Limerick Feud (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man was involved in a feud…*
or
A gal was involved in a feud…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Feud
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A shrink was involved in a feud
With his neighbors, and ended up sued.
On his problem he dwelled,
As lawyers withheld
Any aid, saying “Not in the mood!”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Feud, Lawsuit Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick Contest, Litigation Poem, Mood Humor, Neighbors Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Psychiatry Humor, Psychology Humor, Writing Prompts
A man was involved in a feud
All those involved were his brood
His mother cried
For he had lied
Made it out to be such a big dispute
Hank
A man was involved in a feud
That left him at sea with this dude
Aboard a small whaler
(For each was a sailor)
Who yelled, “Boy, you’re screwed, blued, tattoed!”
Though this language wasn’t too nice
No crewman glanced up more than twice
But later they fought
As expected, were caught:
In the brig now, their dinner cold rice.
A man was involved in a feud
With a gal he one time had wooed
He’d offered her money
If she’d call him “Sonny”
And diaper him in the nude.
A gal was involved in a feud
Her handyman, rude and lewd
His work was abominable
His bill astronomical
So in small claims she saw he was screwed
A man was involved in a feud
And displayed a bad attitude:
And, though he protested,
The act he suggested
Is widely regarded as crude.
A lady involved in a feud,
Was a buttoned-up prim little prude,
The thoughts in her mind
Were obscene and unkind
But she thought vocalising was rude.
*
A man was involved in a feud
With his neighbours who said he was lewd
For displaying they say
A hard on each day
Whilst parading around in the nude.
Their daughter is now having a feud
For ogling the tool of this dude
And for wishing it’s size
Could be twixt her thighs
As she freely admits she’s no prude
A time saving man’s in a feud
With his woman who argues he’s rude
For whilst he is up her
He gulps down his supper
Claiming after that he’s very shrewd.
A man was involved in a feud
With his wife, who believed she was shrewd.
She worked “Late” every night,
But after their fight,
It was clear who in fact was so screwed.
A man was involved in a fued
With his date after seeing her nude
It made him feel sick
Upon seeing a prick
This pretty young girl was a dude!
A man was involved in a fued
With some old prickly prude
She want a view
Of his bouncy two
Eventually he just broke down and got nude
[ Young Love ]
This boy was involved in a feud
with a girl in his class who was rude
his uncle declared
“now boy don’t be scared,
but she likes you and wants to be wooed.”
A man was involved in a feud
In a long line, where hundreds were queued
He said, “I wanna
“Good seat for Madonna,”
“It’s the Biden debate, sorry, dude!”
A Chef was involved in a feud
The lady didn’t like his food
The dish was sauteed
He felt so betrayed
She said she preferred it stewed
Two office mates locked in a feud
Thought that each other’s desktop was lewd.
The hostilities—duck!—
Left each monitor stuck
In a place where it couldn’t be viewed.
A lady was involved in a feud,
With her guy who thought her shrewd,
A smile she faked,
His heart got laid,
And in a moment his rage subdued.
A Shakespearean Redo
A gal was involved in a feud
Montaque and Capulets fiercely stewed
Did not want Romeo serenading –
Or their young love escalating
And put up a fierce attitude
A guy was involved with a feud
T’was not because he was lewd
He was heart struck
And it was not his luck
to deal with a family so shrewd
A Friar was involved with a feud
Tried his best to comfort the damsel and dude
A secret marriage, duels and a missed communique
resulted in deaths at the end of Shakespeares play
As in the end both families were royally screwed
(c)JP/davh
Typing fingers got int the way an and that second e should not be in ‘shrewd’
but I can’t get in there to fix it… sorry.
Note from Mad Kane: I fixed it. :)
A man faced a hot mounting feud
with his wife till she trotted out nude.
They curbed their cruel banter,
With a quickening canter,
And arrived with a gallop quite lewd!
How funny!
A man was involved with a feud
Mr. Hatfield was always so rude
But this here McCoy
was a very bright boy
and managed to screw his whole brood.
(All the Hatfield girls, that is).
Triptych today…three unrelated (except by prompt) attempts…
A man was involved in a feud
over methods of frying his food
unrepentant hair-splitter
claimed the fritter was bitter
because Chef was allegedly stewed
A man was involved in a feud
and though hesitant to intrude
stuck my nose in unwanted
and persisted undaunted
till he made it no longer protrude
A man was involved in a feud
there was nothing else to conclude
but that he was the reason
our kids all had fleas on
their heads from the strays he accrued
a star has fallen
while people in london
have fun dancing,
the day becomes icing
then the star turns into a pen.
A man was involved in a feud
With those his performance had booed –
‘How on earth can they say
Making Romeo gay
Had tended to set the wrong mood?’
A gal was involved in a feud
With the smith her showjumper had shoed,
‘You can’t tell me the slob
Did much of a job
When the course was with horseshoes bestrewed!’
I only read the preceding Shakespeare caper AFTER I wrote the first one, I swear! Something about Romeo and Juliet in the air?
Anyway, please close my quote in the second try.
