Limerick Place (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was buying a place…*
or
A woman is trying to place…*
or
A fellow who tried to replace…*
or
Two women were sharing a place…*
or
A gal was awarded first place…*
or
A fellow had just lost his place…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Place
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gambler is trying to place
The face of a gal clad in lace.
He’s certain they’ve met,
But could not on a bet
Recall if he got to first base.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Battle of the Sexes, Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
A guy was awarded first place
For a stunning three-legged race
But the win was contested
When the others protested
That his partner couldn’t be traced.
A woman was trying to place
A flasher who’d been a disgrace.
But the guy was acquitted
When she finally admitted
She had’t really noticed his face.
A fellow was planning a place
Narcissistic, acclaiming his grace.
But the size of his head
Made it one giant spread,
So he just did a quick about-face.
Dynamic Do-oh!
Two women who shared a large place
Bet how many sex partners would grace
Each one’s bed, for two weeks.
Passersby heard the squeaks
Of their bedsprings – which one would lose face?
Deb was fast: I just don’t let them speak;
Angie cunning: Bring friends, it’s Geek Week!
Time was up — a dead heat?
Each declared she was beat,
Yet had won. “Sixty-two?! You’re a freak!
But the Connors are triplets, that counts,”
Deb insisted, all ready to pounce.
Ange retorted, “Nope, quads –
Those are four sexy bods!
That’s one extra,” she shrieked, with a bounce.
They could come to no final conclusion
But predicted a future profusion
Of lovers. Each planned
How to increase demand.
Frazzled neighbors lack sleep ‘midst confusion.
Obama’s speech flies in the face,
Of America as a nice place,
The race card he plays,
And class war will raise,
While “real cool” facade will embrace.
A worker they tried to replace
Would not leave the building with grace.
So they said “You’re not fired,
You’re simply retired!
And disallowed at this workplace.”
A gerbil who had won third place
In his class, it had been a tight race.
My joy and my pride.
He yesterday died,
Each day of life we must embrace.
RIP, dear Finnegan.
You were deeply loved.
Judith, I was really sorry to hear about Finnegan! I know how much your gerbil Finnegan meant to you!
A fellow was frying some plaice…..
But the fish slapped him right in the face
He said, “This-here flatfish
“Is better than catfish,
“But I’ll kill it again, just in case!”
As poets, we don’t know our place
When we think it’s a Limerick race.
If our scribbling is speedy,
Our rhymes will be needy
And our meters will bring us disgrace.
The astronauts’ favorite place
For entwining in weightless embrace,
In positions unique
For an erotic peak,
Is the X-rated Boudoir in Space.
I always can hope for third place,
Though Fred B. sets a furious pace ;^D
Competition: Ah, yes!
What’s Mad’s mood? I must guess:
Put my lim’ricks in leather or lace?
Judith, condolences on your dear Finnegan, and blessings to you and to him in the afterlife…he will return eventually in another form, I believe, more advanced for having shared your love :)
My husband and I have 5 cats now (down from 8: we lost 3 in 2010, a rough year for us) so I certainly empathize with your loss.
Peace to us all…
Red Baron Limericks 28.09.2013
A fellow had just lost his place
while tailing “Red Baron” the ace
who looped to his rear
and shot him right there
a big smile all over his face.
A pilot had just lost his place
while tailing “Red Baron” the ace
for picking my nose…
and having a doze…
I tumble to earth in disgrace.
Good fun Mad, here’s mine :
A fellow was buying a place
Uptown for his girl to save face
His wife didn’t know
Why he put on a show
He wanted somebody to chase
Mr. Speaker, it’s time to replace
Your obstructionist stance with some grace.
Obamacare’s law.
Your bill sticks in my craw,
And it’s time now to cut to the chase.
A blackmail approach has no place
And your Tea Party wing’s a disgrace.
Fund the government’s work,
Pay our bills–we can’t shirk
Or our country will lose more than face.
A teen was trying to replace
Dad’s vodka unlocked in a case
She used baby oil
His pants he did soil
Tho behind was soft as new lace
The sex worker had to replace
Her butt plug put in a wrong place
Although it was stinky
Still looked like a binky
Old habits made Baby lose face
a fella was trying to place
new flowers in mom’s tiny vase
he looked at stems
as he haws and he hems
too much hydro I will displace
Space Ghost had fashioned a place
on his ship for both Jan and Jace
He forgot about Blip
’til deep in the trip
the monkey threw “it” in his face!
The woman awarded first place,
In the contest to sit on Bob’s face,
Was a hefty young lass,
With a rather large ass,
That’s why Bob has his neck in a brace.
The young private at “Mae’s Happy Place”
Saw the pitying look on her face.
“Well it’s clear,” said the whore,
“You’ve not done this before,
Because soldier, you’re way, way off base.”
A fellow was renting a place
to restore his invisible face
But shoe prints in the snow
made the constables go,
“He’s vanished, but look, there’s a trace!”
I was told you are safe in this place.
Fool around all you want with no trace.
But my NSA wife,
Tracking all of my life,
Soon caught me in Krystal’s embrace.
A girl being awarded first place
Accepted with pleasure and grace
While somebody’s Mother
Who favoured another
Said “You’ve got it all arse about face”.
A fellow was buying a place
In a zone that was known to be base.
Smart as a fox
He changed all the locks
Lost his keys when a thug gave him chase.
