Limerick Hum (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow would constantly hum…*
or
A gal was annoyed by a hum…*
or
Just as things were beginning to hum…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Hum
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A florist would constantly hum,
While chomping a large pack of gum,
Till a Mother’s Day shopper
With one in the hopper
Said, “Kindly attempt to be mum!”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Florist Humor, Flowers, Humming Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Mother's Day Limericks, Mums Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
A fellow would constantly hum
During shagging, and after he’d cum
Then break into song
Making her sing along
While on his guitar he did strum.
She became quite annoyed with his hum
And guitar he would afterwards strum
So eventually said,
“If you don’t stop this Fred,
You can stick your guitar up your bum.”
Just as things were beginning to hum.
The gal cursed and called him a bum.
He can just take full blame,
For his terrible aim,
And for ramming it right up her bum.
A mother’s day shopper with one in the hopper … that’s great Mad!
Just as things were beginning to hum
They were caught by her half blind Mum
Who innocently thought
Twas some strenuous sport
When she heard the moans as they cum.
A gal was annoyed by a hum
And I don’t want to say she was dumb
But by turning the switch
She could deal with her itch
Much more quietly using her thumb
A gal was annoyed by the hum
Of her dildo when applied to her bum
And as for a thrill
An orgasm was nil
All it did was to make her bum numb.
A fellow would constantly hum
When ever he got in the rum
But what wasn’t cool
Was when he started to drool
Because his tongue went numb
A gal would constantly hum
In her garden-she had a green thumb.
She did it while nude
But it started a feud.
Among guys who were drunk on cheap rum.
A guy was annoyed by a hum
As his gal chewed a big wad of gum
She’d tweet like a dove
As he tried to make love
For his efforts she seemed to turn numb.
A gal was annoyed by a hum
It began to make her feel glum.
It came from next door
Neighbors rolled on the floor.
To her craving she’d finally succumb.
A fellow would constantly hum
A tune while banging a drum.
His gal it annoyed
With an idea she toyed.
Finally stuffed in his mouth a ripe plum.
A Sailor would constantly hum
And swig at a bottle of rum
Could’nt help being pensive
And somewhat apprehensive
For his turn in the barrel had come.
Just as things were beginning to hum
With our bi-weekly threesome,
A guy suggested a foursome,
He said it’d be AWESOME!
I think I will need Valium!
A sweet guy would silently hum,
While giving wife’s clit a tongue strum,
The extra vibration,
Would cause a sensation,
That sped up her orgasmic come.
My girl likes to nibble and hum
In the bedroom (if she’s had some rum)
She’s such an exciter
That ‘ere I can requite her
She often will get me to feel extremely relaxed.
(Chris Papa – dirty minds think alike.)
Although I continually hum
My friends say I’m musically dumb
Now what is a clef?
I suppose I’m tone-deaf
Cuz they say that I sing out my bum
My old man’s feet used to hum
And he covered the bathtub with scum
If it was really urgent
And there was no detergent
He’d rinse them with petrol-e-um.
A bank robber would often-times hum
To make sure combinations would come
And then he would listen
His greedy eyes glisten
To hear the sounds-wait for it – “dot dot dot dum.”
Some things were beginning to hum
In the happy and giddy balsam.
Said xylem to phloem:
“Ain’t this a great home!
They’re spiking the water with rum!”
A fellow would constantly hum
then turn his hum into a pun
then his wife would groan
say, “You’ll sleep alone
cause the hum is worse than the pun.”
In mid-flight the plane lost it’s hum
Gave way to a brief pum pum pum
with engines sputtering
and stomach fluttering
Initial response was through bum
The music professor would hum
As part of his curriculum
was always off tune
a tone deaf buffoon
Caused students to lose equilibrium
I live in a home, oh so hum-
That its structure is starting to crum-.
The door’s off its hinges.
Each visitor cringes
As across the cracked threshold they stum-.
And that’s No “-ble”
Apologies to grammarians for the disagreement in number between “Each” and “they.”
I first heard the strange, eerie hum.
Then my arms, legs, and body went numb.
When at last I aroused
No more doubts I espoused,
For I knew where the aliens come from.
