Quotable Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow would frequently quote…*
or
A woman would frequently quote…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Quotable Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow would frequently quote
Homer’s Odyssey, lines learned by rote.
His aim was to show
He’s a man in the know.
But alas, he seemed just off the boat.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Epic Poems, Greek Poetry, Homer, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Literary Limerick, Memorization, Naiveté, Poetry & Prompts, Quotations, The Odyssey, Writing Prompts
I’ll start by setting the bar nice and low:
“ ‘Twas a TNT dildo,” they quote
“She was using to practice ‘deep throat’
They found her vagina
In South Carolina
And her tits just outside Terre Haute.”
A fellow would frequently quote
Phillip Marlowe and PIs of note
But we all lost a dare
When he started to wear
A gun a hat and a trench coat
A fellow would frequently quote
That he had but missed the boat
He always held back
Courage he lacked
But he was happy over it to gloat
Hank
A fellow would frequently quote
Sweet prose as he slipped off her coat,
And blouse and then skirt,
This relentless wry flirt,
While promoting his raging wild oat.
A FELLOW WOULD FREQUENTLY QUOTE,
“LET ME OUT OF HERE TO GO VOTE!
YOUR POLITICAL FIRE
IS NOT MY DESIRE.
KINDLY RELEASE YOUR GRIP ON MY THROAT!
A fellow would frequently quote,
The whole Kama Sutra by rote,
And would put it in play,
With the gals who would say,
He’d skills of a real billy goat.
A woman would frequently quote
From a book D. H. Lawrence wrote
Her language was salty
But not at all faulty
To her, guys had time to devote.
A fellow would frequently quote
From the Bard and openly gloat
I know more than you
But no need to stew
For my troubles I get just a sore throat.
Downtown there’s a guy who would quote
From the bible – he’d preach and emote.
He’d still be there today
But they took him away
Since he had on no pants ‘neath his coat.
A fellow would frequently quote,
A line he remembered by rote,
To the girls he would quip,
“I’ll go down with the ship,
or at least with the man in the boat.”
A fellow would frequently quote
Philosophy he’d learned by rote
Though ever sage
He got to old age
And scrambled his daily bon mot
A farmer would frequently quote
Romantic Age poets of note.
He’d whisper sweet verses
In ears large as purses
Whenever seducing his shoat.
A fellow would frequently quote
That movie about a sinking boat
After each cry
I hoped he’d really die
Then I chopped of his head at the throat
A woman would frequently quote
her lawyer, a gal of some note.
“Remember now, Fred
This is what Allred said.”
As in court they both went for his throat.
A fellow would frequently quote
a bird with a shiny black coat
After tapping the door
he would say, “Nevermore”
Twas the best poem Poe ever wrote.
A fellow would frequently quote
Casanova who once did note,
“It’s such a big hassle
to get near her ‘castle’
’cause its scent is quite like the moat.”
A King he would frequently quote
there’s no need at all for a vote
I’ll have any cake
The one that you’ll bake
Or your tail’ll end up in the moat
A fellow would frequently quote
a joke he claims that he wrote.
When “with child” he spies
a girl, he decries,
“I see you’re on The Love Bloat!”
A priest who would frequently quote
From the bible of gays who were smote
For daring to marry!
Then tarried with Larry,
At home in his frilly pink coat.
A republican struggled to quote
“The lord,” in defense of his vote:
“I heard, ‘Thou shan’t vote black!’
While I lay in the sack.
Must be God, cuz it wasn’t my goat.”
A fellow would frequently quote,
“Hey Honey, where’s the remote?”
Well, she lost her mind
snuck up from behind
and inserted it up to his throat.
A fellow would frequently quote
From the bible though not as it’s wrote
He’d tamper with verses
His flock to coerce is
There any chance he will be smote?
Ha! Good one!
An old geezer would frequently quote
“For old age there is no antidote,
When you’ve lost all your hair
You’ll know you are there
When repeating the same anecdote.”
A fellow would frequently quote
Certain poets of classical note.
Until Coleridge’s bird
Came to roost; in a word,
He dispatched it. Now where’s his damn boat?
A woman would frequently quote
Lines, quite glibly, of dubious note.
One fine day, at the range,
She smelled smoke. “Now that’s strange.”
She yelled “FI-YER!” And that’s all she wrote.
