Limerick Doc (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow who needed a doc (or “dock”)…*
or
A woman who needed a doc (or “dock”)…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Doc
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow who needed a doc
For his dog, who had swallowed a rock,
Found a vet, highly rated,
Who helped him, then stated:
“It isn’t a rock — that’s a crock.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Animal & Pet Humor, Competition Limerick, Doctors Humor, Dog Verse, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Veterinarians, Writing Prompts
A fellow who needed a dock
First had to push off from the rock
Which had holed his boat
and thus soaked his coat
And even his lady friend’s frock!
A fellow who needed a doc
Fell down in a field of hemlock
Said “I’m going to die
Before morn is nigh!”
Doc nodded and said, “No shit, Sherlock.”
A fellow who needed a doc
sat around the ER in a smock
While he waited in vain
the clot went to his brain
Of angels he’s now part of the flock.
A fellow who needed a Doc
For his hiccups was nursed round the clock;
But they didn’t stop till
Doc presented his bill
Saying, “Nothing works quite like a shock!”
A fellow who needed a doc
Was for hours as hard as a rock
He’d been trapped in the ice
Now wasn’t I nice?
I kept it clean and didn’t say “cock”
Oops.
A woman who needed a doc
Demanded his most high-tech of stock
So to track her child-bearing
He had her start wearing
A digital biological clock
A fellow who needed a doc,
exceeded the advertised clock,
for the little blue pill,
and eight hours still,
the fellow is hard as a rock.
Pertelotte needed a Doc
When a naughty rogue rooster did clock
Her little red head
And that’s when she said
“Chanticleer is my favourite cock”
A fellow who needed a doc
Arrived at the office in shock
He had a black eye
Received from a guy
Up whose wife he did pitifully knock.
A woman who needed a doc
Got laid ‘neath a grandfather clock
She came just in time
For the Westminster chime
Then fumed to the doc “your pill didn’t block.”
A woman who needed a doc
Arrived at the office to mock
The skills of her lover
But soon she’d discover
The doc’s had risen beneath his white smock.
A fellow who needed a doc
When hit in the head with a rock
Found his character changed,
And his life rearranged,
And favoured high heels and a frock.
a man who needed a dock
met a woman who purred like a clock
twice a day
she had something to say
unwound she no longer tick tocked
A fellow who needed a doc,
Sought one in cheap newspaper schlock,
The sawbones he got,
Came as drunken sot,
Rejected as healer ad hoc.
a fellow who needed a doc
(once his health was stable like a rock)
but he fell in love
in the city garage
with a car & since then was in shock
A fellow who needed a doc
After his wife gave him the talk
For after five
Added to his hive
It was time to snip snip his cock
A fellow who went to a Doc,
Was told he must put on a smock.
After getting quite nude,
Was he trying for lewd?
Seems so, or he’d cover his cock.
A fellow who needed a doc
Because he would pick at a pock –
For reason: he’d figure
To make it much bigger –
Said, ‘Small ones can give you a knock!’
A fellow who went to a Doc,
For help with what seemed like a block,
Was saddened to see,
His shrink sleepily,
Half awake, focused more on the clock.
A Scotsman who needed a Doc
When he nearly got drowned in the Loch
Gave the reason as such
As he fondled his crutch
Was that “‘Nessie’ grabbed hold of my Jock”
Our songbird so needed a doc
to cure the results of a knock
upon his lil’ head
that near left him dead
reciting bad lim’ricks, all schlock
Hickory, dickory, doc
a young lass removed her frock
her beau said “aha!”
at her front-clipping bra
instead of a com’nation lock
That songbird who needed a Doc
Found life was a bit of a crock
Coz when he came round
Was eventually found
Between a hard place and a rock.
Chaucer maiden once needed a doc.
Chastity belt bold knight did unlock.
Maid said, “I’ll call father.”
Instead she cried “Farther,”
And slapped knight hard on his buttock.
Now bold knight’s in need of a doc
After having gone thrice round the block
With fair maid so pure
Whose “gift” has no cure.
Said doc, “Knight you’re in for a shock.”
Now here’s why knight needed a doc;
His dick dripped so’t filled up a wok,
Filled right to the top
And just would not stop.
Now knight’s bellowing, “Aint this a crock.”
A fellow was rushed to the doc,
After getting shot up with a Glock.
The surgeon, quite nice,
Gave the guy sage advice:
“Wives in swimsuits are best not to mock.”
A guy thought he’d visit a Doc
When he found a red ring round his cock
And scared of disease
He first prayed on his knees
But God said, “That’s lipstick you crock”
An old fellow who went to the Doc
After studying his withering cock
Said,”Why must it be
when I finish a pee
dribbles run into my sock”?