The kazoo section’s infernal hum
Is considered real music by some.
But my limit is — Oy! —
When they play “Ode to Joy.”
Even Yankovic fans call that dumb.
The sewing machine starts to hum
She’s sewing a shirt with aplomb
While eating… a peach?
There’s a sudden loud screech
As the needle pokes into her thumb.
The jam session’s starting to hum
They’ve come here to drum and to strum
It’s awfully loud
And some ears in the crowd
Are becoming uncomf’tably numb.
So why did the hummingbird hum?
If you’re flummoxed I’ll throw out this crumb:
The answer I heard’s
“He’s forgotten the words”
(Okay, so this limerick’s dumb.)
My blender is starting to hum
I’m mixing a smoothie – want some?
Ripe banana like silk
Cherry yogurt and milk
It’s creamy and sweet, like.. yum, yum!
A hummingbird wanted to hum
But only a “zzzt” sound would come
But word got around
Of the flowers she’d found
And that’s when she stopped feeling dumb.
A kid’s brain was starting to hum –
Math homework was ripped – he felt dumb.
With “addition” the goal,
Too bad that the hole
Was greater than parts of the sum.
The radio started to hum
In a tribute to Barbara Frum
Who died years ago
And never would know
How right-wing her son has become.
My wife is annoyed by a hum,
When I sit in the can on my bum.
It’s rather a drone,
With a vibrato tone.
I still don’t know where it comes from.
When the rhubarb started to hum,
The umpire gave Zeke the thumb.
“Yer outta here! Gone!
Sayonara! So long!
And next time try being less dumb.”
(On a jog down by Riverside Mews
My muse came to bring me some clues
So I cut my run short
To hang onto the thought
Of a story I’d rather not lose) …
On a highway where cars and trucks hum
A gentleman held out his thumb.
This driver, on slowing
Asked “Where are you going?
You’re clearly not merely a bum.”
The guy was a backcountry skier
Who’d climbed up a mountain, with gear,
Skied down t’other side
And now needed a ride
To his car, and quite possibly, beer.
So if ever you go for a jog,
(And risk being chased by a dog)
You never know when
You’ll need paper and pen
Just to update your limerick log.
Re: Sue Dulley’s 4 limericks about jogging:
I write limericks when I go run.
With recorder in hand, I have fun.
Writing lims is easy
If my muse is with me.
If I’m lucky, she’ll give me a pun.
So Sue, when you go for a jog
And your muse gets you all agog,
If you have a recorder
You can keep thoughts in order
And your train of thought won’t ever clog.
A fellow would constantly hum
On kazoo while a tom-tom he’d thrum.
All his neighbors would pray
That the man move away
‘Cause the music was always hum-drum.
A musician was feeling quite glum;
Didn’t know that renowned he’d become.
Then he heard what to do:
“Just create a kazoo,”
The voice said, “If you build it, they will hum.”
Thanks, Kirk, for the tip! When my feet
Hit the pathway or trail or the street
I may have a recorder
Or have one on order
For next time my muse and I meet.
An inventor’s annoyed by a hum
That she hears in her head; she’s not dumb.
“Make a dildo,” says voice
“And let women rejoice.
If you build it,” voice said, “they will cum.”
A fellow would constantly hum
Night and day which was’nt much fun
For his wife it was boring
With that noise and his snoring
So she left and went home to her Mum.
A student would constantly hum
When practicing numbers to sum
His classmates got mad
‘Cause his rhythm was bad
Their hearing, it finally went numb.
A dentist would constantly hum
As he worked to make patients numb
When the needle went in
The humming would dim
But he never went completely mum.
A cuckoo clock started to hum
To prepare for it’s mid nightly thrum
That racket 12 times!
Why don’t you use chimes?
Put your clock up the clockmaker’s bum.
Mrs Bloom is annoyed by a hum
Resembling the beat of a drum
So she soundproofed the pan
So nobody can
Vent their ire on her life-mate and chum
A Convict was annoyed with the hum
From his cellmate and bum buddy chum
Who was unclean, in fact
After each act
He never did wash off the cum.
Surely this is no dirtier than Chris Papa or Craig!