A philosopher would frequently quote
This wise old adage he wrote
“Speak of all others,
as you would of your Mothers
for the good in us all is remote.”
A fellow would frequently quote
His adventures in the big yellow boat.
And then came the truth
The story of his youth;
Being sea sick he never set afloat.
An old Painter would frequently quote
His thoughts – then add a footnote
“If you’ve got a smart lip
on your shoulder a chip,
there’s bound to be wood in your topcoat.”
On the TV the pollsters all quote
Statistics regarding the vote.
It’s not that I’d rather
Give heed to their blather;
It’s just I can’t find the remote.
a fellow would frequently quote
it’s time that you go now and vote
for the right guy of course
otherwise it gets worse
and we need for the next years a warm coat
A fellow would frequently quote
on the stump (but he’d hit the wrong note).
His name was Mitt
and so full of shit.
It’s tomorrow so please go and vote!
(written on Monday, Nov 5, 2012)
Review of Last Tango in Paris
Rebranding a catholic school quote
Paul butters up women of note,
Watch his taut catechisms
Fill voids, explore schisms
If reared-by-nuns fun floats your boat.
Two head-giving sisters would, quote:
“Do every last crewman,” then vote
On which was the best
But the ship got distressed,
It’s presumed they went down with the boat.
An old seaman would frequently quote
From his stories of life whilst afloat
When he filled his arse
With sharp broken glass
Circumcising the crew of the boat.
A young actress aspired to quote
Ms. Macbeth whom Will Shakespeare once wrote.
She learned it by heart
But lost out on the part:
She commanded the damn’d spot “Oat oat!”
A gay Captain would frequently quote
The 10 new commands he’d wrote
Concerning the crew
And who’d be up who
When the barrel was used on his boat
It’s a [quote] “free election” [unquote]
Although many a check has been wrote.
But campaigning is through
Now it’s all up to you,
So you damn better get out and vote!
Tweaked version of previous
Review of Last Tango in Paris
Rebranding a catholic school quote
While butt’ring up women of note,
Paul’s taut catechisms
Fill voids, explore schisms
If reared-by-nun fun floats your boat.
From this old Aussie a quote
Re the Romney Limerick I wrote
If I was a Yank
I’d ignore the rich Wank
And be giving Obama my vote.
A wise man would frequently quote
These words from an old anecdote
“If your using your charm,
and the waters are calm,
be careful you do’nt rock the boat.”
A critic imputed a quote
To a bestselling author of note,
Who dissented, “You rat,
“I ain’t NEVER said that—
The whole blasted thang was ghostwrote!”
“Wrote the great Edward Lear,” said Miss Quote,
“ ‘A pussycat married a boat
To a beautiful pea
By the light of the sea
While an owl read a runcible note.’ ”
A fellow would frequently quote
Boring poetry that he had wrote
His wife wouldn’t stay
And his dog ran away
Now he only quotes poets of note
A young copper would frequently quote
Of his fight against crime, and he’d gloat
About his cunning stunts
And of stunning the cunts
Whom he’d chased with his night stick and smote
A possum would frequently quote
His favorite articulate stoat.
But the dramatist mink
And the pundit skink
Favored maxims of the white mountain goat.
Verdon.
A great chef who would frequently quote
What Carême and Escoffier wrote,
Last year joined his forebears
In that ‘Kitchen’ upstairs
Where the Cuisine could not be more ‘Haute’!
It’s hard not to sound off and quote
All the brain rot that sunk Romney’s boat,
Or to shout,”You unsightly
Extremist nuts, bite me!”
But I’m far too enlightened to gloat.
Mittens would desperately quote
Whatever might get him a vote.
He was sure he would win
But took one on the chin;
Excuse me I must go and gloat.
Bully Beef Wisdom 5.11.12
my mother would frequently quote:
A bully is like a coyote
Ignore them my dear
They have only fear
Take that away and they moult
My sister would frequently quote:
Sticks and stones won’t fill your moat
To bully’s don’t cower
It removes all their power
It yanks out the stop from their boat.
An old hooker would frequently quote
Of the days she practised deep throat
When faced with a prong
About 12 inches long
Which the Sea Captain called his compote
To Mad Kane and the Crew, Fitz’s quote
Congrats to all those who did vote
For Obama to stay
And it made my whole day
Seeing Romney (The Mouth) miss the boat.
