Limerick Truck (Limerick-Off Monday)
Since Halloween is almost here, I’m offering you an alternative: You may write a limerick related to Halloween, using any first line. Next week I’ll present an extra award — one for the best Halloween limerick.
And now, getting back to my regular Sunday challenge: It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man who was driving a truck…*
or
A woman was planning to truck…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Truck Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man who was driving a truck
Got stuck in some very deep muck.
Then he ran out of gas,
Slipped and fell on his ass.
Seems that fellow was flat out of luck.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Driving Limerick, Halloween Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Truck Limerick, Writing Prompts
With a bike and a car and a truck,
In this mud once again I am stuck
I should be much more mobile
Than I am, by a big mile
After floods, once again I’m amuck!
A fellow was driving a truck,
And ran in to a bit of bad luck
(This lim is the worst,
But at least I’ll be first
In the use of the rhyming word … oh never mind.)
A fellow was driving a truck
For a farmer who had hay to buck
But the driver was wary
So much hay to carry
The gasoline truck really sucked
A man who was driving a truck
Passing some marshes he got stuck
Cursed his luck
Situation sucked
Better off somewhere playing pucks
Hank
A man who tried driving a truck
Had found himself down on his luck;
Drank too much at a bar,
Was unlocking his car:
Out she walked, and a bargain was struck.
She would drive him to Denver that night
Just in time for his 9 a.m. flight,
But they had time before that.
She purred, “Babe, I’m called Cat.”
He stroked her: it somehow felt right.
A man fired from driving his truck
Muttered loudly, “I don’t give a f_ck.”
He proceeded to drink
Way too much (what’d you think?):
That’s why Chuck struck the buck — piss-poor luck.
On vacation we rode in a truck
or a boat, cuz they called it a “Duck.”
One hell of a ride,
Till we entered low tide,
Then we found ourselves stuck in the muck.
A man who was driving a truck
Drove it into to a pile of muck
The truck took a dip
And started to flip
Upside down in the muck it got stuck.
.
The man who was driving the truck
Hit a streak of terrible luck
In a spot that was dire
Still stuck in the mire
He felt like a prize winning schmuck.
.
The man who was driving the truck
Was hunting for wild geese and duck.
Now down in the pit
In the yuck he would sit.
When a duck with some pluck honked yuk yuk.
That hen farmer loves his old truck,
Insists that it brings him good luck.
Observe his devotion
To “Poultry in Motion”
And its engine that goes putt-putt-cluck.
‘A man who was driving a truck’
As first line, has got me well stuck –
I have to refuse,
Or suffer abuse,
A rhyme-word with ‘f’ in to tuck!
A woman was planning to truck
Her cattle, but this came unstuck,
They wouldn’t be crated
As anticipated,
And so the whole herd ran amuck.
I doubt anyone is going to top that one of Fred Borz!
A man who was driving a truck
Was late and in traffic was stuck,
Promptness compelled,
And so he yelled,
“Move, you incompetent schumcks!”
A first draft of a Hallowe’en story. Editorial suggestions appreciated.
Bob Cratchit’s boss loved Hallowe’en.
It suited his penchant for “mean.”
But then Marley’s ghost
Declared, “‘Neezer, you’re toast.
It’s time to stop venting your spleen.”
This once was a Christmastide tale,
But now how can anyone fail
To notice the halls
Of thousands of malls
Are decked out for pre-Yuletide sale?
If Dickens were writing today
What oath would he want Scrooge to say
To a young trick-or-treater?
At his door, he would greet her
With “This trick’s on you. Go away!”
Truck? TRUCK? Oh, lord, I’m not going to touch that one just yet.
Until I can get my find out of the gutter, here are three Halloween limericks:
i.
Our lives it would truly enrichen
If more vampires were found in the kitchen.
Sure, the vampires of Forks
Were incredible dorks,
But Count Spatula? That would be bitchin’!
ii.
When my Creature was wedded, I cried
(So did Dracula, and Mr. Hyde).
Something old? Something new?
Something borrowed and blue?
Why, that’s how I created the Bride!
iii.
When the zombie apocalypse drains
Us of blood and devours our brains,
I’m willing to bet
The Tea Party will get
Some enormous electoral gains.
*mind.
Pardon my Mreudian Slip.
colonialist,
From your lips to Mad Kane’s ears.
I’m serious. I’ll have no truck
With those who for clean rhymes are stuck.
If you think for a bit
That I’m down with that shit,
Motherfucker, you’re shit out of luck!
(Out-of-competition, but a retelling of a very old joke)
The first boy, who came in a Ford,
Asked, “Where is my girlfriend adored?