Two women were sharing a place
So small they had no private space.
They dated big guys
So it was no surprise
When Ted and Bob slept with Carol and Grace.
A gal was rewarded first place
In a contest to see who could race
To the finish line first
While quenching their thirst
With brandy all drank from a case.
A fellow was buying a place
His old pad was a disgrace
He liked the new house
Will suit me and my spouse
But for the kitten, there is no space
A fellow tried to replace
An old gum tree and axed its base
It fell on his head
He lay there and bled
And the possum lost its nesting place
That fellow who tried to replace
The lower part of his face
Said “I have a big stash
Of all my spare cash
In a clever and quite cheeky place”
Our Congress has tried to replace
“Do our job” with “Just get in his face!”
Don’t they know we see through them?
And loudly we boo ’em!
Barack’s not the one in disgrace.
I’ll say it: he’s no saint, or Führer.
But Congress? We must raise a furor!
Hell, toss the bums out,
Each clown, stooge, and lout;
Replaced by you, me – public juror.
We hardly can do worse than they!
It’s time for political pay-
Back. Ah, reelection?
A piss-poor selection.
I’ll take average folks any day…
a fellow was buying a place
really i was a disgrace
trash in the yard
the paint all marred
but he saw a fairer face
A fellow had just lost his place
To a girl with a beautiful face
When she twiddled her thumb
He went awful numb
And that’s not all his disgrace…
A fellow was buying a place.
No neighbors prying to face.
He considered it and felt at a loss
When faced with the cost
And left it all with nary a trace.
A fellow was trying to place
Himself in position for grace
So he stood real tall,
Became a brick wall,
And blocked off the end of the race.
the dog was awarded first place
a hound with a poodle’s face
was the price for the pet
no one ‘ere would forget
saved the poor mutt from disgrace
From the bar, we went back to my place
Where a secretive look crossed her face.
Well it turned out that “she”
Was more well hung than me.
That’s an image I’d like to erase.
A gal was awarded first place,
which brought a sad look to her face.
She isn’t to blame
for rejecting her fame.
The prize was for a disgrace.
He’s in an uncomfortable place
As his wife grows suspicious apace.
And most damning by far,
On the floor in his car:
Pretty panties of satin and lace.
Down the road a ways, there is a place
Teaches rabbits to learn how to race.
Them bunnies is smart,
You can tell from the start
There ain’t never a hare out of pace.
Two women were sharing a place
Together in “Leather & Lace”,
A hotel & dine
Going down 69,
Getting off just before “Rag & Race”…
On the Web, there is many a place
You can look for a gal’s pretty face.
An eHarmony date
May help find you a mate
From the women in their date-a-base.
“They have tres leche cake at this place.”
Thought she’d buy some. That wasn’t the case.
When ’twas time to move on,
Turned around; she was gone.
Disappeared, and without any tres.
She seemed confident and complace-
nt, giggling in their first embrace.
Her bra size’d misled
But went straight to his head,
And soon they were nearing third base
When both heard the key in the door.
He, nervous; she smiled – “Less ain’t more!
Hey Sandra, come in!
Bobby, San: three-way win” :)
They progressed from her chaise to the floor.
Jiving and Conniving, But Hey, I’m Striving
First number-one mission: replace
“Old” wife, 50, with young ass and face.
The decision? Just rational,
Before he goes national —
After all, politics means embrace
What you “hate” for the good of the nation.
He crowed, I’m the latest sensation!
To his trophy [sans brains];
Ever after, at pains
To explain his first union’s duration.
His “old” wife remarried, in Maine,
But doesn’t speak fondly of Blaine
And their long years together.
She shrugs: “He’s like the weather —
Blowing hot and then cold, always vain.”
Seems the lot of political wives
Is to lead stress-filled, traveling lives
And then one day discover
Their “dear” man has a lover
Or five. Time to get out the knives?
A fellow had just lost his plaice:
It gave him a slap in the face
When taken off hook,
Now he gets a look
That shows he’s a fishing disgrace.
A woman, when told that her place
Was barefoot and pregnant disgrace,
Said, ‘Say that again,
And that will be when
I lace you with Mace in your face!’
A lady who felt out of place
Said “Really I’m not in the race
My breath is not sweet
And I have 3 left feet
And everyone gets on my case”
The horse I bet on to place
Stopped to eat a posie during the race
I’d hit a door with my fist
Or even slit my wrist
But while running he has a good pace
With the way he can put balls in place,
It is hard for some folks to keep pace.
He’s a great tennis pro,
So I think you should know
He provides a-one service, an ace.
With pimples all over the place,
The teenager slumped in disgrace.
Zits were very widespread.
Dermatologist said
That acne’s a problem to face.
A drive-in’s a marvelous place:
Lots of privacy, plenty of space.
Just forget what’s on-screen
And create your own scene.
If you’re lucky, you’ll touch every base.
Our Speaker, it’s time to replace
You with someone not a disgrace.
High time you were leaving!
Do you see us grieving?!
Get OUT! Let us sniff not a trace…
A fellow who tried to replace
his girlfriend’s tree that was displaced
now holds leaves and twigs lurched
shades her lover’s back porch
while squirrels run up-down his face.
A fellow had just lost his place
in line to a man with no face
who with no eyes and ears
immune to stares and jeers
refusing to pick up the pace.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners:
Limerick of the Week 134.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Snake.