A new wife was annoyed with a hum
Which was making her life hum-drum
For her partner’s loud snoring
Had become bloody boring
So took off and went home to her Mum.
The beanstalk would quiver and hum
As the giant roared “Fee fie foe fum!”
Which terrified Jack
So he hid in a crack.
(In the woodwork! Who thought “giant’s bum”??)
The lobby was starting to hum,
Reporters closed in for the scrum
But soon all were vexed
When “No comment” and “Next?”
Were the closest to answers they’d come.
The protest is starting to hum
They’re singing “We SHALL Overcome”.
Though nowhere near silent
They’re very non-violent
So how come the cops look so glum?
My TV’s developed a hum
And my Guitar will no longer strum
All ‘cuz when I saw Hannity
I lost my sanity
Good thing I don’t own a gum
Squatting carpenters constantly hum
Not aware that they’re showing their bum
So good poet or hack
Can’t but help take a crack
At some cheeky verse, warped more than plumb
A fellow would haw then he’d hum
Then he’d curse at the IRS scum
When he adds up his tax
It’s deductions he lacks
He owes more than the parts of his sum
The idol can whistle and hum
But his talent’s no better than some
Still he gets their awards
‘Cuz he’s learned all three chords
So an overnight hit he’s become
An Englishman often would hum
An old tune Willie N. liked to strum.
“A great song. Other means
To make music, are beans.
But I can’t get the range from my bum.”
Just as things were beginning to hum
Axe Man broke out the rum
The band got totally wrecked
Not a note was correct
Save for a few beats on the drum
A fellow would suddenly hum
An ellipsis when words wouldn’t come.
(An ellipsis… that’s what’s
The name for those dots.)
Or in other words, dot, dot dot. Dumb.
For Sue and Kirk:
I too have a muse, as you do;
I hear her while running, the shrew.
She deigns only to visit
(It’s just not fair, is it?)
When my brain is deprived of O2.
The party was starting to hum
On a fishing boat well-stocked with rum
Till the captain’s friend, drunk,
With the sharks took a dunk.
Now he’s known as the skipper’s best chum.
Tim James, you’ve just made my mind hum…
Perhaps I could make my muse come
(Although risking death)
Just holding my breath?
No on second thoughts, that would be dumb.
VOLUNTEER CIVIC ORCHESTRA
Just as things were beginning to hum
Along came a fellow so dumb
He chose a fine cello
With tone sweet and mellow,
With pick he then started to strum.
Unbidden my head starts to hum
Amid meter and rhyme I succumb
And I cannot explain
Though I think that it’s plain
There are times when my muse likes to slum
Elizabeth Gilbert
In a movie, a princess would hum
Or warble this song, feeling glum:
It’s “Some Day My Prince
Will Come” – please don’t wince –
We all sometimes wish ours would come.
The concert was starting to hum,
The music went “Dot dot dot DUM!”
Although repetitious,
It sounded delicious –
Our eardrums were not, not, not numb.
A singer would wordlessly hum
The Rolling Stones’ “Under My Thumb”.
He said, “It’s so wrong –
One can’t sing that song
And not be thought chauvinist scum.”
A mother a love song would hum
As she di’pered her new baby’s bum.
It distracted her mind
From the messes she’d find
In the hours, days and months yet to come.
Anita, annoyed by Bob’s hum,
Said, “You best be quiet, old chum.
I ain’t whistling ‘Dixie,’
I’ll tell your wife Trixie,
You’re seeing some flirty young plumb.”
James Inhofe often will hum,
As he floats in his pond, sucking scum.
He’s an NRA shill,
With one hand in the till,
And yet oddly, can’t walk and chew gum.
A fellow will frequently hum,
“It’s a Small World,” while sucking his thumb.
His wife found this queer,
And applied to her ear,
An icepick, to puncture the drum.
An old man would constantly hum
A melody he learned from his Mum
When a very young chappy
And he shit in his nappy
She would sing it while wiping his bum.
Now Elvis would frequently hum
“Blue Bayou” while his gee-tar did strum,
But he got in the poo
When one blue suede shoe
Was found neath the bed of his chum.
a fellow who would constantly hum
met a gal who always would drum
together a band
give them a hand
as they keep us from er’ getting glum
The Bingo balls busily hum
And we mark off our spots as they come
One little white duck
Can bring you some luck
While thirteen is lucky for some.
