Blue Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
In light of Friday’s Connecticut tragedy, I’m offering you an alternative: You may write a limerick related to the shootings, using any first line. Next week I’ll present an extra award — one for the best limerick regarding this tragedy.
And now, getting back to my regular Sunday challenge: It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman who always wore blue…*
or
A fellow who always wore blue…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Blue Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman who always wore blue
Joined a group where just navy would do
She liked turquoise and teal
And saw aqua’s appeal.
But her militant view? Navy — Ew!
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Update: Dress In Blue Day falls on the first Friday of March.
Tags: Clothing Humor, Colors Limerick, Competition Limerick, Dress In Blue Day, Fashion Verse, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, March Holidays, Military Humor, Navy Humor, Odd Holidays, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
A cat who always wore blue
Ran across the town “mew mew”
Chasing the rat
With the golden hat
Welcome to Tom and Jerry adventures anew.
A woman who always whored, blew
Some crazy men she never knew
But she was quite proud
That she’d never allowed
One nut to thread onto her screw
A woman who always wore blue
Was picky with whom she’d rendezvous
The frustration was killin’ her
‘Til she found the right cylinder
Now any ‘D’ battery will do
A woman who always wore blue,
Patriotic when giving a screw,
Would hop into bed,
To give some hot head,
Then bring out some red and white too.
a woman who always wore blue
met a red-dressed man in a queue
they connected really quick
had rainbow colored kids
and i swear, that story is true…
haha…smiles…happy sunday madeleine
A woman who always wore blue
Was bluestocking from the first view
And no one was aware
Of her red underwear
For it was known only to few…
The news reports have me so blue
I would help, but there’s nothing to do.
I’m not feeling too funny,
Think I’ll go hug my honey
And give both my kids a hug, too.
A woman who always wore blue
Met a man without a clue
He asked for a date
Right out of the gate
Hoping to sell Paul Bunons cow for a few
A fellow took pills nice and blue,
To insure when needed, it grew.
This was always a factor,
For a porno stud actor,
When asked, “Could he screw right on cue?”
A woman who always wore blue
Had lunch at a classy venue.
To the waiter with scorn
Asked “Is that a prawn?”
When a creature crawled out of her stew
A fellow who always wore blue
Till it grew to a hue he would rue.
Never ever a prude
He pranced around nude
Saying blue never got me a screw.
A woman who always wore blue
Gave the guys a colorful view.
She donned a new thong
And turned on a throng
Of Frenchmen who gasped “O mon dieu.”
A woman who always wore blue
(Her mother had always said to.)
Wore blue in her hair
Though hadn’t much there
Til she bought a blonde wig to wear.
Madeleine— I know, my rhyme scheme is aabbb instead of aabba, so I will try another one shortly.
K
A woman who always wore blue
To match twinkling eyes the same hue
Twinkled so bluely
Men thought she truly
Wanted them her to pursue.
I know, now my syllable count is off. I’m almost ready to start a “What’s wrong with this limerick?” contest.
K
A fellow who always wore blue
with red shorts and cape when he flew
Had to save Lois Lane
who was such a big pain
But that is Superman for you.
I’m ba-a-a-ack. I really related to the first line today, Madeleine, as you may have guessed.
K
As a child, I always wore blue,
My mother had wanted me to,
One day in the sink
I dyed blue things pink
And said, with a blink, I’m not you.
The policeman always wore blue
when he saw the school shooting was true
Twas a horrible mess
and as you can guess
his own kids were students there too.
(In memory of the victims)
A woman who always wore blue
Went to Bermuda with Drew.
She bought a blue bangle
Inscribed “The Triangle”;
Then she fell in the sea – so adieu!
Guess who — I’m sorry, but it’s your fault, you gave us the first line and my blue brain is just running with it.
K
A woman who always wore blue
Found life held just too much to do
So morning dressing
Became a blessing
When all her clothes matched. Her shoes, too.
A fellow had always worn blue
Because it was all that he knew
His wife thought he’d better
Have just one brown sweater
And wear it when he ate beef stew.
I tried to put this in under a different person’s name but I couldn’t figure out how. O well, A for effort.
K
A Limerick Saga:
Mind Over Matter?
