Crowing About Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman refused to eat crow…*
or
A woman would frequently crow…*
or
A fellow refused to eat crow…*
or
A fellow would frequently crow…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Crowing About Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman refused to eat crow
At the end of a fight with her beau:
“Your point’s for the birds.
I will NOT eat my words.
You’re a dodo. My answer’s still no.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Argument Verse, Competition Limerick, Crowing, Eating Crow, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Relationship Humor, Writing Prompts
A woman refused to eat crow
Or haggis, or broiled escargot
The quite picky maven
Said, “Once I ate raven,
But never again! Never-mo!”
An old hooker would frequently crow
She preferred to give head in the snow
And woud say with a sniff
They’re continually stiff
Before and after they blow.
A woman would frequently crow
That the Senate’s her garden to hoe.
Her public miscues
Had appeal for Fox News,
Who reported it all, blow by blow.
A woman would frequently blow / when point blank refusal to grow / offended her senses / there were no compenses / her show was defeated by dough.
A young fellow would frequently crow
That his old feller outclassed a marrow
And so great was it’s size
He was forced to devise
A specially designed wheelbarrow.
A woman refused to eat crow
For it gave her a green glow
Which was rather ick
As she really got sick
Throwing up on passerby’s from head to toe
A lady refused to eat crow
Well stewed with white truffles in Bordeaux:
“With such fine cuisine
I opt for canteen!
Maxim’s is not where I would go!”
A hooker who refused to eat crow
Ate her meal then the dessert to follow
Was a bloody great dong
12 inches long
Which she found she could’nt quite swallow
A young fellow would frequently crow
That to climax he used his big toe
Which in time wove a spell
Made his loving heart swell
So he christened his toe Mary Jo.
A fellow refused to eat crow
When he vowed to Hawaii he’d row
But his boat ran ashore
Somewhere near Baltimore
So he said he just rolled with the flow
A woman refused to eat crow
When reviews of her one-woman show
Said “Alas and alack!
She’s a talentless hack!”
She replied “What the hell do they know?”
A woman refused to eat crow
Made her sick, don’t-cha know.
She tried to eat pheasant
But found it unpleasant
So decided on a plate of spar-row.
A woman refused to eat crow
When husband accused her to blow
Their pretty-faced neighbor
When man went to labor:
“That’s not to my taste, you know!”
I guess I will have to eat crow
I thought I was good don’t you know
But I’ve run out of luck
Or my limericks suck
For I never win, place or show
To the fellow who frequently crowed
About all the women he’d “toed”
That was pure fantasy
For I tried and “GEE!”
The cramp in my foot had me snowed
The old hooker who couldn’t stop crowing
About how great she was when it’s snowing
She couldn’t give squat
When the going got hot
so she finally had to quit HOing
a woman refused to eat crow
instead loved to play card games, mau-mau
to be exact
with smartness and tact
which in german is really quite schlau
A hooker rrefused to eat crow?
That’s not like the hookers I know
They would down anything
From a toe to a wing
And smile while they put on a show
Now mind you a whole freaking crow
Would challenge most hookers I know
But they wouldn’t flinch
You can bet inch by inch
They’d take care of that crow blow by blow
A fellow refused to eat crow
Though his gal was in the know
His behavior was crude
He’d party till nude
But the dude so rude “said go with he flow.
As a poet I often eat crow
When my rhythm and rhyme doesn’t flow
And I miss the mark
When I try to write “dark”
And it comes out more Seuss than Poe
A woman refused to eat crow
After performing nude in a show.
Her guy was upset
Tried to make her regret
But she said “honey, it’s quite apropos.
I hear Alache girls never eat crows
No Sioux nor Araphos
No Hopi or Cree
Chipewayan, Cherokees
But man what they’ll do with your toes
Ann Coulter refused to eat crow
Finding left-wing critique oh-so-faux.
She just doubled down
Knowing Fox News renown
Was the source from whence fortune would flow.
A woman would frequently crow
About this ‘n’ that, don’tcha know.
It was all about her
(To her YOU were a blur)
‘Cuz, Oh, my! She really must go!
