Limerick Pose (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman would frequently pose…*
or
A fellow would frequently pose…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Pose
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A critic would frequently pose
A challenge to musical shows:
With his venom so vast,
Closing night would come fast.
His view: Not just anything goes.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Broadway Musicals, Criticism Humor, Critics Humor, Limerick Contest, Music Humor & Verse, Poetry & Prompts, Theater Reviews, Writing Prompts
Okay, I’m a little out of condition. As a warm-up, I’m just going straight for for Edward Lear silliness:
A woman would frequently pose
With a moose on the tip of her nose.
Its magnificent rack
Could have damaged her back,
But it’s not something she’d presuppose.
A woman would frequently pose
With nothing on, only a rose
Strategically placed
And fingers enlaced
To conceal as much as she chose
A tomboy would frequently pose
In tattered and heavily patched clothes.
When asked by a varmint,
“What’s wit yer garment?
“I itches, I scratches’s how it goes.
A woman would frequently pose
With nothing on, only a rose
Strategically placed
And fingers enlaced
To conceal just as much as she chose
(with help from Madeleine)
A woman would frequently pose
In very undignified clothes
On her feet she wore spats,
On her head she wore hats
And the parts in between simply froze.
A woman would frequently pose
In panties and dark colored hose
It drove hubby nuts
He would cling to her butt’s
Soft curves in his lover’s sweet throes.
A fellow would frequently pose
Face-front to hide his large nose
It’s aquiline features
Daunted sweet creatures
But their charms he’d win with the prose he’d compose.
In Holland whores frequently pose
Their sweet curvy bodies sans clothes.
In a crimson lit window,
They work hard to kindle,
Hot business with each of their shows.
A woman would frequently pose
Conundrums in rhyme and not prose
Though frequently cryptic
They act as Trip Tik
And knowledge spurned by her work grows
Oops – typo
A woman would frequently pose
Conundrums in rhyme and not prose
Though frequently cryptic
They act as Trip Tik
And knowledge spurred by her work grows
A woman would frequently pose
With a finger jammed way up her nose
She explained, “Listen, sugar,
“I’ve got a HUGE booger
“I need to keep track where it goes!”
A woman would frequently pose
In the buff, without any clothes
It soon got old
When it got very cold
For she would shiver, from her head to her toes.
A woman would frequently pose
With a big fire hose
Her recent hire
Wanted her to put out a fire
But she didn’t have the right clothes
A mathematical model should pose
The conditions for turbulent flows
Through discreet propositions
And refined expositions—
And all while she’s wearing no clothes.
A woman, she struck quite the pose
Lying naked in quiet repose.
For she could surmise,
From his swelling firm size,
That soon it would ebb once it flows.
A lady would frequently pose
With arrogance in her long nose.
Tired of this habit
Her guy said Stop it!
Else your best friend will get my rose.
Sweet Gertrude would frequently pose
A question-what’s verse and what’s prose?
She lifted her Stein
And declared both were fine,
Since “a rose is a rose is a rose.”
A woman would frequently pose
A question to most of her beaux
“Are you clean and not sick?
Let me look at your dick.
Wash it and we’ll see how it grows.”
A fellow would frequently pose
For an art class–of course he’d expose!
The college girls were hot
So he fantasized a lot
His wife never complained, Heaven knows!
Sally’s neighbor would frequently pose
With his long, turgid, high-power hose,
Unaware of the presage
Diluting the message:
His minuscule fingers and toes.
A fellow would frequently pose
tough questions to me (oh my woes)
See, I just couldn’t answer
how best to cure cancer
So, I punched him real hard in the nose.
It was feared an art teacher might pose
A real threat to her junior van Goghs
When she cried out, “Alright,
One more bad Starry Night
And I’ll cut off your ear AND your nose!”
Politicians who frequently pose
A threat to all women expose
Unelectable fates
For misogynist traits-
We have binders of men to depose!
A poem may unwittingly pose
A challenge to limerick hos.
So review every angle
And watch what you dangle.
You doubt me? Ask Jamie — he knows.
Pranksters do frequently pose
a threat to class members who doze.
a girl once did wake up
to discover her makeup
was gluing two pens in her nose!
