Limerick Dismay (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman displayed her dismay…*
or
A fellow displayed his dismay…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Dismay
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman displayed her dismay
At her pug, who refused to obey.
She’d hound him and bray,
Till her pet ran away.
‘Tis no wonder her dog would not stay.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Animal & Pet Humor, Dog Limerick, Dog Verse, Limerick Contest, Pet Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Pug Humor, Writing Prompts
A woman displayed her dismay
At learning she’s not Rachael Ray
“So wait, does that mean
“That I’m not Paula Deen?
“Well, at least can I be Bobby Flay?”
A woman expressed her dismay
At devouring a gourmet buffet:
“I think some K runs
Will take care of the buns–
I’ll need Pilates for the creme brulee!”
A woman displayed her dismay
Her hotel john had just a bidet!
Trepidatious at first,
Though she thought she might burst,
She tried it and stayed there all day!
This poet must post his dismay
The 1st two limericks posted today
Were all about cooking
And being good looking
With neither do I have a play
The voters displayed their dismay
When asked this was all they would say
Your guy is a crook
That so many mistook
Was the guy that would save the day
Mitt Romney displayed his dismay
That this close to election day
Obama still led
Mitt’s campaign seemed dead
He shook his head – said there’s no way
Mitt Romney displayed his dismay
They twist everything I say
I want all the voters
Even freeloaders
To vote for me on that big day
But the freeloaders voiced their dismay
Why should we throw votes your way
We make a good livin’
Cause Obama’s been givin’
Us part of your hard earned pay
A woman displayed her dismay
At his feeble attempt to “Make Hay.”
After careful male screening,
And hours of preening,
It’s enough to turn this lady gay!
A loose woman displayed her dismay
When her customer asked could he pay
Her to kneel on a chair
With her arse in the air
Mainly because he was gay.
A woman displayed her dismay
At the naked chap in the bay
He looked rather fine
But even with wine
It was too small for a good lay
A fellow displayed his dismay
In a rather unusual way
When given a surprise
His doodle would rise
Staying rigid for most of the day
a woman displayed her dismay
at the man ambling on the way
in heart covered boxers
thinking he bonkers
moving across the street today
A woman displays her dismay,
confused by both turkey and sleigh,
lining shelves in September,
she strains hard to remember,
if now Halloween is today?
A woman displayed her dismay
That *still* there was no ERA,
She made it her mission
With constant petitions
To fight for the right to fair pay.
It’s normal to share some dismay —
Expression keeps ill will at bay.
But a passive-aggressive,
When hurt gets obsessive;
One smile and you KNOW you will pay.
Mitt and Ryan display their dismay
In the good old American way:
Mooch off other folk’s labor,
Forget “love thy neighbor,”
If they balk, make them fear Judgment day.
A fellow displays his dismay
With a grunt and a “what can I say?”
A woman, however,
Is likely to sever
Your schnitzel and let you decay.
A woman displayed her dismay
As she noticed her hair turning gray
She bought a dye
To avoid feeling shy
Her black curls brought her back in the fray.
A girl to her utter dismay
Found the chap whom she fancied was gay –
He said ‘Sorry my friend
I don’t mean to offend,
I just can’t measure up in that way!’
Supportive Husband
Giving birth, she displayed her dismay
When it seemed she’d been pushing all day.
“I don’t want to be snipped!”
“That’s OK,” hubby quipped,
“When I need you I’ll take the back way.”
A woman displayed her dismay
As her spouse she set forth to betray.
She had a good time
With passion sublime
But her spouse went likewise astray.
A fellow displayed his dismay
When his wife felt no guilt to betray
His inelegant pleading
To satisfy his needing
For a lay in the hay at least once a day.
A fellow displayed his dismay
At his wife who would quickly display
Her elegant charms
In friends’ eager arms
He said, honey, at least make them pay.
A fellow displayed his dismay
at his poorly designed new toupee.
When adorned o’er his pate
It was waved, curled AND straight.
So he wigged out: a real bad hair day.
A woman displayed her dismay
on occasion of Valentine’s Day
‘cause she wanted a ring
(or at least something ‘bling.’)
All she got was a card. How cliché.
A woman displayed her dismay
upon viewing a recent X-ray.
In her innards were three
mismatched socks and a ‘T.’
In her gut she knew she had clothes cache.
A clergyman showed his dismay
at his obvious naiveté
since a ‘lady’ he met
conned him. Now deep in debt,
he’s much wiser to cute Birds of Pray.
