Limerick Kick (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow had threatened to kick…*
or
A woman was trying to kick…*
or
A man gave the ball a hard kick…*
or
A woman had gotten a kick…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Kick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Though a fellow had gotten a kick
Out of seeing a circus-themed flick
That featured his son,
The best gymnast, bar none,
Flip reviews made it flop really quick.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Gymnast Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Movie Review Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
A man gave the ball a hard kick
Making the other guy feel really sick
Which ended the fight
He’d got into this night
With the large and uncouth country hick.
A woman was trying to kick
Her attraction to men with no schtick.
They all were so cute,
But pretty much mute.
The problem: They’re “Thick As A Brick.”
I really do get a big kick,
Composing a naughty limerick,
A rhyme salacious,
Slightly audacious,
Just seems to do the big trick.
A man had threatened to kick
a habit that made him sick
efforts to help him had all been in vain
until he soloed again and again
and found a solution that would stick
A man had threatened to kick
a habit that made him sick
efforts to help him had all been in vain
until he soloed again and again
and found the solution that would stick
The Rockettes gave out a good kick
A move that was outright pelvic
Herman in the front row
Got too close to the show
He found out what was a sidekick
Big Bertha decided to pick
On a growth in region pubic
Pulled out her tweezers
Found two old geezers
Who were lost while in their Buick
Miss Faithfull, she sure gets a kick
From guys who were long, hard and thick!
So imagine her face,
After leaving his place?
“Tiny Todger”, It’s what Keith calls Mick.
*** Based on this funny quote from Keith Richard’s excellent autobiography, which I’m currently reading:
“Marianne Faithfull had no fun with his (Mick’s) tiny todger. I know he’s got an enourmous pair of balls – but it doesn’t quite fill the gap.”
A man gave a ball a hard kick
While playing on grass very slick.
He fell on his butt
Then got up with a strut.
The ball in the goal did he stick.
A woman was trying to kick
A habit that oft made her sick
Started drinking at noon
Soon howled at the moon
Off the ground herself she could hardly pick.
A woman had gotten a kick
Out of drinking herself half sick.
On liquor she’d fawn
Sprawled on the front lawn
Till dawn when her head felt like brick.
A woman was trying to kick
A habit that oft make her sick
“I’ll quit one day soon
But for now I’ll just swoon
One more day won’t matter a lick.”
A woman had gotten a kick
from being the first jury pick
But the jurists said “No”
and let Zimmerman go
The whole thing just makes me real sick
Miss Lewinsky’s career was a kick,
‘Til the tryst with an Arkansas hick.
It then ended quite soon –
Like a children’s balloon,
It was done in by one little prick.
A woman was trying to kick
the habit that made her so sick
she tried smoking menthol
but that sent her mental
so now she just chews a chopstick
I have gone on a limerick kick
Since encount’ring Mad Kane and her clique.
My humor, once gaudy,
Has ascended to bawdy,
And soon will reach the summit of schtick.
That should be “will soon,” not “soon will”
“How’s Hawking?” I ask. “He can’t kick.
He’s studying time, tick by tick.”
“Oh, Penrose!” I blurt.
“Stephen’s feelings are hurt
By your pun, which is slick but sick schtick.”
A woman was trying to kick
Off a bad habit that was slick
Tried as she might
It didn’t work right
Her male friends just did not dig
Hank
Our president keeps trying to kick
Smoking cigs- a.k.a. cancer sticks
He’s tried nicotine gum,
But he still did succumb
Gave in to the body politic
A mother-to-be tried to kick
A craving for graphite in a stick
(A pencil, no less!)
She had great success
And now only writes with a Bic.
A woman was battling to kick
Her craving for cheeseburgers (thick)
With fries on the side.
Too great the divide!
Between that, and a celery stick.
A woman had got such a kick
From London shows taking her pick
She read a glowing review—
Took the train to Waterloo
King Lear to see, at The Old Vic
Our old aunt, she got such a kick
Baking rock buns—”Now, kids, take your pick!”
But the cakes came out charred
Not chewy, stone hard!
“Take your shovel!” more like, or stout stick!
Spike Milligan got such a kick
(When writing the old Goon Show shtick)
Hiding rude words in slang!
So caused the censor no pang!
He knew not the coarse rhyme: “Hampton Wick”.
A fellow had threatened to kick
And assault with a stout hockey stick
A policeman, who threw
Him in a cell, PDQ!
Which I’m sure you know means “pretty quick”!