A fellow who would frequently pose
“The question” got up every girl’s nose
Any woman he’d see
He’d ask “marry me?”
After getting down on one knee to propose
Fair citizens will frequently pose
Questions of Mitt’s tax disclose.
“If you’ve nothing to hold back,
Then just show us Jack!”
That reveal must hurt him, he knows.
A woman would frequently pose
For pictures with most favorite beaus.
Whether clothed or bare
She hardly did care
As long as her assets she did disclose.
A fellow would frequently pose
Jim Durante’s twin was his nose
Selected rhinoplasty
Got rid of that nasty
Then chose to wear pantyhose
A woman would frequently pose
In nothing but garters and hose
A silhouette sweet
From her head to her feet
Except for her toucan-like nose
Dispatch from a Battleground State
Where I live the pollsters all pose
Political questions to those
Who will vote this election.
It’s too bad our selection
Is all Larrys and Curlys and Moes.
A woman would frequently pose
At my studio, sans all her clothes.
I quite liked the view;
When the painting was through
We discussed the first thing that arose.
JzB
a teacher would frequently pose
odd questions to which no one knows
the answers, so guesses
led to several messes
in poetry, lyrics, and prose
I knew this one would give a few good laughs!
Sara Lee and Li’l Debbie would pose
And do choco-erotica shows
They’d unwrap one and lick it
Oh the places they’d stick it!
They put “hoe” back in Hostess Ho Hos.
A poet would frequently pose
This quaint question, “If nobody knows
The way one should rhyme
Or how to beat time
Is he doomed to forever write prose?”
A dragon would frequently pose
As a lizard, a small one, he knows;
No maidens to eat –
That would be quite a feat!
He prefers Barbie Dolls without clothes.
He’s well-hung, and the girls would all pose
Hoping they’d be the one that he chose.
But despite their encour’gin’
That boys still a virgin
Since he’s not really clear where it goes.
“Foreign and Domestic”
The debate moderator should pose
A policy question which goes:
“On the hotline at night,
Wielding all the State’s might,
Will the emperor wear any clothes?”
Very clever!
An actor would frequently pose
as a poor, poor artist with woes
His auditions were bad
but thanks to his dad
his trust fund just constantly grows.
A Cardinal is now left to pose
questions of what brought on woes
With a lead three-to-one
their season now done
and Giants now take on new foes
As a linguist, he mulls over pose
And repose and compose, and he knows,
“They’re supposed to relate.
I’ll oppose that, I state,
And propose we transpose all the ‘O’s.”
So this model was striking a pose
How she held so still, God only knows.
Never moving an inch
So I gave her a pinch …
And found out we’re in Madame Tussaud’s.
Rework to fix the tenses:
So this model is striking a pose
How she holds so still, God only knows.
Never moving an inch
So I gave her a pinch …
And found out we’re in Madame Tussaud’s.
a woman would frequently pose
up in the air went her nose
filed to a point
ever out of joint
the justice was a run in her hose.
Apparently, poems can pose
What their penners would never propose:
I know less about mine
(That’s no “Biblical” line!)
Than Johanna suggests that she knows.
a woman would frequently pose
in dubious plays and shows
with a skirt way to short
and no one to support
her constantly running nose… ok ok…i know my limericks are just crap..smiles
Limericks often can pose
challenges not found in prose
Rhyming it slickly
Meter is tricky
Don’t try at home, leave to pros
Icebergs frequently pose
troubles to boats with their floes
Passengers panic
Down goes Titanic
Ladies and children, not Joes
An old hooker would frequently pose
When young without any clothes
Then the tricks she could win
But now ugly as sin
She looks like she’ll soon decompose
A woman would frequently pose
Pretending to be a “Blue Nose”
But while acting the scout
Checking Protestants out
She was caught and hung by the toes.
A wrinkled old harlot would pose
And between her teeth hold a red rose
When young it worked well
Now the smell hides the spell
So these days she’s right on the nose.
An old hooker attempted to pose
But tripped and fell on her nose
Which upset her Podagra
And Spinjinic-Mandragara
Which left the old hag comatose.