I’m going with Betty
To get some spaghetti,
And then go to church. Praise the Lord!”
The second showed up in a Chevy.
He told me, “I’m here to get Evvie.
And I promise you, sir,
My devotion to her
Is a duty both solemn and heavy.”
The third boy drove up in a van,
And said, “I am here to get Ann.
We’ll go dancing, and then
We’ll be back home by ten,
And I’ll treat her the best that I can.”
My youngest awaited her date.
She sat ’til a quarter past eight.
Then, as poor Ellie crept
To her bedroom and wept,
I got out my shotgun to wait.
Then, two hours later, came Chuck,
Who parked on the lawn with his truck.
Disheveled and smelly,
He hollered, “Where’s Ellie?
I hope that she’s ready to…”
(… BLAM!)
Replace pervious… I sent in the one without the HER
On the side of the road was a truck.
So he stopped for a hose for a suck.
He saw her morass,
And siphoned some gas.
As one, they make love now — what luck.
I’ve merchandise left on the truck.
I just can’t unload it. I’m stuck —
Yes, stuck with the stock,
Because who wants a clock
Where the cuckoo’s replaced by a duck?
My stuff all arrived on the truck,
My floors are now covered in muck.
This story’s not fiction,
A self-contradiction –
The vacuflo here doesn’t suck.
Sue —
It sucks when the suck doesn’t suck.
When muck in the pipeline gets stuck,
I peer in, like a dunce,
And it gives way at once…
And I end up all covered in yuck.
(out-of-competition; plural)
Mid-shutdown, some drivers of trucks
Caused the capitol headaches deluxe:
They protested, you see,
Their required MPG
By driving in circles. What schmucks.
The immigrant hid in a truck
And over the border he snuck,
Lured by promise of wealth
And good care for his health…
You guessed it. He’s now a Canuck.
Many of you will probably guess these references to a classic Halloween movie:
Ben got to the farm in his truck
And found Barbara coming unstuck.
While trying to hide
From the menace outside,
At the top of the stairs they found… yuck.
–and–
Tom and Judy went off in the truck.
At the gas pump, they ran out of luck.
The gas going boom
Meant not only their doom:
The others, surrounded, were stuck.
A fellow who drove his corn truck
to a rest stop one night had some luck,
when he met a hot gal
who said, “Come on, pal,
it isn’t your ears that I’ll shuck!”
And two Halloween limericks:
“A Halloween full moon is neat,”
thought the werewolf, “I’ll go trick-or-treat!
They’ll think it’s a mask,
so they won’t even ask–
I’ll come home with a bag full of meat!”
A pumpkin from Kalamazoo,
Jack-O-Lantern he wished to be, too.
But he looked like a squash,
so he got the ki-bosh,
now he’s part of a vegetable stew.
Edit on #2 above:
Said a pumpkin from Kalamazoo,
“Jack-O-Lantern I wish to be, too!”
But he looked like a squash,
so he got the kibosh,
now he’s part of a vegetable stew.
Up to rubble pulled the firetruck
The night that the lightning struck
Their subscription fee
Due last week you see
Was a dumb way to burn up a buck
A woman was driving a truck;
It rained: she was stuck in the muck.
A guy slowly drove by,
Winked and gave her the eye —
“Hey, I’ll get you unstuck, for a *uck.”
She winked back, replied, “Tallahassee,
You jerk: you can just kiss my [chassis]!”
Soon the triple A tow
Truck pulled up (driver, Joe).
Truck unstuck, they had dinner, got sassy.
A couple brayed they’d have no truck
With them aliens, down on their luck;
They ain’t good Christians, no,
He’s a drunk, she’s a ho.
Next day, church: they threw in a whole buck.
Her movers pulled out with their truck
Under the cover of night they struck
They took everything
Including the bling
His lawyer was one f’ing schmuck
Mr. Macho driving the truck,
A big burly teamster named Chuck.
He looks just like a thug,
But show him a bug
And screams loud and yells, “Ewww yuck!”
Donkey Xote inspected a truck;
Tilting, windmilled his arms, puzzling Chuck,
The young dealership salesman.
“Mr. Xote, you do plan
To purchase today?” “Yes. No. Stuck!”
The redneck in his pick-up truck
With a gun rack and a dead buck
Drove off to the bar
But didn’t get far
No engine for this Dynasty Duck
To drive off at dawn in your truck
To hunt for a goose or a duck
For your family feed
Sure takes *something*, indeed:
Not courage, exactly, but… pluck.
In a field, gal stepped down from her truck;
Four leaf clover on ground she did pluck.
Knew that it would bring grief
If she ironed the leaf,
Because then she’d be pressing her luck.
