A Limerick Indeed (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman had done a good deed…*
or
A man did a dastardly deed…*
or
A gal was reviewing a deed…*
or
A man who was selfish, indeed…*
or
A fellow who’d just done the deed…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
A Limerick Indeed
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man who was selfish, indeed,
Would refuse to help people in need.
When asked to give aid,
He brayed and he nayed:
“I have ten champion horses to feed.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Selfishness Humor, Writing Prompts
A fellow who’d just done the deed
Was high when he planted the seed
In nine months to the day
And without delay
The baby arrived with some speed.
A woman performed a good deed
By off’ring one last chance to breed
But her ex, poor dude!
Alas, he got screwed
‘Twas a failure, though she did suck seed
A fellow who’d just done the deed
With a wrinkled old whore out of need
Found later that year
That disease Gonorreah
Was like passing fish hooks when he peed.
A woman had done a good deed
By helping her neighbour to weed.
But, as she couldn’t discern
A rose from a fern,
The results were not guaranteed.
A fellow who’d just done the deed,
Ejecting his cache of seed,
Confessed with a grin,
That it was fun going in,
But the ending had left him weak knee’d.
A baker had done a good deed.
Turned a young man away from his greed.
“Sure you’re chasing the bread,
But don’t be mislead,
You just might find, you’ll get what you knead.”
She proceeded to cede their house deed
To her “Ex” as a way to mislead.
With housing now tanking,
She’d give him a spanking,
While divorcing, still feeding her greed.
A Cardinal who’d just done the deed
Mused as he stood there and peed
It’s the Lord we must thank
That a fuck beats a wank
To which he and the Bishop agreed.
A gal was reviewing a deed
For a barn while riding her steed.
But the door it was low
So her head took a blow
And quickly it started to bleed.
A man did a dastardly deed
He removed from his pet all its feed
The poor dog threw a fit
But no way did it shit.
Instead on the floor it humongously peed.
.
A woman had done a good deed.
Cleaned the floor where a hungry dog peed.
For sure she was plucky
Considered herself lucky.
It was only a dog not a steed.
Oopsy!
a woman tried to do her wifely deed
by making a fresh batch of mead
she made it quite strong
which might have been wrong
since her hubby fell from his steed
Two minutes to pull off the deed
is all any mister will need.
A few more he’ll do
if you care to come too,
but what a dude’s built for is speed.
A woman had done a good deed,
She saved a cat who was in need.
She reported the crime,
And donated her time.
Blessings to her and Godspeed!
A man was selfish, indeed
Because he refused to share any of his weed
When asked by a bloke
For just one little toke
He only gave him a stem and a seed.
A fellow who’d been maitre d’d
At a restaurant, began to show greed
Nobody was able
To get a good table
“I’m sorry, we’re full, sir, mais oui!”
A young Shrubber with one urgent need
Longed for woman with whom he could breed
Spied a girl up a trellis
So took out his phallus
Climbed up and planted his seed.
Mother caught him while doing the deed:
“When you’re older that seed is to breed,
And not just for fun!”
She told her young son,
“But for now, sure it’s fine to proceed.”
He found her quite pretty, indeed,
So he bolstered his courage with weed.
He attempted a joke
After taking a toke,
But it left him tongue-tied and knocʞkneed.
Miss Brook was a broad trough indeed
Mister Flood looked to often to feed.
When he started to rise
she spread her banks’ thighs
giving way for his surge to recede.
Sorry to go off-topic, but I just posted an old Labor Day verse I wrote some 20 years ago… it’s not entirely a limerick, but each section gradually turns into one, so I thought it might be worth sharing: Labor Day
(Mad, feel free to delete this if you think it’s inappropriate.)
The young actress was pretty indeed
(And the men she seduced all agreed)
Though she read from the heart
She did not get the part
But she did, I am told, get the lead.
How he loves others’ dastardly deed,
Propelled by his anger and need.
Why’s he in such a Rush?
He can just kiss our (tush):
Seeding more Rep conniving? No need.
With Kirk, Spock, and Sulu, indeed,
You can break Einstein’s limit on speed,
For just as you want ’em,
Each Higgs, quark, and quantum
Fulfill your warp drive’s every need.
