Limerick Scenes (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman who often made scenes…*
or
A fellow who often made scenes…*
or
An artist was working on scenes…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Scenes
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman who often made scenes
Liked to gripe about “man and machines.”
She thought gadgets depraved,
And yet bitterly raved:
“My espresso grind isn’t worth beans!”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bad Behavior, Caffeine Humor, Coffee Beans, Coffee Drinks Humor, Competition Limerick, Espresso Maker, Espresso Verse, Gadget Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Machines Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
A fellow who often made scenes
Dining out he complained and was mean.
He would gripe,rant and rave
And most badly behave,
Then go home to a cold can of beans.
An artist was working on scenes
Of a set of rare Meissen figurines
But an in-rushing whippet
Bumped the table — did tip it!
The still life was in smithereens …
An artist was painting on scenes
For Whom the Bell Chimes now convenes!
“Was this Hemingway’s work?”
He enquired; with a smirk
The producer said “No — Graham Greene’s.”
A campaigner often made scenes
Of protest on nitrosamines
And effects detrimental
Of mercury (dental)
And the downside of common vaccines
A youngster who often made scenes
On having to eat salad greens
With bribes was seduced
Desired results were produced!
Now she’ll tackle all sorts of cuisines
An artist was painting some scenes
Of Siberian peaks and ravines
At danger he sneered
Icy cold never feared!
But he fled when he saw wolverines …
An artist was working on scenes
While touring the Balkan demesnes
He was cheered in one nation
Called out “Thanks!” in Croatian
But politely was told “We’re Slovenes.”
The Fed has meetings behind the scenes
Doing much more than counting their beans
Quantatative easing
Real saver teasing
They’ll have your interest by any means
A fellow who often made scenes
With his wife in a field of ripe beans.
They engaged in a frolic
In a place quite bucolic
On a bed of her shirt and blue jeans.
A woman who often made scenes
In public removing her jeans.
She strode down the street
Was naked complete
Said this you won’t find in vending machines.
An artist was working on scenes
In the midst of a field of beans
When up popped a tart
Who gave such a start
She was nude and well out of her teens.
A fellow who often made scenes
While picking ripe coffee beans
Saw his wife with full figure
Tempt an artist with such vigor
They perked coffee fit for their queens.
After thousands of nasty porn scenes
Johnny Wadd was served with some liens
thus having gone broke
some say due to coke
How ironic from blow hit the skiens
Protesters take time making scenes
Whenever New World Order convenes
press can’t get the scoop
on the Bilderberg Group
Illuminati are vague figurines
An artist was working on scenes
Exotic, and lush and serene.
She wanted to see them,
To live and to breathe them;
Her paintings were from magazines!
A woman was one to make scenes
Attempting to stuff herself into jeans
Was often quite ‘farpotchket’
As her tush, the mirror would mock it
Being more over average than *mean
‘far-PLOCH-ket’ = messy or overdone
*mathematical mean = the expected value of a random variable.
©JP/davh
An actress would often do scenes
With guys who looked best out of jeans.
But they wouldn’t get far,
With this hot porno star,
Until they all had their vaccines.
Offered in the spirit that the best limericks should be offensive, even to their creators.
The macho men played out their scenes
With swagger and tight bulging jeans,
But at home they wore skirts
With pink ruffled shirts.
Their fans never knew they were queens.
Edited on Facebook page:
ruffled changed to frilly
In those passionate love-making scenes
They say (in the fan magazines)
That the vampire’s climax
In Twilight (on IMAX)
Was rather too sexy for teens
A wee lad who often made scenes
When told he must eat all his greens
Once he said the wrong thing
To his room she did fling
And he stayed there all through his teens.
An artist is working on scenes
Where her subjects have glittering sheens
She tries different angles
And floodlights she dangles
But finally their sweat she just cleans.
A woman would often makes scenes
Promenading without any jeans
But when she went too far,
Shedding panties and bra,
The Governor called the marines.
A woman who often made scenes…
Could not care for being so mean
Got her own back
When was laughed at
Pity didn’t seem to learn anything
Hank
The chemists’ young interns made scenes,
And threatened to call in the deans,
For ‘twas not DNA
He was after the day
That he tried to get in to their genes.
A woman who often made scenes
Liked to spit in over sized canteens
One day she was pissed
The canteen she missed
hitting a guy right in the beans
A woman who loved to make scenes,
A talent she’d learned in her teens,
Led horny life which
She shared with some bitch,
Since guys would reject such routines.
The carpenters’ skill make the scenes.
For theatrical backdrops, they’re deans.
At hamm’ring they’re best.
When they’re put to the test,
They never will pound with the peens.
An artist was working on scenes
Of sea life and water borne greens.
