Limerick Stews (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow who frequently stews…*
or
A woman who frequently stews…*
or
A fellow who likes to eat stews…*
or
A woman who likes to eat stews…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Stews
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A bootmaker grouses and stews
And grumbles while guzzling his booze.
He’ll beef day and night:
Seems his wife loves to fight,
And her meat dishes taste just like shoes.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Argumentative Verse, Booze Humor, Competition Limerick, Food Verse, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Marriage Humor, Meat Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Relationships Poetry, Writing Prompts
An actor I know often stews
That his videos don’t get more views.
Then he did a drunk dance
But forgot to wear pants –
Now he’s featured on CNN News.
A fellow who frequently stews
Over which style condom to use.
He can’t make a selection
To adorn his erection
So his wife fills the time with a snooze.
A fellow who frequently stews
drowns his anger in glasses of booze.
He thinks and he thinks,
and he drinks and he drinks,
and listens to Fox for the news.
I love your rhymes! I thought about doing something with booze, but in the end I didn’t. Here’s mine.
A creature who frequently stews
Is certainly worthy of news
Soggy’s his name
Cuisine is his game
He stirs the pot while playing the blues
A woman who frequently stews
Over trifles, set-backs and bad news
Should try meditation
‘Twould be her salvation
Letting harmony her being suffuse
A woman who frequently stews
And always her Crock-Pot will use
Proves slow cooking all day
(Unlike a soufflé!)
Means your meat requires fewer chews.
A gourmet who likes to eat stews
Claims for flavour to fully infuse
The herbs, leaves of bay
Must be plucked dawn of day
Barefoot in the morn’s grassy dews
A vegan who likes to eat stews
(So meat, fish and dairy eschews)
Said “Don’t be judgemental
That I favour the lentil
And wear polyurethane shoes”
A Briton who frequently stews
Lamb hot-pot – no garlic or booze –
Says what makes him blench
Is posh cookery (French)
(Dare he serve English fare in Toulouse …?)
When angry Vesuvius stews
Its smoke and hot lava spews
the scared folks of Pompeii
well remember the day
An eruption headlined the news
An Inn that’s most famous for stews
Was a place fine diners would choose
for food that’s full bod
from chef Sweeney Todd
It’s parts were much more than what moos
A fellow who likes to eats stews
Dined with a six pack of brews
The result he’d predict
Such a mix would inflict
A belly full of really bad news.
A woman who likes to eat stews
‘Cause it helped her to deal with the blues.
She ate at a diner
Along with a miner
Whose advances she couldn’t refuse.
A loveless lady who stews,
Decided her life to infuse
With semblance of sex,
Will with pleasure flex,
From a thrumming dildo she’d use.
A fellow who frequently stews
‘Bout a gal who mailed him bad news
Says he wasn’t Dear Johned
No this news from the blond
Said the stick with her stuff just gives her the blues.
Two French painters, but one often stews.
To the other he offers his views:
Oh Monsieur Lautrec
All I paint is such dreck!
I fear I’ve got nothing, Toulouse.
A restaurant served only stews
With many odd flavors to choose.
But business went down
When folks in the town
Discovered their zoo’s down two gnus.
A fellow who frequently stews
Had recently begun singing the blues
Doing both at once
Turned him into a dunce
As “man burns down hotel” makes the news
There was a convention of Stu’s
Assembled to exchange their views
the setting was Vegas
with topic of haggis
Taste testing caused numerous spews
A fellow who frequently stews,
Gets worse when he’s had too much booze.
It will soon overtake him.
It’s best not to wake him.
Just let him enjoy a long snooze.
A woman most frequently stews
Over guys who are strung out on booze;
“They’re rude and they’re crude,
Disgusting and lewd,
A bunch of repulsive yahoos!”
A vegan who likes to eat stews,
Only organic will choose.
She knows that one’s health,
Is one’s only true wealth.
So all toxic foods she eschews.
An artist who frequently stewed
Over poor quality paints he eschewed,
Said, “What is this dreck?
My name is Lautrec!