Herr Schroedinger did a good deed.
From his box, that poor feline was freed.
Then he said, “Das is gut.
Though my test is kaput,
This PETA award’s what I need.”
My parties weren’t well-attendeed
until sped up a wee bit with speed,
crack cocaine, LSD,
heroin, ecstasy,
all well-seasoned with mushrooms and weed.
“I feel really happy indeed”
Said the Bishop spilling his seed
Into an old whore
Not knowing she bore
A disease that he didn’t need.
She was horney and randy indeed,
With no goal to try and mislead,
But when showing her yen,
For young able men,
Her goal was to stem a stampede.
“To be or to not? Yes, indeed.
That is the question we heed.
It’s hard to decide.
Should I self-regicide?”
Prince Hamlet solil-liloquyed.
The Bard wrote it better, indeed.
But for him meter didn’t impede.
All the world, even Siam,
Knows a poor poet iamb,
Which is why one more “lil” I did need.
A Miser who was selfish indeed
Amassed riches that he’d never need
On himself he just spent
But in the end he just went
And died like the rest of our breed.
A man did a dastardly deed
By stealing the old farmer’s fine steed
The farmer’s sharpshooter son
Came out with a gun
The horse thief has now gone to seed.
The UK Parliament did a good deed,
By voting down Dave Cameron’s lead,
Bombing Assad,
Makes us seem mad,
Obama, Hollande please take heed.
When a woman gave to us the word ‘deed’
To compose our reply with great speed
In reading each first line
All the women come off fine.
Men are selfish and a dastardly breed! :-)
It’s said China now owns the deed
as the price of our folly and greed.
What with partisan bickering,
dallying and dickering,
the US of A’s been DCed.
What hooks up a word with its deed
as well as two good friends agreed,
no matter how crossed,
no matter what cost,
each wishing the other godspeed?
Lack of ethics, a problem indeed.
Making money — executives’ creed.
Money’s love to excess
May not end in success.
What’s the problem? It’s avarice, aGREED?
The young call girl was lovely indeed.
With her mouth lots of sperm she had freed.
And her blow jobs, I guess,
Made her quite a success.
Yes, she really knew how to suck-seed.
A gentleman, to a kind deed
not seeking return guaranteed,
won’t return none the less
having left such a mess—
When you cut him he can’t help but bleed.
Gordon Gekko’s most dastardly deed
Was obeying the dictates of greed.
Though the movie was fiction
‘Twas a spot-on prediction
For “The Street” gladly followed his lead.
Damascus has pulled off some deed,
it is rumored, not paying due heed:
international laws
only work when one’s cause
is one we’ll allow to succeed.
For committing an odious deed,
the Syrians might need to cede.
Who cares? It’s just poker
for one D.C. joker,
for whom “serious” ain’t in his creed.
a man had done a good deed
much like he’d planted a seed
he hoped it’s grow
much more than a show
his hopes it did more an exceed
To pull off a daredevil deed,
a show-off exceeded warp speed
going down a steep hill.
We have proof of his thrill
in debris left behind where he skied.
A problem was soon remedied
when the guy who’d been having it peed.
Before he was through,
he’d pooped a lot too.
Call “more public restrooms” a need.
I was late to the party indeed,
yet decided to join the stampede,
so I watched Breaking Bad,
found it dreadful and sad,
I’ve never been quite up to Speed.
He was righteous in word and in deed.
This preacher, he stepped out to lead.
With fervor, no falter,
His flock at the altar,
He fleeced them to fund his own greed.
Now Microsoft’s finished the deed:
It’s merging with Nokia, a Swede?
Apart, both were falling,
Their phone sales appalling.
But together? They just might succeed!
The particle physicists’ deed:
Sending hadrons to smash at light speed.
They needed huge digs
To discover the Higgs
And they found it–at least so I read.
The particle’s namesake, indeed,
Was wondering, hoping that he’d
Have life long enough
To unravel that stuff
And have its existence decreed.
Now he’s hoping for one more great deed,
To hear the committee agreed
That he’ll share the Nobel
And all will be well,
But that’s certainly not guaranteed.