A gal was annoyed by a hum,
Started slow and then beat like a drum
Piercing the night like a sick cow
His snoring! She wondered just how
Could hubby sleep, as her ears grew quite numb?
a fellow would constantly hum
and life-rhythm beat on a drum
he was music and sound
around and around
& he thought that’s just so much fun
Hey! Thanks for your interest
The current one is still going so you are more than welcome to jump in
Stormcat had a good idea for it actually which is explained in the comments if you want to do that =)
If not I hope to see you Sunday for the new one!
Radnoft:
To the old man, advanced age will come;
He’ll value that song from his mum
As he serenades
The heroic young aides
At the care home when they clean his bum.
A fellow would frequently hum
A few bars of the “Te Deum”
To settle his nerves
As he fondled the curves
Of his (or another!) wife’s bum.
A fellow would frequently hum
Odd tunes to the beat of a drum
He thought he could make it
While drumming quite naked
And humming to girls quite buxom..
Will, clearing his throat with a hum,
Said to Craig, Chris and Radnoft, “Come, come!”
“Your posts are X-rated,”
He ejaculated,
“But if that’s what you want, then here’s some…”
*****
The dean gave a satisfied hum
As he rolled off the student’s bare bum.
“You’ll be summa cum laude,”
he said, ” ’cause boy howdy,
That certainly was summa cum!”
*****
I hope you don’t mind if I hum,
Or I nervously twiddle my thumb.
But it just isn’t fair
That you sit there and stare
As I wait for my turn with your mum.
*****
I really don’t mind if you hum
While I’m trying to figure a sum;
But you pull out your schlong
To beat time to the song,
And that’s asking too much of a chum.
*****
Although in my rapture I hum
“Oops! I Did It Again” as I come,
I regret, I confess,
That I made such a mess
Of your hair with the residuum.
Oh, the Internet message boards hum
With comments both snarky and dumb.
But beware what you write:
If it’s snark, then it might
Be a Boo…
………..
………..
……….. (and the wind whispered: “… jum!”)
— regrets to Lewis Carroll —
THE WORST LIMERICK OF ALL
Although it’s not Christmas, I hum
That song of the boy and his drum
As I watch my young daughter
Help hobos fetch water.
She loves to… bear up a pump bum.
Dear Will, my response, right on cue
Is to laugh and to cheer – and to boo
(not followed by -jum)
And to tunelessly HUM
My least favourite Carroll to you.
Thanks to David and Sue for the inspiration…
So this week when the rhyme word is hum
And I’ve o’er used ‘cum’, ‘dum’, ‘thumb’, and ‘bum’
A conundrum I’ll pose
Will you solve it, who knows?
I suspect though, it’s too tough for some
Now the gears in my head start to hum
As the clues for this puzzle forth come
You’ve got 12 coins of gold
But there’s one that is old
It’s weight’s off from the rest, by a crumb
You’ve a scale (not of music to hum)
It’s two pans on a chain, and it’s plumb
With this scale weigh the gold
‘Till at last you behold
The coin others are different from
If at this point you’re all thinking hummm ….
Here’s a clue to begin, don’t be glum
Place some coins in each pan
If they balance you can
Safely say that it’s not in that scrum
Since you now see this isn’t ho-hum
One more thing, please don’t think I’m a bum
The odd coin may be light
Or just overweight, slight
And three weighing’s the goal, good luck chum
The hummingbirds paused in mid-hum
To wonder when summer would come.
They don’t like cold showers
That fail to bring flowers
And force them at feeders to slum.
If you like to hear hummingbirds hum,
And you live where you think there are some,
Remember they need
On sweet syrup to feed –
Fill your feeder and wait; they will come.
Beak-on-metal sounds louder than “hum”
When a flicker my chimney would drum.
He’s attracted a mate
But non-early-birds hate
To awake to that deafening thrum.
@Steve Whitred:
Here’s the method that I would employ:
Choose *any* two coins, Steve my boy…
Take one coin (your choice),
Weigh it avoirdupois,
And then measure the other in troy.