When young she looked good in a pose
But this old hooker’s now on the nose
Since her eyes lost their twinkles
She’s got wrinkles on wrinkles
Especially between the big toes.
Ho ho ho, Craig, you certainly pose
Quite a fanciful dreamscape for those
Who’ve been try’n to abstain
From the rod *and* the cane…
Call it: “two cravings coming to blows.”
I shall leave, Jamie, queries you pose
With respect to how deeply one knows,
The…uh…thing signified
(Straight up or implied)
To epistemological pros.
A sailor in the showers would pose
As if he was not One Of Those!
But crew knew he was gay
And preffered him that way
When his turn in the barrel arose.
An old contortionist would pose
With his Old Boy stuck up his nose
“It clears my head”
Were the last words he said
As he entered the eternal doze.
A cross dresser who liked to pose
In his wife’s really tight panty hose
Had a sudden erection
Causing panty deflection
Which started to raise up his toes.
Her dinky spurned suitors would pose
Their challenge to Big Mama Rose:
“But my love is so deep!”
She’d reply, “That’s a leap—
It’s true, uh, as far as it goes.”
Spinmeisters frequently pose
interpretations other than those
(that) we all did see
(one the) debate on tv
they start up and “Lawd! Thar she blows!”
They found him set in a pose
Days after the coolroom was closed
As Rigor Mortis set in
It was’nt a grin
Which was left on his face when he froze
Did’nt care that he could’nt pose
With that bloody great wart on his nose
For wherever he’d roam
He could make hookers moan
When he shoved it between their big toes
A dandy would frequently pose:
“Do tell, what do you think of these clothes?”
This time, though, I was rude
Cuz the duds on that dude
Had looked best when St. Jude first wore those.
To her husband who’d frequently pose
In her corset, lace panties and hose:
“So you’ve got better tits,
But you’re out of your wits
If you think I’ll strap on one of THOSE!”
Girls lined up one day to pose
for photos for binders for those
who can’t get a date
but feel they must rate
assistants for Mitt’s campaign pros
A woman would frequently pose —
ENT’s worldwide photo’ed her nose.
“You think I’m a freak?
You really should speak
To podiatrists! Check out my TOES!”
To advertise a butcher would pose
In his window without any clothes
Hanging on him a sign
Saying “Please look at mine,
you’ll be glad my sausage you chose”
A Florist used flowers to pose
And grew on her left tit a Rose
On her right one Aspalia
On her twat a large Dahlia
And an Orchid attached to her nose.
A mermaid would frequently pose
On a rock. In the winter, she froze.
“They think it is chipper
That I have a flipper.
I would rather have toes and warm clothes!”
Paradoxical matrices pose
A scene for each eye to compose.
My trained eye sees columns,
Impoverished and solemn.
And as for “my wild eye? Rich rows.”
Mitt Romney endeavors to pose
As someone who actually knows.
He tries to apprise
But his lies take the prize:
Therefore grows he Pinocchio’s nose.
A woman would frequently pose
In bikinis, corsets and maillots,
Thus keeping it spicy,
While knowing precisely
The bits that she wouldn’t expose.
Kim Kardashian’s eager to pose
For her likeness in Mme. Tussaud’s,
Whose supply closet lacks
The requisite wax
For her backside in tight-fitting clothes.
Some Democrats wanted to pose
As the One Percent’s populist foes,
Until revelations
That all their donations
Were siphoned from rich CEOs.
A philosopher thought he could pose
As the heir to the thought of Rousseau’s;
To admiring throngs,
He would say: “Plus ça change,
Mes amis, plus c’est la même chose.”
To the hooker they just had to pose
The question–Why she always dabbed at her nose
When asked, “Is it snot?”
She said,”Certainly not,
it’s just overflow I suppose”
A contortionist guy struck this pose
Shagging his arse with his nose
At the same time the fool
Nibbled his tool
While stroking his balls with his toes
Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 85.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Nutty Limerick.
Good one, Mad!
A fellow is oft seen to pose
As a beacon, a leader who knows.
But alas, truth to be told,
All that glitters ain’t gold.
This emperor is absent his clothes.
Thanks Patti!