Once again a nation in shock
Time to rally and take stock
Our children are crying
As their ‘mates are a dying’
‘Cas guns were not properly lock’d
How can we think of joy this season
When our current laws lack cohesion
Can’t protect our own castles
Without government hassles
Now days we fear for good reason –
Can’t go to the movies or to the mall
Can’t go to school – for terror looms tall
Can’t listen to the news
Left, right, center are the views
Can’t bury your head and be small –
It is time to stout heartily and address
What is truly causing all this duress
Pay your dues, freedom isn’t free
Tip your hat to all the heroes you see
And hope we can survive this mess
There isn’t one answer that’s clear
Or a cure all that’ll quell all the fear
Do you have a solution
To all the negative pollution
That’ll warrant us all to give cheer?
JP/davh
Conn. School Slaughter
Can we stop being lemmings? Cliques begin in jr hi [earlier?] & those who can’t join grow to become exasperated. We don’t talk or socialize~~tweeting/texting prattle requires no self-discipline. We’ve Afghan War for 6 yrs…who let Obama make it 10? For eons, I’ve been a fighting member of Peace Action NY & made 237 calls to get out the vote on Election Day [launder Congress of NRA-gun whores]~~what are you doing? Can we look within ourselves? Lotsa 20-yr-olds aren’t validated & are hurting & ripe to explode.
A woman who always wore blue
down to her skives azule
Jumped in Muddy Waters
That soul singing daughter
Now her skin matches her shoes.
HI Madeleine –
I will have to come back with a limerick. Thanks for your visits.
k.
An angry young man often blue,
Caught the eye of a comely young shrew.
Her rage was acclaimed,
But in time she was tamed,
Reaping them soon the pleasures of two.
A couple went out on the blue
To make love in a leaky canoe
When they were on fire
The water came higher
So wht do you think did ensue?
A fellow decked out in blue
Except for one purple shoe
Was asked, “What’s the gig,
And why no blue wig,
And where’s the rest of the crew?”
A woman who always wore blue
Got her dress stained by Pres forty-two
He said “Lew stop that gumming
I hear someone coming”
She said “Bill I think that it’s you”
A woman who always wore blue
came to match her moods with it too.
Monochromatic
can’t pull off the tricks
that a polychromatic palette can do.
Thanks, Madeleine! Have a great week!
A woman who always wore blue
Had a soap shop which everyone knew
And when she had some troubles
She blew a few bubbles
And then popped all the bubbles she blew
Dolly Parton liked to wear blue
To show off her asset times two
With neckline revealing
What I’d be concealing
She’d show all what working girls do.
a man who always wore blue
all a sudden came down with the flu
his stomach realing
projecting to the ceiling
something that looked like beef stew
Lets not quarrel over what’s the root cause
There’s not doubt we need better gun laws
We must also repair
Broken mental health care
So let’s put this infighting on pause
I’ll do this one out of the blue
Aussie friends at a home barbecue
Said Jimmy to Jake
I prefer a beef steak
Instead of your seared kangaroo.
A woman who always wore blue,
Didn’t manage to get to the loo,
And now can be seen,
Wearing panties of green,
As blue mixed with yellow will do.
A woman who always wore blue
as an intern knew just what to do
She almost split Bill
and his feisty wife Hill
And she kept some DNA – eww!
A fellow who never votes blue,
said, “Guns do not kill, people do!”
To that fellow I say,
“You can’t have it both ways,
when that gun in your hand speaks for you.”
A fella who always wore blue,
took a liking to a young lady’s shoe.
The other was on ‘er;
she said, “you’re a goner!”
and now they’re wedded, with two.
The songbird with feathers so blue
Was preening himself on a yew
Then he saw on a nest
Birdie more quietly dressed
And asked “Are you a budgerigar too?”
A woman who always wore blue
From his bank account withdrew
all the cash and then some
for the party to have fun
and danced all night known as Bee Bop Ba Loo
A woman who always wore blue
Sat staring not knowing what to do
With the power out, internet down
Her face wore a permanent frown
What to do with free time she hadn’t a clue
A woman who always wore blue
thought she knew just what to do
in order to fit
in her new shoe she bit
off her toes and then wanted to sue
A patriotic fellow wore blue
Matching cock veins ,azure in hue
But it’s head was blood red
So he waved it and said,
“Three cheers for the red white and blue!”
A young fellow to stop feeling blue
Thought, “I’ll see what religion can do”
So to church he then skated
And while the old Priest orated
He fucked an old Nun in a Pew
In our chimney, old Santa was blue.
He was stuck, and not sure what to do.
My son, filled with dread
Asked “Is Santa Claus dead?”
“No, he just has a bad case of flue.”
The man in the suit had been blue,
And sexually frustrated too.
‘Till up in the high land
Of Fantasy Island
Mr. Roarke got a little Tattoo.