A geologist who needed a Doc
Fell ill and slept ’round the clock.
For 24 years
He’d no dreams and no fears.
He was the new fossil found on our rock.
A Gayboy spoke from the Dock
To the Judge in the wig and the frock
“If it’s against the Grand Plan
to fuck your mate Dan,
then why did God give us a cock”?
An Octogenarian said to his Doc,
“What’s going wrong with my cock?
I feel the sex urge
and get ready to merge,
but it wilts and goes into shock.
A farmer said, “Honestly, Doc,
My chickens’ behavior’s a shock—
The hens started butting
Like stags that are rutting,
And a chick started sucking my cock!”
A fellow who needed a doc
Found one but was in for a shock
Kinky clothes well in place
Twisted smile on his face
Was sniffing all over like a dog
Hank
A preacher was needing a Doc
When a football fan out in his flock
said, “The game’s on at one,
so you should have been done,
but you weren’t so I punched out your clock.”
An old maid who consulted a Doc
Remarked as he lifted her frock
“Although I am used
to cucumber abuse,
my vagina has never known cock”
Captain Hook was in need of a doc
‘Cuz his arm was chewed off by a croc.
But along with the arm
The croc ate an alarm:
Now he’s the croc ’round the clock.
A man might have needed a doc
When he got an electoral shock.
The campaign was hard fought
But he found himself caught
Between a hard place and Barack.
A fellow who needed a doc
Displayed palpitations & shock.
Said the doctor: “I fear
That the fiscal cliff’s near,
And you really need H&R Block.”
A lady who needed a doc
Complained of a tic and a tock.
Said the doctor, disarmed:
“Now don’t be alarmed
By your own biological clock.”
Said a fellow consulting his doc
On reducing the size of his cock:
“Doc, don’t be scared,
But it’s often compared
To that monster that lives in the Loch.”
A fellow said: “Pardon me, Doc,
But my penis is shaped like a rock.”
“I’m referring you to
A geologist who
Can examine your calcified cock.”
A lawyer created a doc
For borrowing cash against stock.
For one $AAPL share,
They’d lend up to there;
Much less, if it’s $FB you’d hock.
A mortgagor offered a doc
For the rate I was looking to lock:
“Just go on and sign,
But if you fall behin’,
Your abode will be up on the block.”
A woman needed a doc
her rooster was one sick cock
t’was a season less cheery
no eggs for nog dearie
the hen house was out of it’s stock
A woman who needed a doc
When she would orgasm in shock
After playing a fugue
Synthesized on her Moog,
Care of Johann Sebastian Bach.
A fellow in need of a doc
With some folklore was starting to balk
He ate Red Delicious
But puked repetitious
That apple a day thing’s a crock
A woman returned to her Doc
After hormonal treatment a shock
She said, “I’ve grown hair”
And the Doc said, “Just where”?
“On my chest and right down to my cock”
A congressman needed a doc,
For his nerves, after meeting ad hoc.
In opposing a plan,
To strike first in Iran,
He’d yelled “Fools! Just remember Iraq!”
A fellow who needed a doc
Had treatment denied; ’twas a shock.
Did not have insurance;
He now has assurance
Of coverage, thanks to Barack.
A fellow who needed a doc
“For my port,” he explained to the clark
Because this one’s scuzzy
Said clark, “That looks lousy
For me that’s a walk in the pa’k”
A lady who needed a Doc
Had her foot bitten off by a croc
Said “My dip in the sea
Made it cheaper for me
I’ll only need one shoe and sock”.
A shepherd who needed a doc
But instead had a beer, a bock,
Then enjoyed some hard booze,
Fell in love with the ewes –
Rambunctiously tended his flock.
I’m late to the game this week, I see, but here’s one from me:
On the nights I tend bar at “The Dock”
Doctor Hickory’s there, ten o’clock.
Likes his daqu’ris “his way”
So I make one, then say:
“Here’s your Hickory Daquiri, Doc.”
A rabbit who needed a doc
Said “what’s up” and often wore frocks
That cross-dressing bunny
Was often naked and funny
But had no genitals with which to shock
My iPhone plugs into a dock
Alarming at dawn, like a clock
At dockside, I’m synching
All night I am thinking,
“I’ll wake when this boat starts to rock!”
A fellow in need of a doc
Had him cut off his ‘tackle and block’
That’s how Fred became Faye
But the shock is that they
Cut his pay when they cut off his … stalk
a woman who enjoys hike
decides to climb the mountain by a bike,
she rolls down and hurt her head
after she finds her tire has gone flat,
Glad that I’m not dead, she said…
have fun.
