kith and by kin
Whose patience was thin:
In peace may he forever rest.
A philosopher writing in jest
Finds Descartes will not give him a rest.
He tries dactyl and trochee,
But ends up with hokey:
“I think, thus iamb anapest.”
A woman was speaking in jest…
Of her objections and loud protests
Reluctantly accepted
By those aggravated
At least it did not end up in a mess
Hank
On learning I had to use “Jest,”
(I so need this weight off my chest)
I rushed to the gutter,
But before I could utter,
I pulled back and didn’t write “Breast”.
That’s what I get for reading this page when I should be sleeping. I know it’s Descartes, whom I often put before Deshorses, not Voltaire. I’ll edit the Facebook page but since facts don’t matter in Limericks, I’ll leave it alone here.
Note from Mad Kane: I fixed it for you. :)
Okay, here’s the edited version. Now maybe I can sleep.
A philosopher writing in jest
Finds Descartes will not give him a rest.
He tries dactyl and trochee,
But ends up with hokey:
“I think, thus iamb anapest.”
P.S.: I know the accents in L5 are not quite right. I’m invoking punster’s license on “iamb,” and anapest is close, since it could just as well be “an apest,” whatever that means.
Note From Mad Kane: I fixed your previous post because it sounded like you weren’t going to. So poor Voltaire is gone. :)
A hostess was speaking in jest
(With true feelings kept close to her vest):
“Oh, your no-show? No matter!
My hard heart won’t shatter,”
She laughed. Jerk! You didn’t impress!
An old man who loved to ingest,
Baked beans, was sadly not blessed.
With a knowledge of ploys,
to hide the rude noise
of his urges that went unsuppressed.
Just remember I’m often in jest
When composing my poems. I’ve stressed
That there’s no need to brood
When I write about food.
Is this serious? No, it’s ingest.
A fellow liked watching Beau Geste
Gary Cooper’s the one he liked best
North African region?
The French Foreign Legion?
Do we need a remake? Be my guest!
A woman was speaking in jest
When love making she did suggest,
But all went awry,
He didn’t know why
She punched him when he grabbed her breast.
A fellow who’d frequently jest
To a woman he finally confessed
No more kidding he said
So let’s get to bed.
Then her lips he gently caressed.
A woman was speaking in jest
Of longings she ever repressed
In a burst of admission
And finally submission
She laughed saying now I’m obsessed.
At the diner, a man would ingest
His romaine without pants, shirt or vest;
When the waitress looked pained,
He politely explained
He preferred his green salad undressed.
My gal went out joggin’ but jest
Wasn’t close to approprit’ly dressed.
Guys would run along side her
As soon as they spied her –
‘Cause her top failed at keepin’ abreast.
A demon was trying to ingest
The soul of the elderly guest.
Seems the man broke a vow
To the devil and now
He’d been scheduled to be repossessed!
A fellow who’d frequently jest
Now is very hard pressed
to find things as funny
when off went his Honey.
What has fallen, you ask? His crest.
A history lesson in Limerick form
Was Turing who chose to ingest
A cyanide apple depressed?
Well what would you choose
If you were in his shoes
With a chemically feminized breast?
How Britain drove its greatest genius Alan Turing to suicide–just for being gay
I know I just said, not in jest,
That I planned to give lim’ricks a rest,
But that promise won’t mute me:
I’m back! OK, shoot me —
I’m wearing my bullet-proof vest!
A cowboy who had to ingest
Beef jerky in days of Old West,
Would now find the jerky
At Thanksgiving, turkey –
No wonder the West is depressed!
Oh masters of Joycean jest,
Does one delve with immoderate zest
’neath the old “Moorish Wall”
To see that port of call
As the organ of Molly’s yes-crest?
**The passage from the end of Ulysses:
“…I was a Flower of the mountain yes when I put the rose in my hair like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a red yes and how he kissed me under the Moorish Wall and I thought well as well him as another and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes. “
Please do consider my jest
Though limerick form’s not my best
I’m hardly a bruiser;
Am I yet a loser?
My first time, let’s call it a test.
A fellow would often ingest
Far too many puns, all in jest;
His affected digestion
Produced a suggestion
Of gas, which he passed – I’ll attest.