No, no: please don’t give me a beating.
I know that this method is cheating.
If you’d rather instead,
I’ll try using my head…
(Quite a change from my usual bleating).
— ahem —
Put six and six pieces of eight
On the scales, and determine their weight.
You’ll notice one side
Slightly higher will ride:
That’s the side we’ll be working with. Great:
Take the coins from the light side, and see
How they measure up, weighed three and three.
Once again you’ll behold
That there’s one tray of gold
Slightly lighter, comparatively.
Now the answer’s so clear it could bite one:
The lighter half must have the right one.
So compare one and one.
If they’re equal, you’re done;
If they’re not, then you just choose the light one.
I spelled comparatively wrong. Oops! Sorry.
Note from Mad Kane: Fixed.
A limerick to write using “hum”
maybe Jack and his fee fi fo fum
but Sue got there first
and I’m for the worst
as I sit here and think only “um?”
okay, that line was supposed to read
“but Sue got there first”
Note from Mad Kane: I fixed it.
@Will,
Wow! what a great limerick. And your solution is clear as can be. Clearer than my puzzle posting obviously. The last stanza of my post was supposed to specify that you don’t know whether the odd coin is heavier or lighter than the rest. Your wonderful solution assumes the odd coin is lighter. (mea culpa)
Heidi, please in this lim-off with “hum”
Take the message of Fee Fie Fo Fum
(As in Jack and the beans)
And expand by all means –
Grow a beanstalk from my bean-sized crumb.
A fellow would constantly hum
with his lips, his teeth and his gums.
His face met a paw,
that shattered his jaw.
So now, he makes sounds with his bum.
A fellow would constantly hum…
Most of all when on the run
Had my fun
Who’s the one
To bother to ask silly questions?
Hank
The honeybees happily hum,
While cows in the meadow chew gum.
It’s a beautiful day,
Bright blue skies, nothing grey,
So cheer up and sing. Don’t be glum.
A young woman was annoyed with the “A-Hum!”
From her coughing and wheezing old Mum
Sounded like she was choking
Should have given up smoking
But would’nt cos she was too dumb
Thanks to Will.T and Sue for those really clever comebacks.
Politicians have their own rotten hum
But not sure from where it does come
But I’m thinking that it’s
cos they’re so full of shit
Which gives them an odour, the scum.
Things were just starting to hum
To the Protest March many had come
Soon the Coppers came by
But were given a “Brown eye”
By the Leader who flashed his bare bum.
@SteveWhitred
Thanks — but I didn’t have to keep to the keyword, so my job was pretty easy. And assuming the coin was lighter rather than heavier was a total cheat, just so I could get the rhymes to fit better!
Also, I shouldn’t have tried to rhyme “choice” with “poyz”. Maybe it should have been:
Then, hey presto, voilà!
Weigh one avoir-du-pwah,
And then measure the other in troy.
Not very good either way, but I wanted to answer a five-stanza riddle with a five-stanza answer.
The sewing machines whirr and hum
The designers look frantic or glum
They’ve whipped up their best
Now the runway’s the test
And their futures depend on Ms Klum.
A fellow would constantly hum
To drown out the sounds from his tum –
His flatulence chronic
Gave scales diatonic.
So some to each hum would succomb.
The crystal set gave out a hum
For a distance around itself; some
French chemists, just two,
Found an element new –
Radio, radius, radium.
My friend likes to sit there and hum
“Ancient Voices of Children” by Crumb*.
How I’m wishing that he
Would hum 4′ 33″
By John Cage, and spend 5 minutes schtum.
(* actually, this would be very difficult…)
My mother will whistle and hum
As her banjo she plucks with her thumb —
While keeping the beat
Playing drums with her feet:
She’s the thumb-strummin’ hum ‘n’ drum mum.
The percussionist murmured, “Ho-hum…”
And slept, ‘ere the climax had come.
Alas, with a mum drum,
The symphony’s humdrum,
Which rendered the audience glum.
The Senate dissembles and hums,
And on background checks turn down their thumbs.