When an architect drove his small truck
Filled with blueprints through mud, he got stuck
In a quagmire, and so
When the truck wouldn’t go,
He exclaimed, “All my plans are amuck!”
A horny young gal in a truck
Said to men with incredible luck,
“I enjoy giving head,
So let’s jump into bed.”
(Heads of lettuce; the bed of her truck.)
The young man sits alone in his truck.
He feels horny, his feelings amuck.
His stiff, rock-hard gland
Is the matter “at hand.”
What he needs is a “stroke” of good luck.
When Ray Charles shot a duck from his truck,
Its feathers he quickly did pluck.
All Ray’s friends said, “My word!
How’d you bring down that bird?”
He replied, “It was simply blind luck.”
I admire how that gal in the truck
Keeps her eyebrows. It’s more than just luck.
I imagine, you see,
That some courage is key,
‘Cause it surely must take lots of pluck.
When I drive to the woods in my truck
To hunt deer, I use shells that don’t suck.
I use shells that are loud.
The results make me proud
‘Cause I get the most bang for my buck.
He drives to play golf in his truck.
At golfing he really does suck.
Can’t believe what he’s done;
He just made hole-in-one.
It’s considered a stroke of good luck.
Some call it the Day of the Dead
And give candy skeleton heads
they decorate altar
To please Tio Walter
And make sure the spirits are fed.
A man who was driving a truck
at lunchtime had only a buck.
Tuna fish with mayonnaise
had sure seen better days.
Truck stop sandwich turned into upchuck!
A woman who was reversing a truck
Let her sex-drive determine her luck
As she leered at a man
In an unmarked, white van
Whose expression was clearly dumbstruck
A woman was planning to truck
Through a speed-date event and, with luck,
Find the man of her dreams.
But this lady, it seems,
Looked for sirloin but found only chuck.
His blind date, though as big as a truck,
Let him know she was up for a {quickie}.
But the guy was so thin
He done slipped and fell in,
So I guess they’re now both outta luck.
This one makes no sense at all, but it’s fun to say:
On a trek on the track of a truck
Through the Outback — alone — set out Buck.
An old tracker trick
Made Buck’s truck tracking quick:
The quack of a crack tracker duck!
In Truckee I purchased a truck
From a trucker who’s down on his luck.
I made it from Truckee
As far as Kentucky,
And that’s when calamity struck.
The wheels all fell off of the truck.
I’ve no brakes, and the gas pedal’s stuck.
To make matters worse,
It just runs in Reverse…
Boy, that trucker in Truckee’s a schmuck.
A woman was driving a truck
When she came upon a schmuck
He was rather spry
For a fat guy
But still he was s*** outta luck
I got cookies from guys dressed like genies,
And some Snickers® from girls in bikinis.
But I didn’t want food
From that politics dude –
Carlos Danger was handing out weenies.
a man who was driving a truck
dressed up like a big yellow duck
got in a wreck
cop said what the heck
when all he could quack was *uck
There once was a tired old pumpkin
and everyone thought him a bumpkin
but at Halloween
so silent his sheen
was made into pie and a lantern
Sorry for the slant rhyme at the end… but it had to do..
she waved down a man in a truck
told him she was down in her luck
they drove hundreds of miles
shared stories and smiles
by nightfall the two were moonstruck
a woman was planning to truck
cross country when plans ran amuk
hiker joe flagged her down
with an invite to his town
she discerned this was her good luck
a woman who drove a chick truck
met a man with a cart load of ducks
they quacked and they squawked
while the poor man did walk
piled in the truck to still clucked
Just had to stop by for a dose a humor after reading a number of poems about bullying. You never let me down.
A smart hooker had a covered in truck
Fitted out to make her a buck
With a strong double bed
While her business card read
“Have Brothel, Will Travel” – for F..k
Ha. I relate to this poor sap only too well. “Been down so long, it looks like up to me!” cackle.
Halloween store decides to take action,
And they get what they want: good reaction.
Though you might think it’s droll,
They have only one goal:
It is costumer satisfaction.
I’m spreading the Halloween news
Concerning which party to choose.
Mine’s bound to be dandy
With free food and candy,
But people should bring their own boos.
“Anonymous writers don’t like
The wages they’re offered,” said Mike.
“If they don’t get more green,
Then on this Halloween
The ghost writers threaten to strike.”
On Halloween all the REAL ghosts
Are trying to be gracious hosts,
So at sunset they head
To their four poster bed
And in darkness they take up their posts.
At a pep rally, ghosts are exquisite.
When they cheer, people really do hear it.
Every goblin and ghoul
Has morale for its school.
They’re imbued with a lot of school “spirit.”
There once was a man named Hector,
A really good ghost detector.
