Lining Up For Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal was disturbed by a line …*
or
A man was disturbed by a line …*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Lining Up For Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal was disturbed by a line
That stretched round the block to buy wine.
“Beaujolais Très Nouveau”
Read the sign. She said, “No!
I need grapes fully weaned from the vine.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Beaujolais Nouveau, Competition Limerick, Drinking Humor, Grapes Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Queues Humor, Wine & Spirits, Wine Humor, Writing Prompts
A man was disturbed by a line
which purported to measure the sine
Said he “That line has no angle!
It’s naught but a tangle!
The drafter’s clearly been at the wine!”
A man was disturbed by a line:
Bill O’Reilly said “We’re in decline.”
That guy, no great thinker,
Ate all, hook and sinker —
Does nought now but sit there and whine.
A man was disturbed by a line
that wound round the block like a vine
He tried to cut in
A crass, mortal sin
He was shot by all 299!
A gal was disturbed by a line
uttered by one Frankenstein.
All he said was “Friend?”
But her scream did offend.
Better to politely decline.
A gal was disturbed by the line
when a Limey said she was ‘fine’–
but that wasn’t his word:
he called her a’bird’
and asked her to tweet him a sign.
A gal was disturbed by a line
From the artist who thought her divine.
Her perky exposure
And total disclosure
Brought offers she had to decline.
a gal was disturbed by a line
that ran like a snake along her spine
and she tried to get rid
with one single hit
with success and now everything’s fine
a guy was disturbed by a line
that ran up her silk legs so fine
distracted him all night
though he tried to be polite
he could get nothing else on his mind.
Homer disturbed folks by line,
That said Circe changed men to swine,
He’d add, in debate,
“‘Twas their nat’ral state,
When guzzling too much ouzo wine.”
From Patience:
A gal was disturbed by a line
She got from this guy so divine.
He said “taste my sweet apple
Then we’ll go to the chapel”,
But Adam the pear man was lyin’.
From the Prodigal:
A guy was disturbed by a line
He found in the silt by the Rhine
He pulled very hard
Until he got charred
By a left-over active land mine.
A man was disturbed by a line
Its straightness to him would entwine
His doc said, “I love ya”
but it seems your fovea
I’m going to need to refine.
A man was disturbed by a line,
As he saw it’s gathering sign
It said “Be sure to shave,
The situation isn’t so grave”
You’re just about to be snip snip like a feline
A gal was enticed by the line
“Oh baby I’ll bend back your spine!”
She favored rough play,
And did hope he’d stay,
Sliding into a pose more supine.
A gal was enticed by the line:
“Submit to my whip (Cat o’Nine).”
He might think that hot,
Though sadly it’s not,
But a paddle of pine would be fine!
A gal in a bar got the line
“Hey, Babe, so what is your sign?”
She ordered a draft
Then mockingly laughed,
“ So outdated- you sound asinine!”
The sleek auto’s speed, look and line
Made drivers feel up on cloud nine
The DeLorean car
Should have gone really far
It’s problem? Snorting roadway’s white line(s)
A jerk thought he’d try with a line,
To pick up a gal he thought fine
And though hearing impaired,
She was quite well prepared
He got fingered- Her third–Yay for ‘Sign!’
A man was disturbed by a line
Written by a prophet divine
It forbade a divorce
He expressed his remorse
But continued to lie with the ladies supine.
A gal was disturbed by a line
About lying with men supine
It’s forbidden without marriage
Yet who could disparage
The great times with the guys she’d recline.
“Love and War”
His moves breached her Maginot Line
As he bid her, “Surrender, you’re mine.”
But her forces regrouped
And advanced as she whooped:
“The Allies are crossing the Rhine!”
A gal was disturbed by a line
That was scrawled in a red valentine
Written on the inside
“I want you for my bride”
With the signature “Love Frankenstein”
A man was disturbed by a line
The filament balled like brown twine
His ultimate wish
Was to catch a fine fish
But all he could do was to whine
or
A gal was disturbed by a line
Her fishnet hose was quite fine
Didn’t want to play fair
As she hobbled up the stair
To relieve her bladder from wine
A gal was disturbed by a line
‘Cept for that one, the rest were just fine.
Her sensibilities were low
So, wouldn’t you know?
‘Twas porn she liked for her WHOLE Valentine!
A man was disturbed by a line
That showed up on his table of pine.
A scratch really, or more like a groove,
That happened in the cross-country move.
He said, “I guess I’ll just levy a fine.”
Cowgirl was disturbed by a line
Wearing ten gallons and boots! Really fine!
The gals two-stepped, sashayed;
Cowboys loved how they played.
But our girl, not a dancer, was lef’ behin’…
A man was disturbed by a line
delivered in a nasal whine.
Lamont is a klutz,
she’s driving us nuts!