A woman displayed her dismay
When her dildo went faulty one day
An electrical short
To her Labia brought
Her face into much dissaray.
Fast women display their dismay
By splitting their sides, and they say
The shrieks and guffaws
From some of these whores
Can be heard a mile away
Run, doggie, run!
A woman displayed her dismay
when her husband was cast in a play
It wasn’t enough
he appeared in the buff
But “excited” too, as you’d say.
A bassist displayed his dismay
at things the guitarist would play
The moment he’d dread
was when the guitarist would shred
you just can’t play soft jazz that way!
The songbird displayed his dismay
at how he had been led astray
He once sang his songs
for hippies with bongs
so damned stoned the apllauded “ole!”
(yes, the songbird is still around!)
A traveller expressed his dismay
at changes affecting his way
As a matter of order
he got stuck cross the border
No passport, he leaned to say “eh?”
A bagel expressed its’ dismay
at prices that people would pay
for fancy cream cheese
and toppings that squeeze
between the two half parts.. “oy, vey!”
A fellow expressed his dismay
at having to work every day
His doctor said stress
would harm him much less
if he sat back and lit up a jay.
Aurora Deplora
A lady displayed her dismay,
dismayed by a lack of display
by the lights of the north
when they did not come forth,
til she left, and they showed up next day.
A farm woman displayed her dismay
When she found out her spouse had turned gay
From a hard working cocky….. (Aussie slang for farmer)
to a simpering knob jockey
who was taking it every which way.
A woman displayed her dismay
At bottom half placed on display:
Wind up her skirt got,
Displaying a lot –
She hadn’t worn panties that day!
That actress displaying dismay
At being revealed in such way
Knew Marilyn Monroe
Had started such fun; though
She’d rather be like Doris Day!
A woman displayed her dismay
at the ‘displasia’ of her DNA–
Triple strands – she imagined –
like pearls–more in fashion-
when it came to D-nuclei-A.
A shopper displayed her dismay –
in Produce, some guy made his play.
When he asked for her number,
she waved a cucumber,
and said “My, they’re smaller today!”
A woman displayed her dismay –
her gymnastics routine was okay,
but it seemed that the silver
did much less than thrill her –
she scowled while her anthem did play.
a woman displayed her dismay
by taking big cans of spray
to spraypaint her life
free from all strife
and thought that was really ok
Young Hester displayed her dismay
that her rep in Sex Ed could hold sway.
“They think that I’m sultry
and inured in adult’ry –
it’s a class where I don’t want an ‘A’ ”.
A woman displayed her dismay –
her gymnastics routine was okay,
but it seemed that the silver
did much less than thrill her –
she scowled while her anthem did play.
A shopper displayed her dismay –
in Produce, some guy made his play.
When he asked for her number,
she waved a cucumber,
and said “My, they’re smaller today!”
A maiden expressed her dismay;
She found her beau’s urges risqué.
“With all of his lusting
I’m not very trusting.
My virtue, I fear, he’ll mislay.”
A songbird expressed his dismay
at folks who would fire up a jay
He thought that such fowl
would shriek, scream and yowl
at feathers when fire came their way!
A hit man once said, “Hey, dis may
hurt you a bit, you should pray.”
He did as he please
and broke the guy’s knees
and said “don’t fuk wif ma-fi-yay”
A woman displayed her dismay
On learning her husband was gay
It made perfect sense
His dick was immense
Tattooed with the words “Up For Ray”
A fellow displayed his dismay
Towards a drugged up magician named Ray.
For at the prestige
Morphine Anesthes,
Effected his “Legerdemain.”
A fellow displayed his dismay
each and every weekday
for he so hated work
and acted like a jerk
which only made things more gray
Some express their dismay
At those who are openly gay.
They say it’s a sin,
To evil it’s akin.
Against their acceptance they inveigh.
A waitress trés prone to dismay
Had a beautiful tray to display,
But she tripped on a peel
And went head over heel
Until she ended up wholly distrait.
Sorry for the double posts – for some reason they don’t always show up right away when I post them from my work computer.
Rats…I just figured out this was last Mondays…
But here is a offering just the same…Now to locate this weeks…
A woman displayed her dismay
when her muse refused to play
for breaking her writers block
she turned not to warm chicken stock
but to a fine chilled chardonnay
JP/davh
Just finished reading the classic western, so it was on my mind:
A Texan expressed his dismay
At the characters Call and McRae.
“Lonesome Dove’s a good tale,
But McMurtry cain’t spa-ell
‘Come a ti-yi yippie, yippie yay.’”
