Whiny Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow who tended to whine…*
or
A woman who tended to whine…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Whiny Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow who tended to whine
Was annoyed by a long movie line.
“My back hurts,” he griped.
“Pipe down,” someone sniped,
“Or I’ll gladly align your damn spine.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Back Pain, Behavior Humor, Complaining, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Standing On Line, Whiners, Writing Prompts
A fellow who tended to whine
Makes whinging his usual line
He learned this bad habit
From his boss Tony Abbott
And his name is Christopher Pine
A lady who tended to whine
For reasons she couldn’t define
She went to the Doc
Who treated her block
And then she was absolutely fine.
a woman who intended to whine
instead fell in love with wine
which buttoned her lip
tighter with each sip
and pickled her insides with brine.
A fellow who tended to whine…
Immaturity,insecurity his maligns
Every little matter
will make him stutter
His antics prompt others to decline
Hank
A fellow who tended to whine
Could kvetch in a manner divine
“I’m the head patron saint
“Of the nasty complaint!
“Don’t like it? Hey! Get in line!”
A fellow who tended to whine
Could not believe he was fine.
He listed his perceived ailments,
And called for more supplements.
Thinking he was sick made him feel sublime!
I love this one!
A woman who tended to whine,
Went rogue at the wrong time,
Becoming our Nemesis!
Despite photo genesis,
She makes a far better mime!
A fellow who tended to whine
Like to dash and dine
He would never pay
Until one day
When he tried to steal food from a feline
Great limerick MADam!
A fellow who tended to whine,
to his wife if the house didn’t shine.
Pushed her over the edge,
now his breath smells like Pledge,
and his ass has a fresh scent of pine.
Poor Romney he does tend to whine
Of the poor and the victims in line
For their shot at the gold,
Have they never been told,
If their fathers’ were rich they’d be fine!
An angel was starting to whine
That heaven lacked something divine.
So she begged old Saint Peter
To gently mistreat her,
Take her down, knock her up to cloud nine.
A woman who tended to whine
Didn’t find her new job so divine
She said “Thanks, but no thanks,
I am going for bank!
Alaska will get along just fine.”
A fellow who tended to whine
Was told he’d be feeding the swine
But he discovered the gig
Involved no actual pig
And Congress never tipped him a dime
A fellow who tended to whine
had a face just like Frankenstein
The women he’d scare
but he didn’t care
‘Cause complaining made him feel just fine!
An old dog who tended to whine
As the new pup took his place in line,
Grew to love his new role
As guardian of the bowl
When it came time to dine, he said, “Mine.”
A young gal who tended to whine
When invited to dance and to dine
Drove her suitors quite mad
And herself, too, quite sad!
They found others who thought all was fine!
The dowager tended to whine
And make her demands while supine
Her servants were weary
Of her voice, oh, so dreary!
Sounding feline, she looked more bovine.
A fellow who tended to whine
Lamented the length of his vine
“Alas, woe is me”
“I only have three”
“I’m pissed that I didn’t get nine!”
A fellow who tended to whine
Refused to pay a court fine
He went into a snit
And had a big fit
When jailed he wailed a fine don’t decline.
A woman who tended to whine
About swill a date said was fine wine
She gulped a full glass
When he patted her ass
She tilted and tossed the cheap brine.
A fellow who tended to whine
Sure his stars would never align,
He’d bitch and he’d moan,
“a dog can’t catch a bone”
While buffing his Porsche to a high shine.
A woman who tended to whine
had a meeting with old father time
he said “Stop your moaning
or you’ll do some atoning
which will last for a very long time”
Haha… I tried :)
A fellow who tended to whine,
had a wife shout, “Grow a spine!”
He thought what a shrew,
this will never do.
So he killed her and cooked her brine.
A fellow who tended to whine
aspired to live on Cloud Nine
what he never could get
was that unyielding fret
prevented his feeling divine!
A woman who tended to whine,
gave the boys an unusual line;
“No kissing on first dates
and please no lifting weights.”
Although confused, the boys all said fine.
It wasn’t long, a quarter to nine
and the sweat dripped with the rigid spine.
Her whining was intense,
the gym was his defense –
and she wondered if it was the wine.
A fellow who tended to whine
Said, “Me? I merely opine!
‘Tis my right to complain,
Sometimes with disdain,
When order, fulfillment don’t align.”
A woman who sings in a whine
Got a hit, approached Billboard’s top line
Raspy, screaming or airy
Yes, that’s Katie Perry
Her talent? Make shrill sounds combine
My wingman was starting to whine:
“You get girls that by rights should be mine!