In signing the partnership deed
Did Nokia from Finland secede?
Whichever employed—
Be it Windows or ‘droid
A Swede’s not that breed, it’s agreed.
Informing her lover, “Indeed,
some ride you give,” a gal agreed.
“But for what it is worth,
judging by length and girth,
you sure ain’t no thoroughbred steed.”
A teen told her father, “Indeed,
you texted me. That I’ll concede.
But I’ve not the skill
of texting while still—
I have to be driving to read.”
The mirror was unkind, indeed
To the farmer planting a seed
Having suffered the pain
Of applying Rogaine
And watching his hairline recede
A dude to the judge said, “Indeed,
I was drunk when I crashed at high speed.
But now that I’m sober
and’ve thought my rights over,
it ain’t THAT fifth I wish to plead.”
Oh yes, he had just done the deed;
He heeded “the call” and he peed.
“Another disaster!
Bud, can’t you learn faster?”
…Remember, your puppy can’t read.
An iPhone was selfish indeed
Saying “get me the Simcards I need
I hoard and I store
Games photos and more
And Apples are apples indeed.”
Mad Kane’s always first with the deed
of selecting and planting good seed
to spark inspiration
for limerickization
by writers who’ll follow her lead.
A man who was selfish, indeed
was quite overcome by his greed.
When told with agility
to get some humility,
we scoffed, “I have all that I need!”
A mountaineer doing a deed
With an ice- maiden (possibly Swede)
Had just reached the bottom
When somebody got ‘im
With “how did you get there?” “I ski-ed”
“Which one of you dogs did this deed?”
Bess barks out in a well-rehearsed screed.
But she sits when ears wilt
In confederate guilt —
Bassets know how to make your heart bleed.
The old Onceler was nasty indeed;
Used up resources feeding his greed.
But then up popped the Lorax
Who said “Put down your axe;
It’s Truffula trees we all need!”
A woman had done a good deed
By mounting a crestfallen steed.
They romped and they bucked
To his vigor reconstruct.
“We both convalesced.” She’d concede.
Watch the cadence and meter, indeed,
In your limericks; something to heed.
When the rhythm’s a mess,
What’s the answer? I guess
That a meter maid’s just what you need.
The daft Duke did a dangerous deed.
’Twas ungraciously gauche most agreed,
An unthinkable thing
In the court of a king.
Not the place I’d’ve picked to have peed!
Argh, I really dislike things that auto-correct, Mad—please forgive the ass-backward apostrophe in L2.
Note from Mad Kane: I fixed it for you. :)
‘Twas a small Scottish island indeed.
The gift-shop had all one could need
Top to floor, wall to wall—
Is there anything, at all,
Can’t be made out of fine Harris Tweed?
A woman who did a good deed
To help those who may be in need
Disclosed: “My largess
Is in gold ETFs,
So performance is not guaranteed.”
The bank may foreclose on your deed
If you happen to fall into need.
If your payments are sound,
They might still impound,
Based on errors or general greed.
Said Gramps: “Tell me, who did the deed?”
(As someone had planted a seed.)
“In my day, when you lacked
A marriage contract,
We thought it improper to breed.”
“You’ve been positively ID’ed,”
Said the cop as the rights he did read.
“When you’re caught on a cam
While out on the lam,
The question is: how do you plead?”
“Damascus is guilty indeed,”
Said Kerry to those who would heed,
While Obama, in Sweden,
Is beggin’ and pleadin’
For those who would follow his lead.
A fellow who nearly OD’ed
On barbituates, liquor and weed
Explained to the nurse:
“Though it could have been worse,
Methamphetamine isn’t my speed.”
To pull off this limericking deed
I had mine try rhymes A to Z-ed
’til the latest from Mad
pointed where mine went bad —
my humor is all done off-keyed.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners!
Limerick of the Week 130.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Eyes.
There was a man who thought
72 responses to a limerick..
would be enough…
The 72 Virgins were..
Never really needed anyway..
I hope that is Limerick….
enough to meet the grade..
as KATIE MIA Frederick..
can only imitate..
and sing with choir..if you will..