When his vision failed,
His models were scaled,
And served as still life in tureens.
a woman who once made a scene
while cooking a pot full of beans
and in her fury she lost
the cooking spoon in the sauce
it never re-surfaced, how mean
My father was painting some scenes
using yellows and blues and greens
while over his head
bombs exploded red:
which he said he just hadn’t seen.
In memory of Gordon Davies, musician and scenery painter in the Canadian Army Show overseas in WW II.
That’s too funny!
A man who enjoyed making scenes
Was a “rock star from Mars” in his dreams,
All his “tiger blood” quips,
And his “bi-winning” trips
Were from ego-maniacal genes.
The profilers surveyed the scenes
Strewn with kidneys, hearts, livers, and spleens.
They quickly decided
“This is work Mr. Hyde did.
Doctor Jekyll might know what it means.
A woman who often made scenes
Had been horribly spoilt in her teens;
Methinks that if daddy
More often played baddy,
He’d’ve given her ways better means!
An artist who often made scenes
Would paint them on flimsiest screens,
When backdrops were rent
Cast would then, through the vent,
Cast aspersions while venting their spleens.
It sure was one heckova scene
At the party held last Hallowe’en
The zombie was told
By Perloo the Bold
To give back Godiva her spleen.
A woman who often made scenes
Blamed her outbursts on tightfitting jeans
“You’d think a size twenty
Would cover me plenty
But I’m busting apart at the seams”
A guy who, on K Street, makes scenes,
Says “The Pentagon shouldn’t count beans!”
But what makes it far worse,
On the taxpayers’ purse,
Is he sits on the House Ways and Means.
A fellow who often makes scenes,
As he drinks, stumbles trips and careens,
With few inhibitions,
Makes rude propositions.
A good thing his wife intervenes.
An Artist was working on scenes
While eating a can of beans
The backdraft caught fire
Cause his lantern had a loose wire
Like a rocket he flew over the greens
The actors, rehearsing their scene
in the back of the big limousine
buck naked were caught
ashamed they were not
for their method was Ida Lupine’s
A fellow would make all the scenes,
Feigning fame and luxuriant means.
Then he’d talk extra loud,
Of how well he’s endowed,
Before taking his bus back to Queens.
A fellow would sometimes make scenes
To get into young women’s jeans.
He would act like a jerk
But it often would work.
His score card could match Charlie Sheen’s.
A Scots woman who liked to make scenes
When her husband wore trews and not jeans
Said “If ewe cover ure boday
In clothes so hors modee
You’ll only get more eeks and peens”.
a fellow who often makes scenes
when out the door he goes without his jeans
felt rather daft
when along came a draft
and for miles you could hear his screams..
A GI who often made scenes
Put ex lax in his buddies’ canteens.
Once recovered, they tried him.
His NJP list’s first item?
A month’s duty cleaning latrines.
An artist was working on scenes
while his model just putters and preens.
He said, “You’re no jet-setter
and you look much better
when you wear nothing instead of your jeans.”
A fellow who often made scenes
had a doctor examine his genes.
The nurses were called –
while the surgeons were galled
at the images up on their screens.
—
I’m missing the limerick gene. Sorry.
A woman who often made scenes,
Was enraged by some porn magazines.
“It’s not that they’re crude,
Or oft over-viewed,
It’s just that they’re beyond my means.”
An artist was one to make scenes
Painting with brushes he cleans
His temper would flare
And people would stare
Amazed at his daily routines
A youngster who liked to make scenes
Went beserk when she had to eat greens.
So her kin and her kith
Who were all surnamed Smith
Ended up in–just wait–smithereens.
The director just had to cut scenes,
And use the most ruthless of means.
Ninety Minutes is fine,
After that there’s decline,
When you’re aiming a movie at teens.
The producer made sure to add scenes,
Using craven despicable means,
To insert the gore,
And bare skin galore.
The film’s now on thousands of screens.
Those cyclists were making a scene
Outside of the “Crown, Rose and Queen”
“This house of ill-fame
Is surely to blame
For the vices and sins that we’ve seen”.
A fellow who often made scenes
In the buff, to be seen on big screens,
Can’t act. When a guy
Out of work asked him why,
He retorted, “It’s all in the genes.”
A gentleman flubbed his only scene,
his acting skills quite obscene,
Cuz when playing the role of Jack Bauer
in a TV series about 24 hours,
You can’t be a Hollywood Queen!
A maid working behind the scenes
In a skimpy outfit she cleans
leaned over to vacuum
left little to assume
Moved up to Manhattan from Queens
MC Hammer practiced dance scenes
In an old pair of baggy ass jeans
he danced like a clown
his pants they fell down
Exposing this Hammer’s ball peens
I am in awe of your endless creativity in this form!
A playwright who wrote many scenes
Of women removing their jeans
And guys all excited,
Was quickly indicted
For waking promiscuous genes.