The regatta announcer felt blue
And his face turned a scarlet-tinged hue
When he slipped: “Team One’s sloop
Is the best of the group,
But as sailors go, I like Two’s crew.”
A drone strike comes out of the blue,
Kills a suspect along with few
Of his family and friends—
Not only their ends,
But that of judicial review.
A woman who always wore blue
Liked clothes that the men could see through.
When she walked down the street
She was hardly discrete
And the passers-by shouted ‘Woo-hoo!’
A fly flew in out of the blue
Met a flea who said, “What’s to do”
Said the fly, “Let us flee”
And the flea said, “Can’t fly”
So the fly picked him up and they flew
An old Ranch owner named Blue
Described his first fuck to his crew
“It was under that Oak,
I gave her a poke,
While her mother looked on and said Mooo!”
Now the helpers flew in from the blue
to give Santa an urgent rescue
They took a large pick
And removed brick by brick
To free Santa and his reindeer too.
A fellow who always wore blue
had a sacred, ridiculous view
that gods had control
and devils do patrol
and that’s why we’re so damn screwed.
Waitress’s friend in the bar feeling blue
And wearing no pants, ( this is true)
Said “I just get no chance
Cause she wears the pants
And we share ALL our underwear too.”
A Builder was feeling real blue
Because he had nothing to do
So he helped an old whore
With repairs to her door
But this time, she paid him for a screw.
A young innocent fellow felt blue
For of sex he knew not what to do
Till one day a lass
Fingered his ass
And he immediately blew on his shoe
A lady was feeling quite blue
When she noticed a long line for the loo
said she,”Oh me, Oh my
I’m not sure, but I’ll try
the plumbing serves only you know who”.
I would be right there with her. I’d likely show up in red. BRIGHT red!
Moses-like
A young woman who always wears blue
Likes finding odd places to screw
She’s done it in drains
In mineshafts and cranes
And for next week she’s booked a canoe.
An old fellow who used to feel blue
Now cuts his Viagra in two
Not to be mean
But just very keen
To stop pissing onto his shoe.
BLUE LIMERICKS
A blue-eyed woman wore blue
Persistently: thus en la nu
She was ever so bold
To go bare in the cold
When her bosom and butt turned blue too
A woman who always wore blue
Was a Wolverines fan – sad, but true
She dated a fellow
Who always wore yellow.
And when the Buckeyes won, they cried, boo-hoo.
And to get REALLY blue . . .
A porn star who always wore blue
Made stick-em-up movies; A few
Involved busty girls
With platinum curls
She blew them all – and the men, too!
JzB
L’il Angus my Grandson wears blue
He weighed only a kilo or two
But id didn’t take long
Till we heard the glad song
“Take him home and we bid you adieu”
A young virgin is now feeling blue
After allowing her boyfriend to screw
She tried to resist
But he did persist
Now sitting down makes her say, “Ooooh
An old fellow to stop feeling blue
Set up a Bidet in the loo
He found it saved paper
And to add to the caper
His arsole is much cleaner too.
The Connecticut news makes me blue
And a limerick jape seems undue.
There’s been little relief
From the anger and grief
So the funny this week I eschew.
A lady feeling quite blue
having to spend christmas with the flu
wrote to Santa and said,”Please
bring relief and goodies I’ll leave
for peace on this hearth and for you”.
A fellow who always wrote blue,
Said “Keep your profanities few.
Be crafty and quirky,
or you’ll be a turkey,
and readers will want to pluck you.”
To tell you the truth, I’ve been blue
Due to holiday zoo déjà vu,
So the presses have stopped
In my lim-writing shop,
But just for a week, maybe two.
Oops. Bad rhyme. Here’s the revised:
To tell you the truth, I’ve been blue
Due to holiday zoo déjà vu,
So the presses will stop
In my lim-writing shop,
But just for a week, maybe two.
A sheep shagging Kiwi named Blue
Could’nt get far enough up it’s flue
So he took the young miff
To the edge of a cliff
Which made it back up harder too.
An old lady worn out and blue
Claimed, “I’m just too tired to screw
Said her husband, “So what,
Just open your twat,
And don’t move like you usually do
We’re Aussies and feeling real blue
Each time the TV we view
When we think of the grief
It beggars belief
What the parents are now going through.
The Connecticut horrors so bad
Enough for a Saint to get mad
If God’s all for love
Then heavens above
Why does he always make people so sad?