Up in Maine, a guy went to the doc
And said “somethin’s naht raht with ma cock:
All that comes out ‘a
Is a blast a whaht powda –
Simply put, ah got ‘nuts full o’chock.’ “
There’s a naughty word rhyming with dock
The Serious lim’rickers mock
They vow not to use it
Try not to abuse it
But this thread’s enamored with cock!
A fellow who needed a doc
Decided to take off his frock.
When his visit began
He appeared as a man!
And the doctor passed out with the shock!
A fellow who needed a doc
To augment his miniscule cock
Suggested they try
A bone from his thigh
And then there was no more small talk.
A fellow who needed a Doc
Re a subject to give you a shock
Said “I need intervention
A penis extension
With records all kept under lock”
A PhD seeking post-doc
Was sending around the clock
CV to professors
From great ones to lesser
Rejected always by spam block
A patient complained to a doc:
“Why hangs it always six o’clock?”
The doc answer’d, helpful:
“It would be not healthful
If it stood always like a rock!”
A guy bought a boat for his dock
But he had to go deep into hock.
It darkened his mood
When he couldn’t buy food
So he took his dog out for a wok.
A poet who needed a doc
to cure her writer’s block
couldn’t find any
though there were many,
but none could make her pen talk.
A fellow kept needing a doc,
tho’ ‘hypochondria!’ they cruelly mock.
He didn’t feel well –
enter the Belle –
now the healthiest guy on the block.
The good new is my blogs back online and looking clean. Bad news is my limerick is shitty. :(
A fellow who needed a Doc
about the cost he never gave a thought
he was not a man of means
and so in his wildest dreams
all he needed was his healthcare plan he thought
A fellow who needed a Doc
ask the Doc where he’d been taught
said the Doc to his chagrin
it was a cyber school he’d been in
so trust in the Doc he had not.
A fellow who needed a Doc
in the waiting room watched the clock
as the hours went by
his blood pressure went sky high
so another pill to stay calm he had to pop
A fellow who needed a Doc
in the waiting room watched the clock
and as the hours went by
his blood pressure went sky high
so to the nurse he said with a sigh,
“When do you think the bleeding will stop”?
A fellow who thought he needed a Doc
on 12/12/12 had a thought
this date has good form and function
so today must be the junction
for new beginnings and old fashioned gumption
A patient was rushed to a doc
Who began to administer shock
Till she realized the hour
Was too late for her power.
“Time of death: gin and tonic o’clock.”
A fellow who needed a doc
For his sales pitch next day, to the flock,
Told his flunky “Get writing,
And make it exciting.
With Powerpoint. Seven o’clock.”
But the flunky said, “This is a crock.
If he thinks I can work to his clock.”
Tiny type, midst the muck,
Read, “The Prez is a schmuck.”
And that guy is now working the dock.
A woman who needed a doc
found a quack who lived just down the block.
He delivered her baby,
but he got too rough, maybe –
the kid has ears like Mr. Spock!
A woman who needed a doc
put her cosmetic surgeon in shock:
“It’s imperative that
we should operate – stat!
I think your face just stopped my clock!”
A Hooker went to her Doc
Concerning depression and shock
The complaints she did mention
She claimed were from tension
But the Doc said too much hot cock.
A young chick attended a Doc
And after he’d probed neath her frock
Said, “OK Jess,
You can lower your dress
And you can now let go of my cock”
A Hooker needed a Doc
Who asked her to remove her frock
But when he saw her crack
He exclaimed, “Why it’s black”!
But the colour was due to Daglock
A young Hooker who stood in the Dock
Charged with corrupting men of the Frock
Said, “I know I’m a charmer,
But I’m like a chook farmer
Who spends all her time raising cocks
A girl fighter down at the Dock
Had muscles as hard as a rock
When she wrestled a dude
Fans cheered, some booed
But they all loved to look at her box.
A fellow who needed the dock
In the rock, for his boat on the loch,
Found it padlocked and chained!
So he loudly complained:
‘Hey there! Unlock the loch rock dock lock!’
A preacher who needed a Doc
For the only black sheep in his flock
Said “Commandments you’ve broken
You’re sittin’ there soakin’
You look like a shag on a rock.”
A boater who needed a dock
Built one attached to a rock
But, to his dismay
It floated away
‘Cause the rock he’d chosen was chalk.
A fellow who needed a Doc
“Cause a bee had just stung his cock.
But,the more that it swelled
He felt most impelled,
To say “Gee Doc I feel like a Jock”.
Doc Leonard McCoy needs a doc.
He’s prostrate, has gone into shock.
Vulcan’s tri-corder scan
Shows no life in the man.
“He’s dead, Jim,” reports Mr. Spock.
A prudish girl needed her Doc
To get rid of her sex mental block
If she just saw two flies
Mate in front of her eyes
She would swoon right away with the shock
Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 92.
But you can still have lots of limericks fun, because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Blue Limerick.