A woman was speaking in jest
When she vowed that she’d take on the rest
Of the nation. Hey, Sarah!
You made a huge errah:
Your values? Let’s say, not the best…
A fellow who’d frequently jest
That his genitals aced every test
Was considered quite ballsy,
Although he had palsy:
The gals shook him off as a pest.
The speeder proceeded to jest
With the cop who had stopped him. Who guessed
She’d have no sense of humor?
(A mere urban rumor.)
Three sentences later, arrest.
A fellow who’d frequently jest
Has sadly been laid to his rest
They thought he was joking
When he said he was choking,
As a gag, it was one of his best.
Godiva was speaking in jest
When she offered to horse-ride, undressed.
But when put on the spot,
She discarded the lot—
Those who peeked were clearly impressed.
The burglar replied in weak jest,
His escape foiled again: He confessed
To a love of the night life
And now on his sixth wife,
His Bauble demanded the best
Of whatever her Morris could lift
From suckers (deserved to be stiffed!).
They longed for the good stuff,
But Mo, caught, made things tough
Til Bauble displayed a real gift
For working the phones as a hoochie.
She went by the name Mama Coochie,
And brought off the boys
With her sass and her ploys;
They get by now in ol’ Chattahoochee.
Captain Kidd went ashore to ingest
Kegs of rum with the bawds he caressed;
To finance his pleasure,
He spent all his treasure;
By morning, he had a bare chest.
a Pol who would frequently jest
of women and rape and incest
is a few brain cells short
and will have my support
when the sun rises up in the west
a fellow i know said in jest
you’re gorgeous not what i expect
he ooh’d and ahh’d and went too far
being now a pain and a pest
a fellow would frequently jest
he’s stouter than all the rest
til he met a dame
who put him to shame
now he does all her houswork, no less
A Comic would make out in jest
That his speech was’nt really the best
At meal times he’d stutter
I need b-bread, b-b-butter
With-ch-ch- ch-ch-chicken breast.
You may think I’m talking in jest
And should at 84 give sex a rest
Well, I admit I’m damn slow
But I will have you know
This old bird still enjoys the old nest.
A fellow who would frequently jest
In the ways of a sick boring pest
Burped before he could start
To ignite a fart
And burnt all the hair off his chest.
Dear Madeleine, Would you kindly remove two of the ch’s from my Comic verse if possible as I think it would sound better with only 4 instead of 6.
cheers and best regards, Radnoft
Note from Mad Kane: Done. :)
A Joker who’d frequently jest
Had cards he kept close to his vest.
To the Batman he’d hum
“Why so serious, chum?”
“DC’s office is moving out West.”
A young Hooker would frequently jest
With her trick as she quickly undressed
Saying, My fronts closed today
But if you are gay
The entrance at rear is best
With his Maiden Aunt decided to jest
And surprised her in only her vest
But he didn’t expect
What she went and did next
I think they call it incest.
A woman was speaking in jest
When she said he could play with her breast
But he offered a deal
If she would she could feel
Both his legs up as far as the teste.
Many an insult is spoken in jest
Maybe one day you’ll be put to the test
So if expecting the worst
From some idiot’s outburst
Give the finger and hope for the best
A bull who’d frequently jest
To a rooster said,”You don’t look the best
This Cock and Bull story
I had hoped to end gory
But I’ve run out of rhyme for the rest.
A woman was speaking in jest
When she told him “I’m truly impressed
“By the size of your, ummm,
“And magnificent bum.”
He replied, though, “So let’s get undressed.”
A fellow once made a jest
’bout the size of his wife’s chest
He said they were teeny
But she was a meany
And now in peace may he rest.
Don’t you hate it when folks say,”I jest!”
After putting your pride to the test?
Hell, “I Jest!” just won’t do
When “How was it for you?
Is rejoined with, “You looked better dressed!”
It’s all very hard to digest:
In the earliest days of the West
With a run of bad luck
Donner’s Party got stuck.
On their trav’ling companions they messed.
Donner Party
A woman enjoys every jest
That she makes. Hubby thinks she’s a pest
At least some of the time:
You, there, is that a crime?!
Not my best, but on this case I rest :)
Sorry Madeleine I forgot to say thank you for your assistance, cheers
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the week 141.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Fall.