It’s my reputation Toulouse.”
A fellow who frequently stews
On the stuff that he hears on Fox News
Switched over with glee
To M S N B C
Or channels with no leaning views.
So this guy I know loves to date stews
(Flight attendant’s the term he should use)
He’s so good at the tango,
The Mile High Fandango,
For the rest of the flight it’s free booze!
Mrs Murphy could make some good stews
Though it might be a “chowder” to youse
Someone tried to enhance
The flavour with pants
And nobody ever knew whose.
K-Paul, who just loved to cook stews,
Would infuse them with roux, laced with booze.
And the hot “Second Line?”
They would eat it just fine,
As they strutted with Mardis Gras krewes.
A fellow who frequently stews
Tries to calm down with smoking and booze
A bad combination –
Result: conflagration!
And a fire engine, with blues and twos!
A Scotsman who likes to eat stews
Made of tumshies and tatties and ewes
Deep-fried it in batter
But he upset the platter
And it ended up all down his trews
A woman who likes to cook stews
goes upstairs to count all her shoes
Imelda she’s not
but soul food she’s got
Or is it sole food that she brews
Father John who listens to stews
Was told sins he often misconstrues
outside confessional
wasn’t professional
Evinced by gossip heard in the pews
A fellow who frequently stews,
When he reads the partisan news
Posts thoughts on his wall,
So friends can read all
But there’s some who don’t share his views.
A fellow who likes to eat stews,
Thought his girlfriend he should amuse.
He thought if she laughed,
He wouldn’t look daft
So he spiked the crock pot with booze.
Obama so quietly stews,
As this Congress belittles his views.
The grand deal can’t be made,
With a snake in the shade.
Is there no end to POTUS’s fuse?
A fellow who frequently stews
Says he does it to satisfy his muse.
He plans in advance
As if it were a dance
And watches attentively as his muse chews.
Peggy often will ridicule Stu’s
Double-wide that he parks in The Mews
In his boots of faux ‘gator
He calls his dad pater
But heavens he’s suave when he screws
I’m watching as treasurer stews
Lew and Lew are late with their dues
Lew said he’d pay them both
Lew relied on his oath
Out the door went Lew with two-due-Lew
A woman whose job was to sell stews
Was looking for new words to use.
“Gallimaufry”? “Ragout”?
People had not a clue!
Now being too clever she rouxs.
A fellow was in a fine stew
And he did not know what to do
It was getting hot
In the cannibal’s pot
If he didn’t get out he was through.
A woman who liked to make stews
Found that cookbooks could often confuse
She didn’t know boeuf
And instead, added oeuf
Her bourguignon tended to ooze
A woman friend frequently stews
On a gentleman caller who woos
With his hat in his hand
Or on his hard gland.
A hat rack that’s sure to bemuse.
A fellow who frequently stews
Subjected his stove to abuse –
When power it blew,
As often ‘twould do,
He’d say, ‘I won’t stop – I re-fuse!’
At the World Cup of Chowders and Stews
The judges wrote up their reviews.
Though they loved the cioppino
From San Bernadino,
The win went to Cusco, Peru’s.
Edited for meter…
A gal with a job selling stews
Was looking for new words to use.
“Gallimaufry”? “Ragout”?
People hadn’t a clue!
Now being too clever she rouxs.
A woman, who likes to eat, stews
Over which foods she ought to choose.
She’s shunned all that’s fatty,
It’s driven her batty,
Now she often dines on just booze.
When they bicker, she yells and he stews.
Then he’ll sulk off and just play the blues.
Drawn to music, she’ll dance,
Tempting him with romance.
Soon they strip and enjoy what ensues.
A fellow who often cooks stews,
Is known to toss in many clues
From his criminal past
Which would leave you aghast,
Such as leather from his old shoes.
A woman quite frequently stews
Whenever she hears on the news
Of Hs and Ns
And Ones, Fives and Tens
That add up to trendy new flus.
Started on April 13 /14, finished on April 15
A road racer frequently stews
‘Bout long pre-race queues for the loos.