For her, silent films will be fine.
This man is disturbed by the line
That’s bisecting your country from mine
Without it we’d be living
With twice the Thanksgiving
And I think that that would be fine!
A man was disturbed by a ligne –
A word that he couldn’t define
His wife said, “It’s nuttin’
“But the size of a button!
“You need a thesaurus? Use mine!”
Over-speeding, she heard the line,
“Ma’am, you gotta pay your fine.”
She got out of her car,
Took the cop to a bar,
And winked, “Would you like to be on cloud nine?”
A man was disturbed by a line
Which sent tingles of joy up his spine
It said ‘We’ve not met
But I think you’re a pet’
But the writer neglected to sign!
The villainess hired from a line,
Evil henchmen until she had nine.
When she reached number ten
Sent him back home again
Saying “You sir, are no fiend of mine.”
A mechanic’s disturbed by a line
In a limerick said to be mine.
He said, “Wheels are not straight
On your car.” I just hate
When he’s trying to feed me align.
A man is disturbed by a line
That secessionists now do opine
“We should split red and blue,
It’s much better if you
Go your own way and let me go mine”
A gal was disturbed by a line
a guy spat at her (with wine).
Of course, she said “no! –
How low can you go?”
His shoes lost some of their shine.
A gal was disturbed by a line
To fill up for $3.49:
“To queue for a penny’s
A favorite of many,”
Said she, “But it’s not one of mine.”
Mel Brooks was disturbed by a line
In his screenplay for “Young Frankenstein”:
“‘The monster’s big dong’
Is somehow just wrong,
But ‘Schwanzstück’, instead, is just fine.”
Wagnerians wept at a line
From the maidens who lived on the Rhine;
While afloat in the nude,
They would warble and brood:
“Das Gold von dem Rhein ist nicht mein!”
A gal was disturbed by a line
In the card from her sweet Valentine:
“My darling,” it said,
“I got you, instead
Of some chocolates, some pickles in brine.”
A girl was intrigued by a line
Of products for hair that was fine.
They had all that you’d want
For a six-inch bouffant;
Some brunettes said they even got nine.
A farmer was irked by the line
About casting of pearls before swine:
“I raise mine, you see,
Artisanally,
So I ask of you not to malign.”
A gal was disturbed by the line
Of the middle class’ income decline:
“All the benefits went
To the top 1%,
And none to the next 99.”
A gal was disturbed by a line
that she read on a bottle of wine:
“To get drunk much quicker
you ought to try liquor,
otherwise, this’ll do you just fine!”
A man was disturbed by a line
“you want to pretend that you’re mine?”
I know that I’m green
but really, I am queen
and my land of make-believe is fine!
A fellow used no pick-up line
On a girl who by birth was Hawaiian.
As she swayed to the hula
He displayed wads of moolah.
He got lei’d then, without further tryin’.
Young Prince Hamlet disturbed by a line
From a ghost claiming, “I’m Daddy thine,”
Pondered long whether he
Ought to be or not be:
Left a Denmark in royal decline.
Burns’ old teacher, disturbed by a line
She’d read in his verse, ‘Auld Lang Syne’
Sighed, “Isn’t it rotten?
‘Forgot’ for ‘forgotten’!
“And we all thought that lad would do fine!”
A man was disturbed by a line
Of chorus girls, not very fine.
He found their resounding
Loud stomping and pounding
Exceedingly elephantine.
A gal was disturbed by a line
Appearing in song ‘Clementine’,
‘Feet where fish were packed stink
Rather badly, I think –
Unless they were pickled in brine.’
A milkman turned white at the line
He heard someone’s husband opine:
“Spilled milk? No — that stain
Is utterly plain,
And it’s bull that its bovine or mine!”
A gal was disturbed by a line
of cocaine she found on her behind.
She’d woken that morn
thinking she’d be reborn
if the Lord would just show her a sign.
Eve was disturbed by a line
from a slick talking snake on a vine.
Of the apple she ate.
Adam too took the bait.
Now, she’d stick it where the sun doesn’t shine.
Adam too took the bait.
Now, she’d stick it where the sun doesn’t shine.
Eve was disturbed by a line
from a slick talking snake on a vine.
Of the apple she ate.
Adam too took the bait.
Now, she’d stick it where the sun doesn’t shine.
A man was disturbed by a line
he received in a sweet Valentine
“I’ve great news to share
If you’ll just me me there!”
But no time, place, or name did she sign…
I’m seldom disturbed by a line
Of pure economic design
In graphics and charts,
Unless it departs
From a closely held thesis of mine.
Thanks very much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 89.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Bright Limerick.
I’m seldom disturbed by the line
That says that I “should be buy’n
A new house or new car
Or health foods by the jar.”
I don’t buy! I hope they are cry’n