Note from Mad Kane: I closed your quote. :)
Every Sunday an NFL feud.
Some teams thrive, and some others get booed.
But I’m a ‘Skins fan
And I’m tellin’ ya, man –
Losing home games is gettin’ old, dude.
A man was involved in a feud
With his wife who posed artfully nude
He complained in loud voice
“What a horrible choice”
But became a changed dude when the cash he soon viewed.
A gal was involved in a feud
With a guy who showed attitude
You’ll get nothing from me
You son of a b
When I’m treated in a manner so crude.
Why do we continue this feud
When the cause was at first misconstrued?
Most are caused by mistake
Life is no piece of cake!
Before fight, assure words are reviewed.
Obama, involved in a feud
with a suave-looking candidate dude,
said, “I know the debate
for my part was third-rate –
perhaps it’s the high altitude.”
A man was involved in a feud
With his wife and one other dude.
They didn’t agree
On how they should be
Sitting in church–should they be chaired or pewed?
A young man was involved in a feud
With the young woman he wooed
Seems he in great haste
Mistook lube for some paste
Causing labial lips to be glued
When I was involved in a feud
with hubby about our dog’s food
I said cucumber
makes her eyes umber
and he said my reasoning’s skewed.
A young woman involved in a feud
Summoned all of her pulchritude
So the sight of her crutch
For him was too much
Which brought him to servitude.
A gal was involved in a feud
With a bawdy and lascivious dude.
They couldn’t decide
KY or Astroglide?
For an erotic encounter most lewd.
Our pols are involved in fake feud
With cover-up lies their scripts are imbued
Their words aren’t what matter
They’re just rhetoric and chatter
It’s ACTIONS that count, so we’re screwed!
Two neighbors fell into a feud
When up came a bubblin’ crude
On the property line.
“It’s all mine!”—”No, it’s mine!”
Ask Iraq and Kuwait what ensued.
A man was involved in a feud
for behaving totally lewd
the cops came arresting
as he was protesting
and the crowd stood there and booed
A man was involved in a feud
his actions were obscene and lewd
For all due to oil
money became his foil
and now he’s known as crude
A guy was involved in a feud,
‘bout the way Marijuana is viewed.
Then he took a puff,
of the wonderful stuff,
and changed his whole attitude.
Mitt Romney’s concerned that our feud
With Russia’s been far too subdued.
(When lost in the thicket,
Nostalgia’s the ticket.)
The cold war is history, dude!
a shrink was involved in a feud
with a couple so terribly rude
at night he snores
in the sack she’s a bore
& he got sick envisioning them nude
A gal was involved in a feud:
her father-in-law had been rude.
He’d looked down her shirt
and then up her skirt
and declared his son was The DUDE!
P.S.: Long time, no?
A man was involved in a feud,
A maid in a bar, something lewd,
He felt down her pants
and found difference,
That maid he had played was a dude.
Mitt implies a strong country must feud;
We must lead! (This means bully, be rude.)
U.S power has bounds?
Can’t start wars without grounds?
Obama, you peace-loving prude!
‘Twas a Hatfield who started the feud,
For his view of the world was too skewed:
He adored Joy McCoy
(Whose real name was Roy);
His advances were rudely eschewed.
A man was involved in a feud:
At the carpenter curses he spewed!
What was causing his bile?
His wife’s sated smile
(With the luster of hard wood imbued).
Two businessmen called off their feud
When they realized it’s not very shrewd
To compete in the market
When instead you can shark it—
In short, they laid plans to collude.
A gal was involved in a feud
With a horsey guy, one who had wooed
Her to be his new bride.
She had snorted, replied
“I would rather be bridled and shoed!”
Wry Biden engaged in a feud,
And smiled as Paul Ryan just stewed.
Staying happy and mellow,
He filleted this young fellow,
And showed of the two who was shrewd.
I got in a bit of a feud
When with exiting traffic I queued.
I moved over one lane
Which made someone insane.
I heard myself loudly “F.U.”ed.
A man was involved in a feud
With a rival he thought to be rude
For rolling of eyes
At all of the lies
To voters he sought to delude.
A man was involved in a feud
When his play was unkindly reviewed:
“The critics on Broadway
Have rather an odd way
With Shakespeare performed in the nude.”
A lady got into a feud
With a stylist she angrily sued:
“Though I paid the admission
For her to condition,
I only was set and shampooed.”
The high school was wracked by a feud
Between chicks who both liked the same dude.
At such times, your teen girls
Will turn into mean girls,
Researchers are bound to conclude.
A street vendor started a feud
With his neighboring vendor, Abboud:
“To most, your felafel
Is smelling so awful,
They no want my Mexican food.”
Bibi got into a feud
With Barack on account of Mahmoud:
“We must set a deadline,
As well as a redline
Beyond which the Persians are screwed.”
A man was involved in a feud
Over the new ‘do his wife debuted.
His word choice was poor,
Now his bed’s on the floor
‘Til his sense of style’s less skewed.
Thanks everyone. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners! Limerick of the Week 83.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun, for a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Refined Limerick.