A fine artist refused to eat crow
Instead he would rather lay low
Not prepared to be humble
He might fumble and stumble
Or worse, end up like Van Gogh!
The Treasurer had to eat crow
when he did not have enough dough
he tried to cut spending
excess borrowing and lending
but the economy just didn’t grow.
Treasurer Limerick <- check out the cartoon that goes with this. :)
A woman refused to eat crow
when reminded of what she didn’t know
said she in a fit,
“That’s a strange way to hit
on me and left with her pride in tow”.
A fellow refused to eat crow
when his pride began to show
he sulked and he balked
and felt he’d been stalked
then smiled, as he rosined up his bow.
A woman refused to eat crow
when reminded of what she should know
said she in a fit
“That’s a strange way to hit
on me.” and left with her pride in tow.
A fellow named Don refused to eat crow
when a typo occurred to show
writing is a process
and revision can bring progress
as every good writer should know
a man who refused to eat crow
unless on the side it had roe
to complete the dish
and it mattered the fish
tying dinner all in a bow.
A woman would frequently crow
There was nothing that she didn’t know
So she always said
but with hubby in bed
she just couldn’t make the thing grow.
A woman refused to eat crow,
No matter how wrong she would go,
But was adamant, quite,
She was always right,
‘It’s just in my nature, you know!’
A bloke who refused to eat crow –
Was ravin’ that you never know
What overripe carrion
They might choose to tarry on,
Quoth he, ‘Nevermore! No, no, no!’
Hi Madeleine!
A woman would frequently crow
that she was someone in the know.
Without my yoohoo
“Who’s Who”‘d be a zoo–
The high muckies mucked with the low–.”
Thanks for all your fun.
A woman refused to eat crow.
Her excuse was that she didn’t know
that the fiction she panned
was really quite grand
and was written by Edgar A. Poe.
A young fellow refused to eat crow
But a 69 couldn’t forego
And then just for fun
A 1-8-1
Which both went down well don’t you know.
An Eskimo who refused to eat crow
From his squaw, decided to go
Slipped out of his Igloo
To look for a whore who
Could help him make hay in the snow.
A baker refused to eat crow
For letting her business run low.
The bread wouldn’t rise
To a suitable size
‘Cos the banker had frozen her dough.
A fellow refused to eat crow
And for him this was quite apropos
Crow’s unclean, unlike pigeon
Based on his religion
Leviticus ‘leven or so
Dick Morris refused to eat crow
He’s been wrong umpteen times in a row
But for him to admit
That he’s been full of sh#t
Would compel him cojones to grow
A fellow refused to eat crow
For a very good reason, he’d show
Both his foot and a bird
In his mouth, was absurd
Clearly, one of the two had to go
A woman refused to eat crow
For the row that she’d chosen to hoe
And she carried with grace
Every line in her face
While she reaped every seed that she’d sow
Ornithologist often would crow
When he fought a black bird full of woe.
Since the bird that he fought
Was off course and distraught,
He had fought a lost caws, don’t you know.
“There’s a raven that’s dead down below,”
Said the vulture. The eagle said, “No,
You are wrong as can be.”
So they flew down to see,
And the vulture was forced to eat crow.
A poet who refused to eat crow
Said, “It takes a lot of time, you know…
There’s the feath’s claws, and beak
(It could take a week,)
And I’ve got places to go.”
A woman refused to eat crow
Felt wronged by her obnoxious beau
“If I’m wrong you prove that
And I”ll then eat my hat”
Then kicked his butt out in the snow.
A rooster too often would crow
All night ‘neath the moon’s silver glow
The farmer, a sleepless wreck
Grabbed him by his scrawney neck
To dinner the neighbors did go.
A woman would frequently crow
That her man never did show
How much he loved her
He n’er bought her no fur
So he found a more grateful ho
Crowing Woman
A woman would frequently crow
About the assets of her beau.
She said you’d be wowed,
The way he’s endowed.
“Just look at the size of his toe.”
A fellow refused to eat crow.
Said the fowl was causing his woe,
Some was urinary
The rest coronary:
He didn’t have the heart to go.
An Arab would frequently crow
Of his prowess at fucking and so
He’d say, “Women are fine,
and gays are divine,
but a good looking camels the go.