Their constituents’ fury
Will yet be their jury:
Let’s humble the dumb stumblebums!
Protest March had just started to hum
When the Coppers decided to come
So the Leader’s reply
Was to give them a “brown eye”
By exposing to them his bare bum
Politicians lies constantly hum
With plenty of bullshit to come
As they moan and they bitch
We just let them get rich
Us peasants are so fucking dumb
A French Musician would constantly hum
“The Marseillaise” tolerated by some
But a few couldn’t condone
This monotonous drone
And his body was found in the Somme
I don’t have a limerick for you today. I just wanted to stop by and say hello because I enjoy reading your blog. Best of Thursday to you!
Jack Horner went mum in mid-hum
The moment he’d pulled out his plum.
Why wasn’t he merry?
The filling was *cherry*…
Now where did that dumb plum come from?
Will T. you will find this hard to believe but you and I must have ESP for I had just finished penning one myself( which has taken all day I might add) about Johnny Horner and saying to my wife “I’m pretty sure nobody has thought of one like this ” and now as I am just about to enter it I find to my dismay that you have beaten me and what is more with even a similar theme?
I wonder if Johnny Horner did hum
With joy when he pulled a big plum
From his Blueberry pie
Or did he just cry
You’ve fucked up again dear Mum
Dear Radnoft: I certainly hope
If John was so big of a dope
As to whine and complain
That she “fucked up again”,
That his Mum washed his mouth out with soap! :^)
There’s worse things to find in your crust:
In “American Pie”, mad with lust,
A young man (Jack Horny?)
Made pastry turn porny…
You remember our rhyme-word, I trust? :^Þ
A young hen was starting to hum
At a good looking cock by the drum
He crowed “It’s not on
Go to doodle dot com”
So she squeezed one last egg out her bum.
50 minutes ago · Edited · Like
What good is that monotone hum
Ticking off, like some opiate drum,
“Death, blindness, infection,
A four-hour erection…”?
We’re deaf with one shake of a bum.
To the dentist who’d constantly hum
While poking and prodding her gum:
She cried, “Hate to sound sore
But just how much more
Anesthesia would make my ears numb?”
To Diane:
Your last lim’rick made me go hummm…
When I think of a frown on a bum,
My mind goes to farce —
Painted lips on an arse
And a mouth ill-equipped to chew gum.
Please do me a favor, Diane,
And add one more egg if you can:
Now, I don’t mean to shock,
But a Good Looking Cock
Needs 2 Huevos — just ask any man!
Our taste buds are starting to hum
Over pies that with extra fruits come.
When Jack’s mom makes cherry
Or (my fave) blue berry
She bakes every pie with aplomb.
A woman would teasingly hum,
While stroking her lips with her thumb.
He just looks away,
But she so wants to play.
Of course, in the end, he’ll succumb.
Di’s gallo is one huevo short
Like a cyclist… (you’ve heard that report)
But this cock can still crow
And to full height will grow
While pursuing the pollos for sport.
A gal was annoyed by a hum
It was me, but I tried to play dumb
When she asked “was that you
On the stupid kazoo?”
I said “No I’ve been beating my …um…”
Bloody clever stuff Will T.
A fellow would constantly hum
To the beat of a tympani drum.
Though he knew the libretto,
“The words are too ghetto,”
Said he, “for the class that I’m from.”
A fellow would constantly hum
The chorus from “Under My Thumb,”
He said, with a swagger,
“My moves are like Jagger;
Just see how I’m shaking my bum.”
A fellow would constantly hum
A song about life in the slum.
Envisioning Elvis,
He’d wiggle his pelvis,
And tried to look sexy and glum.
A woman would constantly hum:
“California, here I do come,”
Though secretly vexed
To not know the text
Which she should, as a Berkeley alum.
A woman would constantly hum:
“Tada dum tada dum tada dum.”
Occasionally,
She’d hum “Lada dee,”
For a bit, just to change it up some.
A woman would constantly hum
While under the power of rum.
When sipping her whiskey,
She’d often get frisky,
So everyone offered her some.
My brain is beginning to hum
I’ve read all the lim’ricks. (Well, some.)