An atheist needed a quote
For her lovemaking joy to connote
“Oh God” didn’t work
‘Twas a term she did shirk
but ‘Oh Science’ felt far too remote
A fellow would frequently quote
From cards that he kept in his coat
Appearing smart until summer
When all the warm weather
Made him sweat and smudge all his notes
A Butcher was doing a quote
On new sausage he hoped to promote
Consisting of fig,
The arsole of pig,
And the balls of an old billy goat
René’s gone ‘upstairs’ (as I quote
What David McCormick done wrote
In his limerick verse)
But it coulda been worse:
He could be ‘downstairs’ where it’s ‘haute’
As his creditors clamored, he spoke
(For a fee) as “art critic” to folk
Who had thought it a fact
That he’d go for abstract
But he countered, “I go for Baroque.”
A fellow would frequently quote
“Democracy needs you to vote.”
This soldier I fear
Paid a price dear.
North Korea does not this promote.
A woman would frequently quote
Famed actors from movies of note.
She’d gurgle and splutter;
No words would she utter.
(That’s Lovelace’s part from “Deep Throat.”)
Old Fred sought advice, – and I quote,
From his doctor, and these words he wrote:
“Got a stiff neck agin’
so what should I do,when
Viagra gets stuck in my throat.?”
from Patience;
A fellow would frequently quote
these lines from his favourite poet,
“we’re all in the gutter
Some stammer, some stutter”
Still, more of us Democrats vote.
and the Prodigal:
Awoman would frequently quote
Her fondness for feeling kid goat,
“The hair is so silky,
The udder so milky,
And the horn is ready to float”.
A fellow would frequently quote
His dad’s story about their old goat
Whose habit it was
To go looking for fuzz
Wherever he could and then gloat.
The kid was really amazin’
Whenever he knocked off from his grazin’.
Slipping into the house,
Oddly, quiet as a mouse,
Pokin’ mama when elsewhere she was gazin’!
She’d scream like an engine gunnin’
And Pop would come on a-runnin’
With a gun and a rope
(Pop was no dope)
He had to show Ma he had cunnin’.
In the hullabaloo the goat disappears
And Ma is excited to tears.
Pop comforts with kisses
Taking care of his Mrs.
That goat’s triggered foreplay for years!
A Chiropractor would frequently quote
Of the days he treated the Pope
When he found whilst adjusting
Something disgusting
In the Gluteus maximus-cote.
A fellow would frequently quote
An actress who loved to emote:
“It’s quite apropos
That my necklines are low;
My cuisine I prefer to be haute.”
A fellow would frequently quote
From the guy on the five-dollar note,
Whose bold proclamation
Was, none in the nation
Should count for 3/5 of a vote.
A fellow would frequently quote
From columns that Paul Krugman wrote,
To remind all his friends
When the government spends,
Of the growth that it tends to promote.
A fellow would frequently quote
A French politician of note
Who was oft heard to say:
“Notre système de santé
Est meilleure, s’il vous plaît, que la vôtre.”
Our Grandfather said,- and I quote,
“To lose weight I’ll go row a boat
six miles a day”
If he did we can’t say
Ne’er again did we see the old goat.
A count would frequently quote
While doing the rounds of his moat
Some lines from the bard
As the countess made hard
His appendage, the old billy goat!
“I’m on deadline, just gimme a quote,”
Wasn’t said to a person of note
By a writer of news,
But instead to the muse
By a poet who couldn’t emote.
A politician would frequently quote
Boring rhetoric and anecdotes
Still, throngs came to hear
Opponents waited to smear
Words out of context and misquotes
Where do you want us to post the limericks on your facebook page?
Note from Mad Kane: Facebook users can post their limericks here.
A woman would frequently quote
Her bushwalking husband, who’d note:
“I am mountain goat-like
When I go on a hike.”
But to her, he was just an old goat.
Kirk Miller
An old man would frequently quote
Shakespeare’s sonnets and love notes
A sugar daddy he wanted to be
None of the girls would agree
They thought him a dirty old goat.
An old man would frequently quote
Love sonnets and love notes
A sugar daddy he wanted to be
None of the girls would agree
They thought him a dirty old goat.
Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 87.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Treat.