A Spermatazoa did crow
He was picked from the seminal flow
But what he didn’t say
Was it all went astray
And down someone’s throat he did go.
A woman refused to eat crow
When she knew she was in the know
When the boys all got fussy
And called her a “hussy”
She told them that they could self-blow.
A fellow refused to eat crow,
For statements fallacious and low,
Yes, Todd Akin’s word,
About rape was absurd,
His loss was legitimate though.
A seamstress refused to eat crow
When she bungled a woman’s trousseau.
The bride, quite undone,
Filed a suit, which she won
Thereby proving you reap what you sew.
NO SUCH THING AS BAD PUBLICITY
A fellow refused to eat crow
Despite all the facts that we know
An obvious error
Caused him no terror
It was all just a part of the show
Mitt Romney refused to eat crow;
He denied his unnatural glow.
When, despite spray-on tan,
Folks of color scoffed, Ann
Cried,”You people should know he’s no faux!”
A woman would frequently crow
That her man bought her diamonds to show
His undying devotion
Was as deep as the ocean
But they proved to be glass; what a blow.
LaPierre just refused to eat crow,
Seized the moment to let parents know
If they want their kids whole
They’d be wiser to dole
Out more cash than to let gun sales slow.
A woman would frequently crow
That SHE could make anything grow,
Not only her plants
But also men’s pants
And fellows she knew swore ’twas so!
A woman would frequently crow
That SHE dressed in rags, not for show.
When looked at askance
She relished each glance
And hoarded ‘most all of her dough.
A woman would frequently crow
Of wealth that she’d someday bestow
And jewels so rare
They tempted each heir.
Who murdered her? Read book to know!
And just for fun…
A women would often be crow-
Ing that she had great wealth for bestow-
Ing, with ingots to spare
Thus her heirs didn’t care
When she passed away without know-
A professor who hates to eat crow
When his students sneer, “You didn’t know…?”
Now gives thanks for his lap
Where a well-concealed app
Whispers “Just swipe my screen to and fro…”
A fellow would frequently crow
Braggin’ on his ‘Deer’ he’d use to mow
His lawn was the best
‘till drought won the test
And now this John’s tools are so-so.
A man who refused to eat crow
Was strung up in a tree by his toe
All she wanted to hear
Was ‘I’m sorry my dear’
Now the grass looks much greener below.
A chicken would frequently crow
‘I’m the cock of the walk don’t you know’
Said her sister ‘But, Megs,
You’d far better lay eggs,
Or into the pot you will go!’
A fellow would frequently crow:
“The marriage game’s mere tick-tack-toe!”
And with each winning stroke
The scoundrel went broke—
His exes were all in a row.
A raven was mocked by a crow
“You don’t know Mark Twain from van Gough”
But the crow could have cried
When the raven replied
“Have you been the subject of Poe?”
A Fox Hunter would frequently crow
Of his technique when shagging a Pro
When climax is nigh
Instead of a sigh
He shouts “Yoiks”and then “Tallyho”
A dusky lass would frequently crow
Re effect hormones had down below
Brown thighs and right there
Long thick black hair
Hanging right down to her toe.
A fellow refused to eat crow
Thought he could put in more
Showed his prowess
In trying to impress
But fell flat with nothing to show
Hank
A fellow enjoyed eating crow.
“It’s tasty with stuffing you know.”
But there was no question
It caused indigestion.
Gas-fired, all systems said GO!
A fellow would frequently crow
That he was too manly to sew.
With clothes he’d been wearing
That needed repairing
It’s off to his momma’s he’d go.
Election Night Follies
Karl Rove just refused to eat crow
On the Channel of News that is Faux.
He aimed his derision
At the guys in Decision.
In the end, he came off like a schmo.
A fussy young bridegroom did crow
That in semen he never would wallow
So he ordered new wife
For the rest of her life
To just give him head and then swallow
A woman refused to eat crow
But a lass, as most men surely know
Will often not eat
The sort of raw meat
That might cause their thigh sighs to grow
A cohort would frequently crow
“I just won the Limerick-off, Bro!”