A woman who always wore blue
Insisted it was the right thing to do
The color of love
Peaceful as a dove
Had ardent followers if only she knew
Hank
It’s 3 am and I’m blue
The cops raided and arrested my screw
They’ve left me in shock
Condom on my cock
Shit! They’ll probably come back for that too.
An old chemist saved some feeling blue
Those who could no longer screw
By inventing a spray
For use every day
On vaginas to make them like new.
A lady who was feeling quite blue
ask the Mayans what she should do
if their prediction was off just a bit
cause the aliens couldn’t agree with it
said they to her, “Looks like your future’s up to you”.
A lady who was feeling quite blue
ask the Mayans what should she do
if their prediction was off just a bit
cause the aliens couldn’t agree with it
said they to her they didn’t have a clue.
There’s a gunman in the school, what should we do
You’ve been trained; now, just follow through
But he’s armed and intending malice
we’ll be ok just remember A.L.I.C.E.
so, we opened the doors and windows and out we flew.
Ain’t it lovely when out of the blue,
Someone’s kindhearted words pull you through?
How you all make me laugh!
That and half a carafe,
And I’m suddenly feeling brand new.
But truly, you masters of jest
Have brightened my world –you’re the best.
Should have known all the while
Where to go for a smile —
Love you all! Now I’ll give it a rest.
What’s a summer sky minus the blue?
What’s a paddle without a canoe?
If you think that’s impressive,
Befriend a depressive;
You’ll be entertained up the wazoo.
There’s this Bishop with vestments of blue
And while preaching his zip went askew
An old maid named Aylia
Saw his pink genitalia
And fainted away in her pew
In explanation, and for those who may not be all that familiar with Australian terms, places, slang etc; “Moe” is a Country Town in Victoria and “Joey” is a baby Kangaroo.
A sexy young woman in blue
Fell in love with a bush kangaroo
This union in Moe
Bore a blue male Joey
Which Welfare locked up in the zoo.
The NRA’s statements aren’t true
Arming cross walk attendants won’t do
Fewer guns, fewer deaths
Fewer children’s last breaths
Let’s bid all assault weapons adieu
NRA leadership doesn’t see
Their proposal’s as insane can be
We’ll have nothing less than
An assault weapons ban
And most NRA members agree
So now let’s try to do this once more
And ban all guns designed to wage war
If your rep on the hill
Doesn’t sign such a bill
Then you’re represented by a whore
If you Yanks can achieve a new law
Which bans all the weapons of war
The outlaws will still
Have firearms that kill
Do it right, chuck’m all out the door.
Correction:
If you Yanks can achieve a new law
Which bans only the weapons of war
The outlaws will still
Have firearms that kill
Do it right, chuck em all out the door.
When traversing the wide ocean blue,
Colón and his malnourished crew
Would have thanked lucky stars
For the restaurants and bars
Now enjoyed on the Queen Mary 2.
When traversing the wide ocean blue,
Would Colón and his malnourished crew
Have thanked lucky stars
For the restaurants and bars
Now enjoyed on the Queen Mary 2?
A young hooker who preferred wearing bloe
Also liked being quick when she’d screw
So she’d fasten a clock
To her customers cock
When they fucked, the time really flew.
Correction: not bloe! blue
A young hooker who preferred wearing blue
Also liked being quick when she’d screw
So she’d fasten a clock
To her customers cock
When they fucked, the time really flew
The Magician had made a real blue
For he’d cut his assistant in two
“Woe is me, I’ve displaced
Her top half from her waist,
But I guess there’s enough left to screw.
Now Santa in red not in blue
And carefully released from the flu
Was in no condition
To continue his mission
So asked “Will an IOU do?”
A woman who always wore blue
Since her days as a young ingenue
Had scandalized all
When she entered the ball
With her Pucci a little askew.
A woman who always wore blue
On the streets up in Kalamazoo
Said: “You realize, of course,
As a cop on the force,
It’s the thing I’m expected to do.”
A fellow with eyes of bright blue
Would say to each girl that he knew:
“One of these days,
My deep, soulful gaze
May prove quite seductive to you.”
A man who was partial to blue
In his clothes, and his Cadillacs, too,
Once recorded a hit
By singing of it
As the hue of his suede leather shoe.
This “Cliffmas” will really be blue
For all those Americans who
Had pinned their hopes on
That speaker named John,
Who, regrettably, didn’t come through.
In the land of the red white and blue,
Some think it’s the right thing to do:
Put a gun-totin’ guard
In every schoolyard,
And arm all the principals, too.
Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, The Special Limerick Award Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 93
But you can still have lots of limerick fun, because new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Port.