If you don’t get to go
It can make your run slow
But there’s clearly much more you could lose.
A fella who likes to eat stews
But” her” cooking is very bad news
“I don’t know what’s in it
You’ll see in a minute”
He overindulges then spews.
A poet symbolic’ly stews
‘Bout whether to write clerihews
Or long comic verse
Or limericks terse
Or haikus or (pause) senryus.
A chicken who frequently stews
About stews that to her are bad news:
“There went sister and mother
But I WON’T be another!
If I’m called to be served, I refuse!”
A fellow who frequently stews
over articles heard on the news
finally lost the plot
when he learned who had got
all the benefit of tax revenues.
Hi Mad,
dropping in from dVerse OLN 92.
I love that! So cute and funny.
A woman who frequently stews
Over some of the facts in the news
Should watch her b.p.
Give up sugar in tea
And be careful to stay clear of queues.
boom boom!
love love limericks…oh and stew too!!
I don’t know how to write limericks ~ Just dropping by to say hi ~
A fellow who frequently stews
About social constraints and taboos
Oft’ reveals that he’s hip
As the fringe of his slip
Closely matches his D’Orsay pump shoes
A woman who frequently stews
To do, to be, on views
Losing the mind, once of her own
She wobbles in her night gown
Looking to live on cues.
A woman who dated two Stu’s
was caught and then forced to choose
she agreed it was some
vexing conundrum
and decided to only date Lou’s.
Before me, so many stews!
A buffet with so much to chose
that I did overeat
what happened-not sweet.
Clothes ruined as my stomach spews.
A woman who frequently stews
at the chaos around her she views
will seldom grow calm
and accept as psyche balm
any attempts by her man to amuse.
The beef that I cook in my stews
Is some of the best you can use.
It began as a steer
In a field near to here
Eating grain and enjoying the views.
I frequently pepper my stews,
(Which I jokingly call witch’s brews)
With curry-type spice –
It’s nice served with rice,
Mango chutney and your choice of booze.
One poor lad who liked to eat stews
and toss back a number of brews
had a problem you see
always having to pee
And could never stray far from the loos.
A vicar who likes to cook stews
For amusing soirées with a schmooze
Finds despite his endeavour
There’s no increase whatever
In attendance on Sunday in the pews
The agnostic who frequently stews
Over Muslims and Christians and Jews
Buddhists, Hindus and Sikhs
And evangelist freaks
Sees they’ve all got the same don’ts and dues
I like your rhymes! I thought about doing something with wine, but in the end I didn’t as I had to sit and dine with a friend named Brian. Here’s mine.
“A mate who loves to eat stews
But he is practically of no use
He tells us not to be so cynical
We tell him to get a bit more sensible
And wears some second-hand ugg shoes”
A woman who frequently stews
On celebrity gossip in the news,
Weeping profusely,
She blabs obtusely,
While all the rest of us snooze.
A Westboro Baptist who stews,
Over pro-choicers, homos and Jews,
Is so quick to recite,
Lists of whom God will smite,
That he’s going to hell for his views.
A fellow who comes when he stews,
Makes a point to date nothing but shrews.
Asked if he could abide
With a nun he replied:
“I don’t mind, if she has a short fuse.”
A purist for poetry stews
Over how to write proper haikus.
I’m not even sure
If ‘haikus’ is the plur-
al, or is it like ‘sheep’? (but not ‘ewes’).
The best part of writing haiku
Is rhyming – there’s no need to stew
Over whether, say, ‘led’
Rhymes with ‘lead’ or ‘misled’
You can use any words that will fit.
The chef makes his soups and his stews
To reflect his success as he woos.
Clear broth’s on our plates
If their love consommé-tes…
Cock-a-leekie, if she should refuse.
When I’m cooking one of my stews,
It always turns horrible hues;
And the smell brings to mind
Something awful you’d find
In the bilge of a Carnival Cruise.
(out-of-competition — inexact rhyme word)
Who’ll save us from mad Doctor Stew
As he steals the world’s soups? Who? Oh, who?
Look! Up in the sky!