An actress, who always plays scenes
Using “Method” (whatever that means),
Thinks she’s tugging our hearts
With her overwrought parts…
But instead, she ends up in our spleens.
A four-year-old liked to make scenes
When they asked her to finish her beans.
Did they punish her? No —
Now she has her own show,
And she’s featured in trash magazines.
An Irishman likes to make scenes
While wooing the village colleens.
But the girls understand
That his gestures so grand
Mean there’s nothing at all in his jeans.
Film director is shooting some scenes
Of a scientist altering genes.
Calvin Klein paid him well
For his work. Now they sell
His invention: designer genes.
a woman who always drew scenes
Drew a tower in Pisa that leans
A smart young galante
Said “You have the wrong slant
You are not on the level I means”
Jonas Salk made quite a scene
When he discovered the polio vaccine
A sign of the times
Operation “March of Dimes”
Saving us from disabilities unforeseen.
A co-ed quite often made scenes
With professors, classmates and deans.
She wasn’t real smart,
But mastered the art
Of dodging the blame, by all means.
This week, when the keyword is “scenes”,
I wanted to break from routines.
Each verse I will use
To throw out some clues;
Try guessing what each of them means!
This silent is loaded with scenes
Of man in the thrall of machines,
And the mystical muse
Who changes the views
Of a rebel who’s born of great means.
This actor was noted for scenes
Of angst-ridden young men and teens.
If he had lived long,
He might have gone on
To become one of Hollywood’s deans.
In this mob movie’s earliest scenes
The specter of lust intervenes
With a gangster whose shlong
Is a few inches long;
In fact, it may be in the teens.
One of the funniest scenes
To blaze across Hollywood screens
Ends up with a din
Like trumpets and wind
And begins with a pot full of beans.
There’s a musical noted for scenes
Of dancing by killer chorines,
Who know of a spot
Where the music is hot,
And the lyrics are not for preteens.
In this movie, two ladies have scenes
Making one of the world’s great cuisines,
But the younger one’s thrown
By Beef Bourguignon,
And breaks down amid her tureens.
Miss Cucumber, fresh on the scene,
Dreamed of stardom upon the Big Screen.
But, alas, Sweet Potato
And Bright Red Tomato
Reduced her to just a Has-Bean.
In Bogey films there are some scenes
Where his shortness of height intervenes
Like the time that he quipped
Ingrid let’s change the script
To a ‘hill’, from a ‘mountain’ of beans
The clothes on the floor are Francine’s
There’s her bra and her button fly jeans
The JD on the table
Is why I’m unable
To say what I think that it means
A woman who often caused scenes
In her tube top and Daisy Duke jeans
Says that as she got older
The weather got colder
It’s code, but I know what she means
A card player often makes scenes
Whenever she’s dealt seventeens.
If she goes for a hit
It’s always “Oh sh*t’
When the dealer lays down his two queens.
Commuters will sometimes make scenes
When packed into trains like sardines.
There’s anticipation
Of reaching the station
Escaping from those who ate beans.
A youth leader takes in some scenes
With “her girls”, a small group of young teens.
She’s known to have stated
“No, they’re not related,
Although they all have the same jeans”.
A buddhist aspired to play scenes
In a sitcom much like Charlie Sheen’s.
The tantrums (or tantra?)
Would act as a mantra –
“That’s what Anger Management means.”
When soaking in pools or piscines
Hot springs among cool mountain greens
The folks who work there
Don’t care what you wear
As long as it isn’t your jeans.
Some fellows who often made scenes
Claimed to argue the ways and the means
Debt ceiling? They’d whiff
Likewise fiscal cliff
Turned out they were just drama queens.
Jane, here are my thoughts on those scenes
Of the 43rd out of his jeans:
In that state of undress,
Does he dare us to guess
How far right his prized weather vane leans?
Part megalomania storm,
And part skill (best described as lukewarm),
Without props, George, alas,
As we see in the glass,
Appears eerily lacking in form.
With his parents not present to groom,
And the neocons out of the room,
And no president’s clothes
He reflects on his … TOES,
A great test, we can only assume.
A fat woman who always made scenes
Cursed getting into her jeans
Then finally with a flip
She did up the zip
It was then they burst at the seams
A fellow who always made scenes
Was thought to have female genes
This limp wristed fellow
Had a handskake like Jello
A typical trait of some Queens
An artist was working on scenes
Involving nude Models and Queens
This continual exposure
Upset his composure
Causing him to experience wet dreams
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, the Limerick Quiz Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 111
But don’t worry — you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Hum
Crap! I missed the deadline, Mad, but here’s my lim anyway:
An actor who loved the love scenes
Was not known to have much in his jeans.
Might explain why his flicks
Aren’t good video picks—
Seems his thing’s only seen on big screens.