A man gave the ball a hard kick
In an oil drum it sank like a brick
He pulled it out—how it dripped!
Then shot away when he gripped!
Its immersion had made it too slick …
Sorry if this is a duplicate (I removed the link that may have sunk the original)
The climate denialists kick,
Deriding Mike Mann’s “Hockey Stick.”
But data don’t lie:
Earth’s temp’s getting high.
Our feverish planet is sick.
(See The Hockey Stick and the Climate Wars: Dispatches from the Front Lines by Michael E. Mann)
Dear Ailsa: I too get a kick
From the Goon Show. In fact, at ridic-
ulous moments, I go:
“Ying-tong-iddle-i-po!”
And my wife thinks I’ve come over sick.
(Cue Max Geldray)
a woman was trying to kick
the smoking she just couldn’t lick
so she licked and licked
on a licorice stick
until she was terribly sick
A doggy accustomed to kick
The door open, then swallowed a stick.
He threw up on the floor
While I scolded and swore
Now that BOTH of us ended up sick!
As I practised my rodeo kick
The music was playing too quick;
Off my spur flew,
Sawed a lady in two,
Which, I’m told, ‘s quite a difficult trick.
A woman had gotten a kick
Out of seeing the art at The Frick
Except for some dreck
By that Toulouse-Lautrec
“This man-man, he can-can leave quick!”
A man gave the ball a hard kick,
He fell ill and became sick.
So he tossed the ball away
Trying to keep sickness at bay
Now he’s very jolly and looking very slick.
The gal sipped a drink with a kick;
Her judgment was no longer quick.
The guy at the bar
Told her he was a star.
And she went to bed with hick.
There are times when I just get a kick:
When I see a live show, not a flick.
I Am a Camera’s the play
That inspired Cabaret
So I saw it. It just didn’t click.
A man gave the ball a hard fast kick
He whiffed it all as it went past quick
His leg’s fast momentum
Just served to upend ‘im
And send ‘im head-over-ass spastic
The preacher just wanted to kick
The beautiful, floozy young chick,
With whom he had sinned.
But he now felt chagrined
And claimed he was tricked by Old Nick.
An old barfly had gotten a kick
At last call when she got her first pick
At the next morning’s rooster
She chose faster’n she use’ter
[At dawn any cock o’ dude’ll do for this trick…]
A young woman had gotten a kick
Out of first date with a guy named Dick
His aim being to court her
Thorny roses he brought her
So no surprise she felt a big prick.
An old woman was trying to kick
Like the folies bergeres oh so chic
She was out of her class
And she fell on her arse
As fan dancing’s no longer her trick.
A fellow found trying to kick
The smoking thing easy and quick
No longer afflicted
Seems he was addicted
To nothing but flicking his Bic
Make candles—you’ll get such a kick!
Take fragrance, a mould and toothpick
Paraffin wax melt in pot
Add some scent—not a lot!
And round the Interdens coil the wick.
a man had threatened to kick
the arse of the next mic
that poked at his wife
he’d bring em strife
a shame she took to the lick
These are always so fun. I come here when I need lightening up. :0)
A baby had started to kick
a gal who’d become rather thick.
She could hardly abide
a foxtrot inside
much less a chorus line trick.
Hi Mad! k.
I truly am getting a kick
From reading each last limerick
That’s here on this thread
I’m starting to dread
Assigning my favorite pick
A fellow had threatened to kick
In the door of the local Nick
Where they’d locked him up tight
For brawling last night
And obscenely exposing his dick.
The pig gave the farmer a kick
When he hung in its sty the salt lick
The lively young swine
Bust the gate (tied with twine)
Found replete later by the hay rick
The electrician got a sharp kick
When the socket he poked with a stick
So the moral of this is
To stop hairy frizz
Just keep your stick out and be slick
The rhyming words for your cue, “kick,”
Inspired a slim stock of schtick. [Say that three times fast!]
And I’ve heard this rumor:
They stifle one’s humor,
Which makes it a not-so-good pick.
I hope this isn’t too inappropriate.
A drunk man who was trying to kick-
start his motorcycle real quick
had no luck
because the schmuck
confused his foot with his dick.
A man who could throw and kick
became Philly’s quarterback pick.
Soon NFL fame
helped to better the name
of the former dirty dog Vick.
“A threp in t’ steans” – that’s a kick
(Hasta heert how yon Yorkshiremen spik?)
Sithee, sit thissen dahn
– or t’pub ista bahn?
Eee, lad, tha’s throng an tha’s wick!