“Summer of ‘69”
A fellow displayed his dismay:
“I came all this way to the Bay,
but I can’t understand
the lay of the land
that they said was the land of the lay.”
Mitt’s practicing showing dismay
With zingers, the news people say.
If he’s good as his bud,
Clint Eastwood, the mud
He’s slinging will make Barack’s day.
A Walk on the Wild Side–a paraphrasing
Sugar Plum Fairy sure showed her dismay
Had to be James Dean for a day
A hustle here and a hustle there
New York City is the place where
They say “Hey, Babe–just hey…”
A woman displayed her dismay
But just what can anybody say
Didn’t like it one bit
But she asked for it
Now she has to live with it all day
Hank
A woman displayed her dismay
at things said by the RWNJ’s
Their blurred double visions
of The Founder’s decisions
would make Washington eat his toupee.
I can’t help but groan in dismay
At my friends who gave in to the sway.
I thought you were smart;
Now please act the part.
Don’t rue the day that you gave it away!
Been busy lately, but gotta get at least one in:
A woman expressed her dismay
That she couldn’t get boyfriends to stay
She’d show all her cats,
Then her snakes, then her rats
(They’d leave skidmarks as they drove away.)
For Johanna:
As a guy, I express my dismay
At the lim’rick I read here today
Though you think it’s clever
That schnitzel you sever
Is an image that won’t go away!
So I’m kinda tinkin’ dis may
Be breakin’ da rules some, but hey
It’s my frickin’ lim
So just suck on it, Jim
‘Cause New Yawkas, dey go dere own way.
A fellow displayed his dismay
At his lover’s reluctance to play
A game of dress up.
He had to fess up
French maids had a certain cachet.
The puppy was filled with dismay
‘Cuz the old dog had ruined his day
Hogging food, toys and pool,
Gen’rally acting the fool.
Jealous of youth he was–what can I say?
Some cat “lovers” show no dismay
When “unsnipped” pets continue to spray
It’s no favor they’re doing
The cats want to keep screwing!
Millions of kittens are killed every day.
From our leaders we see no dismay
For what-all they’ve taken away
From the people who suffer.
There’s no comfort buffer
And none even promise “some day!”
I watched the debate with dismay,
As Obama let Mitt get his way,
Stating lies as pure facts,
Where were the “Come Backs?”
It just wasn’t the President’s day.
Her face showed delighted dismay
For Fitzwater’s French toast crème brûlée.
Her taste buds excited,
Her love she requited
With bites that were meant as foreplay.
For Craig:
I’m so sorry I caused you dismay.
It was meant in a figur’tive way:
If it festers, why dance?
Just go straight for the lance —
There’s no need for a verbal ballet.
But you’re right; I have gotten too loose;
Cutting words can still feel like abuse.
Please forget what I said;
Insert this jab instead:
“A swift kick to the cocky caboose.”
He watched as she stared with dismay
At his manhood quite drained from their play.
After taking his pleasure,
She decided to measure,
And found little point for his stay.
A woman displayed her dismay
That her husband, that rascal René,
Had seduced the au pair
With some vin ordinaire,
Raw oysters and chocolate soufflé.
A husband displayed his dismay
That his wife disappeared every day,
While, going and coming,
Incessantly humming
A chanson d’amour by Trenet.
The Democrats showed their dismay
At the President’s dull repartée.
“If he wants the election,
He’ll need some direction
From Clinton, if not JFK.”
Republicans showed their dismay
That the job market might be okay:
“It’s dangerous when
Those angry white men
Are slowly becoming blasé.”
The Germans displayed their dismay
That the Greeks might be getting away
With too much enjoyment,
Despite unemployment
And broad economic decay.
The Chinese displayed their dismay
At the path of the US of A.
Though the fiscal cliff’s looming,
There’s no use assuming
That Congress will prudently play.
A women displayed her dismay
When her hair started turning to gray
By declaring that she
Was still thirty three
But in fact that was only half way.
A working girl voiced her dismay
At the game that her John wished to play:
“For a price, I can wear
That sailor suit there,
But I’m not singing “Anchors Aweigh”!
A princess expressed her dismay
For discomfort she felt as she lay
Through tons of bedding, you see,
She still felt the pea
And for this, surely someone should pay!
But, alas! Prince always wins the day…
To him, her suff’ring was okay!
Since the pea hurt her so,
For HIM marriage was a go
For her? She had nothing to say.
Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 82.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Feud.