This is bar number ten
And you’ll do it again
‘Cause you already got asinine.”
A fellow who tended to whine
About filling his woman with nine
Should know that most chicks
Can’t take much more than six —
And the gag means you’re crossing the line;)
Whinin’ Cheese
The cheddar wheel started to whine,
“The unpleasant odor’s not mine,
Limburger’s the source,
Of the stink, of course,
My bouquet is just fine.”
A fellow who tended to whine
Invented a bulb that would shine.
“I was finally through
In two thousand and two
But Edison stole what was mine!”
A woman who tended to whine
Complained that she got no valentine.
Along came a spider
And sat down beside ‘er.
“At least here is ONE friend of mine.” :-(
a woman who tended to whine
invented a fun, little rhyme
and she sung it all day
with helau and hooray
but it had just one single line
A fellow who tended to whine
Asked his wife to pour him some wine
But so long had his spouse
Had to hear that man grouse
She poured out instead turpentine
A Quaker gal just wouldn’t whine
When a fellow behaved like a swine.
There was no anger flaring
And — goodness! — no swearing
Though she murmured, quite clearly, “Up thine.”
The students all started to whine
When their teacher gave them this line:
“Your work’s antithetic
To what’s copacetic.
My grading was meet and condign.”
A woman who tended to whine
Felt she needed to grow a new spine
Said she to her spouse
“I’ll not clean up the house
go ahead and live like a swine.”
A woman who tended to whine
Cried, “You’ve got yours. Where is mine?
Don’t say, ‘Less is more.’
I know more is more.
Spread the wealth and all will be fine.”
A fellow who tended to whine,
When given, for speeding, a fine,
Whined, ‘I did the speed
Of those in the lead,
So why trap me, last in the line?’
Of course, we South Africans are noted for our racism:
A player who tended to whine;
At referees he would ‘com-pline’;
Was badly regarded
And often red-carded –
Of course, as you guessed, he’s Aus-strine!
A fellow who tended to whine
never seemed to have a good time
until he found a reason to laugh,
and then the complaints elapsed
leaving the fellow feeling mighty fine
A woman who tended to whine
Thought “The Palms” the best place she could dine.
‘Til the waiter brought soup
That was fly-fested goop.
Now McD’s finds her standing in line.
Madeleine, I always enjoy your limericks and love many of the responses here. My chuckles for the day. Nonetheless, I just don’t seem to have the gift myself.
Poem on, my friend, and thanks for the smiles.
A woman who tended to whine
Intended to marry Ralph Fhiennes.
Said he: “Get the H out”
Which inspired this shout:
“Henceforth I abandon this swhine!”
A fellow who tended to whine
Hooked a rather big fish on his line
But he groaned to his rod
that it was only a scrod
and wasn’t precooked in white wine.
Hi Madel==ine. k.
A fellow who tended to whine
was told to seek help divine
he prayed and he prayed
from the bed where he laid
but found the devil at the end of the line
from Patience:
A woman who tended to whine
Was hung-over eight times out of nine
Her face like an ape’s
Why? She used sour grapes,
Got vinegar instead of sweet wine.
and the Prodigal:
A fellow who tended to whine
Said “my wife was hardly divine,
Till she fell down the stairs
Lost her voice, lost her airs,
Now I’m happy with honey, she’s fine”.
A Hubby who tended to whine:
“My slovenly habits are fine.
Long hours I slave,
I need my own cave.
Our new house, it is more like a shrine!”
A “Fifty Shades Reader” would whine,
“Their love life, It’s facing decline!”
But he stopped all that nagging,
With a swift bit of gagging,
A blindfold and tightly tied twine.
This is a good place to come for a bit of stress relief. So fun.
A women who tended to whine
When asked for a date would decline,
“You’ll quite soon forget me
As soon as you get me
Bare naked and lying supine”.
(I know I used ‘me’ to rhyme to itself but it rolls off the tongue so I’m going with it. Fun contest!)
Whiny Woman
A woman who tended to whine
Was surprised by her guy’s snappy line
“If you don’t shut your yap”
You will find quite a gap
Cause you’re driving me straight out of my mind”
A fellow who tended to whine
Remarked while astride the Date Line
What happens to ‘when’
If I’m here ‘now’ and ‘then’
And will yester-today e’er combine?
(please don’t ask me to explain this one ;-).
The alternate version of my limerick for the week has the advantage of relying on a spurious “h” in all three of the “ine” rhymes as well as explaining the woman’s designs on poor Mr. Fiennes, but I thought it was probably breaking the rules for too wild a change to the first line:
A woman who liked her red whine
Intended to marry Ralph Fhiennes;
Said he: “Get the ‘H’ out!”