One more would repeat
That importunate beat
Ta da dum, ta da dum, ta da dum
A song writer started to hum
A tune in his head that had come
Then he added some shit
And it became a big hit
But as usual the lyrics were dumb
I don’t know the words so I’ll hum.
Hum hum ditty hum ditty hum.
Hum hum ditty hum
Hum hum ditty hum
Hum hum ditty f-word hum hum.
Picking up on Mad’s shower limerick:
My muse often wakes in the shower
(Well, that’s what I call my small tower)
I lather it–yup.
I lather, it’s up.
Sometimes I am there for an hour.
@Steve Whitred
I struggled and struggled and came up with the wrong answer yet again:
I’ve worked on Steve’s problem, and I’m
Fairly certain I’ve got it this time.
It seems that the key,
Is dividing in three…
Let me work out the puzzle in rhyme:
Put THREE and THREE pieces of eight
On the scales, and determine their weight.
If you notice one stack
is a bit out of whack,
Put a new pile of three on one plate.
Now, if *these* piles are equal, you’ve proved
That the pile of three coins you removed
Almost certainly had one
That must be the bad one,
And weighing that pile is behooved.
But if those first piles are the same,
Do you see the next step of the game?
Simply weigh the next set.
If they’re equal, you bet
That pile four has the coin that’s to blame.
By using this method, you see,
The third step will always have THREE.
So just weigh one and one.
If they’re equal, you’re done…
If they’re not, you know which it must be.
Is this the conclusion? Not quite:
Which coin that’s unbalanced is right?
That’s no trouble at all!
You just need to recall
If your last batch was heavy or light.
Now off to the answer we hum:
To the final test weighing we come.
If you’re on the *fourth* batch,
And the measures don’t match,
Then that means that the answer is… ummmm…
… ummmmm…
… UMMMMM…
OK. I admit that I’m stuck.
In *this* case I’m shit out of luck.
For (son of a bitch!)
We don’t know which is which;
Guess this puzzle’s defeated me. Fuck.
@Sue:
Farmer Juan has to be on his toes
And take care where his lonely cock goes.
For el gallo would sneak
To the hens for a peek…
With one peek, oh! De gallo arroz.
@Will:
Whatever el gallo gets into
That in chickenland “trouble”‘s akin to
If Juan (or Jack!) knows
To mix beans with arroz
He’ll never become gallo pinto.
(My own solution to Steve’s puzzle from last week – don’t read if you are still working on it. Or Steve, please correct me if I’ve overlooked something. H stands for ‘suspected heavy’ and L for ‘suspected light’.
And Mad – I know I’m breaking all the rhyming rules. Sorry.
The first step is taking the weight
Of four against four on each plate.
That narrows it down
To four (weight unknown)
Or four “H” and four “L” which makes eight.
In the former case, weigh any three
Of the suspects with 3 known to be
Standard weight; this will tell
If the group’s “H” or “L”
And from there it’s not hard, you’ll agree.
In the latter case, one must reduce
The 8 suspects to 3 or a deuce
One set of which hold
The one that’s not gold –
A solvable group to produce.
So you load two “H” coins and a “Light”
On each side, the left and the right,
If one side weighs bigger
That helps you to figure
Three coins (or two spare “L”s) to fight.
If now down to three, and you know
Which way each is suspected to go
You just pick a pair
That might match, weigh them; there
Is your answer. (I *think* this is so.)
Okay it just *seems* like it was last week that Steve posted the puzzle.
Since the 3rd, I’ve been hearing a hum
By a man 94 years and some.
Full of love, this big-leaguer’s
Still flowering; Seeger’s
A legend as great as they come.
Man’s torso will grumble and hum
With Mexican food in his Tum
It reverberates around
With a gurgling sound
Then exits his bum with a “Brrrrrrrrum!”
Oh, where are the singers, bell-ringers
To applaud all these snappy sharp zingers?
Give them lots of applause
And why? Well because
We have such a great slew of hum-dingers.
ATerrorist was annoyed with the hum
Of the bomb they’d installed in his bum
So while adjusting it’s ticking
It started in clicking
And blew him to Kingdom come.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, the Puzzle/Repartee Award Winners, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 112
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Trips