He is known very well
Where he works, a hotel
That claims he is their Inn Specter.
Ghosts usually are quite cheery.
Whenever their spirits get dreary,
Inspectres have found
To turn moods around,
They go for a swim in Lake Eerie.
A man who was driving a truck
happy and thinking, just my luck!
Another tailgate to follow.
no thinking now or t’morrow.
Nose to tail all go down – stuck!
(a joke of my husband’s friend about gravel truck drivers – if you had a tail gate floating in a lake they would all follow it in because they love to follow the truck in front of them without thinking much!)
With Corrected Link:
Good driver, bad driver
A man who was driving a truck
In the gooey mud he was stuck
He called for his dear wife
She said not on his life
Stuck in muck, he was out of luck
And,
A Halloween Limerick
Ghosts and goblins, gorillas too
Oh dear oh dear, what will we do?
You call 911
Tell what’s being done
Cheers! Happy Halloween to you
And,
THREE MORE HALLOWEEN LIMERICKS
i.
In the night came undead Nosferatu!
His victim kept begging him nottu.
She cried, “Mr. Schreck,
Don’t drink blood from my neck!”
Shrugged the vampire, “I’m sorry. I gottu”.
ii.
Poor Edward’s unbeating heart sank.
Even Jacob the wolf drew a blank.
Bella went with the kid
With a head like a lid
And the bolts in his neck. Go Team Frank!
iii.
On Thursday the kids Trick or Treat,
And we give them nice candy to eat.
But the neighbor’s kid, Rick?
When he comes, we shout, “TRICK!”
And throw eggs at him. Turnabout’s sweet.
A positive thinker named Steve
Stalked his victims on All Hallows’ Eve;
“To you, it’s an ax,”
He explained between whacks,
“But to me, it’s a goal to achieve.”
A feisty young witch had a jones
To excite her erogenous zones.
One night, feeling naughty,
She dug up a body
And, counting to three, jumped its bones.
Well it’s that time of the year to act mean
For today Ween arrives on the scene
With his Goblins and Elves
And bloodcurdling yells
We all greet with the words, “Hallo Ween”
Made a blue again it should have read :
For tomorrow Ween arrives on the scene!
A headache-prone woman named Jane
Sought Frankenstein’s cure for migraine.
She went to the doctor,
Who in a room locked ‘er
And cheerfully scooped out her brain.
Clarke Gable drove a well laden truck
Through a twister but ran out of luck
Before he could rescind
Load was Gone With The Wind
Instead of Damn! he said, “I Don’t Give a F..k”
Robin Hood on the seat of his truck
Had Maid Marianne trying his luck
While the rest of his crew
And Friar Tuck too
All watched their boss Try a F..k.
The Jolly Swagman drove his old truck
To the Billabong to meet his Jumbuck
Neath the Coolibah tree
Where long ago he
Had found her and had his first f..k.
On dirt roads you best drive a truck,
Unless you would like to get stuck.
But with NO cellphone service,
And your date who is nervous,
You could find yourself “Shit Out of Luck.”
One ‘Eyed Luck
While walking for gas, he was struck.
Lying along the road along came a duck
Suddenly he was, this is crass
Thinking duck stew, what a mass
Along came the crew, oh, one ‘eyed luck!
Well it is October!
A financial consultant named Dave
Was interred in a premature grave.
“This isn’t ideal,”
He thought, “but get real–
Just think of the money I’ll save!”
A man was once driving a truck
Downhill when a large tree, he struck
He lost his large load
Of hens on the road
Result, he was shift out of cluck
A Shit Carter who was driving his truck
When his knapsack fell into the muck
Said, “To find it I’ll try”
And when they asked him, “Why?”
Said, “My sandwiches made with roast duck.”
I think All Hallows’ Eve is quite dandy,
And at carving up pumpkins I’m handy.
But the night came and went,
‘Twas a rained-out event. –
Now I’m stuck with a shitload of candy.
A Halloween Observation
I’m having some trouble adjusting
To the costumes for which kids are lusting:
A zombie, flesh rotted…
A vampire, mouth clotted…
A Congressman?! That’s just disgusting.
Digusting but how true Tim
My limerick is up here:
No Truckin’ Way
A croc said that she’d have no truck
With a toothless old muckety-muck:
“When the waterfowl light
And the time’s right to bite
A good man has his rows in a duck.”
A man who was driving a truck
Found a hitchhiking beauty-what luck
She said with a glance
Put that back in your pants
I just want to ride not to f***
Some can write truck rhyming limericks, but not I
Kel
I meant writing them without f-bombs
Kel
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Halloween Limerick Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners:
Limerick of the Week 138.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Strips.