Which inspired this shout:
“Henceforth I abandon the swhine!”
A fellow who tended to whine
Went into a terminal decline.
His wife seemed distraught
‘Til she was taken to court
For the arsenic she put in his wine.
A fellow who tended to whine
Would daily worship the divine.
But his god couldn’t brook
The whinging little sook
And consigned him to Hell, the swine.
A woman who tended to whine
thought the merlot was much less than fine.
Sniffed the sommelier,
“If you want it your way,
you can pick your own grapes off the vine.”
An accountant who tended to whine
Claimed she only liked sex while supine.
Her turnover rate
Deflated her mate
Whose dream was a tight bottom line.
Charlie Brown, who tended to whine,
said, “I haven’t got one valentine!
Lack of mail is no fun,
But just getting one
from that red-headed girl would be fine!”
Typo on line 2 of first lim: “…much less THAN fine.”
Note from Mad Kane: I fixed it for you.
A woman who tended to whine,
Phonetics, she taught – ’twas her line –
“Sometimes it is rough
When reading gets tough
Though I thought that my class would do fine!”
A fellow who tended to wine
Was called an “oenologist”: fine!
But when he drank quarts
Of his sherries and ports
Oh the shame! He was forced to resign.
Thinking about the upcoming debates and Romney’s recently exposed “harvesting” comment:
When challenged, Mitt’s likely to whine,
“Daddy promised that White House was mine!”
So save him the trauma —
Go easy, Obama
(Or the man just might harvest your spine).
A fellow who tended to whine
Inveigled a girl with a line
I can’t help it you see
My brother metaphorically taught me
That seduction is all on the vine
A fellow who tended to whine
Why can’t it my words work into a line
Instead they stammer
With no shred of glamour
And no woman in bed that is mine
A woman who tended to whine
Was raised as a princess divine
Thought she should be granted
Whatever whim she greedily panted
Stuck them all through the heart with a tine
I’VE GOT SAN QUENTIN IN MIND…
How I wish I could make Akin whine
Toss him in jail– Help cure his sick mind
Charge with having no soul
And being one big asshole
(He’d be ‘Akin’ from his sore behind!)
A fella who was quite known to whine,
woke up on the floor, supine.
A friend, through the fog,
offered hair of the dog.
He said “coffee, black, would be fine!”
A hound dog who tended to whine,
of his life, one day, did opine
He muttered, “dagnabbit!
I’ll never catch a rabbit.
Elvis ain’t no friend of mine!”
A fella who tended to whine
fretted about his bloodline
my branch is quite played
if I never get laid
and then it’s the end of the line
A mountain gal loved so to whine.
To escape her woes, she’d entwine
her fine, shapely legs
with whatever dregs
would offer her homemande moonshine!
A horseman quite often would whine
as he often fell short at the line
To win, place, or show
his t-breds would go
and get their butts kicked at Woodbine!
A limericker started to whine
I can’t conjure up the next line
The joke should be wry
but never should fly
so far out you can’t make it rhyne (sic) :)
A fellow who tended to whine
about trig (“I just don’t get cosine!”)
needed help with a loan
for a car he could own
‘til his dad co-signed right on the line.
A lady who tended to whine
re how food on her plate would combine
bought a platter divided
which guided and sided
her meat and peas when she would dine.
A man tended to whine
Why is this not for our gender just fine
All the time women do it
Expecting sparkling goodies and no shit
Yet when we plead all we get is our asses to shine
A woman who tended to whine
Foxy news is fair balanced and fine
All the others out there
Have those facts laid out bare
Which just get in the way of the Divine
A man who tended to whine
Pulled his few hairs at the following line
“If they cannot afford college tuition
Let them ask their parents to kick in
Mine did. Don’t “their’s” want them to shine?”
A woman who tended to whine
Forgive me for so many not fine
Was a long day of visits to MDs
Needed to wash away hee-bee-jees
Unfortunately, I fear you all reaped the brine
Pearl Ketover Prilik There was a woman who tended to whine
That when prodded she drifted off line
Kept typing in stream
Of an unconscious dream
Filled often with waste matter not wine
My bubbe, who tended to whine
Of the pain at the base of her spine,
While spooning the tzimmes,
Would suddenly grimace
And lay on the carpet, supine.
A fellow who tended to whine
Of our national moral decline
Was chagrined when a madam
Was busted, and had ‘im
Encoded as her Client 9.
Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 81.
But don’t worry. You can still have lots of limerick fun, because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Dismay.