It’s a bird! It’s a fly!
It’s… SOUPERMAN! (He’ll have to do.)
(out-of-competition — variation on Craig’s post)
A chef sent out specialty stews
To the critics who wrote bad reviews.
He put in the chowder
White arsenic powder…
You’ll hear all the rest on the news.
A fellow who likes to eat stews
Also likes to bask in his home brews
Wines and beers with aplomb
Shares ‘em with Dad and Mom
And with anyone else that he’ll choose
©JP/davh
A fellow who frequently stews
Whenever he reads the days news.
Of the world’s sorry plight,
That try as he might,
He can’t keep from getting the blues.
The murkiness in my head stews
While I labor to locate my muse
All the lim’ricks this week
Are beyond my critique
Mad will pick one but we don’t know whose
There are times I don’t like to eat stews
And there’s days that I can’t stand the news
You’ll continue to fight
For what you think is right
It’s a shame, but some battles you’ll lose
A fellow who likes to make stews
Has a recipe he’ll often use
If he’s judged he agrees
That the secret is he’s
Reduced beef stock a while In his rouxes
A woman who likes to eat stews,
listens to jazz while she chews.
Keeps the beat with her feet,
While she gobbles the meat
And washes it all down with booze.
A fellow who frequently stews
The soles of other men’s shoes
Said ‘It’s a cheesy addiction’,
with a hapless conviction
‘But I’m anxious to get in the news.’
A woman who frequently stews
As she struggles to harness her muse
Says ‘There’s no use regretting
all the time I spend fretting,
Cutting onions disguises my blues’.
Dear Sue
A linguist confusedly stews
If plural of haiku’s haikus
It can’t be haikeep
To make it like sheep
But phonetically could be “hike ewes”.
A fellow who likes to make stews
Using chuck steak and horse meat and ewes
Serves his hash on a raft
With a micro-brew draft
And he calls his place ‘Cruise, Booze, and Chews’
Like many, I’m someone who stews
When those Westboro snakes leave their pews.
In the end, they’re too dumb
To see acting like scum
Reforms haters with higher IQ’s
The CNN audience stews,
Eyes glued to the words “Breaking News.”
They’re faking us out,
But I stare cuz no doubt
They’ll get real just as soon as I snooze.
The actor just stands there and stews
Whenever the audience boos
forgets what was wrote
he just cannot emote
Street corners are now his venues
A fellow who frequently stews
was nursing a tender bruise.
But he shouldn’t complain.
He caused his own pain
when he blacked from way too much booze.
A pianist who liked to make stews
Of scales and arpeggios and blues
Said “I cannot afford
To play a wrong chord
Or my efforts will anger the Muse”.
At cook-offs, sot likes to make stews.
He’ll win, but the fame he eschews.
His recipe’s slicker
Than most, has much liquor.
He won’t care ’bout the cheers, just the booze.
A person who frequently stews
Has emotions of several hues.
Might be red in the face,
But the biggest disgrace
Is he always is singing the blues.
A person who frequently stews
Has an attitude that he does choose.
“Orange you happy?” I said,
But his face just turned red
‘Cause he always is singing the blues.
A woman who frequently stews,
fell asleep to the ten o’clock news.
She dozed for awhile,
and found a big smile –
her anger was finally diffused.
—
These limerick-offs are a lot of fun!
My Boston now constantly stews
since some runners need fewer shoes.
You call those lines wrong,
I agree, but this song
helps me survive the terrible blues.
A woman who liked to make stews
Took care in the meats she would use:
“They’re not only dished in
The homes of the Christian,
But also the Moslems and Jews.”
A chef who was known for his stews
Kept them secret, but offered some clues:
“The key to the taste
Of my new bouillabaisse
May be coming from old Bailey’s booze.”
Firemen like to make stews
To nourish their hard-working crews.
In New York in Philly,
They’re known for their chili,
About which they tend to enthuse.
When my uncle was making his stews
No ingredient would he refuse:
“The question is not
Just what’s in the pot,
But more so the when, why and whose.”
Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 110.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Scenes.