Did I come to a boil?
No, I smiled and said, “Doyle,
No way that I’ll go toe-to-toe.”
A classmate would frequently crow
About his next great Tell-and-Show.
I said, “What the hell,
It’s called Show-and-Tell.”
That’s how we talked: fro-and-to.
A fellow would frequently crow
Of the words that he knew meaning “snow”
In Chinese and Greek
And from South Martinique
And oddly though, not Eskimo.
A young nympho would frequently crow
Of her prowess in bed with her beau
At the sight of his bum
Five times she would come
Then lost count when his leg he did throw
A woman refused to eat crow
When she preened ’bout her fabulous ‘fro
Even though it dropped off
When she happened to cough
And fell in the soup of her beaux
A fellow would frequently crow.
A clear case of braggadocio.
He boasted and brayed.
And once, I’m afraid,
He counted to ten just for show.
A fellow would frequently crow
That he loved that French dish, escargot.
When I said, “That’s a snail,”
He turned three shades of pale
Excusing himself, “I must go.”
A fellow would frequently crow
Of his skill in the game, tick-tack-toe.
While he lined up his x’s
I offered that sex is
Much more to the point. He said ooo.
A Loony to a Farmer did crow
“You put manure on rhubarb, why so”?
Then went on to say,
“In our Shelter come and stay,
We put custard on ours, don’t you know.
A corn-loving vegan was crow
Who could fly to where best kernels grow.
He’s unlike flattened raven
Slain by roadkill-meat cravin’.
Paths of gory lead but to below.
A fighter would frequently crow
How he beat up Ali blow-by-blow
But a right to the jaw
From said Ali MacGraw
Put an end to his side-splitting show.
A woman would frequently crow
Of her talent, she’d start nice and slow
With a fluttering flick,
Then more than a lick,
In no time he’d thicken and grow.
The G.O.P. frequently crow
How they fight for the average white Joe.
In fact that’s not true.
They’ll gladly screw you,
When given the right sum of dough.
I’ll gist you of a fellow who loves to eat crows
He arrived home early one night
To his utter amazement
As he went to fix things in his cluttered basement
He beheld with fright
The souls of crows
He had murdered without rights
Wailing for justice with all their might
To get a juicy bite
Of his hideous hide
A pompous lady loves to crow
To her friends
That she only wears Jimmy choo
From head to toe
One day I stopped by at the departmental store
And guess who I saw?
My pompous miss
Wearing three dollar shades
She forgot to remove the label
I wrote her a limerick by night fade
Yet she paid and sued me for libel
My little dog will never eat crow
I’m sure if he did it would show
him like eating fried chicken
would taste better than lick’n
his balls ,his arse or his toe.
An Englishman ventured to crow:
“On the links I’m surpassingly pro!”
He bet ten thousand pounds
And then lost ten straight rounds.
Now he’s eating his quid-less pro crow.
A blowhard who wouldn’t eat crow
Was convinced he was someone you’d know—
So much that he coughed
An objection (though soft)
When the coroner tagged him “John Doe.”
A woman refused to eat crow
When she bombed on a big talent show.
She began her audition,
In a break with tradition,
By whispering “How does it go?”
Lance Armstrong had to eat crow
With Oprah, as all of you know,
And admit he was juiced
On the streets of Toulouse
As well as the hills of Bordeaux.
When Armstrong was married to Crow
She would ask what he thought of her show.
“Well Sheryl,” said Lance,
“While doping in France,
I would whistle your tunes on the go.”
“I guess I will have to eat crow,
As it seems I was just a bit slow,
With my ‘girlfriend’,” said Manti,
“To wonder why can’t I,
At some point, convince her to show?”
Republicans has to eat crow
When they said that illegals should go.
It turns out a few
Had relatives who
Helped reelect President O.
Old Fitz about his Limericks did crow
But at Pearly Gates St Peter said, “No
“I don’t want to be unkind
But with your filthy mind
You deserve to go straight down below.”
A woman refused to eat crow
A character weakness? P’rhaps so
But inconsequential
To her existential
And meaningless wait for Godot
Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 97.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun, because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Coming Clean About Limericks.