(Translation)
“A kick in the goolies” — that’s a kick
(Have you heard how those Yorkshiremen speak?)
Look here, sit yourself down
— or are you going to the pub?
Goodness, lad, you’re busy and you’re lively!
If a football in drizzle you’d kick
In the far north of Scotland find Wick
It’s a town and royal burgh*
(My research has been thorough*)
Rhyme the end of those lines, that’s the trick!
Weird as it may seem to my friends in North America, “burgh” and “thorough” do in fact rhyme. “Burgh” is pronounced “BUH-ruh” and “thorough” as “THUH-ruh” (not thuh-roe)!
A magician I know gets his kicks
From salacious illusions he picks.
It’s an X-rated show,
So you probably know
He’s accused of performing dirty tricks.
Our Constitution has taken a kick
Yes, our Congress is really quite sick
Common sense, common ground
Are nowhere to be found
Corporations are people? GAG! ICK!
Obama seems all out of air
Except when tv shows are there
His ratings have dropped,
And the farm bill? It’s cropped
But guns grow and people don’t care.
The Supreme Court has ruled with huge kicks
To us all. Impartial? HA! PRICKS!
Some people are sleeping
While others are weeping
Sad change in our country’s fabric…
Loved your limerick and thought I’d try one…though I know I am bowing to the master! :)
A fellow had threatened to kick
a chubby kid brandishing a stick
but the kid was much quicker
hit the fellow with a snicker
now the fellow sounds like a chick
Oh, Rick’s girlfriend Ann got a kick
From describing her boyfriend’s big dick.
You’ll have certainly guessed
That this made Ann a pest,
So we banished her rude Limb o’ Rick.
It’s not naughty. It’s meta-naughty.
She gave the poor doctor a kick
That laid him out flat as a brick.
She completely forgot
He was giving a shot
When he said, “You may feel a small prick…”
A Copper in struggling to kick
Away from his fight with a hick
Slipped out of his blazer
But sat on his Taser
Now his voice is like that of a chick
A young nympho gets a great kick
Out of boyfriend a Pilot named Mick
For in his flying kit
He’ll land in her cockpit
And make use of his jolly joystick
The whole world is getting a kick
Expecting a babe to come quick
But Katie and Will
Aren’t filling the bill
I suppose it will come in a tick.
A fellow had threatened to kick
His dog for the way it got sick
All over the mat,
But didn’t like that
It was cleared at a heck of a lick
A woman looking for more of a kick
Applied 250 volts to her mick
Attached to vibrator
A sure liquidator
So she ended up stiff as a brick.
That habit? Oh, they’ll never kick
it—the English, I mean, and their crick-
et. The leisurely play
On village greens fills the day
Bees buzzing. Deckchair. Just the tick-
et!
A fellow had threatened to kick
His habit of being too slick
In correcting bad writing
With comments quite biting
Plus the nasty parenthical (sic).
A fellow had threatened to kick
His computer, of which he was sick.
He conceded defeat
With CTRL-ALT-DEL,
When he should have just done a right-click.
A Republican went on a kick
To appreciate old “Tricky Dick,”
And discovered, bereft,
That he ruled from the left;
“Was it really a Democrat trick?”
From champagne I do not get a kick;
In a plane I am usually sick.
So how is it true
That the kick out of you
Is the tonic that’s making me tick?
The striker was poised for a kick,
As the goalie was coming up quick,
And he thought he would try
To break up the tie
With a feint and a fabulous flick.
J.P. Morgan had wanted to kick
His rival, old Henry Clay Frick,
Who would smugly imply,
While passing him by,
That his wallet was not very thick.
The Rockettes who perform a high kick
While dancing with jolly St. Nick,
Wearing costumes so pretty
In Radio City –
My favorite Hanukkah shtick!
A fellow had threatened to kick…
The rear of his good friend Fat Mick
But Fat Mick took a fall
When the boot hit his balls
Now Mick is known as Fat Dick…
A fellow had threatened to kick
A golf ball, which was no small trick.
But that golf ball today
Is no longer in play.
Has a hole in one caused by this hick.
A wife wished her old husband would kick
His last minute toilet trick
When they’re ready to go out
Without fail he will shout
“Gotta Shit, I’ll be back in a tick!”
That’s Life
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners:
Limerick of the Week 123.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Play.
Too little too late, but here goes anyway
A woman had gotten a kick
From teasing this arrogant prick
He had thought himself wise
But she gave him first prize
For brainless and hopelessly thick